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God Save My Marriage

isthatblazerock

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About isthatblazerock

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    Believing God for Miracles in Marriages

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  1. i want the old marriage to end. she wants the old marriage to end. i want to create something new, amazing, beautiful and full of Gods' glory. She wants nothing. *shrug* So im just continuing to work on me, learn from my mistakes and grow into someone better. Most likely that will be alone and thats just how it is i guess. Each day i feel like im closer and closer to something worth being and a step closer to that ideal christlike man...and feels like each day im further from my former marriage and my soon-to-be former wife. She wants space, she wants nothing to do with me - and im listening t
  2. Im just kind of sitting. Pushing away the urge to "do" something for her or say something to her. Just sitting. As much as i'd like to do something or say something, I know its not the time or the right thing. I just feel like its easier for her for me to just be what she wants... nothing other than a father and provider for the kids. I don't mean that to sound defeatist. I just mean that its really the only aspect there is and i feel if thats the way she needs it right now (or in general) i can accommodate her wishes (spoken and unspoken). Of course that seems passive, but thats not necessari
  3. Thanks Looney Tunes. you make some very good points right throughout. I will definitely try to toe that line of reinforcing proper boundaries for them - while continuing to encourage them to be expressive. Its a tough road. But its worth it.
  4. Definitely. Our kids are a pretty perceptive and emotional bunch...and im trying to encourage them NOT to resent their mom for her anger and needs...but they are definitely communicating in both directions. i just keep pushing them to simply love her, not force her or fight her. They are pointing out how angry she is and unreasonable, selfish etc... i keep trying to force the conversation a different direction largely explaining that my neglect left alot to be desired. they are 18, 17, 14, 10, 8, 7 and 5.
  5. Today was interesting. My children last week made Prayer Trees, listing their prayer requests, their troubles and scriptures and our family. Thank God (encouraging and discouraging) that the only thing they had was our pending divorce and desire for it to be averted. They talked about it pretty directly. They took their prayer trees home last sunday. Well this morning they came back and a little bothered they explained they couldn't keep them at home because it was happening no matter what, that there's no point in praying about it. For once, i didn't get upset or down or anything. I just t
  6. I totally agree. For confirmation's sake, my new pastor continues to offer me guidance that is almost part and parcel with the teachings here. His statement to me earlier was very similar to what you've said here and what the other helpers have said (and i Thank you all)
  7. that makes sense. Im totally not looking at it like how i feel... even if she initiates contact about something other than the children - as soon as i reply im technically in violation of the order and she can report that if she chooses with ultimately no consequences. I have spoken to my attorney about it. Im being cautious both legally and in respect of what ive read here in the forum (thanks Looney Tunes) and at the advice of people of a like mind. I ultimately ended up sending a reply very much like you suggested, just mentioning that the kids had fun, they did a few activities, played,
  8. The last week, i took some advice here and from some people who are like minded in the Lord and regarding marriage who hold my feet to the fire. Ive stayed silent. My wife during that week has been more frequent emailing me about the children (which is the only contact we are permitted via the Order of Protection). Largely its been either things that the kids have shared (weeks ago) or its information that probably didn't need to be emailed. I had been nervous previously, because almost anything i said outside of the kids was being reported and i was warned. So i resolved to stay quiet unless
  9. I know how you feel, and yet the majesty of our God is that he is unbelievably forgiving, merciful and gracious. Your emotion shows your true feeling. Seek his forgiveness and continue to grow from that to be that much better of a man and husband going forward.
  10. There's an overwhelming sense of hopelessness regarding my family and my marriage. I get those times where i feel like im buried under failure and inundated with everything stacked against me in any way i can think of. I am sobered from time to time because I can say that without a doubt, God is able to do the impossible. The back and forth fight in my head is not IF God can - but whether God will or whether God should. Self doubt. Its such a miserable feeling because everything else that i had prayed for before this, is starting to come to pass, between my weight, my job, my life, my relation
  11. Thank you, I have been listening in on the calls primarily Tuesdays and Thursdays at least for an hour, ive kind of squared off more time coming next week to listen additional time. I haven't seen Fireproof yet, I had planned to order a copy but haven't just yet. I had a friend who encouraged me to see it not too long before it was mentioned here. I am encouraged lately by reading the Word as well as some really helpful examples here on the forum as well as books on being a christlike man and husband. I have to admit that sometimes while my spirit is willing, my heart is willing, my mind is si
  12. I cant explain how much i needed this message this morning. thank you!
  13. it sounded like he was understanding and rethinking his stance, not that he didnt want help to me. Especially referring to how he spoke of his wife.
  14. yesterday, my wife emailed me (about the kids) reminding me to make sure theyre back on time so they can get ready for church. i responded simply "im sorry, I'll do better." today is probably one of the worst days i have had in months. just really down, struggling to of course not contact her, struggling being by myself, missing my children, missing my wife. i feel very very broken. everything and nothing has me in tears and im barely willing to move from the bed. my prayers just come out as tears and wails. my hope feels like failure at every turn. im not angry at God, im just hurting so
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