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God Save My Marriage

heartsong

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About heartsong

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    Believing God for Miracles in Marriages

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  1. post four. (and then i must step away. i am getting seriously depressed.) but to be complete and fair, he texted BACK: "disregard last message. how r u?" my response: "very, very sad. and lost." him: "yeah, i'm sorry. i love u" i dont even know what to say. i really dont. i am a wreck. i must take my little girl out for some fun. i dont even feel like washing my face. love to all.
  2. post three. he just texted: "i know i am the devil. what c." i did text back. i wrote "???" because i dont understand.
  3. ps. i lied to my daughter and told her that he had risen early...too early for her to see...and was back at work. i am DEVASTATED to think he would let her wonder. my sister and one friend who know he stays here think i am insane to be remotely surprised. they are saying i am out of my mind to expect anything different. they are also saying he does this on purpose because he KNOWS that i will die if he doesnt come through for hannah. my heart for her need for her father is HUGE. they are saying i am in denial and hoping against hope. maybe i am. i am crushed, at any rate. i really,
  4. dear friends, i just want you all to know that last night, shock apparently sent a text after three a.m.: "help. i hate what is happening between us. i miss you and hans. i am really sad. i'm sure you are too and very angry. i am in a funky motel on (street). cant sleep. the guy next is throwing up like crazy." i didnt get the text until today. i was asleep at that hour. i dont know what to do or think. i am touched to see that he would actually ADMIT that he is sad. this isnt the norm. last i heard, he "didnt care". however, does anyone else disagree with the feeling that he
  5. wait. i just read plansforhope's post. am i to infer that shock is on the calls, spreading his victimization theory around?? i cant imagine where else she may be hearing this.... and if so, i am APPALLED. its like his family, all over again. wow.
  6. dear kurush, it is after midnight. the last i heard from you was this morning as you were running out of my house, telling me you were on the phone with david, "getting over yourself". hannah has been asking where you are since early evening. i am not going to chase you down, but i must say i am both grieved and offended that you would leave her to wonder about your whereabouts. i thought you were so concerned about her security and safety. wasnt that the platform for your showdown the other day? hannah's security? i'm not sure what to say to her if she gets up and sees you are no
  7. just checking in to let you know that kurush has not contacted us all day long. the daughter he is so "concerned" for is wondering where he is. this is not surprising. his "love" is not reliable, whether he has something he can point to in ME or not... regardless, i dont know where he is. and neither does she. xo heartsong
  8. i am crying so hard i cant see. i cant believe i am back here. cant believe it at all. he didnt call or text all day. not once. other men here have wives living with other men....LIVING WITH...women who wont speak to them or give them the time of day....and they text and serve and try to come close. i know i need to make some choices and draw some lines to protect myself...my heart..... i know i have faltered and fallen.....i HAVE. i dont feel i've failed kurush...but i fear i've failed ME. Lord, help me. i've stepped over lines. i've failed to be strong as i should have. Lord, g
  9. ps. ira, you are right. when i left kurush in '08, he was making PLENTY of money. we owned our own home, our bills were paid, and i went shopping when i wanted. but i was unloved. i could not bear it. i just couldnt. AFTER i left, (with another pleading session for him to save us that was ignored and then having him tell me to "get F****ed" so i "wouldnt bother him anymore"), he lost everything. he was penniless three weeks ago. my sister had to buy my daughter's chanukkah gifts. at that time, this man whom everyone is talking about offered, AGAIN, to step in and support me. he
  10. thank you, ira. i am so undone, there are no words. the notes and encouragement i have received have been a life-saver lately. i know i have fumbled....but to know that people see and hear my heart, that they care and understand. i am just....undone. i have been crying my heart out for the last day or so.... which i really cant believe i could do, anymore. this morning, after shock had burst into my room with venom and hostility....and i had looked at him with wonder and hurt (for nothing).....i said, "how can you be like this with me?" but he left. then some texts started, accus
  11. dear shock, i was determined to not post on my thread more than you posted on yours. for a bit of time, that resulted in my posting on YOUR thread, instead, as a way to avoid my "rule"....and then i buckled tonight and wrote over there. i am notorious for drawing boundaries...and not keeping them. sigh. and am now over HERE, trying to reach out to you.... but even so, i had to dig down to the next PAGE, and then down half a scroll, in order to even find your thread here. you dont write. which shouldnt surprise me. i know you've been working hard. Working Hard is something tricky
  12. candy, i love you. xoxo i'm so, so sorry you are going through this madness. i know your pain, and i am sick for you. there is hope for your heart, dear sister. hang on. we all love you and are behind you in this all the way. xo heartsong
  13. oh, honey. oh, yuck. good grief. i'd go to an ala-non meeting with you if i was there. i like the meetings that have the AA and alanon people together.....ever been to one of those? i like them best. you get to hear both experiences.... i cant believe (yes, i can, actually) that you are going through this again. UGH. how are you, love? i am so, so sorry. what a nightmare. your hubby must get sober!! i mentioned a while back an idea of having him out of the house unless he is dry and clean. what do you think? this is madness. could you make some criteria for him to be in t
  14. my dearest girl... how are you today? i woke up thinking about you. i'm praying for you. and i'm going to get a chai tea latte, from STARBUCKS, where they are good and peppery, just the way we like them... and i wish you were with me.... and i'd get us chocolate croissants, too, because why NOT? and i'd give you a big hug and tell you: I LOVE YOU. xoxo
  15. happy new year, darling. have a WONDERFUL time camping. i wish i were going with you!! how fun would that be!?? i love you. you are sweet, lovely, and amazing. sing around the campfire and even dance if you like. i'll be there in spirit, and most importantly, so will our Dad. xoxox heartsong
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