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God Save My Marriage


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Everything posted by Kay

  1. Looking Back....... 4 Years ago, I came to this forum, a complete mess. Imagine every single negative emotion you can think, and that was me. There were times that I was so angry and bitter, than I lashed out at everyone around me who would even dare to look at me the wrong way. There were even times when I blasted the very ones who were trying to help me. And, to my husband? His "niceness" was sometimes met with a slap across the face! I yelled, screamed, swore, (I think you get the picture) This was the result of living with a bad husband. I was responding to the way I
  2. I've been thinking a lot about "Friendship" During this journey I have gained so many friends.... people who remained loyal and loved me through the good times and bad. You know who you are! I also lost a lot of friends. It makes me question what a friend really looks like. I know that I wasn't a very good "friend" to my sister. She needed me to be there in a way that I couldn't. She needed me to listen to her, without teaching her. She needed me to just hold her hand through the tough times. I didn't do that. I tried to help her, to teach her, to show her the way. I saw h
  3. Bruce, Now we are getting somewhere. Your posts are full of humility! This is what we have been after for a very long time. The deeper you dig, the easier it will be for you to see, WHY Mindy runs away from you, as soon as you start pushing the boundariess. You bring it all back to her, and she is afraid, discouraged, and sad. When you get to the place where you allow HER to lead, with you following, you will start to see her coming back again. Slowly, though, very very slowly, because her fear is real. Let her do the leading, Bruce. Find ways of blessing your wife, without pushin
  4. Hi Bruce, I, too, am glad to see you at a better place. I have a question for you.... If your wife would be willing to allow you to fix the sump pump, as promised, do you think you can do this without pushing the boundaries? IN other words. You would fix the pump, and still give your wife the space she needs right now. You would NOT ask her to talk with you. You would not invite her to sit in the deck. You would not look to see what she is doing. You would just fix the pump! Do you think you could do this, and are you willing? Kay
  5. Keep thinking about the 2 incidents that bothered your wife. Also, please answer this question.... (instead of admitting that you said, "Give me sex NOW!" Surely, you know the difference between asking your wife, and demanding.... I'm curious as to why you chose to minimize the truth?
  6. Okay, good! Now, we are getting somewhere. So, why then, did you tell us a few days ago that you "asked for sex"? Do you see why saying this on your string, would hurt Mindy? Do you see that when you minimize the truth, or downplay it like it wasn't a big deal, how it pushes your wife to want nothing to do with you? Your wife responds to YOU, Bruce! You initiate and she responds. Come on, you KNOW this stuff! Look at where you are at right now? Heck, you can't even go on the deck anymore, even by yourself! You pushed her back away again, by you carin
  7. Bruce, I can assure you that Mindy does not perceive you as "asking" for sex! She says that you "demanded" sex. There is a huge difference between the two. So either YOU are lying, or Mindy is lying! Which is it? And, Mindy did not feel that you were "being a little pushy", when you "asked" for sex, either. She said that you DEMANDED SEX NOW! So, when you twist the truth, it shows us where your heart is - basically, still making it out that your wife is a liar and you the victim. God = Love, but God is also "Truth" Whey you speak truth in love, you are a man of God's own h
  8. Let's get back to the day, less than a month ago, when you barged into Mindy's safe place - her home (and it is only safe because YOU are not living in this house) and you DEMANDED SEX IMMEDIATELY! It was only AFTER seeing the affect that your control had over her, that you were satisfied, and then, you laughed it off and walked back out the door, calling it "just a joke". Come on, Bruce, admit it! You love the feeling of POWER you get from seeing your wife in fear of you! You can then tell yourself that you are stil in control, and this control makes you feel like a REAL MAN! No wo
  9. We are wasting our time with you, Bruce. Please let us know when you want our help, again?
  10. Hi right back at ya, my beautiful sister! I am right there praying with you for your dad and brother, and that God will speak right through you as you write this letter! I didn't know about what happened when you were there visiting, but really feel for you. Family drama is always difficult to deal with! And, I know how hard it is to be that light to shine, when you are in the middle of being abused. And, how hard it is to continue to fight through your own heart and stay away from the bitterness, from those who constantly hurt you. So, know that as you write this letter, my heart
  11. Really, Bruce? You asked her for sex??? Let's be truthful, here! Would Mindy perceive it as you asking her? Okay, so your post was a little better, with the exception of your quotes above. Please reword the truth in what really happened, Bruce. Truth is the first step to admitting your abusive core, which is needed in order to be right before God! Also, I am thinking of 2 more incidents which led to Mindy backing away from you..... Keep thinking and please post them, here.... 4. Mindy felt unsafe because________________________________________________ 5. Mindy
  12. In other words, my work is more important than my wife! Btw.... We don't WANT you to talk about the types of abuses that you are guilty of, we want what Mindy wants, which is to just answer the questions by filling in the blanks given to you. Again, we ask the question..................... WHY IS YOUR WIFE NOT TALKING TO YOU?? WHY IS SHE DARK? What did you do to make that happen? Please, just fill in the blanks. That is all. IT would take no more than 5 minutes of your time. I can fill them in, so why can't you??? Let's start slow.............. LIST 3 things that you did
  13. Hi Ms. Jane, Know that I am praying for your son, and his family, and you and Mr. Bennet, also. Kay
  14. Hey Bruce, I pray that you will read and really dig into Joshua's every word. And, as you do, know that we all care about not only Mindy, but you, too. We WANT your Marriage. We WANT you to make the choice to die to your self and just do this! When you do, you will be amazed at the blessings that will pour down from Heaven! You can do this, Bruce!
