Thankful for Gracey

Thank you so much for the heart felt reply to my anger problems. It makes me see things in a whole new perspective. I printed it out and have read it several times going through it and marking my wrong doings and questions. I have known for a long time that I couldn’t keep my anger hidden very well. My jaws start clinching and I start bouncing my leg. It was really obvious to others but not myself. I have to get this under control. It is killing the best things that ever happened to me. Gracey is at her wits end with me and she has told me over and over that she cannot and will not be a part of a marriage that is in so much turmoil. I have used her for my learning curve. Every time I mess up, she is the one who gets the brunt of my actions and when I learn from such, the damage has been done and the setbacks is even further than before. I hate that too. I hate to see her hurt and with my new “tools” i.e. my letter, I can get a grip on what demon that is within me before it happens and discuss it with her and the way she is, she can see things from a whole different view than what I do. For that I am very thankful for her and her wisdom. I sure wish I could have corralled this a long time ago and been truthful about my whole life and lifestyle. Gracey, I am so sorry. I know you have forgiven me but the hurt runs much deeper. I want your trust no matter how long it takes. I am Thankful For Gracey Phil 4:13

I need some immediate help. I have an anger problem and need advise on how to deal with it. It's not the type of breaking things or physical anger. It just comes and goes. When I am asked what are you mad about I reply "nothing". That is the sign to my family that I am angry. I know when I get in my comfort zone, it is more apt to come out. This is causing tremendous pressure on our relationship and our family life. Please help and pray. TFG

Gracey, I haven’t posted for the reason of wanting to think about what transpired. I was selfish and uncaring of your feelings. I was more concerned about how I was going to communicate with you. I was angry about my promises that I had broke and losing out all the way around. I was ill because M had made a mess and tried to hide it. I blew up at him and for that I am very sorry. I apologized to him and talked to him today. That will not happen again. I know I upset him and he was devastated. For him, I know that hurt. He wrote me a note to me that he had heard us arguing and he was upset at that also. When I do the things I do, I upset everyone and for this I am very sorry. As I mentioned to you I think this all goes back to how my father was about money and how I am concerned about paying the bills. I am not going to volunteer for any more OT but as they schedule, I have no control over that. The almighty dollar isn’t worth the pain and the agony that the whole family has undertaken, especially you. You have too much on your plate as it is and don’t need me to add to what you have already. You do not deserve what I have put you through. My request for attention from you is a selfish request and for that, I am very sorry. From this point forward, when you are busy at the computer, I will not disturb you. I will hold on to what I have to say till later. When I was doing my Bible study, I ran across this saying from Proverbs 29:20. “There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking” this rang a bell with me and as I have said before that it’s what comes out of the mouth that is unclean….I am so sorry for my hurtful words as if you haven’t worked as hard as I have on our marriage. That was a stupid remark on my part. You have worked on me for 17 years. It has been me that has been the catalyst of our problems. I have made a vow to become even more spiritual in our relationship and let God do his thing with me. I may not like what He does, but I know the outcome will be well worth anything He has planned for me. Another passage from Proverbs 17:27, 28 say “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue” This make me understand to myself that I need to be even more involved in the Word than what I am today. I need God to reveal to me BEFORE I go off like I did. I should be dying to you everyday and to be seeking His wisdom everyday also. For my lacking in doing so, I ask your forgiveness. I am aware that it isn’t hard for me to ask this but I do know it’s hard for you to accept. This is something I can be patient with. It didn’t take overnight to get myself in this mess and I realize it won’t be overnight till your heart is healed. I am not going to give up on our marriage by no means. I will be there whenever you need me or want me no matter what!! My heart is with you and this ordeal has been another eye opener for me that I will not soon forget. It is said people learn from their mistakes. I can’t stand too many more of these. I don’t like them nor do I like being the cause of them. As I mentioned before, I must stay in the Word and practice what God has said for me to do as a husband. You are my world I am TFG

