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God Save My Marriage

Bruce

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Everything posted by Bruce

  1. I agree, good idea i have been blessing my precious wife by working getting her the paper mowing the yard staying awayb from her thinking how i have hurt her to be more aware of her pain listening on phone calls Buying her food Not sure how it is effecting Mindy ,but humbling for me God bless
  2. It is indeed painful to realize how much pain i put mindy through and i don,t want her to feel afraid ,discouraged and sad. I have brought her way more pain than any one person should have to bare already . For years i wanted my own way and i would compare her to other women and say how she was not as good as them or somehow critisize her for not wanting to do what i did . Come on ,do i think i set the standards or something . Not hardly .I would get annoyed at her or angry at her and do so many unimaginable things . It really is unamaginable when i look at it . I litterally destroyed my preci
  3. yes i do remember a young women full of excitement and joy . She even stretched me with the things she wanted to do . From going to the zoo to a museum to ice capades to a purdue program . You name it she was full of life . I was not full of life . I was full of death. Poor poor me no one likes me . What a selfish jerk i was . Always wanting my way . Even after being mean to mindy she had life ,but i was just slowly whitling away at her untill i had her whittled down to nothing . I am sure she felt used and abused and whipped and worthless and of no value and of course hollow and impure and .
  4. the tongue is a fire a world of iniquity and it has caused a lot of trouble . Just thinking tonight how many times because i wanted my own way , i have minipulated her . or started out talking nice and then when i did not get what iwanted i would start putting pressure on, such as raising my voice, grabbing mindys arm, or telling her she was no good, giving her the look, threatening her,putting my face in hers and raising voice ,or trying to make her feel guilty. shaming her . I suppose the list could go on as to how i have hurt and abused mindy which must have made her feel lonely and stupid
  5. My wife mindy of course had great hopes and excitement for life and love and finding a man that would care about her and i destroyed it all. As i said earlier it started in dating with me wanting her for her body more than for who she was and i started chiseling away at her I nreally thought we wou;ld be happy , but of course it was about her making me happy . Even one time when she did not want to date for awhile i managed to get my way and talked her into dating again . When i was gone from her i would need to be back with her in order to get my needs met again . Of course life was all about
  6. Eph 4:28 Let him that stole steal no more; but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. O Lord i have stolen so much from your precious daughter who you entrusted me with. I even stole her very view of femeninity. The very precious thing you give to me . When Mindy married me i know she trusted me to help fulfill her dreams . I sttole her need to be emotionally , spiriatully and physically loved and cared for . I stole her peace and joy and safety. O God such a terrible theft and no person should have to have all tha
  7. Good morning Now i see says the blind man. Of course she did not want me in the garden with her for i have proven by my actions that i can not be trusted to respect her boundaries . Furthermore if she wanted my help she would ask for it . So what was going on there . As i look at it . As i seen her out ther lugging the garden hose i thought she needs my help , but more than likely it was all about me because deep down in i had a need to be needed by my wife , so instead of staying away i decided to get my need met again . I think i decieve my mind or as they say in anger management that i b
  8. Still thinking about boundaries that i pushed over the weekend When i was helping in the garden i did say a couple things . That was wrong to open my mouth and ask if i could help . I won,t do that again . I probably should have not went out to the garden . I will have to believe if she needs my help she will ask . That did not help heal her heart which is what i will be committed to. I cdon,t know what else . Please help me out kay, I set in a lawn chair in the yard ? I did get her some food? I am awfully sorry . I thought i was doing the right thing , but somewhere along the way i was self
  9. Going to have to think on two things i did to hurt her over the weekend Kay . The only thing that comes to mind on short order could be when i went out to the garden to help pull the hose and hoe the weeds . I did not want her to have to do it on her own . what could seem like blessing my wife could actually be more about me if i did it for my benifit instead of hers .
  10. Thank you for pointing out the truth. I want to believe Mindy from now on and if she says i demanded sex then i demanded sex . I said i want sex and that sounds like demanding to me . Actually i could have even said give me sex .I have been cruel and demanding what i want all my life and of course walking all over Mindy to get what i want . There is no end to the heartache aqnd tormoil i have brought to you to the point of destroying you. I am so sorry for demanding sex causing you no doubt to feelscared and shamed and taken advantage of . I am sure you were very frightened thinking i would fo
  11. DO men actually blieve they will get what they want by being mean. I don,t think so . We are just so decieved we actually think our wife is the problem . Now how could we be so blind . When i think of some of the things i have done it is unbelievable ,but yet i think my wife should love me . How dumb can that be ?we just are so blind to the truth and even think someone else is wrong and we are not . I have not watched beauty and the beast . I have simply been a terrible husband , making life all abouit me . I was allways ruining the family trips by controlling them and doing what i wanted, i n
  12. Not a good morning . How could it be a good morning when Mindy is hurting and sick and all because of me and my actions , still trying to control and menipulate her . still wanting to do thjings my way and yes still angry and resentful . Maybe im angry and resentful because all these peaple are putting pressure on me to change and i am way to comfortable how i am . So thank you Lord for bringing this pressure on thgrough your servants. So no, it is not a very good morning .And yes Mindy of course percieved i was asking for sex . I may have decieved myself , but to mindy it was real and it see
