michelle

Kay' I have not posted for a long time, came on here tonight "just to look" and started reading here. I hate to see you think that God is not answering your prayers. I have felt the same way and then I realized that it wasn't God not answering. God doesn't make us do anything, He wants us to come willingly to Him, and that is when I realized that it is our husbands not answering, not God. They are the ones that have to make a move, and if they are still wallowing in thier self(which most are) then they aren't going to do what thier supposed to, no matter what God wants them to do. Nobodies going to tell them what to do, so there ... now I'm going to stomp off and pout and you can't stop me! Sad isn't it? I am glad that I realized this though because it made me see God in the way that I know He is, reliable, unlike our husbands. Michelle

Tunes, I know what you mean about instructing the kids, my husband thinks he does such a good job but all he does is cause bitterness. Our middle son said twice today that he hates his dad, of course if I told my husband that he would either say it's not true or somehow blame our son(he's ten), because he couldn't possibly be to blame, or go into the I can't make any right moves(poor guy) thing UgGhH! I am so sick of that! We just had a very deep conversation tonight, so I'm sure it wouldn't be a good time to tell him what our son said. I get so tired of having to clean up his messes with the kids and having to deal with his pouting. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!! Ahh, I feel better now, just had to let that out. And the Jekyll or Hyde thing, Go figure, maybe we aren't the ones with PMS' maybe it's them! Not only have we seemed to change roles in this "day and age" but also genders. We have to be strong, which feels like the "initiator", while they respond to what we say by pouting, stomping off, the silent treatment etc. I feel like I'm raising another kid. Please Lord grow him up fast, while there is still time to salvage the kids and before I'm ready for the nursing home. This prayer is for you also, Tunes(and all you athers out there). michelle p.s. Please pray for our kids 14,10, 8,this is affecting them so much, it is hard for me to believe that my husband could be so dense.

Hindsfeet, I was reading this, don't know your whole story, but if you suspect he has ADD, that would be a priority. I have ADD and know the struggles of focus and memory and numerous other things that go with it that most people aren't even aware of. If he is tested and has it , then you can learn about it and know more how to deal with it. I have been accused more than once by my husband of "not caring" when I simply forgot or was having trouble pulling it together. He chose not to educate himself on the subject which has caused many communication problems. Just a thought. michelle

You got that right, the monster thing, that also applies to the children in our homes with an adult body. The problem I have is I don't know what consequences would even have an effect anymore. He has control over all the money, which takes away alot of options. He has also had me admitted to phsyco wards before so I'm afraid to do much or I might end up without my kids(I was made to look like I abandoned the kids when I left for a few weeks last summer, the kids were supposed to be with me, but he wouldn't let them, but didn't tell anyone that part and when I tried to explain no one would believe me because I'm Psycho). I wish I had the guts to stand up to him, but I've waited so long that I'm worn down physically and don't have much fight left in me. He has read the first book and watched the dvd's with me and agrees, but he doesn't think he's that bad, and you can't tell him any different, believe me I've tried. What a baby, and he runs his own company with 40 employees, "go figure"! He has a partnership with his dad(a true narcisist), but my name isn't on the business and he says it's for my own benefit. I haven't figured that one out yet, so if anyone does, let me know????? Michelle p.s. Looney Tunes, your situation sounds alot like mine, I'm sorry for that because I know how you feel.How can someone so intelligent be so in denial?? By the way, I've been looking for a good cast iron skillet, you never know when one might come in handy, where'd you get yours???

Hi Lt' It doesn't look like you are impatient, 24 years is a long time! My husband has said so many times, "just give me some time", so I have, 15 years, I think thats pretty patient, don't you? It's so funny to me that when we are waaiittiinngg for them to "get it" and then "think about it" and then decide to change, that we are supposed to be patient. What do you call 15 years? Pretty patient wouldn't you say? I am just saying this so that you aren't so hard on yourself about "patients", maybe thats the problem, we are all to patient?? Michelle

David, I agree with MamaDawn. If the changes weren't real you would have become defensive, instead you went straight to God to show you. PTL! I am so thankful, it gives me hope! Keep prayin! Thank you also for your reply, it's nice to know that there are real live people actually listening without judgement, and with understanding. trying to be hopeful, Michelle

I am sorry for sounding so harsh, and yes you are right about the current situation. I have had such a hard time believing that any man is believable, but I also know that God is bigger than anything. I am sorry for lashing out at you, David, I know that your wife is probably bursting with pride(but scared to let you know yet) every time you pray with her. I don't know any woman that wouldn't, it is a most precious and intimate thing. Please don't rush things, healing takes time, that is part of the pain(waiting). Your wife has waited for "x" amount of time for you to "get it", so please be patient with her during this time. It has become obvious to me from reading your posts, that she wants to be with you, but she has to make sure it's(the change) real. She will come around in time and then you will both know it's real.

What is all the praying with her about? Did you do that before? I hope it's not another form of manipulation, so she can "hear" how sincere you are. The whole "making the family whole again" bit, were you talking to her or God? Sorry to sound so skeptical, but I've lived with your type for 15 long years, maybe your prayers should be between you and God until there has been alot more healing for both of you. I know that when I hear my husband pray and there are still so many unmet needs(mine), It means nothing to me but more manipulation. Actions DO!!! speak louder than words. The words do help when they're sincere, but we can tell when they are not, so don't fool yourself, if you are truly sincere then you don't need to prove it with your "prayers" it will show on it's own. You won't fool God either, He already knows what is real and what isn't.

