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God Save My Marriage

Snow White

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Everything posted by Snow White

  1. LC, You haven't lied to your employers since then, but you view your start time as optional. You mentioned your cell phone bill (the only bill you have to pay) is late. And you have no answer when I ask you why. You're not even sure what you want to do with your career and you're 41 years old. As I shared with you today, I don't want a third child. I am looking for you to be a man who can take care of himself and his family. I don't want the old Leon back. He has taken everything our family had and destroyed it. We lost our house, our savings, our health insurance, our family unit, and our
  2. In Matthew 20:29, there is the story of the two blind men seeking Jesus' attention through the crowds. They shouted to him, and others in the crowd told them to be quiet. Society often encourages us women to be quiet. "All men look at porn. No one has a happy marriage. This is all there is to life. You're being unreasonable. No one is perfect..." But, the blind men wouldn't be silenced. They shouted more loudly, more persistently, until Jesus turned to them. "What do you want me to do?" He asked them. "Open our eyes so that we may see." That, my friends, is my new prayer. Open my eyes,
  3. Feeling sad and mad all at once as I spend time telling so many dear friends no to their precious invitations...no to the ladies book club and fellowship, no to the bike ride and breakfast, no to the special field trip with my daughter, no to reading and game days in child's classroom, no to the Admissions Committee meetings, and the list goes on. Why? Because I am now forced to work outside the home and live as a single parent. I have barely enough energy to go around, and I am stretched to my limit just meeting the basic daily commitments for my kids and my household. No more time for fun
  4. Feeling unsafe...Guess it takes time - LOTS of time - for the damage LC has done to begin becoming undone. This past weekend, he had taken the kids out for a few hours. For two of those hours, I called him repeatedly on his cell phone, even left messages, never getting a return phone call. When I FINALLY got ahold of him, it was the same old line, "Oh, you called? I didn't hear the phone ringing. I didn't hear the message alert. I had no idea you were calling - (even though the phone is always right on my hip!)." This has always been a great source of contention for us as he has ignored - a
  5. At church tonight, our pastor spoke on a scripture out of Romans that talks about God loving us with kindness and severity. Romans 11:22 "Behold then the kindness and severity of God; to those who fell, severity, but to you, God's kindness, if you continue in His kindness; otherwise you also will be cut off." He was talking about the Jews being cut off, as they rejected God, but even this severity was God's love toward his people. The passage goes on to say He will graft them back into the vine. Just as Joel and Kathy teach, love and discipline, kindness and severity, mercy and boundarie
  6. To Last Chance: Your choices continue to astound me. Either you self-gratified in the last couple of days, or the impact from your mother's conversation selfishly fed your ego (or both!). You have devastated my life and the children's lives. We live day to day, no health insurance, no financial security, no emotional security because of your life's choices for us all - and you continue to complain about your needs. While your children cry and physically ache for you, you continue to act like a child. You have LIED to me, CHEATED on me, DECEIVED me, BETRAYED me - even AFTER you've committed to
  7. Last Chance, Your choices continue to astound me. Either you self-gratified in the last couple of days, or the impact from your mother's conversation selfishly fed your ego (or both!). You have devastated my life and the children's lives. We live day to day, no health insurance, no financial security, no emotional security because of your life's choices for us all - and you continue to complain about your needs. While your children cry and physically ache for you, you continue to act like a child. You have LIED to me, CHEATED on me, DECEIVED me, BETRAYED me - even AFTER you've committed to reg
  8. LC has been asking to spend one-on-one time with me and I have felt uneasy about that. My spirit screams, "He's not safe! He's not safe!" But, I try to rationalize that away...until he proves it true yet again. Today in the mail, an envelope came advertising a traffic school in reference to a citation received (it said all of this on the outside of the envelope). Citation? What citation? The letter said it was in reference to the traffic citation issued 1/12/10. My first thought was, "This has to be a mistake. Surely he would have told me if he had gotten pulled over!" So, I called hi
  9. Last Chance sent me this e-mail, and following is my response. I hope it helps another woman out there! From LC: > Honey, > > This is new territory for me and I would like your help in > responding "no" to this for obvious reasons. > > Also, a college-aged female co-server at Carrabbas has left > a message for me through the web-based scheduling system in > response to my request to release a Monday shift. I will > screencapture her message and send o you. > > A few months ago I would not have thought these > communications to be anything but professio
  10. Hi Heartsong, Snow White just checking in. As always, it's better here than in any best-selling novel! Unfortunately, a bit too much like my reality. Love and strength to you as we journey together, my forum friend...