  13. Good morning I thought of another insident Mindy felt unsafe because i have been putting pressure on her and one time it wasb to be reconciled . when i do that it brings up feelings of the past of when i did not get my way and i would ,get angry, hit her, pinch her cuss her , minipulate her all gto get my way . Of course she would be frietened when i still try to control her. another thing was telling my daughter to bring her family over for pizza on the deck . Another form of minipulation to make Mindy feel bad and if everone writes me off as a failure that is okay because that is what
  14. Not sure what to think of that question june and not sure what you mean by my quotes above . I probably said i want sex and and acted pushy. I dont know if that was what you wanted. Even though i had not one little thought that we would have sex it was so wrong and frietenig to Mindy because of all the times in the past when i have forced sex on her.There is simply no excuse for what i did . thank you for calling me out on more things June . It stretchs me , but thank God i thought of one more thing . Mindy felt unsafe because i was gone in ohio and she neede to know about gas for the sump p
  15. kay I just now caught on to what i was missing here . I am sorry , i am kinda slow and was just trying to work my way from the top down . im sorry i should be more observant . I can understand how you thought i was just ignoring you . This stuff just takes a long time to read and digest Mindy felt unsafe by me because i generally had a bad attitude and would not listen to her heart needs I did not consider what she said as truth, i only wanted to do things my own way , iam sorry for that and it must have madeher feel devalued and not listened to. I want to listen to her and take what she s
  16. hi Going to take some time to answer the abuse test. If you dont get what you are looking for let me know Honestely your shufing so much stuf my way it just cofuses. . me . So let me work trough this stuf . I have started working on some apologies . I have 4 peaple come to work every day , every day i have to reorganize , Today we did 5 jobs that means i have to lookj at more jobs , It is seven oclock and i have been working since seven this morning , somehow i need to call 5 more peaple and figure out what we will do tomorrow . I know it is my fault i am so busy . I will do the best i can her
  17. wousy this stuf comes in to fast for me to handle ,i do still work for a living , Maybe that was kida a joke another words i feel overloaded ,anyway Keep it comeing i guessI i operate best under stress.Dont know where to start so iwill just start . I have answered the abuse test like 3 times so i will bypass it for now. Lets see i already said i am going to those classes I am always trying to let mindy know where i am or ask how she feels about it I will bless her how she needs , dont know it all yet ,but am starting over to do this right and make her rfeel safe . Take care of things around
  18. Hi IDo realize she needs to know where i am at so i am asking how she feels about what i do . Did go to anger manage ment clas tonight , but they had moved so that was dissipointing . I guess there will be anothjer time . At least now i know where they moved to.
  19. good morning I think it is wonderful that the lord can use a restraining order to get our attention But i just want the holy spirit to be my restraining power from now on . i thank the lord for you sisters who are willing to take time to help me . I want to get the good he brings through all this and allow myself to become more Christ like so mindy can feel safe . I know he will even use the anger classes for good if i go in the power of the spirit.
  20. Kay that does sound a little accusing but it don,t really matter that much . I am bought into the idea of giving Mindy what she needs so the restraing order don,t have any thing to do with it .. Now the bottom line is to make my dear wife feel safe and that is my goal . So thanks for asking im glad to have it cleared up. I would not want to hurt her . Of course at times i do hurt her , especially when i have resentment and entitlment .We should never have rights . So i am sorry for having feelings of entitlement . I will work hard at not having them . I think i am slowly learning to think of h
  21. I have certainly had a big problem most ofr my life with wanting Mindy to make me feel good . thank you for pointing out that it could still be a problem . I don,t want it to be and will consider that it might still be . Thank you veryb much . I want mindy to feel cared for It for sure is my tendancy . After being gone today of course i hoped to see her . I did see her on the deck and text her if it was okay to come up . She said yes i could . I have to admit it was a little dissipointing to go up ,but she was no longer there . SO you see i have those tendencies yet i felt like in my mind i de
  22. thanks I am going to be gentle with Mindy and trust her that she can help me . Not sure that i have guilt. And at times i do overlook how wrong i have been .
  23. Thanks June I guess my last post did not go through so i will try again . I must have forgot to send it . I think you have said a lot of good things . Partly in asking that question was to get some feed back ehich i thank yuou for. There are new behavior to learn and there is a balance in allowing Christ to be our life and doing certain things under his power I really do think there is a big victory in believing that we need to be dead so that Christ can do his living through us . It is very obvious that i have not conqored that by a long shot . I don,t know if all that even makes any since.
  24. good morning th thank you June for pointing out about me having resentment as being why i left when Mindy needed my help , as i think about it you may be right so i will search my heart about it . If it will make my wife feel safer then i will go to the anger bmanagement classes gladly . I was thinking on going to church to help do some work ,but i will ask mindy how she feels about it first. I guess i did not ask a question so i will. Should a person take a class that only teaches a person how to strengthen his flesh by thinking a certain way or is that benificial ? Not totally sure what
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