Gracey, I haven’t posted for the reason of wanting to think about what transpired. I was selfish and uncaring of your feelings. I was more concerned about how I was going to communicate with you. I was angry about my promises that I had broke and losing out all the way around. I was ill because M had made a mess and tried to hide it. I blew up at him and for that I am very sorry. I apologized to him and talked to him today. That will not happen again. I know I upset him and he was devastated. For him, I know that hurt. He wrote me a note to me that he had heard us arguing and he was upset at that also. When I do the things I do, I upset everyone and for this I am very sorry. As I mentioned to you I think this all goes back to how my father was about money and how I am concerned about paying the bills. I am not going to volunteer for any more OT but as they schedule, I have no control over that. The almighty dollar isn’t worth the pain and the agony that the whole family has undertaken, especially you. You have too much on your plate as it is and don’t need me to add to what you have already. You do not deserve what I have put you through. My request for attention from you is a selfish request and for that, I am very sorry. From this point forward, when you are busy at the computer, I will not disturb you. I will hold on to what I have to say till later. When I was doing my Bible study, I ran across this saying from Proverbs 29:20. “There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking” this rang a bell with me and as I have said before that it’s what comes out of the mouth that is unclean….I am so sorry for my hurtful words as if you haven’t worked as hard as I have on our marriage. That was a stupid remark on my part. You have worked on me for 17 years. It has been me that has been the catalyst of our problems. I have made a vow to become even more spiritual in our relationship and let God do his thing with me. I may not like what He does, but I know the outcome will be well worth anything He has planned for me. Another passage from Proverbs 17:27, 28 say “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue” This make me understand to myself that I need to be even more involved in the Word than what I am today. I need God to reveal to me BEFORE I go off like I did. I should be dying to you everyday and to be seeking His wisdom everyday also. For my lacking in doing so, I ask your forgiveness. I am aware that it isn’t hard for me to ask this but I do know it’s hard for you to accept. This is something I can be patient with. It didn’t take overnight to get myself in this mess and I realize it won’t be overnight till your heart is healed. I am not going to give up on our marriage by no means. I will be there whenever you need me or want me no matter what!! My heart is with you and this ordeal has been another eye opener for me that I will not soon forget. It is said people learn from their mistakes. I can’t stand too many more of these. I don’t like them nor do I like being the cause of them. As I mentioned before, I must stay in the Word and practice what God has said for me to do as a husband. You are my world I am TFG

This is a two-fold post. One to Julie (Ms. Clean) and the other to men who promise their wifes one thing and don't follow through with it. The first part is to Julie. Have you ever heard of the old saying, “clean off on your own doorstep before going to someone else’s house?” I am posting here to rescind what I had mentioned in my previous post. Gracey brought it to my attention that the post was more about me than about D. I ask for your forgiveness over what I had said. I made it sound like “me” and what great things “I” have done when it should have been about D dying to you. D, forgive me. I sound like I spend all sorts of time with my family and never miss church. What really happens is that I have turned into a borderline workaholic and didn’t even realize it until Gracey brought this to my attention about how much time I spent away from home and how many tons of time I missed church or opportunities to do church functions because of work. It’s true I spend time at my work and I drive a good while to get there and back. I spend too much time away from my family. I promised Gracey that I wouldn’t ever do that again. I have been falling in that trap because the signs of the almighty $$ was ringing up in my mind. It was a greed thing and I wasn’t even aware of what I was doing. I should be dying to myself for Gracey and I can’t do that unless I am around her. Just this week, she told me that she felt like were drifting apart again. At that time, it was and had been a constant thought on my mind. I told her I would like for she and I to take off for a little R&R for just an overnight trip. She agreed and we had planned on going Sunday for the day and night. Well last night, I made the comment that I was ask if I wanted to work this upcoming Sunday. I had never committed to do so, but by not thinking about Gracey’s feelings or the plans we had made, I told her about the offer of overtime. I made it sound so good like 52 hrs OT for 2 weeks. We were in front of the kids and I blurted out how much $$ I would be making. That was me bragging and not taking Gracey’s heart in to consideration. I promised her last week that I was putting in for no OT for Labor Day week so we could spend some time together and I put that by the wayside because of the greed taking hold of me. Gracey is my heart and I didn’t think I would ever hurt her again, but I slipped because of the work. One thing for sure, I will never do this again. This has been a major set back and I never saw it coming even though she has given these hints for a while. How blind can one man be?? I must be ever vigilant on my actions and to be sure that Gracey and my family come first. My thoughts and my actions have to be on the same page. Just because I think I am doing something for the good of the family, doesn’t necessarily mean just that. I will communicate better and place her feelings above all else. Gracey, I am sorry for being so selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings. I know you must feel like you are second to my job. This is not so. I love you so much and I understand that this has been a set back in our relationship after such the blow I put in your lap last night. It will not happen again. The only OT that I will work is what I have no control over. When the schedule is put out the work is distributed between the off shifts to make up for the vacations and planned situations like these past few weeks. I did volunteer for a few of the extras, but I thought I was doing this for us. Wrong, it was for me and my way of thinking. I am very sorry. After only two months after the intensive, I have dropped the ball. Please forgive me I am Thankful For Gracey

