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God Save My Marriage

Jaya

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Everything posted by Jaya

  1. Thanks Looney for the teaching, we all know my marriage didn't make it so I did not get to learn the next step after 'just do it.' I only learned what happens when someone refuses to do (not that I think HD was ever refusing, my ex did). I have always read HD and Eeyore's thread because my ex was so similar. I can totally see how, after so many years of just doing it and things aren't changing the introspection would be necessary.
  2. Maybe I am way off base here but don't J&K teach that men change by doing physically first and then the heart changes come after and women get the heart change first and the physical change comes after? It seems HD, like you are doing all this internal searching and expecting a heart change that will precede your physical actions. That is role reversing. I hope in this new day, new start and new beginning that you stop all this internal searching until you've let your actions precede it so you can truly have the change you are looking for. All this talking with your wife is good but I do
  3. I'm still here and still reading. I cry every time I read the responses on my thread. I think it is good cries though. I had a scary moment this week when I realized I couldn't remember my favourite Bible verses anymore. And I knew I loved the book of Ezekiel and it is my favourite book in the Bible but I couldnt remember why. That moment scared me. Who is this girl that has not touched her Bible in nearly 2 years? This is all it is taking to get me back on track. I remembered reading Psalm 71:20 right before Sozo had the affair in 2008. Where it says: Though you have made me see troubles, man
  4. Hey MaryJane, If you click your name at the top of the screen in the right, and then click "My Profile." and then click "Profile Feed" on the left it will bring you to comments
  5. I don't know what to say. I come here frequently and stare at this screen unsure of where to start. My marriage ended almost two years ago. I am divorced now. I moved from Calgary to be away from Sozo and all the memories and broken dreams. I live in Prince George, BC now and I love it here but its hard to be here. I stayed too long in my marriage (should have listened to everyone here) and in the end I didn't care about anything. I shut down and put up so many walls that I didn't even cry through the divorce process. I didn't cry when I left Sozo. I didn't cry ever. Hardly. I didn't cry whe
  6. Hi MaryJane, Sorry to pop in your thread but I wanted to say hi and let you know I posted a message on your profile here. I think of you often and hope you are well.
  7. Thank you for the reply. I will contact you about the prepaid legal as i am certain Sozo will try something. He has already gone as far as to ask me to say we never had sex in our 5 years of marriage so we could get an annulment so he wouldn't have to say he is divorced. I could just go ahead and file myself but if he fights it then it could leave me with the financial burden. I think it will be wiser to let him play his cards first so I know what I am up against. I do need to talk to a lawyer to see what the best course of action is though. I really am hoping this wont be dragged out by hi
  8. I havent written in so long. Mostly because i don't know what to say. October 13th will be a year since I left Sozo. It will also mean the year of separation Canada requires will be over and I can file for divorce. I have seen some good things in this last year. October 19th I got a job at a very reputable company here in Calgary so it was a relief to have stable income as I made my way through this. I am doing very well at my job, consistently in the top 10 for sales and my bonuses reflect that. I rent a room in a condo and that is going well. My roommate is a really nice woman who is a
  9. LOTW, I am curious whose threads you've browsed while being here? I read the comment where someone told you (ForHimForHer) that you would not like what he had to say to you and he gave you a wonderful post full of insight yet you acknowledged very little about what he said and reacted incredibly strongly to him tell you that you would not like what he said. Truth of the matter is, you did not like what he said. He told the truth yet you were so offended. My experience is that usually if someone says something to me that gets my shirt in a knot then it's my flesh that is reacting to what
  10. LOWTD, Ive been reading your thread pretty much since the beginning. I like the name you've chosen yet I do not care to see you posting verses that appear to be a reason for you to not do the work you are aware you need to do. Is 1 Cor 7:10-11 and 15 not Paul talking about when an unbelieving spouse leaves...Unbelieving meaning one who does not believe in God/Jesus/Holy Spirt? Im not sure I've ever heard it interpreted to be saying unbelieving in the context of one spouse not believing God can change the other spouse and leaving as a result. Can you back that up further? I'm not looking for a
  11. I want to go Sky Falling So bad!!! I can't call it sky jumping cause there is no way I would ever be able to jump out of the plane.. I need someone to push me!!
  12. Thought I would add some of my personal journalling here. I'm trying to stay real. I have a lot of grossness in me right now but I also have musings, I also have wonderings, I also have a heart. This is some of my heart and me finding something I have lost for a long time again - how freeing it is to just write. Dec 22/10 Tonight I am stuck in my emotions. I am unsure. insecure. Unsafe. Unprotected. I doubt myself. Im lonely. Tonight I went for counselling and as I went to sit down a man was sitting so far forward I had to scoot around him to grab my chair. He looked up, smiled at me an