  11. I remember sitting in the intensive when Joel and Kathy began to explain how God reveals to the wife when the husband is lying, deceiving, SINNING. God has been faithful to do this for me throughout the 12 1/2 years of my marriage to a sex addict. He did it again this week... For a couple of days, I have felt like I was physically carrying weight on my shoulders. I felt like every breath was hard to take. I have been having vivid bad dreams concerning Last Chance deceiving me and I have seen the behavioral change in him. He hasn't been reaching out to me or the children. He hasn't been call
  12. I have a job interview this week. Great - except that I never wanted to work outside the home. I have always wanted to be (and have been, by God's grace) a stay-at-home mom, active serving at the kids' school and taking good care of my home and family. Now, I have to sell myself to a potential employer for a job I don't even want! This leaves me feeling sad, frustrated, angry, tired. Not to mention the impact it will have on my kids, having even less of mom during this time. The kids are suffering, especially my son (he's 4). May the men never underestimate the damage their bad choices
  13. From Last Chance: "I told my childhood friend over the phone that we cannot communicate at all anymore. I told him that he was a bad influence that led me to get into the band while Cynthia's dad was sick and that we shared inappropriate camera photos in the past. Also, told him that Cynthia has radar and because of these issues in our friendship, she does not want me to communicate with him. " So, what do I get from this? It seems that he felt he needed weight in his words to convince his friend, so he blamed me! I appreciate very much that he finally ended this friendship...it's HOW he did
  14. "Has he made amends, apologized?" etc... you asked. Yes, he has got the apology down to a science! He can apologize and apologize and sound very sincere. But, what I need now is the actions, the change in behavior that says, "Wow, this is my slim last shot. I better not screw up and EVER lie to her again." That is why right now I say we are taking one step forwards and two steps back. We are still in the negative here. As Steve said on the call last night (my paraphrase), the men can do many things right for awhile, then allow themselves to slack off/screw up and it sets them back to ground
  15. Hi Heartsong, Snow White here. Thank you so much for taking a deep breath and pushing through the pain of your very similar situation to write some of the most poignant words anyone has offered me. You are so right in saying there is great encouragement in knowing we are not alone...but it sounds like you may be too far away to hug! Truly, that is the only flaw with this forum! Today would have been my father's 67th birthday. Instead he is enjoying his first eternal birthday, in the presence of our One True Protector and Lover of our souls. I had the honor of bagging up most of his large
  16. Today is my father's birthday. He enterd eternity Oct. 5th, 2009. There is much happiness for him, on this, his best of all birthdays. But, there is so much sadness for me. AGAIN...don't be fooled by the lovely sentiments Last Chance so eloquently writes. After PUSHING him to give me an answer last night on how he was able to give me a $280 shortfall for the rent when he has no money, he let me know he got it from one of the two toxic friends he had PROMISED me he cut out of his life. Not only has he NOT cut this friend out of his life, they remain buddies and he took money from him to g
  17. AGAIN...don't be fooled by the lovely sentiments LC so eloquently writes. After PUSHING him to give me an answer tonight on how he was able to give me a $230 shortfall for the rent, he let me know he got it from one of the two toxic friends he had PROMISED me he cut out of his life. Not only has he NOT cut this friend out of his life, they remain buddies and he took money from him to give to me! Why? Because he's admittedly "scared" to ask his wealthy mommy for money. And I know he is lying beyond the details he's telling me with regard to money... Nevermind that people in my family hav
  18. I am humbled and amazed that people read, respond to, and care about my life's situation. Thank you all for taking the time to be part of my journey...
  19. One thing I have done in the past is believed Last Chance's words at face value. Words like, "I love you. I'm not looking at porn. I don't know why God isn't answering our prayers." I stopped listening to his words Thanksgiving weekend when I asked him to leave and now I am watching his actions. So, what have I seen? Well, his posts on the forum offer enthusiasm and promise success. When I measure them against the list I created for him on how to love me (posted above), it doesn't look so good. I asked for three forum posts per week - from what I can count, he's done FOUR total since our
  20. Well, I don't know about you, but I was thrilled to say goodbye to 2009. Last year was a year of profound loss for me...He lost his job. He lost himself. We lost our savings. We lost our home. I lost my father. We lost our marriage. I look forward to 2010 with hope as Romans 15:13 promises me: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit." This is my new year prayer for all of us women in limbo, wondering what 2010 holds for our lives and our marriage...
  21. As I shared with Last Chance earlier tonight, guys, the whole point of this letter of forgiveness to in-laws, etc. is to let your audience know why THIS TIME is different. Why should we all believe that THIS is the time you will change when you've been doing this for years? In your letter, humbly acknowledge that your screwed up, talk about the specific ways it has impacted your wife, and why this time is different for you. Let the letter state that you NOW realize your selfishness and immaturity. And with this newfound ministry, its information, tremendous support and tools, you vow to become
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