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God Save My Marriage


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About HerDestiny

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    Believing God for Miracles in Marriages

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  1. Parman, Nice to have you posting here - good to share this journey with you! Question for you - what kind of scenarios do you typically find yourself in when you are faced with "women of authority"? What can you do NOW when you are NOT in one of those scenarios to plan for handling the next time it happens in a more godly and Christlike way? So much of our success on this journey comes from humility and being willing to listen to input into being a better husband, no matter from whom the advice comes - God put people in our lives for a reason, and it is not our place to "screen out" any
  2. I owe folks some responses here - sorry for the delay in posting replies... Eeyore - you first: I am so sorry that this area continues to be an area of pain for you. You and I have talked about this topic the last couple of days, and it has helped me to understand more about how my inaction is making you feel unwanted, rejected, ugly, undesireable, and unsexy. Nothing could be farther from the truth, but obviously that's not something that you can believe since I am not showing you otherwise... 4ever - thanks for the help for Eeyore... LT - thank you for your input, too - always helpfu
  3. I wanted to echo the desire for prayers tomorrow for Eeyore - she has been having some discomfort and pain in her breasts and also some swelling in her lymph nodes. She went to her doctor and she did not find anything obvious, but ordered some blood work, bone density tests, and a mammogram. Eeyore has a family history of cancer, and she is very, very nervous about the potential of that being the issue - she has been feeling SO much better since her migraine surgery, she has a new lease on life! We want to live in what God has for us, and we believe that He wants Eeyore to be happy and hea
  4. I have been struggling to figure out what to say to you for days - I still don't think that I have a clear decision on what I think that you need to hear. I still believe that you would rather feed on all of the negative crap that you create around you - either at home, within your family, or here on the forums - that you want to look at yourself and your actions for what they really are. Any effort that we try to put into this situation to try to crack through your denial seems so fruitless - you are SO convinced that you have done all that you could have to change and that you are being mi
  5. Eeyore - your words mean more to me that I could ever express. To think that we have surpassed the dreams that you have always had for our relationship is an amazing thing for me to try to comprehend - it brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart and PRAISE to my lips! I love you and I SO enjoy learning more and more about you every day - learning means loving, and my love for you grows with knowing you more!! Stephen
  6. Crystal, Thank you for sharing your feelings and laying out the situation VERY clearly. You are handling things perfectly, across the board, and I definitely agree that there are cases where you CAN'T "let him figure it out" (freeway exit) or when your emotions are just SO STRONG that you just need to express what you feel, full force, and he needs to die to self and be there for you without so much concern for how he is feeling. I will try to figure out some way to address this with him... Stephen/HD
  7. Freedog, I would also like to request that you write out a very long and very detailed, heartfelt, and prayerful apology letter for the events of Feb 3, 2013 in your house. Your wife deserves it, and you NEED it. Please go OVERBOARD on the validation and putting yourself in her shoes, and keep the number of uses of the words "I" or "me" to single digits. And, complete it and give it to her on Valentine's day. Stephen/HD
  8. Freedog - you said: Each of the areas that I turned bold are the MOST IMPORTANT moments for you to notice in the cycle of events that you have described - this is VERY similar to many of the times when I would hurt Eeyore. These are the CHOICES that we have to learn to make IN THE MOMENT - notice that it is NOT the initial thing (the stuff I put in italics) that you need to FOCUS on, but rather the ACTION that you took based on the fact that Crystal pointed something out to you. Let's face it - we WILL mess up, we WILL fail, we WILL still things to hurt our wife, etc. BUT (BIG but), wha
  9. If you are interested in learning more about some of the emotions that I struggled the most with and get some excellent advice on how to learn to better manage them, please watch the following: http://wordofgracechurch.com/media_pages/new_week.html Stephen/HD
  10. Freedog, One thing that I don't think that I stated as clearly as I wanted to was that, in relation to the "connecting the dots" idea, it is very important that we look at the overall pattern of our repeated behaviors - we should be able to boil down a lot of different specific situations into a fairly common and similar "circle of events", that we can then own as part of our "emotional avoidance pattern". THAT is the pattern that we need to look at and find how the different parts of the pattern are connected, and how we can plan to make different choices "in the moment" when we identify t
  11. FreeDog - Yeah, definitely been down that road, many, many times - the things that we put them through, huh? For me, the biggest change came when I was able to stop putting myself under so much pressure to get everything right and started believing that my wife's primary goal in life was simply to have a good relationship with me. She chose me, she loves me, she wants me to want to be with her - that's ALL that she wants. That helped me to understand that when I feel angry when she was sharing her heart, that was ON ME, and not on her - all she wants is to IMPROVE the relationship by shari
  12. Eeyore is right, BH - listening to your wife, trusting what she says, not defending your actions, taking the advice of others that have found success in the areas in which you are struggling, and doing what you agree to do, in the manner in which you agreed to do it - THAT IS ALL THE DEFINITION OF HUMILITY! Don't you see that? You aren't WRONG in what you are saying, but you are wrong to decide that you have found a different way to get to that point - when, that's the WHOLE POINT that your wife and we have been trying to get you to see! Pride is Flesh and Arrogance and Self-focus and Unwi
  13. So, BH - we haven't heard from you since Saturday - on Wednesday night you committed to me and to your wife that you would be on the forums at least once a day. I am disappointed that we haven't heard from you, and I can imagine what you are saying to your wife. Stephen/HD
  14. Freedog - just a quick question, don't have a lot of time tonight... You mentioned in this last post that you have a "hearing disability" - I wasn't sure if this was something physical/medical, etc., or if this was a perceived thing that kicks in when convenient for you to act like you didn't hear something your wife said. I have done the same thing, which is why I ask - it's part of how I worked to make Eeyore feel insane. I finally went to my doctor and had a hearing test to settle for myself that I did NOT have a hearing problem - I went with the commitment to myself that I would do wh
  15. BH - Read David's post again and again and again. His wisdom and insight into this process and into the heart of us men is invaluable, and you NEED to heed what he has spoken into your life. None of us can help you if you are not "all in" and willing to hear us in Truth and in Love and to change. And, sooner rather than later, you need to start ACTING on your impulses to do things FOR your wife instead of checking in for confirmation - you need to learn to trust your knowledge of your wife, because you should know her better than us, right? You said, earlier: Let me answer you with a q
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