AMEN and AMEN....Man that is strong and I agree with every word. When these guys mention "I or I'm or me or mine" 27 times in a single post, let it go. It's not about you it's about her. Hopefully it will break through to these guys and just DIE> Blessings I am... Thankful For Gracey

Okay Julie, I have thought this over and I can't keep quite. I also work in the heat and on equipment in an environment that sometimes reaches well over the 125 degree mark and consistently in the 90+ deg and 100% humidity. I've been doing this for many, many years and there is no way on this green earth that I would even think about allowing Gracey to do the things you are doing. And frankly, I can't believe he is allowing you to do so. If he sees that he couldn't do the things you do, then DUH...help her out. It doesn't take rocket science to figure that one out. I am no superman but you can bet on it that even after days in the sweltering heat and the freezing cold in the winter, I love my wife enough to where I can suck it up and make HER life easier by doing little things that doesn't necessarily have to be "man" things. How long does it take to load the washer or load the dishes or watch the kids. Give me a break!! Even during my bad times, the times of my selfishness and being a real butt head, I never expected Gracey to do any of the things you have listed. She would have if I had ask, I am sure, but I am a grown man who can pick up after himself and be the man she wants me to be. Put an apron on me and I'll cook (if they feel lucky) but it doesn't hurt me a bit to help even after my hard days. Julie, bring it to his attention. You are not his servant by no means and shouldn't be treated as one. I have to go and get ready for church. I worked 12hrs last night, but I am still going to take time for my God, my wife and my family. I am.. Thankful For Gracey

Hello All, It has been a while since I posted and truthfully, I have been swamped at work. That’s not really an excuse, but it’s probably just being lazy. Gracey and I have been enjoying what time we have together, but with my work schedule being mostly 12 hour nights and me driving 2 ½ hours there and back, really doesn’t give us much quality time or as much as we would like. She mentioned something to me that she felt, with my work schedule that we were drifting away from where we should be relationship wise. A few text messages and a tele-prayer(praying together over the phone) when they go to bed, it just not the same as being there. A kiss and a hug in the morning when I get in and right before she leaves and a kiss and a hug when I get ready to leave when she returns. That has stuck in my mind and I know it’s a priority in our life. It’s not always that way, but here recently, we haven’t much of a choice. We had decided to home school our 9 year old for this year and the older child is doing great in college and wanting to go to U of A. We are really proud of all of our kids and what they are accomplishing. Since returning from the intensive, I have had to work extra shifts due to different circumstances with my co workers having vacation and surgeries. I have been averaging an extra 20 hours a week extra since which really is good on the payday. I feel very grateful to be employed and being able to provide for my family. I feel I should provide in different ways than just financially. We had a few unexpected expenses while on the way there and before we returned back home from Florida. To me, providing plays a big part in the role as the man in the family cycle. I don’t want to make excuses for me being too tired for this or too tired for that. I suggested to Gracey that with the labor day holiday coming up that I would like for she and I to maybe just get away for a day and night to rejuvenate and to rest. We are still checking our schedules to see what will work. I put in a request this evening for a NO OT for that week. Her “part time” job, to me, is overwhelming. She is very blessed to be where she is, working with International students at the local community college and with the new school year, she is being stretched every which way. She taxis the kids everywhere to get them set up for the dorms and grocery shopping. She mentioned that her friend made the comment when these students are in a department store, (Wal-Mart), it’s like herding worms. They just go in every which way She gets very stressed dealing with a newer environment, but she pulls out of it like a pro. She enjoys her work and is very good at it, but there is really no set schedule for her which makes it difficult to plan personal time. We have even “adopted” an exchange student till May. He is a good kid and very polite and is blending in to our lifestyle very well. I asked him if he were homesick and he replied “NO.” I asked him why and he told me that his parents were really strict and that we were cool.” Yea he’s getting Americanized…Alabama style!! I am on the last few chapters of Ken Nair’s book, Discovering the Mind of a Woman, and find it very interesting and so true in so many ways. I find myself in his shoes and wishing I had dealt with my problems earlier in life. I use my past as a blueprint on how NOT to be a husband and with the studies J&K has provided, gives me the encouragement we need to be on the road to an OHM. I still have ways to go and I still stumble and fall. Staying in the word and writing my thoughts down is also a good way to stay focused on my journey with God. Gracey is a great helpmeet and keeps me in line when needed. I always find a few minutes to scope out the forum and read how others are doing and so on. It was good to post and I pray the journey for all is smooth and enjoyable. This program works only if you want it to work!! Blessings to all and I am Thankful For Gracey

