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God Save My Marriage


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About Looney_Tunes

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    Believing God for Miracles in Marriages
  • Birthday 06/14/1960

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    Northwest PA

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  1. In January 2008, I was praying to God for some way out of a cold, loveless marriage. My then-husband was emotionally shut down and silent, except for periods of explosive anger. I remember telling God that if I had to endure this for 30 more years I would probably jump off a bridge. God's answer? You haven't done everything yet. Great, God. There is almost nothing left of me. What else do You want? The next day, I followed some link from somewhere and landed on Joel and Kathy's website. My husband got on board for a time. We went to an intensive. But ultimately, he decided that he didn'
  2. Justhoping, I'm going to address a couple of your comments if you don't mind. I'm not speaking for MJ ... she can certainly speak for herself! ... but you brought up a couple of ministry principles here that I'd like to comment on. Our understanding of marriage here is based on Ephesians 5:25, where God says that a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. If he is to give himself up, then certainly he can give his cigarettes up. Your comment suggests ... and please correct me if I am not understanding you ... that MJ somehow does not have the righ
  3. You can post as much as you want. We don't have a limit and there's no need to apologize. This is why the forum is here. There really isn't anything else I can tell you or him. We're just gonna have to wait and see what he does. I would think about setting a reasonable time limit for seeing some progress, however.
  4. This kind of has a 2 part answer. The first part is yes, if the issue really isn't something critical, let her have her way. You might have to take a few hits on the chin in the process, but if it makes her feel like she is important and valuable to you, it's worth it. So whenever possible - whenever it's not really going to make that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things - go ahead and do it her way. It sounds like your wife has a control temperament that makes it hard for her to be responsible for her decisions ... or she has learned that through her life experiences. When you
  5. Awesome! OK, it sounds like you have turned into a pretty decent husband. I'm going to let you live.
  6. That's because you have not changed. Pro tip ... if you find yourself trying to convince your wife that you have changed, you haven't. She is not stupid. She sees how you behave. When your actions are different, no one will have to tell her, least of all you. She will go bragging to her girlfriends about how wonderful you are. Trust me. So how do you think this is going to happen? Why? What is the real problem here? And please do not answer with what you think I want to hear. It doesn't take very long before men in this ministry learn what they are supposed to say. They become exce
  7. We know. And you can keep protecting him if that's what you want to do. It's your choice. However, your marriage is unlikely to improve if you continue to do that. We ask him to read your posts because he is not listening to you in person. Many times a man will get it when he sees it in writing. The reason we don't recommend that you read his posts is that, frankly, they are a lot of BS. You will most likely find yourself angry and agitated, and we see no reason to put yourself through it. However, just like everything else we tell you, it's a recommendation. It's your choice to follow i
  8. That's awesome! I too have been blessed with men in my life who are showing my boys what it means to be a Christlike man. That is a priceless gift, and I don't take it lightly. I'm glad you have family who are willing and able to reach out to your kids. And I'm glad you're finding friends. I don't know what I'd do without mine, both in and out of this ministry. We aren't meant to do this life thing alone. So it does sound like you are getting better! D What factors led you to stay with your husband? I know that for me, I was in a "shut up and pray" church, and I was told I was not all
  9. Unfortunately, that's pretty common. So the question becomes ... what are you going to do about it? In the end, you cannot change him. All you can do is decide how much you are willing to tolerate, and put boundaries and consequences in place. If you want to continue to live with him and make the best of it ... well, we don't recommend that, but it's your choice. If you want to get out from under his abuse, I would suggest talking to an attorney and finding out your legal rights, how much support you might get, etc. However, you cannot separate unless you are prepared to go through with a
  10. [smilie=to funny.gif] [smilie=to funny.gif] [smilie=to funny.gif] Uh huh. That's why I put so many hours into working with both of you. Yeah. I am divorced because my ex kept doing the things J is doing.
  11. That was going to be my next question. The first step in healing is to stop believing his lies. He did such a good job of indoctrinating you that 4 years later, you are still carrying his baggage. Time to drop it. The next step is to figure out who you are and what you want. As you start to picture that and start taking steps toward making it happen, more and more of his garbage will fall away. So what do you want to be when you grow up?
  12. That's interesting. So your view of marriage is that ~ Each partner must contribute financially Raising children is of less importance than earning an income The partner who does not earn an income is somehow taking advantage of the one who isDid you learn this view in childhood, or is this a result of the way your husband treated you?
  13. His position in the community was based on lies. If anyone had known the truth, he would've been knocked off his pedestal pretty quickly. Interesting. Let's look at that for a minute. Betraying him indicates that you somehow feel you owe him something. What would that be?
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