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God Save My Marriage

Crystal

Helpers Group
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Everything posted by Crystal

  1. Mary Jane, i hear what you're saying, i think. The wavering is a habit, is that what you mean? I know that you are much more satisfied and happy with Z than you were for so very long. That's the most important! You can be yourself, just wonderful you and there's only one you. Have a blessed Christmas MaryJane and 4evr and Chooselove and whoever else may be here! Love and peace to you all!!
  2. Sandra, YOU aren't the one making the waves when you let him know his thoughtless words hurt you! Zed is the one, you know. Keep at him. The goal isnt that he'll stop saying thoughtless and hurtful things, though that would be awesome. The goal is for him to be eager to know when his words hurt you; For you to feel safe to tell him. He'll get there if you continue helping him. I think you are maybe too quick to blame yourself when his tone or words hurt, am i right?
  3. Hi Amak! It gladdens me to read your update! Very nice! I do think its good to keep in mind your vision of a perfect marriage. It's ok to expect the best in this lifetime, it does NOT mean that you are discontent if you continue to help your relationship grow. You are the expert on relationship in your family. Keep on keein on!!
  4. I said I didn't expect to come back onto the forum, but here I am. As you may or may not know, FD and I tragically lost our youngest son this summer. Our lives will never be the same again. We miss him so much. FD has been a great husband and friend during this time. A thing like this would have destroyed us completely not that long ago. But as far as our marriage, it seems God has prepared us for such a time. I love FD's hugs, his tenderness and his new found vulnerability + strength = manliness! We've had some tough days since we suddenly without prior warning became instant emp
  5. Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry that this thread (Crystal and Freedog) is full of poison and anger and unhappiness. It's not a healthy thread to look at. But... FD and I don't live in that poison garbage heap anymore. We care about each other and life is pretty good. Celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary with some of our most favorite people in May. Expecting our first grandbaby this summer, a little girl. I don't expect to return here to this forum, though we care about you all very much and I think I'll never forget you. It's just time for me to move on. Thanks t
  6. There's also the "little thing" of Steve hugely betraying this ministry (which includes me) and for that I also feel a lot of disappointment. It no way compares to the grief he put on you, Melissa and on his own kids, but it's there and it should be mentioned. This ministry takes a lot of blows from the world. God is faithful and his Love is true.
  7. Eeyore, It's great to hear from you! I've missed you. This explains so much about WHY you felt such intense struggle and felt so insecure and estranged from Steve even though he was talking the talk. I am so sorry to hear of his betrayal of you and your family, but I hear tremendous strength now in your voice that I feel relief for you. Isn't it great to feel rational again? Strangely I don't feel sad about your separation, the truth feels so much better than his pretending and you trying to accept his pretense. I'm thankful for your job and your friends and family around you! Welcome
  8. Sadly, pastors/counselors have found that it's easier to turn a wife into a great husband than (they think) it is to turn a man into a great husband. We girls are often willing to forsake all, forgive all and sacrifice all, but it doesn't change anything in the marriage if the man has the option to remain a little boy. Your husband is perfectly able to become a man of God and husband of your dreams if given the right tools, which is what Joel and Kathy generously provide. I wonder if the pastor would be willing to talk to Joel?
  9. At least that's what I think you might be telling me. You are absolutely welcome to always let me know if I'm EVER out of line here on on the other thread. Hopefully the guys are following his thread now. I understand what you mean that he already knows what he needs to know and he seems to be looking for some explanation for his "inability". That is so typical of these guys. The guys on his thread now, Joel included have all been where he is and they know his tactics personally. Anyhow, I hope we can keep in touch here.
  10. I deeply apologize for my tone! I knew from your first post that you are a godly strong woman and I don't have any right to be condescending! You are an inspiration and you are not reacting rashly! Thank you for letting me know that I was talking down to you!!
  11. I hope you know that I don't mean you have to decide right now! Just things to think about.
  12. I've made redundant posts many times, it's annoying. I've learned to open two windows when I post, one to post from and the other to see if it's posted or not. I don't like asking this question: "Why are you still in the marriage?" Thank you for sticking with me and answering. It really all comes down to that question and basically once you get to this forum you really need to think about it. You have three options. 1.) You can keep things the way things are. 2.) You can free yourself from the marriage. 3.) You can stir things up and "work on" the marriage. Option one is what y