You two are going to have the ride of your life again!!! I pray HE takes hold of the teachings and finally get's it. Gracey and I will be praying for you both to come out of this under the wings of Jesus and begin a whole new journey. Remember JDI, Happy wife, Happy Life!! Blessings to you both I am... Thankful for Gracey

1more2ndchance, I am not a helper, but at one time, we were acquaintances, and your ex C, and my now wife Gracey (A), are best of friends. I know where you are and I know how you feel. BUT, the lessons I have learned from these teachings are that you ARE going to have to lay down your life for this woman. At one point, I was in your shoes and am still on the road for repair of 16 years of hell that I had put her through. This is not going to be a “quick fix” by no means. I wish I had stayed on the program two years ago when we were introduced to the ministry. My pride intervened and I let it go to the wayside and things just got worse. You have to understand also, I am still young in the process and still have a long road to go for the healing and the mending of Gracey’s heart. I had choices and my choices were not the correct ones and cannot use excuses anymore. I have to man up and specifically admit my faults and mistakes and asked for her forgiveness. When you get and read the books, you will understand what I mean. I got the books on CD’s where I could listen to them on my ride to my job each day. Over and over did I listen to them and the more I listened, the more I learned. I learned to be truthful and up front with Gracey. After all the lies I had told her over the years, I specifically asked for her forgiveness for each one and have humbled myself to her and to the Lord in so many ways. I am not perfect and I have made more mistakes but I am work in progress and Gracey lets me know when she is hurt and when I say something out of line that requires an apology. We cannot let things escalate. You can’t expect things to just turn around after years of what we have put them through. If you own your junk, admit it. If you owe her any back pay, pay it. Show her that you are truly committed to this relationship. The payback will be tenfold, I assure you. At this point, actions speaks louder than words. Be patient of C’s feelings and respect her boundaries and give her heart time to heal. Listen to her heart and don’t expect things to turn around in two days, weeks months or maybe even years. If you remember, Gracey and I were divorced for two and a half years before we reconciled and then it was too early. I had a lot of growing up I had to do and am still doing so. We must grow up spiritually and become mature with our relationship with God and our loved ones. D, I am praying for you in this journey. Great things have come from this ministry and you will see as your progression gets stronger and your pride gets weaker. Be still and know … Thankful For Gracey patrick I must bring this to your attention;you totally missed the point yesterday when you had the choice of about going to the hospital. Why on earth did you not go to the hospital 15 minutes away instead of going to one that was 45 minutes? Pity party's are not acceptable excuses. It would have made things a lot easier if you had of gone to the local hospital instead of the one in B. You didn't need permission from anyone to admit yourself and if you had of needed surgery, C would have been closer to attended to things if needed. Just a thought.

