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God Save My Marriage


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Posts posted by ChooseLove

  1. Happy new year all.  It is hard to believe another year has passed.  Nikki and I are still married working toward our 14th year of marriage.  I would like to say we are living an outrageously happy marriage, but while we have had good times there definitely have been some ups and downs along the way.  I think both of us get tired and honestly struggle at times to love each other as God would have us.  I know I have a lot of head knowledge but struggle to be consistent in my application loving my wife where she is at.  I want to be married and be the best husband I can but I see how I have chosen poorly at times, not studying my wife well enough to where she feels safe, nurtured and deeply loved.


    I recently read a book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, and a big takeaway for me is that I need to let go, discard things of the past, in particular, physical things and the emotions/baggage that comes with them.  Let go so I can be present and really enjoy my time and not be tied to things of the past.  I am ready for this transformation to improve my life and that of my marriage and family.  I pray each one of you is renewed in heart and mind so we can do all things through Christ in love.  God bless you and keep you this 2019 and beyond!

  2. HI MaryJane,


    Thanks for your continued prayers and support.  We just celebrated my birthday this week and had a great time together.  We have a date scheduled for Sunday to see an Argentine tango performance and then have dinner together.  Overall doing better as I remember to stay connected and intentional in blessing my wife.


    As to how I feel when I disappoint my wife, it means that I need to be more focused and disciplined and not lean on my own understanding.  I don't dwell on it (feeling sorry for myself) but rather look to take action and responsibility for creating the best environment for my wife to thrive. Onward and upward!


    Have a blessed weekend and Thanksgiving all.

  3. Hi MaryJane, thanks for your prayers and support.  I must say that I still am a barrier to intimacy at times.  My wife, God bless her, has been through so much and I don't make it as easy as I need to for her.  While I have gathered a great amount of knowledge and wisdom through the ministry I still stumble at times putting it in action.  That is hard for a wife that knows how good it CAN be but is hurt when I falter.  I strive to do the best I can and not be a downer.  We definitely can grow in the area of emotional connection and deep intimacy that sustains a marriage.

  4. Prayer request today as we hit a bump.  I have not been as present and in effect been more self-seeking of late and it has taken its toll.  As I read 1 Corinthians 13 today and the part of self-seeking or demanding my own way stood out.  There is still more dying to self to do.  Please pray for me in that I heed God's calling and my heart changes to better reflect true love.  


    Thank you.

  5. Quick update - I am still learning to study my wife.  Pray that I listen, learn and observe, taking action that creates a safe environment where my wife feels she can be herself, sharing freely, knowing she is loved.  I still make mistakes (e.g., not being observant) and know that I can do better.  It is about intentionality and focus - Lord let me rely on you. I invite the Holy Spirit to guide and direct me.  May my selfishness pass away and may I look to the needs of my wife and family.  Thank you, Lord, for this day, may you be glorified.  

  6. Passion4one I appreciate you sharing an update. I want to encourage you to please God first.  You sound a lot like me in the physical touch area.  Be sure to observe your wife and create an inviting, exciting life she WANTS to be a part of.  It is up to you to set the stage so she is drawn to you.  Don't force touch as it will have the opposite effect on her reinforcing that you are not in tune with her.  Invite her to share in life with her just as Jesus does with us.  Be mindful of your actions and energy, you focus on being the man God has called you to be and it will work out.  


    Praying for you today.

  7. I'm not a helper on here, but thought I might add my two-cents worth. ChooseLove, I've so enjoyed reading a lot of what you've said on here. But I agree with the others- something about that prayer always bothered me. I have never taken the time to figure out why it affected me negatively. But I agree with the others, it does tend to come across as 'holier than thou'. As if you know her problems and how she needs fixed, rather than truly asking for God's will and blessing for her.  If I had read that prayer from my husband, I would have been very resistant, resentful, and probably angry. I would not have felt that he was truly loving and blessing me from a place of humility.  I really like the suggestions 4evr made for changes to the prayer.


    Sometimes I get the feeling that maybe you are thinking something along this line: "Yes, I need to fix myself. But she had the worse sin, and she needs to be getting fixed, too...for my benefit." So your concerns for her are still basically centered around yourself, your wants and needs.


    Please forgive me if I'm all out in left field about this. Like I said, I've really enjoyed a lot of what you've posted, and even printed off some for my husband to read. So keep up the good work!

    Read this again tonight and it the really stood out to me. I see how I have become the self righteous older son in the prodigal son story rather than the father. My narcissistic tendencies have done great harm. I pray that God continues His good work in me and that the love I have for my wife overcomes my shortcomings. Today we are still far apart.

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