These are funny, I wish I had the courage to take it out on my husband. Even though I know he is the cause of the majority of my anger, I still take it out on my self( thoughts of suicide, or just leaving him and the kids, etc.). The other night I got so angry I just couldn't stand being in my house one more minute with him, so I got in my truck and left. The bad part is, we live in mo. and it was freezing rain, very icee, and dangerous. He just let me go, knowing how bad it was, what a jerk. I drove around for a while, but couldn't quite thinking about the kids, and how worried they were when I left, so I went home. I am thankful that the Lord protected me for the kids, they would be devastated, if something happened to me. michelle

Dory, Thank you so much for your support through this holiday, I couldn't have made it through with out it. Amazing how God always knows when and where we need and can get support, we just need to look to Him. I have not ask about an intensive yet(am hoping to get to this weekend, as we are going on a trip, NO KIDS), but have actually been wondering if God , the book and the dvd's aren't doing the job. Some amazing things have been happening since I talked to you last. He had already been making some definite changes,before thanksgiving. Then the incident that day, which I kept to myself, which funny thing, I just couldn't seem to shake it, Hmmm.. could it be the Holy Spirit?! He knew something was wrong and asked me a couple of times "what" was wrong and I said I didn't want to talk about it now, but he kept insisting(something new), so I finally told him. I told him first that I recognized that he didn,t start the conversations, and that he had included me a little bit in it, and that he had gotten up and left the room after I did and that those action were what kept me from exploding. But I also pointed out that she really had no reason to come in that room, except to talk to him, and that she brings up things that she knows that I don't know about(people,places work related issues, she works outside the home, Iwork in the home). I said "Frankly right now I don't want you to be nice(he knows what I mean), I don't care about her feelings and neither should you. I also pointed out that I had seen him do the "side of the eye thing" looking at her. I also told him about some of the other times we had seen her lately and what had went on. I told him that she knows how I feel about this and has continued on, so something is telling her that it was ok. Some action or nonaction, look or something from him saying this is acceptable even in front of my wife. I told him that for this to be over for me, that he would have to sit down with ME and her and let her know that he loves me and for her not to contact him etc. First of all he let me say all of this without looking mean at me(intimidation), defending himself or her and said he could see my point on "something telling her it was ok". He said, he loves me and doesn't want things to go back to the way they were, he wants to keep moving forward. After he picked me up off the floor(just kiddinggg!), he also said he didn't want to offend me. He also said that he needed some time to absorb all this,which normally would have made me mad because it's not like I haven't told him some of this before, but I also know that he wasn't listening, I believe(I pray) that he is now, by his actions. It's scary to believe that this is real, and I'm trying to, but I was just thinking last night "if he's faking and goes back to the way it was, I don,t think I could physically handle it(it's gone past emotional breakdown to physical breakdown, the Dr. told me my body was shutting itself down). So please continue to pray! I'm walking around in amazement right now. Thank You Jesus!

Thank you for your input. It's nice to know there are people who really listen and don't think "Oh, you are just making to much of this." I had to sit there again today and watch them talking( there were several of us sitting around a table). I will admit, he did better this time, he at least included me in the conversation a little bit. We have thanksgiving at my aunts house, and there are plenty of seperate rooms where we don,t have to be together, which worked for a while, but she finaly had to come in where we were. She just has to ask him a question(he doesn't usually start the conversations), and it's about something I know she doesn't care about, but that way she can talk to him. There were plenty of other people to talk to without it even looking like we are avoiding each other,but she just has to come in where we are. It's almost like "in your face, what are you going to do about it". She knows that I can't do any thing as long as he refuses to get together with them and talk about it. I finally did have to get up and walk out of the room. I couldn't watch anymore. He knew why I got up and actually got up also and left the room, but I didn't know it until I looked back in there and he wasn't in there. I don't know how to take that? It's progress I guess, But how long is this going to take. It's like sitting and watching a lake dry up, slow agony , a little is gone each day and you know that when it dries up you will be without water, well by then you may be completely dehydrated. I seriously doubt that he will come to an intensive, we live in Missouri and will be in Orlando for a business trip Nov. 30-Dec.4, so I know he won't take the time or money to go to an intensive also. Besides he won't think we need it because he's been "doing all he can". Well it's late so I need to try to go to sleep and pray that I don't have some stupid dream about it.

Yes we are reading the books and started watching the dvd's. I have seen some changes that I believe are real, but I have been afraid to aproach the "subject" because I'm afraid to mess things up. I have to see her tomorrow at thanksgiving so I guess I'll see how real these changes are. I'm not sure how much I can stand watching them talk to each other as if nothings happened. It makes me sick. I had to see her at a birthday party for my grandmother not to long ago and when he was talking to her he didn't take his eyes off her. I tried to say something every so often as if to say "I am sitting here", they would acknowledge me, but quickly get back to thier conversation. If I told my husband this he would say that wasn't right,and justify his talking to her as "I was just trying to be nice". Well frankly, right now I don't want him to be nice. I know that probably sounds terrible, but it's hard watching them knowing that they have some possible connection. I also know that she and my brother are having problems right now(well they really always have), and that makes me more nervous because I know that she will be seeking a connection with someone. Well I am just praying that the Lord will give me strength and a forgiving heart towards her(and him).

My husband has had what I believe to be at least the start of an emotional affair with my sister-in-law(my brothers wife), until I confronted him about it. He denied it of course, and will not talk about it. Therefore I have to come to my own conclusions.