Gracey, please forgive me for my actions last night about the TV actor. My pride flared up again and I really should have taken it and gone on. I was upset that M was upset about it after all, that is a part of my life in which I am really not proud of and it did hit a sore spot with me. I mis read the comment about me getting arrested for drugs as an attack. Later, when I went to bed to read, M came in there and I explained to him that, at that time, I made a bad mistake that I am forever regretful for. I had made choices that I wasn't proud of and that I would never do that again and that I loved him very much. I did explain to him though. As far as the comment about the "quickie" I am truly sorry that I even made that. I know it must have made you feel used and unappreciated. After I said if, I knew I messed up and it was very childish of me to mention it, even as a joke. I know that you did that for me and you didn't have to. If you hadn't I would have totally understood. I should have said something at that time instead of letting it escalate to where it is now. I appreciate you more than you would ever know. When we ML, it is the most wonderful feeling in the world to be close to you and to hold you and for me just to feel fortunate to even be in the same house, I should be so grateful. I am aware that at times I don't act to appreciative, but I am sorry and ask your forgivness and I will NEVER do that again. You are my life and I love you very much. I am so sorry to hurt you and that it isn't done on purpose, it's just my maturity taking a back seat. TFG

Gracey, I did miss the opportunity to do some healing, as you said, and for that act of selfishness, I am asking for your forgiveness. I know how that must have made you feel like an “object” instead of my precious wife when in a previous post I referred to you as “the wife”. This is another lesson I have learned today in the process of healing my wife’s heart and getting my head on straight. I don’t want to make excuses for my actions nor am I. I am not going to blame the shift work either. I try and evaluate my way of thinking of how we are doing and like you mentioned to me this afternoon, I got in my comfort zone and it just passed right over my head. This was a mental error that will not happen again. I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. This is an important issue of your healing and my learning on how to make you happy. After reading the post of mine again, it was a disservice to you for implying that you are hard hearted which you ARE NOT!! I totally intended for it to come across as patients to you for allowing me to even come back into your life again after all I have put you through. I know I have a long road to go ahead of me and this has to be a priority on my list on how I word and say certain things to encourage you and build you up. By stating that you couldn’t drop it, it does make the implication that you have not forgiven me, and it’s just not that way. I know you are still in a lot of hurt and pain and by my actions as early as today shows me how far a lack of concentration and maturity can set me back. The tongue is like a sharp knife…it kills without drawing blood. This is what I feel I have done to you Gracey. Not actually killing you but wounding your spirit and for this I ask your forgiveness. In Proverbs 12:24 it states “Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and never succeed.” I would like to change the word “leader” to husband. I want to become a husband to Gracey and succeed in our road to an OHM and it’s going to be a challenge to change my mentality and to stay out of my comfort zone. When I slip (lazy), I fall (fail). When I read this just today, I put in my mind to work hard and succeed. I just never realized till this evening how I could use this scenario in my married life. God puts these analogies in your head at just the right time and then He directs you on how they can help you. Another one just came to mind I could surly use. Proverbs 34:14 “Seek peace and pursue it.” That goes in line with what Joel said at the intensive, “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” I aim to make my wife happy no matter what. I messed up today but there are many more days and ways to make up for it. One thing I know for sure is that I don’t need to get in to the comfort zone mentality again. Good night to all TFG

Maggie, please accept my most humble apologies. I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I have no excuses and I'm not looking for any either. I am wrong for stating it that way and it will NEVER happen again. And also to my most awesome, most precious the absolute bomb of a woman, I'm going to bed and this is my last night of shifts for a couple of weeks. We will go this weekend and have fun with M and get some rays. See you this afternoon and have a good day at work. Maggie, thank you for bringing that to my attention. You are so right and I am ashamed. Men, pay attention . this is my most precious wifes bestest buddy keeping me in line. These women are God's girls, not ours. Treat them right and with respect and it will all come out at the end. Blessings TFG

