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God Save My Marriage

belovedwarrior

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Everything posted by belovedwarrior

  1. Gaininghope I am a nursing student going to college full-time my schedule has been 7a-3p Mon, 7a- 7:30p Tues and Weds 7a-10p all EST. What calls would you recommend? The reason I said 3 years is because I graduate in 2 and will need at least a year after that to get out of debt from my failed business before I went back to school. I cannot even afford to support a family for another 2 - 3 years- that's why I said 3 years. I explain more in a later post, "No I am not forsaking your guys advice." I know I have to surrender all to God and will be studying and spending the next 30 days with
  2. I was just pondering what I would have to "show" my wife to demonstrate I am an adult man and realized it will take no less than 3 years.
  3. Thank you Ladies and especially Mindy for getting it going in the direction it absolutely needed to go. You spoke for the Holy Ghost I promise. My wife always responded to me like I was pathetic when I acted like anything less than a man in situations. Me chasing her and persuing her now is sending the same signals. I do not know how to "love her yet" in a way that would not also convey that same need. But I sure needed to hear the message. After today I am off from school for 30 days and only work until 3:30. Somebody said I ought not be listening to as much Joye Meyer as I have been. Is ther
  4. Thanx GainingHope, Eeyore, Aunt Pitty and Herdensity for your encouraging posts. As Far as meds I was put on Xanax .25mg 3ti dly as needed for anxiety for one week while my anti-depression meds I stopped 3 years ago kick in. I take 150mg Wellbutrin XR 2ti dly. Helped alot with my depression. Know now stopping was a contributing factor in all of this. I learned in psych class this week that once going on these meds- discontinuance can cause severe relapses. Not because the lack of meds but because while on the meds you kind of lose your survival skills in fighting the depression then when th
  5. Ouch!! Whose string should I next read? I am most interested in one who has walked a similar walk but had success in restoration. I still believe ForHimForher will see that day and I cried several times seeing how close they came during his walk- but I have not read any where the wife had "moved on" and was dating and came back. Are there any?
  6. All right I have read Cbad's entire string and what I got out of it was that like myself he appeared to want everything his way on his terms in his timing. Since I have gotten on my meds the "obsession" to alleviate my emotional pain has decreased significantly, I have begun praying surrender to my life and future and asking for strength and faith to grab a hold of the truth God has a good and perfect plan for me that will be realized along the road to Christlikeness. I cannot however, get my wife out of my mind or the concern I have for her dating so soon with such venom in her heart toward
  7. Am I truly pursuing Christlikeness to become Christlike or for ulterior motives? Crucifying the flesh and laying our lives down for others is the ultimate test / reward, there is no higher service. All my railing, striving and whining against the pain ought be an attitude of joy and gratitude that I have this opportunity to change and not have to continue wallowing and just getting by in the kingdom of the fleshly realm. Until my heart is fixed on God and it reflects the image of His son nothing else happens. We are in it baby. It is seeking the kingdom all the way and receiving all the res
  8. THE TRUMPET by Bill Burns -- August 24, 2009: I am the God of goodness, but also the God of severity. So I will test your heart so that it may be purified. I will come to you in this season to perfect those things concerning you that need perfecting. For I have chosen you to walk in a calling that is much higher than you can believe, a calling that is much higher than you can expect, a calling that will cause you to walk in the likeness of Jesus Christ and therefore in the faith and gifting that He walked in so that the scripture might be fulfilled that these works and greater works than th
  9. Amen. And I hear you loud and clear. This has been all about me and doing anything I could as fast as I could to NOT get to THAT DATE. Obviously it ain't gonna happen and I am dealing with the grief of realizing that and the fact that winning her heart back may be one of those two year projects that does not see any headway until after the divorce is final that J&K talk about. "Often times there is no discernable headway or change until after the divorce is final because the woman needs 'closure' and she feels she needs to be married to a different man- even if that will be you." I d
  10. I found my wife's profile on a "dating website" today- it's one of the more popular sites. I was looking specifically for IT by the way- no one else. Based upon what she is looking for right now- I cannot at this point in my life even give her. One thing that jumped out at me as being an eliminating filter to her is "financially stable and able to handle money wisely" I failed at both of these miserablly in our marriage and will not even begin to see daylight from my mountain of debt for at least 3 years from now. I do pray I am prepared to be a good husband by then and she is still single. Sh
  11. No problem- mailing her grocery cards through the kids it is. I have been thinking about writing the kids letters on a weekly basis as well between visits. I pray me upsetting her today does not cause her to pull the rug out from under me visiting with her daughters.
  12. Here is an update- it will be the beginning of some time away from here to lick my wounds and get my heart right, at least that is what I am thinking right now. My wife handed me a copy of the divorce papers today at church that she will be finalizing Sept 14. I evidently don't even need to be there as I defaulted when initially served. There is nothing in her heart right now that would even entertain the smallest possibility of reconciliation- not even being friends. When I asked if she was sure this is what she wanted to do she tore into me like a woman possessed. I know I deserve it an
