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God Save My Marriage

CapStone

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About CapStone

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    Believing God for Miracles in Marriages

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    Washington
  1. It is true that I am not where I need to be regarding my own coD nor do I yet initiate with any degree of either competency or confidence. I do believe that as I continue to walk along the path that Christ laid out for me that my inability to do these things will also become a thing of the past. Until then; It is my sincere hope that Sister B will be able to see a difference in me some day, even if that day wasn't yesterday. I did what I could and though it was a bummer that I was unable to attend the game with my boys, I was there in spirit and glad that I was able to offer up a fun Mother'
  2. Thanks all, but I need some help here. Well, Brenda and I ran into a big hiccup a couple of days ago, and I am trying to work my way through it... here is what happened; About two weeks ago, maybe longer, I talked to my boys about a Mariners game. Sam was busy with his DSi, but Isaac indicated a preference for one of two teams, so I scouted through the schedule and found one of my weekends that they were playing and purchased tickets. Instead of cheap tickets I bought better than I normally would have and paid for parking too. I was pretty certain that we would not have any games to worry ab
  3. OK, I am ready to post again... and to clarify, I didn't leave because my feelings were hurt, but because you were right. I was wasting everyone's time trying to say things that weren't relevent to winning my wife's heart back. I needed to get off and find some different help for what ailed me, and I did. When I said I be back "when things change", I was meaning me, not you so... sorry for the confusion. B. and I had a short conversation this weekend around why I was on the men's calls when I wasn't on the forum and I told her then that I was going to try and win her heart back and that she
  4. Alright then... no more posts from me and I won't be checking back unless something changes.
  5. Thank you all for your replies. I need to make a point here and that is this... for me to be the victim in this instance would require something beyond just the words that were written... it would need to include a whole set of feelings with which I am quite familiar. These feelings include a sense of hopelessness, a sense of not being heard, the ever present feeling, not just that someone did you wrong but that everyone and every time and for no particular reason is coming down for reasons unknown and unclear. Believe me when I say I get that. What I wrote I wrote without these feelings...
  6. Wish I could say that I am surprised by the response, but sadly I am not. You don't even know what was said and you come out swinging... oops, can I say poor litle victim me? I am well aware that there is no one on this forum that cares to hear what I am saying any more than Sister B cares... This is why I am taking my time with this process so... someone enlighten me as to why it is that when Sister B says something that is expressed in a misleading fashion that it is me being a victim... I am all ears.
  7. You're right. I will try to post more often, however since I don't usually get home until 9 PM or so, sometimes it just seems like thinking of what to post is more than my brain can conceive. No promises... I am not someone that loves to "hear himself talk", but I will honestly try. I am reading Good Husband, Great Marriage right now, as well as getting into the Word, trying to identify and memorize scripture (in Romans for now), the Tuesday night men's group, and Standing Firm on Thursday night. As far as "going through the motions", that isn't something that I need to do. I am doing al
  8. Just want to clarify this for the record.. I really don't have a problem with anything that is being said here. If there is something being said here that I don't like or that I find demeaning or disrespectful I realize that it may be because I don't yet find an application in my past or current life. I realize that I may not be ready to hear something that is said today, but tomorrow it may make sense... Comments that has been used more than once here revolves around change and my lack of it and my "unwillingness to look within" types of comments. I do in fact spend a great deal of time i
  9. Yes, I can own selfishness. There have been many points in my life when I was selfish without knowing that I was... I don't know when or how that crept into my life, nor when I quit being the man that I always dreamed that I would grow up to be. Over the last several years I have had ample opportunity to look at what I was doing and to do the the tough thing... realize that I was making it all about me. I also know that I know nothing about pursuit, but could write you a book about rejection. In the afterward of the same book, I might write about how rejection might just be more perceived th
  10. I appreciate what is being said and I understand where you are coming from. I know you don't expect to me to agree with all of the things that you write, so don't expect me to get all defensive. It is true that I have been a victim... it is also true that I have been victimized... moving forward I want to deal with that. What I know is that as long as I am human, these things will happen and despite what has been written about me (or thought), I know that I have done a thing or two right, and I know that I have walked in the will of God a time or two. These are things that can't be taken from
  11. Actually, I am a little unsure as to what to put out here, or when for that matter. Chastising me for my commitment or lack thereof is probably counterproductive at this point. Finding out how to deal with the day to day interactions with Sister B in a healthy way will probably produce the results we all want over time. That being said, I need some perspective... Over the last two weeks or so, we have had two negative interactions. The first started off with a text that I didn't see for a couple days, partly due to Sister B and my son exchanging texts on top of the text that she had sent. Wh
  12. Thank you all for your responses. It has been on my heart for a while that I needed to do a "searching and fearless moral inventory" regarding my marriage. It is easy to stay stuck in resentment and selfishness if I don't do that... since someone mentioned doing the 100 line apology, where I assume I list at least the top 100 things that need to apologized for, that this seems like a logical place for me to start. I have not yet finished reading the post referenced by June, but I am reading it. Only comment to her post, I am not sure what pity party she thought I was attending to when she re
  13. Thanks Julie. I did in fact call her up already and offer to pick anything up that she might need. This is something that I have often done over the years we were sparated and even divorced, whether she was sick or not, anyway. The older boy has been sick for the last couple of days as well, so I offered to stay home if she needed me to.
  14. I think Kimberly covered the first question better than I ever could have. For the second, I think that a man's role is that of being strong without being overpowering, being kind without being a door mat, giving selflessly for the right reasons for the benefit of others. A husband listens to his wife first, looks at himself before looking at others, recognizes that others can be wrong but chooses to forgive first irregardless of whether an apology is tendered. A husband must also be willing to confront in love, not as one who is right, but as one who is also sinner, without the right to judge
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