Hello all. I haven't posted in a couple of days and thought I would get back in the game. Gracey and I have had a good couple of weeks. I did raise an eyebrow on her the other day. I have this thing where if she delays in her thought process, I finish her sentence for her. I have done this for years and she has corrected me for years. I think I have the idea now. We have had a couple of issues she has posted about but it was all understandable. It's was brought to her attention, guys, that after all of the years of being hurt and neglected, after all the years of my lying to her, getting arrested for drugs and just making her life a living hell, she just can't drop it. Not now anyway. It took years to get her this way and I have to lay my life down for her no matter how long it takes. There just is now way that after the pain I inflicted on her and the kids, that I could even fathom her forgiving me in such a short time. J&K intensive was great and it opened our eyes well, my eyes anyway, and it is a proven fact that men are the reason for the women’s pain and anguish. Be still and know that patience is a virtue. Ask her how her day was. Just listen and DON’T FIX HER. She’s a blessing to me and the family. I am staying in the word either every morning or every evening. I find this is a big help and it keeps me focused on God and keeps Him in the forefront. I keep a journal of how He has spoke to me and it’s really good for me to go back and read it and jog my memory on why He does what He does for someone like me. As Graham Cooke once ask the same thing of God and God replied, “That’s just the way I am. Get over it”. I’m at work now for 9 ½ more hours. I have called the wife and son and said a goodnight prayer. This is something we are doing every night now and this brings me closer to them and God. Dory, I beg your forgiveness. You did respond and for that I am most grateful. Thank you so much for the post and I read them often like every day. Between Nemo and InHisImage, I have plenty of material to keep my mind very occupied. Thanks so much. Blessings to you all I am.. TFG

Mini, I am not a helper but I can feel your pain. We men have to be hit over the head several times before we get the idea that our wives are the best thing that ever happen to us. We were raised with the macho image that they must serve us as if we were still in high chairs and a bib around our neck. At our intensive a couple of weeks ago,I am paraphrasing, one wife told the husband of another that the reason men perferred to drink out of a bottle was that we were used to it i.e. all he needed was a nipple for the top. Man did she hit the nail on the head. We as men are way behind on our maturity than our wives and it's going to take us a long time of being humble to ever catch up if we ever do!! As Gracey told me last night, after all of the years of mental and verbal abuse, there is no way she could allow me to gain her trust back in such a short period of time. We are now on their time table. They will let us know when the time is here and not sooner. Our wives cannot and will not allow us to take advantage of them any more and we shouldn't do it to start with. I know from my own experience that when she let her wall down, I manipulated my way right back in to good graces then, as Jackie Gleason would say,"BAM right in the kisser, Norton." Here we go again on another roller coaster ride and back to square one syndrome. The journey starts all over again with more bumps than what you started with the first time. We must allow God to lead us and for us to be the men He intended us to be wihtout pride or strife to interfere with our relationships with our wives. They bore our children and nutured them as we were out doing the "MAN THING." Be the man she wants you to be on her terms, and make her happy. HAPPY WIFE...HAPPY LIFE!! Blessings and prayers I am Thankful For Gracey

Thanks you so much for your words of wisdom. I shall take them under God's wing with me during this walk. I kind of knew what to do but I needed some validation from someone "who's been there and done that." I know by running form the problem doesn't cure, just delays. I'm going to divert as needed and rebuke satan and his workers. They know a weakness and they are going to drive it home. I am under the angels wings for protection. I shall read your post daily and keep it ever on my mind. thanks again. You are my friend TFG

I H I, How do you deal with the temptations that hit you every day? I feel I am being attacked by choices. By that I mean I can't go to wal Mart without seeing scantily clad women. It's like Satan has put them there to test my will power. I glance and look the other way or look down at the floor. I don't like what I am seeing. i have had porn issues and along with drug addictions and they don't make a good couple. I have been asking for advice but no one has answered me. I seek the council from the forum and you as one that has had the issue. I love my wife and hate how porn has ruined our relationship. thanks, TFG