  13. So let me see if I got this straight. These desires that my wife has and is expressing toward these men she is dating are really desires she was designed to express in marriage but because I was a jerk they stayed all pent up inside of her until now? That is heavy. "My people perish for lack of knowledge" "by the desires of their own flesh they are led away to destruction" What on earth can I do about this folks? Anything?
  14. I don't get it!! I love my wife and would do anything of me she asked. I am even doing it now. When I got out of the hospital in October she said the most important thing to her was I get a job and go to school to get a "real job." I am now working part-time and going to school in pursuit of a Nursing degree. Rather than her heart turn toward me it has become more cold and closed. Even to the point of telling me "No gifts, letters or attempts to engage her in conversation" Her exact words were, "You need to give me space, leave me alone and let me go" I am in NO position to pursue her. I am
  15. Thamk God I am on the anti-anxiety meds- good timing God- I just found out some details regarding my wife's love life I was not prepared for. My Kids volunteered his name and what he looks like, how often he's at her house and how much they like him already. He is totally opposite me- tall, fit, good looking and "amazing" according to my 12 year old. Can a Chrsitlike short fat guy compete with that? I doubt it especially when my wife is evidently not walking in the spirit right now. Sometimes. no, most of the time I feel she felt like she short changed herself and wasted 9 years of her life b
  16. This is exactly what I did in my mind. I said although I will always love you- you are free from my influence. Please tell me I did this without the control and manipulation she has become hypersensitive to through our past. In addition, is becoming Christlike anything more than feeding my Spirit so that it becomes the dominate force driving my soul?
  17. From here on out it is me focusing on Jesus and the kids. There has to be something somewhere in her heart that if nothing else thinks I am good for the kids. She is still allowing my two middle step girls come with my son on weekends- maybe someday down the road this will grow into something more- then again maybe not.
  18. All I said to her was: I heard you say you need me to be leave you alone, give you space, and to let you go. Leaving you alone and giving you space I can and will honor, letting you go on the other hand is much more difficult because honestly there is nothing you can say, nothing you can do or anything that can happen to you that will cause me to stop loving you. Now from what I have learned women have this supernatural intuition to know a man's heart and over time through my actions you will be able to determine if I am sincere or not. I will not try to influence your life or change your mi
  19. SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- August 21, 2009: I am opening the recesses of your heart to reveal the basis for attitudes and motivations that are detrimental to your relationship with Me and with others. As you look honestly at what I show you there is a great opportunity for healing of things that have rooted themselves deeply in your soul. Now is a time when you can gain much needed liberty of body, soul and spirit. Allow Me to do this deep work in you, says the Lord. Acts 10:38 ...God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went about doing
  20. just so you know I am getting past my "suffocating pain" and obsession to "fix my marriage" for my benefit and pain relief and have come to the conclusion that not only is my wife's heart closed to me- but probably turned in a different direction altogether. I cannot see how picking the kids up- not engaging her in conversation whatsoever, is Christlike. He does not give up on us- trying to touch our hearts- rekindle a love through sentimental memories. Me addressing my wife as "honeybear" is just that- reminding her of a better time. If you all feel that is a bad idea- I won't do it but beco
  21. Not, "Hey pet name how are you but Hey pet name it is really good to see you" With a big warm smile.
  22. In addition- this may cause her to really blow a gasket- whick from what I understand is not an entirely bad thing if I respond correctly. Isn't this kind of like inducing a "vent?"
  23. Alright point well taken I apologize for breaking protocol. I am sorry I can understand how you felt that way I will not do it again. Secondly, I am on the back side of my first dose of anti-anxiety meds and feeling much less fearful, anxious and insecure about everything. I know that I know God loves both me and my wife deeply and He has good plans for us. He will protect her, minister to her and give her insight. I can see how my emotions / feelings of fear, anxiety, pain, abandonment, rejection were so powerful all I wanted to do was deaden the pain by making her make it go away I don'
  24. all the strings of women I have read here are of those that had a foundational commitmment to their marriages. Are there any from women who were absolutely done... maybe even gone through the divorce and were getting on with life that turned around that I could read? I contacted my Drs. office about getting meds. I do feel I am pretty deep in depression and even assuming if my marriage were back together it would fix it. But what if it didn't? I have a feeling that the dark cloud hanging over my head right now would / may be sabotaging any chance of having success- even if given the opportun
  25. Thanks folks for hanging with me on that and not blasting me as stupid. I will re-read it again in the morning. Getting bleary eyed. Maybe you could address how I am to "initiate" if that is still an option in my case. BTW the videos I sent home with the kids-- still have not been sent out so she still has them in her house- I presume because she has not watched them yet. I doubt if there is any significance in that- but I will probably be seeing her this weekend when I pick up the kids. I could offer to mail them out or not. Not a big deal either way i suppose but it is the last thing I have
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