  13. He emotionally divorced you years ago. You are an abused wife. Why are you still in the marriage?
  14. I'm happy you had a great Christmas with family!! I didn't host anything for Christmas this year either, not one thing. It was nice. I don't like Christmas planning, decorations and stuff so it was nice not to feel like I had to decorate. My daughter in law and my sister enjoyed hosting and I enjoyed being their guest. I feel sort of guilty because we still have one son at home, I feel like I should be jolly and decorate for his benefit -- that's not reasonable, he's 18 and doesn't care one way or the other, it's just my own feeling. Anyhow, glad your Christmas was stress-free too!! L
  15. Well said, God's Phoenix!!! amak, I am sorry I haven't followed your thread too closely, because I saw that 4evr and MJ were helping you. which thread is your husband's?
  16. Then do it. Go back and read David's post about passive men. He makes it clear why you resist change. you are correct, we are precisely talking about changing habits. Were you able to watch either of the videos I posted for you to view? What about any of the books that have been recommended for you to read, have you started any of those? Which one/ones? Have you listened to any of the live couples' calls or the recordings of the couples' calls or the mens' calls? If not then do so.
  17. it's interesting that you "weren't allowed" to read his thread until recently!
  18. I'm delighted to meet you, rosebud. I really am! Thanks so much for posting! Mostly I want Search to know that we know his version doesn't tell the whole story. Your side of things doesn't surprise me either, (I am you in a lot of ways) but it helps him to be more accountable and to stay real. From my perspective, it's a long road. Very few of the couples who come here make it look easy. When you've been married as long as you and I have you've accumulated a lot of hurts and it's insane to think of becoming vulnerable to that stuff again. You are right to keep up your guard and to
  19. This doesn't sound like self-pity----> We found out on Christmas Day that we're expecting our first grand baby in August 2015!!! Very excited!
  20. Merry Christmas!! Enjoy!!! Thank you for sharing all that LesMis! It's a pleasure to know you and you too 4evr, I love that you openly share about yourself on your own thread! If anyone else is following this thread, we'd be happy to know more about you too!! You may do that here if you like or on your own thread, either way is good! [smilie=hi ya!.gif]
  21. Take some deep breaths and count to ten, or a hundred, or a thousand or a million. Poor David, he has to get warm fuzzies from some stinky lonely bachelor instead of from his beautiful loving wife. He hurts himself. Hold on tight to your Savior's hand. Changes don't usually happen quickly. Sadly you will need to sit back and wait. There is nothing at all that you can do except take care of yourself. I believe I understand how you feel. Responding to him will not achieve a thing. Responding to him would probably backfire and hurt you more. That's the reason not to r
  22. Experiencing the Father's Embrace by Jack Frost This is another book I highly recommend for both you and your wife to read. FreeDog and I enjoyed reading it aloud together in a mutually cozy reading position. Read this one if you have already read Broken Children Grown Up Pain. I can't think of any Scriptural evidence to support this teaching. Would be cool if you found some. I spoke with FD about this yesterday. He says that at first the HSKC felt awkward and not genuine, but he did it anyhow. I didn't like how it felt to get HSKC that were awkward and obligatory. As a w
  23. Are you able to watch a 6-minute youtube movie from your device? Paul Hegstrom on Arrested Development In this fifth episode of the Headstart series, Dr. Paul Hegstrom explains what Arrested Development looks like and how it affects every area of our life. Learn how trauma in our childhood can control our reactions and relationships as an adult. Broken Children, Grown-Up Pain by Paul Hegstrom. Joel recommends that in our signature line we list what books we have already read and applied, like you see in ChooseLove's signature line. That way helpers won't keep hounding you about
  24. 103 year old doctor names - sex with spouse - as a key to long life. You also need to .... encourage sex [with spouse]. Dr. Ephraim Engleman, 103, on longevity and why he'll never retire Joan Raymond Dec. 17, 2014 at 5:06 PM ET 
 Dr. Ephraim Engleman will celebrate his 104th birthday in March, but he's too busy to dwell on reaching that remarkable age. Engleman, the director of the Rosalind Russell-Ephraim P. Engleman Rheumatology Research Center at UCSF, keeps looking forward, playing music (he’s a violinist who owns a Stradivarius and a Guarnieri, both from the 1700s) and e
  25. There is a way to post movies on your thread, but I can't figure it out this morning, so I'll just give you the link. It's a short movie for you. The Father's Love I'm happy the concert went well. One comment, not intended to hurt your feelings, but as information for you and other men to file away and remember. A well fitted suit for many women is a turn on, much like lingerie is a turn on for men, on the other hand a poorly fitted suit is a definite turn off. Hopefully that issue has been fixed by your spontaneous shopping spree! I understand what you are going through. We we
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