ChooseLove

Thank you 4evr and MaryJane. I really do appreciate your encouragement. I wanted to mention one of the books I am reading currently that is helpful in the passive-aggressive front, Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man: Coping with Hidden Aggression - From the Bedroom to the Boardroom by Scott Wetzler. That in combination with several of the books on men I have recently read have really helped to get a much needed perspective and kick in the pants. I have found the longer I work at this the stronger I become, able to face down fear with courage from God, not waiting for feelings or confidence to come, but rather commit to the process and trust that as I am obedient to God all things will work out according to His great plan for my life.

I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak. Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others. Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband. She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit. She sees success as making God smile. She makes God smile everyday.

Just read this post today and it blessed me TP. I sure miss you on the calls, but I pray that the Lord is using you were you are at at this very moment. Peace be with you dear brother.

Just read this today Tony. Thanks for sharing.

Hi all, I wanted to offer up a praise report as my wife and I celebrated our 10th year of marriage this past July 16. We took a family road trip vacation to Montana and Yellowstone to celebrate. While all did not go accordingly to plan overall I think i turned out positive. It has been good to be back home. I continue to workout my former passive-aggressive tendencies including ways I have been manipulative and controlling still dying to self. I tell you it is becoming easier to recognize the behavior in myself and now my young son too! I so desire for our marriage to be completely healed and that we can reach and go beyond the 20 hugs, smiles, kisses and compliments. Each day is an opportunity to bless my wife and family and be thankful for the work God is doing. I was reminded today to continue to put on the armour of God. We are called to be warriors in Christ. May our lives be a love offering sustained by the amazing God we serve. I love my wife and family and thankful that I have another day with them.

BlessedMan86 any further updates?

That is great news HisSon. I miss hearing you on the Men's calls. I am glad to see you and your wife still connected with the ministry and pray that you both continue to draw nearer to God sharing in His love together. God bless you and the family.

Hi all, Just a quick update on a couple more books I recently read that I would recommend to men working their way through the ministry looking for more resources related to manliness/manhood as it relates to being Christlike. For me they have been helpful it understanding my relationship to my Dad and other men, addressing my passive-aggressive behavior, helping me to become more courageous, bold and confident in Christ. I pray they bless you as you continue your journey of faith. God bless. No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children by Paul CoughlinWild at Heart Revised and Updated: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul by John Eldredge

Thank you 4evr for sharing this insight. It is hard as a man to realize the damage I have done to my wife at times and unfortunately still so do from time to time (thankfully much less since finding this ministry). Each time I start to want control or manipulate the situation to my advantage I catch myself and choose to love my wife where she is at. Dying to self is not easy, it is a choice, but it is so worth it as you are experiencing feelings from God in the process as I have as well. You have poured so much into this ministry as a well as MJ. I am thankful for you both and so glad to have this forum and the calls to help mentor me and share our experiences and fellowship in the Lord. God bless your heart.

I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak. Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others. Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband. She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit. She sees success as making God smile. She makes God smile everyday. Please pray for me that I heed God's calling in my life, that fear is cast out and that He shields me. I pray my thoughts are held captive and that His joy and peace abounds. Romans 12 has been a devotion for me today and this week. Whether situations go the way I want or not I praise God for His love is amazing and passes understanding. I am grateful for my wife and children, they have taught me so much. Lord I cry out to you, I serve you to the best of my ability. I pray I bring you honor and glory. I love you Lord. Amen.

HisSon, I am glad to see you continue to post. I hope to connect with you on a men's call again. For now I leave you with this...

Thanks MJ. I praise God with you. I see more quickly how I wound my wife and I am learning how to bring healing and be patient. I am thankful for God's forgiveness and a wife who allows me to grow with her. I see how I can easily wound her if I am not considerate of her in all areas of my life. I see that as I draw closer to God I am drawn closer to my wife and vice versa. Simply put I can't have a amazing relationship with my wife if my own walk with the Lord is not aligned properly. There are still bumps, but how we navigate them is much better than it ever has as I turn to God and hold to His promises. I call out in faith that the Lord is doing a might work, that my wife is healed and our relationship is restored and healthy. I am confident in Romans 8:28 and grateful for another day to love God, my wife and family.