Good morning,On my ride in to work this morning and listening to Graham Cooke talk on Limitless Possibilities, my mind began to churn and I actually am beginning to think that by nature, a mans thoughts are likely to run wild. We think we know after years of being together, what are wives are like, but we do not always know what they need. We, as men, need them to lead us from what we want to what they need. These are Limitless Possibilities. Our comfort zone tells us one thing, but in all actuality we are about as far off as we can get. When in doubt…ASK. This had been a real problem in my life with Gracey. I always told her what I THOUGHT she wanted to hear whether it was the truth or not. More time than not, it wasn’t the truth. AS long as I was in my comfort zone, I didn’t care and I didn’t actually think it would hurt her that bad. Man was I wrong and I am paying for it now. I have to gain the trust of not only her, but her children as well. I hurt them all with my fantasies, lies and deceit, drug abuse for so many years. When I hurt one, I hurt them all. I am desperately trying to work on the relationship between her kids and myself as well as OUR relationship. To you men that are in a blended family, when you hurt a child you’re doing the same to your wife. That has been another one of my downfalls over the years. Since I have been treating L nicely, she has responded the same towards me. (After what I had done to her over the years, I am surprised she even talks to me.) Really cool feeling and it makes mom happy also. The damage has already been done and the reflection of my “garbage dump days” is ever engrained in their minds. To me, there is only one way out of this continuous spiral. The way out is the sound of a voice. Not our voice, but a voice coming from something not ourselves, in the existence of which we cannot disbelieve nor have reservations about. It is a task of the husband to hear HER voice and to tell us why and where she is hurting and the reason for the hurt and we must reply rather than act. I have always been a person of action rather than of words. Gracey brought this to my attention last evening and not until then did I know what she really needed. She needs to know from ME that what I have done to her over the years has hurt her tremendously and that she needs healing time to try and react to having to trust me. She needed to vent and I wanted to be there to accept it since it was me and my actions that caused this mess in the first place. She has been humiliated by my actions of drug abuse, pornography and lying about all of it for so many years and for that I am sorry. After what I have done to her, I wouldn’t and couldn’t expect a short healing process. She did tell me that she would help me indentify the hurts and the way it affected her and from there, I would start my apology and the healing of her hurts and for this I am grateful to her and need to be held accountable for my actions. She has been the one donning the repercussions for so many years and I haven’t been stepping up to the plate in order to heal theses hurts. I wish we could just move away and start a new life with our family and not have to worry about what other people are saying. She needs to heal and I need to be a source of her healing in any shape, form or fashion. The memories are there to hurt her enough without having others add fuel to the fire. She is an awesome woman whom I love deeply. We will persevere and make it through these tough times whether it be 6 months or 6 years, I’m in it for the long haul. I want to thank all of the helpers who have graciously responded to hers and my posts. You all are such blessings to this ministry. In Him TFG

TP, I appreciate your post and that we men as a whole, just don't realize what we have until it's either too late or it's gone. Gracey put up with my lying,drug useage and deceit for 16 long agonizing years. There is no way in this lifetime a woman can forgive someone in such a short period of time. So men, bow up and don't expect overnight healing!! Just because we are in this ministry doesn't give our wives a green light. These women must heal and let them take whatever time it takes. When they are there, I am sure they will let us know. We must be supportive of their decisions no matter what we may feel. J&K's teachings hit me right between the eyes and the July intensive was just awesome to say the least. If only I had of carried this out two years ago, I would be in a lot better place with Gracey than where I am now as far as our relationship goes. She has all the time in the world to heal and give me a chance to prove myself to her and to show her that laying down my life for her is my goal for an OHM. Blessing to you TFG

Gracey,I want to assure you I am here for your heart and only your heart. I wanted to convey these promise to you once again. I know over the years what I have promised and not followed through with. I am for real this time. I promise to love, honor, respect, and support you in whatever way you desire. I promise to stand beside you and always be there for you in any decision you may make I promise to speak encouraging words to you and about you and be positive at all times I promise to go with you wherever and whenever you say or give you “me” time with your friends no questions ask I promise to listen and be silent when you speak or vent and repeat what I have heard to be sure of the conversation I promise to respect your decisions, hold you up and defend you no matter what! I promise to comfort and confide in you and love only you so help me I promise to be kind, slow to anger, and think before I speak I promise to be truthful at all times and to be understanding of your needs I promise not to question your integrity or your intelligence I promise to put you first, and to love and adore you at all times I promise to forgive at all times and not harden my heart towards you or the kids I promise to pray for you and with you every day and every night I promise to continue my Bible studies and to grow stronger in Christ. I promise not to break this covenant between God, you and me I promise to rely on God for strength, guidance and direction always. He can make the way. Gracey, I love you with all my heart. I will listen to you and soak in what you say. I am going to make a difference in our lives. I know this is going to be a process and I know I will slip. If and when I do, it will not be intentional. I will be quick to admit my mistakes and quicker to make amends for what I have done. You are the light of my life and the woman I have always dreamed of. I know actions speak louder than words and I have to prove myself to you and this will not happen in a day, week or whenever. Only you can decide that. I want to gain your trust back for the 16 years of deceit and hurt I have put you through. If it takes that long, so be it. I am here for you. TFG