  13. Okay my dark went down the tubes in a royal way. Yesterday I received this email from Sozo: (bolding is done by me) This made me angry. very angry. I wanted to say those words to him first. I replied to his mail. with this: I read this now and hate how I started off angry and ended up pretty much begging him to hear my heart. Why am I like this? How do I even fix this in myself? I need to have no contact with him. i cant distance myself if I do. I pretty much just hand him my heart and say 'Please, trample on this. stomp on it.' I need to pull myself away from him so I can stop
  14. Hey MJ, I think that is a good idea about the letter. In the end at least I will know where I stand with him. Sozo didnt say whether he wanted me to move to BC or not. In his mind moving to BC is his last chance to work on our marriage. He wants me to move there, us to declare bankruptcy to relieve the financial burden on us and then 'see' if we can make our marriage work without so much stress on us. Where I am at is that there is no commitment in him in his 'last chance' at working on our marriage. I am not confident that simply relieving the financial stress on us will be enough to p
  15. I need to write but I dont know where to start. Everything is just a mess that is so jumbled together I dont know where one point starts and another ends. I drove Sozo to BC on wednesday to stay with his parents to work with his dad. Everything felt like it was going to be okay. I was going to drop him off and come back to Calgary and I would decide what I was going to do. move to BC with him or separate. Separation felt like more of a relief. Then him and I were intimate before I left BC and now everything is so off kilter. I just hate this whole situation. I was so detached before we were
  16. I dont know how to use this forum! ie quoting etc! I am only on for a second, am leaving shortly to drive Sozo to his parents house in BC. I am back again tomorrow and will have all the time in the world to write as it will just be me here and not stressful! im looking forward to this! MJ & Dory your posts made me cry. I will write paragraphs tomorrow. for now I just have time for this: I always thought that God brought Sozo and I together. I have always said that I knew our first conversation that I would marry Sozo. However, a couple days ago I had a moment of clarification.
  17. Thank you Miss Jane and MJ for your replies and the time you gave. I will be back tonight to reply more and provide more history. MJ, i didnt think you were complaining about Sozo at all. simply facts. and if I am honest I am so far gone right now that I dont even care. Will right more later.
  18. Mary Jane, thanks so much for checking in on me! I am sorry it took me so long to reply back to you and that I havent returned your call. I will call you soon when I have a chance... Unfortunately things have not gone well for Sozo and I. I did everything wrong. he is going to BC to live with his parents and work with his dad. He made a comment a few weeks ago saying that he was still 'deciding if he was going to take me with him to BC.' I think this is what opened my eyes to seeing how little he thinks of me and views me. I am not a thing he decides if he should take with him or not. An
  19. Im railroading for a second..... Dory, Ive told you this before but I LOVE your first name. I kind of named my cat after you! not sure if I told you that! her personality was fiery just like you are...
  20. The private section is WAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY down at the bottom of the thread page...
  21. Pure, I think you and I are alike in a lot of ways. I would like to know you someday! Matt and all music lovers, We should start a thread just full of music that is good, relevant, comforting, encouraging, prophetic. etc! i dont know which section we would put it in but what a great tool for encouragement for those just joining the forum! if we started an entire section for music we could have threads that had music for worship, or for soaking, or for spiritual warfare, or healing, or whatever! comfort, encouragement. the list goes on! I know i can take any major event in my life and
  22. Misty Edwards is so good! So good! Jason Upton is my favourite though. Heather Clark and Alberto and Kimberly Rivera too! There is something about the spontaneous prophetic worship.
  23. Chris, I wonder if you can see how manipulative this statement is? What were you trying to communicate here? Your wife is so broken and trying so hard to hold on and essentially has held her family together for 11 years and is exhausted now. She is at that tipping point. either the scale will tip in the direction of an OHM or it will tip in the opposite direction. A statement like this will only put more of a burden on her to try to 'hang on a little longer' because 'her husband needs her. He cant live without her.' Can you see how much weight what you have said can carry? her burden is a
  24. There is also the X Worship cd's which are released every year. They are a compilation of various artists from that heavier music type. My husband loves it so I get him this Cd every year. Myself... give me Jason Upton's music any day! or heather Clarke or Joanne McFatter, or Misty Edwards..... I am not a heavy music girl! Seventh Day Slumber is good for a not so heavy but still alternativey feel. as is Stereotrap. Or if you look up the X Worship CD's then you can see the artists names and there will be a whole list! I'll try to dig out my husband's collection. I like Red. They
  25. I think a different way to voice this apology might have been, "I am sorry that I hurt your heart so much" or "I am sorry that I caused your heart so much pain." By voicing to Eeyore that you are sorry that her heart is hurting so much you are not owning your actions in that sentence. You might have previously but the final sentence should be the be all, end all apology. Not the statement that tells Eeyore that you are sorry that her heart is the way it is. Full stop. That is like doing something to hurt someone and then letting your apology be, "I am sorry IF I have caused you any hurt" know
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