I am thankful for the best Father's day ever! I was so thankful to take a family day trip and was blessed by out children and especially my wife. God is so good even when I fail he shows me the way to get up and hold onto His promises.

I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak. Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others. Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband. She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit. She sees success as making God smile. She makes God smile everyday.

Yes, good to hear from you indeed. I HIGHLY recommend the men's and couples calls. This is a great place to get feedback and a different perspective. I have been with the ministry since December 2013 and I am still on the calls each week. Selfishness will always be a part of us, but we must learn to die to it each day and become more Christlike. Another way to look at it is an opportunity to grow closer to God. Lean not on your own understanding but acknowledge Him in all your ways. Praise God in all circumstances and pray that intercedes on your behalf. He can do immeasurable things, He is an AWESOME God. I look forward to hearing you on the calls. There is a couples call tonight at 7 PM PST 857-232-0476 passcode 544475. Call Joel at 843-298-0211 to get signed-up for the men's calls. Again, keep posting and getting input from those here in the ministry that want to see you become a more Christlike man and see your marriage completely restored!

Thanks Joel for sharing about Michael and Annalea last night on the Men's call. Some great reading here on the thread and their blog as well.

Amen. Great hearing you on the call last night. Peace be with you brother.

Hi Christie and welcome to the forums. I just wanted to reach out and make sure you get your thread posted in the right forum. Hopefully we can get you into Ministry to that wife whose husband is working to win her heart back and not Ministry to women whose husbands are working against the marriage. Joel and Kathy have been on vacation since last night so they may be delayed in responding on the forums. I highly suggest getting on the call tonight 6PM PST/9 PM EST at 857-232-0476 passcode 544475. God bless you and the family as you faithful pursue the Lord for restoration of your marriage.

Amen! James 1:6 comes to mind... But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. Praying with you. May you find peace and contentment in the storm, knowing your Heavenly Father is watching over you. Don't be afraid. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdH2TgTJDXE

Just finished another good read from author Verne Becker, titled Real Man Inside: How Men Can Recover Their Identity and Why Women Can't Help. This book is over 20 years old coming out in the early 90s. I wish I would have read it a long time ago. It address passivity in men head on and really is a good start into more related materials I have highlighted previously. It is too bad it is no longer in print, but you can still purchase used copies from Amazon.com. I welcome additional input on resources as well as reviews too. Have a great weekend, get out there and love like you mean it, being a light in the world. God bless!

That is a lot to celebrate Crystal and Freedog! I am so happy for your both. God bless you and keep you on your journey.

Thanks for sharing this 4evr. I am encouraged by your updates and your continued support of the ministry. I am see the fruits of continuing to love my wife even when it has been difficult. God has sustained me and my faith has grown in the face of adversity. Truly loving someone and forgiving them as Christ did for us is an awesome place to be. It is by His grace we are able to do this. Thanks be to God as he draws us closer to Him!

Praying for you today skiingco. I posted a couple of videos on my thread today. Check them out if you get a chance. This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Just a quick check-in. I want to share in praise for our 9th birthday for our daughter this weekend. My wife did and AMAZING job pulling all the details together. We had a family and friends over and it was such a success. We continued into Sunday doing coffee and donuts at church for the first time and then having friends from church over later in the day. I am so blessed to have Mourning Cloak as my wife. Two songs came up this weekend that reminded me of God's blessings in my life... One by Laura Story, titled Blessings, that reminds me God is in control and I don't always see how he is working but I trust in Him to complete the good work He started... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc The other song is from Sanctus Real, titled Lead Me, that encapsulates a lot about what this ministry teaches and how we as husbands and fathers can live out our faith in Christ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLr6G8Xy5uc

