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God Save My Marriage

SSGVinyard

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Everything posted by SSGVinyard

  1. Thank you for your straight forwardness. Every once and awhile i lose sight of what I need to do and i get wrapped up in myself. Today I am much better, I prayed and God gave me the strength I required!!
  2. I am not trying to be difficult honestly but if God meant for me to be with my wife, what happened with my 1st marriage??? Did God not mean for me to be with HER? This is an honest question, I really dont know!
  3. Sadness, that is what I feel. I know that I caused all this pain and that a great deal of what I feel now is the fall out from my actions. But it still hurts! Do you have any idea what it's like to be in a combat zone, surrounded by your comrades in arms and to still be alone. I reach out to God and he provides solace, and that keeps me going on, but the sadness stays and at times it seems almost unbearable! Do you know what it's like to wonder if people REALLY love you! how could they? How could they love a person built on lies and deceit? I am trying to walk in the word, to insure th
  4. Dead men have no feelings? Sorry but I am not sure I understand what that is suppposed to mean. As far as the rest of your message, thank you. I promise to let everyone know when I am venting. I just miss being able to vent about work to my wife. She is the only person that I know right now that understands my abbreviations, lingo and work requirements. So it hard to not be able to talk to her about these things. I do understand though, I know why and I am doing my best to remember to walk in the light of the word and to be more "Christlike" with her. I have to remember that I have cause
  5. I had a question that may sound like im stupid or self centered but here goes: when is it okay for me to have feelings in all of this?? People tell my wife that I am slipping and that the flowers I sent her were a token that should not be given too much weight! I am trying here, but its hard sometimes to know whos worldy advice i should take. Some tell me to live in the word, some tell me to live in the word but not to bring it up all the time! I dont know what to do. I am on the path to the light of the word but I have no idea what to do here on earth!!! I know that I am the one that
  6. I am about to go on mission so i cannot fully respond to your post, but I will! I would like to point one thing though and don't take this the wrong way....My last name is Vinyard, no "E". Sorry just a pet peeve of mine. I will respond to your post when I get back from this mission!
  7. Just so you know I am reading the books I am almost done with them. Also be advised that I am more scared of losing my final verdict at the judgment. I am WAY past being scared "because I am in the hot seat". I am truly trying to change my ways, in EVERY way. I know I was a VERY wicked person, filled with filth and moral decay. That is not a point I am arguing. All I am trying to do is to find the light within myself. My wife finding out what I had done was the best thing that ever could have happened to me! Everyday I feel remorse for what I have done, not for myself but for my lovely
  8. thank you SOOO much for your words. To answer the question that is out there: yes I have repented for what I have done, for real this time. I dont want the remorse for what i have done to go away I just want the pain to go away. I will not ever let myself forget what I have done. I know that I ned to carry it with me always and let it serve as a reminder of what a life lived in sin is TRULY like! As far as asking her if she loves me, again I would have to say that you are right. It still doesn't undermine the fact that I would REALLY like to know. I know that it is an EGO thing and I am doin
  9. I do have one question...When does the pain of my wickedness go away??? it's very crippling! I try hard to die to myself but the heaviness of my heart is GREAT!
  10. well said. and thank you!!! yes I did absorb it and I am formulating questions, i have ALOT of them!! bear with me and I will get them out
  11. its not from any particular section just from the book as a whole...and its 2 questions: 1. When would it be appropriate for me to ask my wife is she is willing to help me be more "Christlike"? 2. Would it every be smart to ask her if she still loves me?? (it may seems shallow but Im curious)
  12. I know that the moderators/helpers here are busy but I REALLY need som advice on a question I came up with while reading the books! Thank you for your time
  13. I am trying to honor her by giving her space and not think of me or project how I am feeling on her but its HARD! hard to not want to beg her, hard not to be able to hear her voice. And its not guilt that makes me want these things, I LOVE HER!!! Again, such a fool I am!
  14. thank you for the prayer. I am starting to learn that the more you surround your self with the WORD and people who are trying to live in it, the better it is. I still wish the pain of what i have done and the wickedness of it would be washed away from My wife. She is such a beautiful person (in looks, actions and spirit). I am such a fool!
  15. When will the pain of all I have done to her leave me? I know that sounds shallow but my heart HURTS. I pray to God every chance I get for guidance. I ask his forgiveness. I pray that my wife will have peace that her heart and HER pain and the burden of knowing what i done will be lifted from her! I do all this and pray for my soldiers but the pain I feel is crippling and all consuming. I am trying to lay down my burden but it wont depart from me!! I am reading the books and it helps but at the end of the night when I close my eyes after prayer all I feel is pain!
  16. yes she knows, I was found out when the woman contacted her. (fyi there were other women as well, i wasnt a good person) no i dont talk to her anymore and I dont know if my wife is planning on leaving me but i have given her no reaon to stay! she is actually on this site as well, her name is Kerlina (unique so not question who she is) i do know that she hates me, and with good reason. She's hurt, devastated and feels betrayed, again with good reason.
  17. 1. I have prayed 2. cant afford the books, I am in Afghanistan 3. I am praying more 4. still cant afford the books i am broken, and not fully sure that I even deserve to be fixed at this point!
  18. I know I will have my salvation. As some one said to my face today....I will know my verdict BEFORE the judgement. I cannot fathom though why God would let me be SOOOO wicked, so CRUEL to the woman that I cannot even think about living without! But as for the here and now, I am lost and i dont think I am strong enough to live my life without her!!! "True love is the soul's recognition of it's counterpoint in another!"
  19. 1. No, I cannot afford them. I am in the U.S. Army and I am currently deployed to Afghanistan. I have no way to pay for the books 2. yes, but i havent the 1st clue how to let him work through me. I me i know the steps, i grew up with a christian father. What I am REALLY unsure of is HOW to to do it, where to start, and how to feel the change through all that I do. I have read the Bible, but i have no idea how to use it. it's kinda like reading stereo instructions in chinese, you see the pictures you get the general idea but you don't know enough of the finer points to make it ACTUALLY
  20. She says that she doesnt love me anymore and that she looks back on these years as a waste. my question is did she ever think I truly loved her? Is there anyway she can still love me? I don't know.....I am currently serving in Afghanistan and I don't know. I fell that I don't have ANY reason to come home. My heart aches at her wishing I would get hit by an IED. And I cant sleep knowing that she won't be there when I get off that plane. I know that I made my bed! I know that i must suffer the consequences of my actions but regardless of that I TRULY don't want to live at all without her!
  21. I CHEATED ON MY WIFE, DENIED MY WIFE AND MY CHILDREN. i SET UP EMAIL ACCOUNTS SO THAT i COULD FLIRT AND MEET OTHER WOMEN! i LIED TO HER AND OTHERS ABOUT IT, HID THE TRUTH! a YEAR OR SO AGO i MET ANOTHER WOMAN THAT WAS ALSO MARRIED. WE SPENT THE NIGHT TOGETHER AND DID THINGS THAT ONLYA TRUE MARRIED COUPLE SHOULD DO. HER HUSBAND FOUND OUT AND i CONSPIRED TO HIDE THE TRUTH FROM NOT ONLY HIM AND THE WOMAN BUT FROM MY OWN FAMILY AS WELL!! I am lost and don't know where to begin to become what she deserves. I love her I truly do. And my heart would be lost without her.
  22. I need help to save my marriage. I need help coming to god and being the man that my wife can be proud to be with, the man that she deserves! Any help would be appreciated. I cheated on my wife and she deserves better, *I want to be that better!
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