  15. Wow, Bruce, I read this and was thinking to myself, GREAT, FINALLY, we will learn the reason why Mindy is not talking to you... and, then, once again, you tell us nothing of what was asked of you. Kimberly and Josh want you to list, here, on this forum, what you have done to make Mindy stop talking to you.... Let me help you. 1. Mindy felt unsafe by me because _________________________________________________________________________ 2. Mindy felt unsafe by me because _________________________________________________________________________ 3. Mindy also felt unsafe by me because _
  16. Hi Bruce, I am wondering what you think is going to happen when October comes around and the 2 years is up for the Restraining Order? I sure hope that you aren't figuring to just move back in the house, and thinking that Mindy won't be able to do anything about it. If these thoughts have entered your mind, even just a little, it could explain why you have backslided as much as you have. With or without that legal piece of paper, you are still called by GOD to agape love your wife and to live with her in an understanding way. Surely, you know that Mindy is no where near ready to l
  17. Hi Bruce, It is good that you are recognizing the things that you have done to hurt Mindy. It is also good that you posted about this. We all need to see more posts like this one, where you actually share the "truth" of what is really going on inside of you. Unfortunately, things won't change between you and Mindy, until you let go of your resentment and make the "choice" to win your wife's heart back, for HER, and not for yourself. To bring healing to her, for HER, and not for what you will get in return. It must be about MINDY, and not about YOU! You seem to understand this, but so
  18. I am feeling a lot better, today. Bob helped, for sure, by giving me lots and lots of hugs. Also, my cousin came over yesterday and loved on me. Her high energy positive attitude always helps to put me in a better mood. And, reading all the love poured on by all of you, still brings smiles to my face. And, fyi..... I did sort of nod at the two of them, before leaving. It's not like I completely turned my back on them, and angrily walked away. I am sure that they knew I was hurting. It was pretty obvious. My "friend" seemed very uncomfortable, and none of us felt condemnation from my
  19. I'm a bit jealous! Okay, maybe, envy of ya'all would be a better way of saying it! Anyway, I so wish I could have been a part of your reunion, but, next time, for sure! So happy for all of you, that you got to hang out with each other. Glad you had a great 4th weekend! Kay
  20. That has been my biggest problem with my sister. I have always been the one to try to fix problems between us, always the one to call her, apologize to her, nurture her, etc.... I would reach out, and I think by doing this, it was like validating her, that she was right and I was wrong. In the last year+, I have apologized so many times, and she has never once given anything back to me. Not one time. It was always I am right and you are wrong, PERIOD. I owe you NO apology. After being a punching bag so many times, I refuse to set myself up for that again. The only way, that our relati
  21. Thanks C2, Dory, and Lifegiver, and everyone else who have been thinking about us, and praying for us. The Wedding was beautiful! My daughter was beaming from ear to ear, and I was told that I was “glowing” I was happy, because she was happy. The happy couple are now in Jamaica, enjoying Married life. It was cute…. M texted me a couple of times, “My husband and I will be by you at around 9:45.” “My husband and I want to thank you for……” The girl is so thrilled that she is finally married! The event was video taped and lots of pictures were taken. When they get back, I’ll ask
  22. Happy Birthday, Nemo (a day late - I think) Glad to hear that you are living it and loving it! Congrats! Kay and Bob
  23. I totally thought of you and Shekenah, as I watched B play. Many times, I talk to your precious daughter, during these games. She is always in my thoughts, when B dances and sings and plays ball. But, we all know that Shekinah is doing all of these things in Heaven, and we're cheering her on, from here. I love you guys! Thanks, also, Dory and Lifegiver for your blessings! Kay
  24. The Lord has really been pouring down his blessings on me, during this last week. It really has made me feel loved. I mean, I know Jesus loves me and will never let me go, but, when all these good things start happening at once, I feel like he is really showing me, the truth, that I know in my heart. Our dance troupe ended up taking 1st Place in the National Talent Competition, on Thursday, and we won $400.00 for the Team. And, on the same day, my daughter whacked a homerun in her Playoff Softball game, with the bases loaded, which helped to bring us to the Championship game. Bob was bei
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