Please forgive me for being to Generic. I have been this way for so long, it's difficult for me to be specific. I would and will appreciate any "scripts" you can give me to help me with this process. I do want to make you happy and agian, I'm in it for the long haul.I know the hurt you have shown but not known how to address it. I am teachable, available and faithful. Just let me know how you feel and I will make an honest effort to remedy the situation. I love you and have a great day TFG

Good evening. I am in a situation where I must ask someones advice. Gracey and I have returned from the intensive and heaven knows, I now "get it." I am still so aware that I have a long road ahead of me trying to heal her heart from 16 years of hurt and heartache. Gracey has the feeling why she should automatically just turn around and start being receptive to me. I understand totally how she feels. After all these years of abuse and neglect, why should she? I have mentioned to her post today that I understood how she felt and that I have to prove myself more and more everyday on how can lay my life down for her. I have to earn her respect all over and it's not going to be a week after the intensive anyway for sure. I can wait for her as long, if not longer, than what she waited for me. The thing is, she waited till I finally had my feet to the fire before I decided to straighten up...16 years of it. I just cannot expect her to just set the fireworks off in this short of time. I totally undeerstand this senario of how she appears to be upset. I know I can't get in my comfort zone and I really don't want her to do that also. She walked on eggshells for years, it's now my turn. I have to be the same person in public as I am in private and quit being fake. It is time I grow up and be a man in this life where I can be a man to my wife. I must respect her wishes and desires and this is what I aim on doing I love this lady and I am willing to give my life for her. Her heart has been impacted by me and my actions and for this, I am truly sorry. I can say,this will never happen again. How can I set my sights on an OHM without crossing her boundries and upset her? I want to heal her heart and be the man she intended on me being. I love ya' Gracey In Him TFG

Gracey, I have read your post and I am lost for words, sorta. I know that it appears that I am getting my way again. I wished I could take back the pain and anguish from the 16 years of neglect that I have put you through. I can feel your pain and I want you to know that I still have a lot of work to do. I don’t expect the forgiveness right away or even in the near future. It is something I will have to earn and I must put effort into this relationship ten-fold. I have a lot to make up for I appreciate you for what you do with all of the children at church and the ones we have at home. You are truly blessed by God in what you do. I wish I could take your pain away and if there is anything you need me to do or say, please don’t hesitate in having me doso. I am ready to do this all the way to have the OHM we both want and I want to have it with you. I can and will accept the consequences from my actions for all these years. I do not have any right to have you do anything that you don’t want to do and I will respect you with all my heart and soul. I will not rush you in to anything. I just want to make up for all the hell I have put you through. I want to treat you right and be a Godly man by doing so. Please accept my apology for making you feel like you HAVE to turn around immediately and start like nothing has happened. I am willing to be there for you when you need me or want me. I DO love you with all my heart, TFG

\Mini, I am not a helper. Just a soul who has had a long journey and still not at the end. Pride is a terrible downfall or stronghold that Satan uses to promote his evil doings. During my walk, I have had to eat a lot of it and it is hard to do so. My dad use to tell me that it's best to be silent and to be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt!! If you have read my thread, Last chance for success, you can invision what I have done to my wife and family. Lies, lies and more lies to cover up lies and I let pride take the front seat in my battle. Women are wired different than us men, whether you think that or not. They know that we are lying to them and when we are being decietful. You must own your junk!! It took me 16 years to finally come out and tell my wife that I had an affair when we were engaged. The helpers brought that out in me. You must trust thier judgemnet and first and foremost, trust Joel and Kathy's teachings and finish them out. Get the books, DVD's and go to an intensive. This will allow you and your spouse to become one with God and His works. Trust and obey. I have found one important tool that has kept me in tune...STAY IN THE WORD!! Each morning or evening, I have read a single chapter in the Book or Psalm and Proverbs. Pray about what you have read and write it down what God has said to you. Go back later and read it. It will blow you away when you realize, for me anyway, what you have written. Pray about it and carry it with you throughout the day. Please stay in touch and stay on the forum and phone calls. They can get you through this. Swallow your pride think before you speak and listen to your wifes heart. Notice I didn't say "speak or talk" just listen Blessing to you