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  2. Shelters in our area want me to get a restraining order before we can stay there. The other 1s are full. Things are way tighter financially now than before the Intensive.
  3. So Bo Peep, Yes, try and find a place. We know that your finances are tight AND we always recommend the husband leaves, not the wife. Strategic move.....but we know he won't, so you may need to. He may turn around. There are abuse shelters. Not home but a place for you and Nevaeh for the time being. We've mentioned this before and you were not in favor of this suggestion.
  4. Tonight, he apologized by text. I said I deserve an apology over the phone.....he did this earlier this week. He texted sorry on Sunday & never apologized when I got home in the afternoon. He texted me Monday morning saying that he wanted to have a good day. I texted him back saying that he needed to apologize for being an [edit] all weekend & he called me a half hour later apologizing
  5. Just ignore him. Sounds like you're going to have a Friday night fun night without him. Calling you 35 times is abuse.
  6. No he isn't apologizing by text. At 10am he said ok, youre right (prob sarcastically). After work, he called me 35 times & commanded me to answer by text.
  7. Just tell him that you are too tired to talk to him. Is he apologising via text?
  8. After 3 days of doing well with staying connected. My daughter had a bad day at school. We don't have internet so she can do her homework. On the phone, he can overhear her tell me about it when I'm on my way home from p/t conferences at her school. She takes Dan's bait. He tells her to give him her phone & she does. Dan disconnected from me. We sort it out when I got home. Nevaeh apologizes. We get ready to leave for some family fun & Dan carries on saying he is driving separate.(i told him that morning that i'm exhausted because i didnt sleep much the night before). I point out to Da
  9. After dealing with Dan's back & forth abuse for 2 days(a real sorry is changed behavior). I chose to have a good day hiking & enjoying God's creation. He was being an insensitive jerk pointing out my(parenting) flaws at church instead of looking at his own flaws. I walked out. Waited on him & then rode home with him. He was busy trying to control me. Saying stay outside when we get home cause he wants to talk to me. I went inside. He followed me to reorder(twist) how I hurt him. I left cause I wasn't gonna put up with his abuse: empty sorries ->being a jerk shortly thereafter-&g
  10. OK. Thanks. That gives us something else to talk to him about. On the bright side, he definitely accomplished a lot yesterday. Kudos for that.
  11. When I bring up the pool this morning. He said that he did get the filter inside & then made it seem like i should've known(manipulation like- it was 2:47...no Melissa it was 2:43). It was dark last night when i got home & he ignored me. He thought sending an I'm sorry text was good enough & I was supposed to forget all about it. I was glad he finished movie with them. He knew i was home. I turned the light on & spoke to Nevaeh 30ft away from him. I got on couples call after movie was over & he was getting ready for bed
  12. You could turn your phone Ringer off completely when you are driving the bus. In the last year have there ever been any emergencies at home that absolutely required that you answer the phone while you are driving the bus? Probably not. Or if you see that a phone call comes in from the girl's school or the girl's phone while they are at school then perhaps you could answer that as it might be an emergency. But as far as Dan goes? Can you remember the last time that he called you because there was an actual emergency? So you could leave the Ringer off and take a look at incoming call
  13. "Dan, I have been at work, driving the bus. You don't need to call me 4 times. If you need something, just send me a text."
  14. I wake him up this morning cause he didn't hear his alarm(not like him). Give him meds & lay back down on the couch. He complained that I didn't help him get around for work. His lunch was packed. Everything was done except for shaving his face. I was quiet & went to sleep. I feel him kiss me & pray over me. He tells me he loves me & tell him i love him & how he hurt me. He twists it around on me & says he will be busy because RV lines will be running today (insinuating that he will have lots of lady friends to entertain him). An hr later, he calls to make sure I'm awak
  15. A few things.... 1. You could check out online if the medications that Dan is taking might affect libido. 2. When you are at the stores and Dan was separating from you... if I did that, Kathy would say to me something to the effect of, "Hey Joel, you are going off by yourself. Let's hang together, so it is like a date." You decided to distance yourself. That would fall in the category of a "hint.." Remember, no hints allowed. 3. It would be quite normal for somebody to be sleepy after getting up in the morning for church and going to church and going to a store an
  16. Hello Ruth, It's a Go. Today is your day to WIN! Today is a NEW DAY!
  17. Dan had been decent over the past couple days. We had our grandsons over Fri, went shopping & dancing on Sat, got up Sun- read your book, had sex, went to church. During service, he made a comment about the missionaries always wanting money(past 2 Sundays). We went to Arby's. Dan reluctantly went along w/ coupons(made it seem like it was beneath his girls). Headed to Walmart for mouthwash. Dan didn't wanna stay together as a couple in Walmart. His girls made it back to car before we did. Then Dan, 3 girls, & I went to Menards. Nevaeh went w/Dan & I. His girls went off together to b
  18. Hello, Kathy! I hope I did this right! I've tried before and wasn't getting it, so backed off from trying. Now I'm hoping it works this time! This is Ruth, my forum name as we discussed on the phone the other day.😁💝
  19. Glad yall got over the hump and had good conversations. Let's keep it rolling.
  20. Dan did apologize to both Nevaeh & I. I had a couple of conversations with Nevaeh about Dan being in charge when I'm not home. I thought I made it clear before. She needed a reminder. She apologized to Dan. Things were alot better yesterday because Dan listened to my heart. We sorted out the other day & talked about coping skills to use if it happens again. We watched the Intensive video last night & also read Ken Nair's book(...man's heart). Today has been great also with Dan reaching out during the day with thoughtful calls & texts & I have been responding positively. Tha
  21. If he elbowed her in the face then that would be the time to call the police. At the same time, previous to that, he is the adult and she is the child. If he tells her to give him her phone for whatever reason then she is supposed to do that. It sounds like the thing escalated escalated because Dan has no mature control of himself and Nevada was completely disobedient. She probably was indeed getting out of hand and demanding that he not take her phone. You definitely will need to deal with Neveah about being obedient in that type of situation. You can tell he
  22. Dan hasn't went to a AA or CR meeting in a month now. Dan told me i could get out his morning med now.(Dr asked me to dispense his amphetamine cause he has abused it recently). I told him that I would give him his morning med in the morning & asked him if he took his anxiety medicine. He said No. I told him I would have to let them know that he refused to take those. After I got off the couples call, Dan comes out of the bedroom & asked if I heard him tell me this morning that he said sorry. I said NO. You made excuses & said I'm with my boss. I will call you back & then n
  23. Him not texting all day Accusing you of cheating when it was him that hot into an emotional affair ...searching for a girlfriend. And just his crazy unchristlike attitude. That's pretty easy to figure out. Then IGNORE him. Don't feed the monster. Don't engage unless he apologizes.
  24. Kathys reply: So he is not at the meeting? Don't engage if he is being manipulative... Don't feed the monster. Put on forum please Nope not at the meeting. He accused me yesterday of cheating on him. Idk why he would say that?
  25. After i texted him that I am at an Alanon meeting..tell him he is being a jerk.. & he needs to apologize. He texts back: are you gonna answer my question if I'm coming home or not? He texted me back: what should I say sorry for? My crappy texts? How should I respond?
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