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God Save My Marriage

Les Mis

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About Les Mis

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    Believing God for Miracles in Marriages
  • Birthday 11/06/1957

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    My Husband
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  1. How stupid stupid stupid of me to think anything had changed. What a fool I am. We didn't discuss the email at all – on reflection think it was my “reward” for abiding by his rules this week of not trying to engage in relational communication. The counsellor spent the hour and a half talking about how we needed to revisit the “balcony” moment as David had said it was a defining moment in our relationship and that we couldn’t really discuss anything that had happened in the 17 years since this moment (the balcony incident happened two years after the relationship started going wrong) unti
  2. thank you - Praise the Lord - two positive emails from David today - and answered prayer. A glimmer of hope - keep praying people xxx
  3. thank you for that wonderful prayer - I say a hearty AMEN to that And you are absolutely right about the counsellor - hearing about him was a real God incident so I have no doubt that it was supposed to be him. The only annoying thing was that I believe I should have done something early to implement this - as the Lord brought the counsellor to my attention in the summer - and maybe I should have arranged counselling then befor David came up with his non communication ban and moved out Oh well hindsight is a wonderful thing and God isn't judging or condemning me (unlike my husband)! And G
  4. second week and once again the counsellor was absolutely singing from the same song sheet as me. He totally identified the root cause and all his language was aimed at getting David to see what the basic problem was.. He identified so many issues so well and explained to David in such clear and easy terms. Explaining that David had become emotionally absent from our relationship and buried himself in work because that was the easiest thing for him to do as a man - because work was more straight forward than doing relationship which is confusing and woolly around the edges etc - explaining
  5. Yes indeed MaryJane - it was as if the counsellor was reading from a script I could have written - there wasn't one thing he said that I didn't agree with wholeheartedly (and haven't been saying to David myself for years). Sadly though this may not be helpful if david switches off because he thinks the counsellor is biaised. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. I found answering the questionannaire very cathartic - it reaffirmed me after so many years of being told how dreadful I am.
  6. Second session and from my point of view it was good - the counsellor had got an excellent accurate grasp of the situation from the information we had both sent him as requested - and he was spot on in ALL the stuff he was saying to us. My fear is that a) David won't "hear" what is being said - he certainly showed no signs of hearing the words and won't like what is being said. and won't be willing to try anything suggested. But I am confident that the counsellor is good and on the right path and I don't feel unsafe or threatened in any way. Keep up those prayers folks that the light bulb co
  7. Well interesting day - we went to marriage guidance counselling for the first time. The counsellor is very good (albeit very expensive) and I feel safe with him. We have undertaken to do 10 sessions. What concerned me most was the weird behaviour of David - If I was worried he might have some mental issues or a religious spirit before - they are much re inforced now. I saw him behave towards the counsellor about a general question over money in a way I have NEVER seen David behave before, most odd. And David was unable to correctly answer the simplest of questions that I KNOW he knows t
  8. thank you ladies - I honestly have no idea any more - obviously there was something wrong in the first marriage to make her look to another man - but at the time as that other man was my husband!! I didn't have any sympathy as to why she might have needed to look elsewhere! I have no idea if the minister Bertie will talk to Joel - he has asked to talk to me so I can but ask him. No I haven't spoken to Kathy - I have made it clear that I would like david to get back in touch with this ministry - but if there is a viable alternative that offers the same type of way forward that sounds t
  9. great - disaster - the south African pastor has apparently had a long conversation with david and told him that the worst thing that could have happened to our marriage was the joel and cathy manual ! (and yet joel was the only person that was beginning to have an effect on david until david withdrew). the pastor is supposed to have got in touch with me - but he hasn't yet. and I now do not feel at all comfortable with the concept of having a three was conversation with the two men and me - I am going to insist on a woman being present as well.
  10. It's all gone blue since I last logged in! Not that that's a problem - I love blue - my house is blue! (seriously - blue carpets blue curtains blue wine glasses blue Christmas decorations blue table mats! Lovely that you were able to be spoilt Crystal - I will be more than happy when the kids decide its time for me to go to them rather then them coming to me. (who knows what will be from now on I feel life will never be normal again Well things have got no better since Christmas holidays over - in fact I feel they have got worse but maybe that's just because as each day passes when he ref
  11. Just reading through this - as a woman with a husband who also doesn't get the point about NOT sending texts and flowers I think the missing point that no one seems to be mentioning here is COMMUNICATION. Have you ever thought about having a real conversation with your wife and actually ASKING her about the texting and the flowers - have you given her a chance to explain herself - when she said she found them fake (which I can totally understand) did you respond with - I hear what you are saying and I really really want to learn all about why you feel they are fake - because I KNOW I Should
  12. thank you all so much ladies. Hope you have all had a wonderful Christmas. Had a small blib on Christmas eve morning as came down stairs to find he had put a card through the door (why on earth he didn't put it through the door with the stupid note the date before I don't know - but as usual whilst on the surface some would have said that was nice - it was in the circumstances totally and utterly thoughtless - he hasn't bothered to put himself in my shoes once in all of this. the card said You are the Perfect Wife for Me and in side he had amended the words to say he hope I would allow him
  13. Thank you lovely Crystal. Your words are SO comforting to me. Praise the Lord I will not be alone at Christmas (and not be able to use the computer either - limited wifi) My Daughter's parents in law have invited me to spend Christmas with them and my daughter and her husband. So I will both be with my daughter and with a lovely couple who are very hospitable and will make me feel most welcome and who live in a beautiful part of the country. My PPPP is going well - I had actually had a good week before this incident and I am determined not to let the incident define me. The Drama was excel
  14. this is all SO HARD. After Tuesday's meeting and then the horrid horrid emails he wrote about me I have heard NOTHING from him for a week. Absolutely nothing. Our friend has been talking to him - and explaining to him why it was ok for me to give him a gift (his love language) but that it would not be appropriate currently to give me a gift instead of meeting my love language. The friend asked me what would bless my heart and I explained a love letter showing that david was capable of trying to put himself in my shoes and understand how much he was hurting me or agreeing to meet with me
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