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Abigail

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  1. flyboy (who has been stuck signing in as pink, To me, some details are fine and important....sometimes one little detail changes the story a lot....and I understand that you had a reasonable reason why you hesitated, but nevertheless, the hesitation set in motion all that followed. It is still your job as the man, the one with the XY chromosomes and the resulting biochemistry and physiology....at this stage in growing up and out of previous immaturity and dysfunction....to empathize with her more than she empathizes with you.....and certainly to empathize with her FIRST. With some lag tim
  2. Hi big guy. This is a process. You have to weather stuff to get to the other side of beautiful mutuality. You are the man. You are strong and you can take it. Ready for swift and certain feedback? No [edit] footing...no beating around the bush? When you said: , you were putting yourself in the woman's / child's responder position. I have to hop off right this moment, but think about that and see what else you can post. Blessings, Abigail
  3. flyboy, You and pink will be able to work through this....you are here and are reaching out for help....this is good. Remember, you and pink are growing up and out of immaturity together. It is undeniable that you are the one with the XY chromosomes, and all that goes along with those - right? So, in order for both of you to grow up and out and into a beautiful marriage and the rest of your life, it is still you who is commanded to break these stalemates at this point in time. So, quickly, assuming that what you typed is accurate,* it was your hesitancy in answering pink's question th
  4. 1sm, Joel's advise is perfect. You can initiate doing the right thing instead of waiting to force your wife to do it. It will be evidence, in actions, that you are starting to view your behavior for the actual reality of what it is. You will no longer be minimizing your behavior. You will be re-thinking it. You will be repenting. (In Latin, re-pent means re-think.) You will start changing. You will change into the husband and father that God always intended you to become. Explain to the authorities that you are volatile and unpredictable....and that you have beaten down your wife
  5. 1sadman, I am taking a slightly different bent with you: I honor that you are here and trying. We are here to help you get to love and beauty and healing and the deep deep intimcy that can happen only with the mother of your children....which in turn brings deep, deep security and healing and love to your children....and then back from your children. We want you to have an amazing marriage and rest of life. Now, that said, know that you will not be able to manipulate here either. Helpers - Yes, he is smart and knows, in most of his brain, exactly what he is doing, but co-existi
  6. Michael, That is so freaky about the Evanescence song. I, too, have experienced things that are surreal in their "coincidences." This is just beautiful...your words here: Yes, God is here. When have momentary doubts, and we bring it to Him, then He assures us over and over again. Like Loo, I will settle for nothing less myself. Most of the good guys are with or are pursuing their first wives, but maybe there's someone out there for Loo and me. (Good thing we're (Loo and I) in different states!) Blessings, Abigail
  7. Quicky thought: I find it interesting that seculars are embracing truth and justice much more than high profile Christians these days. For example, almost the entire world agrees that Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John Edwards, the former gov. of NC, Elliot Spitzer, are wrong (some have even called them worse names), and they have lost the respect of the world. The general consensus is that their adultery bimbos are wrong too. (Did you see Oprah's reaction to Rielle (John Edwards' baby momma) when she looked straight at Oprah and in an almost surreal suspension of empathy and understanding
  8. Hey - if he is formally telling his ministry administrators and advisors that it is you who is not ready....and he is talking about you personally....then why can't you formally refute that with a lawyer's letter cced to all, stating the real truth. I'm guessing that you would be just fine with an announcement of the divorce....of course, you would need to have approval of the final version going out to your subscribers...and I'm sure that you would be discreet. The reason you would want to have approval is so that he can not similarly lie in the announcement. Now, I understand that an a
  9. If she is truly lying, (how's that for an oxymoron), then she is in the wrong....which doesn't mean that you throw away your new-found quest for christlikeness and good spirit. Are you on the men's calls, Terry? I think that might be the place to get the best advise in your situation. Blessings, Abigail
  10. Wil, At one point you stated that you're getting no recognition, even though you've done everything asked. I guess you missed my "Good job" to you in a previous post. I am very glad that you handed over the passwords, etc. Your reaction is exactly as I predicted (or any of us could have predicted). Go reread what I wrote. You'll see that we know what we're doing here. You and rem are textbook. Like I said, as long as YOU don't quit, then you absolutely will make it to the other side. The depth of love and intimacy you will experience with her will be as if you are in heaven, he
  11. Hi there. When she saw that I posted to you, Kay called me to ask if I had read your post. I replied to her that I had not seen a suicide note before I posted. Here's the funny part: I actually had read it before I posted, BUT I missed that your "I will be with our Lord," could mean that you were threatening suicide! By the time I got to the end of your post, I was reading fast....and to me, we are here with our Lord, each and every day, as we pray, love Him, and follow His ways and leadings. To me, our earthly bodies don't have to literally die to be with our Lord. Anyway, I am gl
  12. Great job. Now, have you given her access to all your phones, etc., and their passwords? Yes, giving her this access to accountability will feel, to you, like you are dying. You won't want to do it. You will hem, haw, or maybe even scratch and bite (metaphorically)....you will manipulate with excuses, and cause much time delay....which will be the opposite of rebuilding the bridge of trust. The good news is that the nasty part of you - the part that had affairs outside of your marriage...the part that has been a horrible example to your boys (I'm guessing just like your own father wa
  13. Good job, Michael. I'm glad I helped....and good to know that your wife's trepidation about the men's calls is only a temporary cash flow thing. I am amazed at how many men like you, who have committed themselves to righting the wrongs they perpetrated on their wives (and therefore children), are being financially blessed. Actually, I shouldn't be amazed. God promises that blessings come to men who treat their wives well, especially their wives of their youth, and the mothers of their children. It is because they are following God's ways. Blessings, Abigail PS: Yes, Josh and Kim
  14. rem, He will try....repeatedly....to see if he will be able to operate the way your overly trusting, tolerant, and forgiving nature allowed him to operate all these years - as a single man. Don't freak out about it. It is normal and textbook. Also normal and textbook: Your freaking out. There are ruts formed in the female brain when in a long-term bonded relationship. Being married and having children is as bonded as someone gets. It takes time for your brain biochemistry and physiology to re-right itself. In other words, what you're experiencing is completely understandable, a
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