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God Save My Marriage

Ophelia

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About Ophelia

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    Believing God for Miracles in Marriages

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  1. It's been several months since intensive number 2, and Joel and Kathy have removed Riversedge from the house. Since he continues to be manipulative and confusing on phone calls, I'll be back to journaling on the forum. He is in deep, unrepentant sin. I can say that without doubt. Before, perhaps it was an information issue, and after nearly a year of working with Joel and Kathy, and his refusing to do even the basics, he is in sin before God. I'll journal what's been going on the last few months later. The current issue: He still refuses to initiate sex. And apparently just hopes no one w
  2. I read that book several years ago. It was enlightening, to say the least! I think it was the first validation I had that there really was something wrong in our marriage. What I'm expecting to happen is for Riversedge to make a move toward reconciling our marriage. An actual, legitimate move, not lip service, not manipulating, not lying. In other words, I'm waiting for something to respond to. I've been married to him a long time, and most of the time, I can tell in a minute whether he's lying through his teeth, or really trying and struggling. He's been lying through his teeth. Up to this
  3. I hate the way Riversedge plays the kids. It breaks my heart. He's attempting to gaslight me about the break we're on until intensive. Anytime there's a consequence for his action, he becomes rebellious. He tries to make it seem like everything is much more extreme than it is. I told him we were to keep things businesslike until the intensive: he tried to act like I'm being witchy and refusing to talk to him at all. "So I'm allowed to talk logistics with you?" He asks ridiculous questions on purpose, asking me for permission to do silly things as a way to make me seem like a dictator, and he i
  4. I seem to be missing a post. Did I violate a rule or say something I shouldn't have? If so, I apologize, and if someone could help me out so I don't make the same mistake twice, I would appreciate it very much.
  5. Our intensive was 6 months ago, and Riversedge was out of the house for a month in March. I have thought about what you are saying, going "gray rock". I can definitely do that; it sounds more fun than what I'm currently doing. Riveredge is a master at pretending he doesn't know anything. He doesn't know what he heard at the intensive, he doesn't know what anyone said on a phone call, he doesn't know anything I've said. So I've been video recording all interaction. That seems to frustrate him. He has even told me that he said something, and to go back and watch it on the video in order to
  6. So you have missed the entire point of the apology letter. It's not meant to be a running tab of sin and offense that you can take care of all at one time every week or two. You are supposed to be taking care of those things immediately, *as soon as I bring them up*. The point of the apology letter is to be looking to understand my pain and the part you have played in it, and bring closure and healing for the years of abuse. This is beyond frustrating. It's madness. All the call moderators have told you repeatedly to come to a deeper understanding of the pain you cause, yet all I get is a deep
  7. "We" don't keep a running account of what's going on. YOU are supposed to be coming to a deeper understanding of how you have hurt me in the past, thus bringing healing to those past hurts. Sadly, because the abuse is coming so much and so quickly, and because you refuse to do the apology letter every week like you have committed to do, and because you refuse to apologize the first or second or third time I call you out on things, you only get to recent offenses with the apology letter, and never get a deeper understanding of any of my pain, past or present. Which means I don't get healing for
  8. We discussed the porn use more in depth on Monday. Riversedge attempted to apologize, but it came out as qualifying and justifying. In the past, he has told me that he wasn't self gratifying: he was. Then he told me it was for a certain period of time: it was longer. Then he said that he only thought of me while self gratifying (like that makes me feel better): and now, he admits he was self gratifying to pornographic images. In his Phariseeical belief system, it wasn't using porn, because he didn't have the magazine out while he was doing it, he only recalled the images from memory. He has tr
  9. I appreciate the prayers, I really do. I'm weary, and in pain, but strong in the Lord and the power of his might! He continues to show me love and he hears me.
  10. Thank you for the wise words. I'll post the notes I have now, and type up the more recent stuff later. Wednesday morning, the day after the piano incident, I told Riversedge to stop talking to the kids about our marriage. He's been told before, and our son had told me the day before that Riversedge was at it again. So when I told Riversedge, again, that he is NOT EVER to emotionally incest our son by talking to him about our marriage and trying to form an alliance with him, he said that he thought our son may have overheard him that morning while he was talking on the phone about going to an
  11. I think we will just bow out of the game. Riversedge is intent on being abusive every day, and he's not even doing the basics. He argues and denies everything I say. He's busy protecting himself, and I am in a lot of pain. I think the game was a great idea, but apparently nothing can induce Riversedge to live this life.
  12. I have so much documented, thought definitely not most of it, and more is happening all the time. In looking over it, it seems excessive to post it all here? I don't know. The abuse is very bad right now. It doesn't make much sense as it is. I'm switching back and forth between deep pain, and anger. I don't want to feel anymore if it means feeling like this. The kids and I are so happy and peaceful and loving when Riversedge is not home! We play, and talk and, have fun together. I want to live that way every day. I know divorce would mean my going to work, and not homeschooling anymore, a
  13. I'm beginning to feel the effects of the last few weeks from hell. *Literally* from hell. I feel sore all over. I can't be around Riversedge right now. I'm going to let myself have a break. If I don't, I won't be able to try again. These two weeks have possibly been the worst of our entire marriage, and that's quite an accomplishment.
  14. Kathy showed me that by my not making things happen with the piano mover myself, I was defaulting to my abused state, and not coming from a position of strength. The control has been pervasive in our marriage, and financial despotism has been one of the worst areas. I communicate what I want and need, and after so many times of being denied and ignored, without realizing it, I give up, and the dysfunction wins. No more. Next time, I will insist on being heard as many times as it takes, and I'll take matters into my own strengthening hands. Things came to a head, as I expected they would, af
  15. Our little girl was right there. It could have been her. She saw it happen, heard her daddy screaming, saw him trapped, and my struggling to lift it off of him. Our son was upstairs, and heard the screaming, and came down. I told him to run across the road to our neighbors house to get help. I tried to get it off of Riversedge for several minutes. He finally was able to writhe his way out. I called 911, not knowing if he was bleeding internally, had broken bones. He was in excruciating pain. My kids were terrified. He determined that he could stand up on his own, and I canceled the ambulance.
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