Skiingco, I read this today and thought of you... From: Journey to Surrender Faith, Hope & Love - Part 3 - Hope for Your Marriage True hope is the confident expectation that God will move on your behalf in order to satisfy heart's desires, rescue you from difficulty or guide you to fulfill your destiny. Today we move from Faith to Hope, the second part of the trilogy of 1 Corinthians 13:13 (In case you missed them, here are my first two posts in this series: "Faith in Your Spouse" and "Faith In Your Marriage.") Faith and hope are inextricably linked. Faith gives legs to our hopes. Here is how faith and hope are linked Hebrews: Faith gives legs to our hopes. What is Hope? Sometimes we cheapen hope by equating it with wishful thinking. "I hope it doesn't rain today." Even a nice sentiment such as "I hope my marriage gets back on track" doesn't really ring with the kind of hope we have in God. Hope, as we understand it from a biblical perspective, is altogether different that wishful thinking. True hope is the confident expectation that God will move on your behalf in order to satisfy your heart's desires, rescue you from difficulty or guide you to fulfill your destiny. When we lose hope, it's usually because we don't really trust in the goodness and faithfulness of God. When circumstances press against us and our reality doesn't appear to line up with the truth of who God is, hope can be elusive. When we lose hope, we begin to doubt. Does God really have my back? Does God actually work all things for good? Is it true that He will never leave us of forsake us? When we lose hope it makes us heartsick (Prov 13:12). Never this heartsickness more true than when you lose hope in your marriage. Restoring Hope in Your Marriage As I alluded to in my recent post "Renew Your Dreams", there are no magic formulas for restoring lost hope in your marriage. Whatever has led you to such a dark and despondent place is more than likely a path filled with hurt, disappointment and strife, maybe over many years. As justified as you might be to feel as you do, I implore you not to remain stuck in hopelessness. Don't resign yourself to live in the marriage you have today. And please, please don't head for the exit! We have this promise from Romans: The strength you need to sustain your marriage in hard times is found in the love of God, poured into your by the empowering work of the Holy Spirit. Paul Miller, in his book A Praying Life, describes his own battle with hopelessness, which he describes as cycnicism, this way: "Both the child and the cynic walk through the valley of the shadow of death. The cynic focuses on the darkness; the child focuses on the Shepherd. Cynicism feels more like bondage to me now. Jesus sets me free to love by showing me the dark, self-serving agenda I cling to in my cynicism. I am well aware that the journey is far from over, but I am learning to live in hope. I just need more practice. The Shepherd’s presence in the dark valley is so immediate, so powerful, that cynicism simply vanishes. There is no room for an ironic disengagement when you are fighting for your life. As you cling to the Shepherd, the fog of cynicism lifts." Cling to the Shepherd If you feel your marriage on its deathbed, or in "in the valley of the shadow of death" as Psalm 23 describes it, fix your eyes on the Good Shepherd. He has a table set before you in this very season. I love how beautifully The Passion Translation casts fresh, life-giving light on the very familiar 23rd Psalm. 1 The Lord is my Fierce Protector and my Pastor. I always have more than enough. 2 He offers a resting place for me In his luxurious love. His tracks take me to an oasis of peace, The quiet brook of bliss. 3 That’s where he restores and revives my life. He opens before me pathways to God’s pleasure, And leads me along in his footsteps of righteousness, So that I can bring honor to his name. 4 Lord, even when your path takes me through The valley of deepest darkness Fear will never conquer me, for you already have! You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way. Your authority is my strength and my peace. The comfort of your love takes away my fear. I’ll never be lonely, for you are near. 5 You become my delicious feast Even when my enemies dare to fight. You anoint me with the fragrance of your Holy Spirit; f You give me all I can drink of you until my heart overflows. 6 So why would I fear the future? For I’m being pursued only by Your goodness and unfailing love. Then afterwards— when my life is through, I’ll return to your glorious presence To be forever with you. (Psalm 23 TPT) As we'll explore next time, restoring hope starts with changing your thinking. If you are in a season of struggle, I encourage you to read this Psalm every day. Wash your mind with the truth of it. Pause after each phrase and let your mind and spirit absorb the truth of it. Journey to Surrender Follow on Twitter Like on Facebook Journey to Surrender, 1501 Providence Drive, Lawrenceville, GA 30044, USA