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mathetes

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Everything posted by mathetes

  1. That's hard to answer. The pain that you are feeling can (and should) serve a purpose - the horror, helplessness, shock, and disbelief that you feel right now is a fraction (think maybe 1/10 or so) of what your wife feels/felt. That is why she had to protect herself. She couldn't bear it any longer, she was never made to carry that. Let that sink in, embrace that pain for your wife, and let the knowledge of it make you beg the LORD to change you so that you never,ever make your wife feel that way again. Don't focus on how you feel, focus on how your wife feels. The thought of going back to you
  2. My advice would be that neither of those questions are appropriate at this time. They aren't really questions that would bring your wife healing in any way, they are questions to validate and comfort you, which isn't the point. You'll learn more about why you do that as you get further into the books. The life of a Christian is supposed to be a journey towards Christlikeness. That's what the sanctification Kimberly mentioned is. "Christian" doesn't mean I said a prayer once, I know something about who I prayed it to, and I show up at a church building on Sundays and the occasional Wednesday, i
  3. Hi SSGVinyard- Go ahead and post your question, I'm sure someone will jump in and answer it to the best of their ability as soon as they can (it may be a helper, it may not be a helper in the official sense). Make sure you include the section of the book and which book prompted the question so it can be viewed in context.
  4. Hi Bruce- Remember when David, you, and I spoke a month or two ago on the men's call about consistency and how important it was? What you are hearing now is a continuation of that same point. Continue to work on being so consistent and predictable that Mindy knows what you are going to do before you do it. Be precise. Remember, men change from the outside in, so doing the right actions is a good thing, but it is your core that needs to change. Consider this the GOD of Peace sanctifying you wholly, spirit, soul (your mind, will and emotions), and body (1 Thessalonians 5:23). Just as the LO
  5. Last Chance- Here's a link to last night's couples call: http://s3.amazonaws.com/jk_calls/february2010/mon_couples_020110.mp3
  6. Last Chance- Here's a link to last night's couples call: http://s3.amazonaws.com/jk_calls/february2010/mon_couples_020110.mp3
  7. I'm not sure who it was for, but I recall hearing Joel requesting that last night's call be uploaded ahead of some of the others. Here's the link: http://s3.amazonaws.com/jk_calls/february2010/mon_couples_020110.mp3 To access all of our couples recording calls, we ask you to register on the link at the top of the forum to give $10 each month. Then ask us to add you to the couples recording calls section of the forum.. and you can listen to them all! For the women's calls, we ask a woman to be part of the women's call group - which is a $25 gift per month. If she is donating $25 per mon
  8. PM Dory or another moderator and let her know there's a clean up in the men working to win their wives hearts back section.
  9. Hi 1SM, I believe the Lord is leading me to direct you to the following scripture: 2 Corinthians 12:9 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. Don't allow what you perceive as shortcomings of your own hold you back from doing what the Lord is leading you to do. Step out in faith, and know that the Lord will meet you where you are at. If these things that are being required came easily and naturally to you, it wouldn't really be st
  10. Hi 1SM- I think that posting those kinds of things here are fine, it would be good to discuss them with your wife as well (if she wants to). More importantly though, the details she is likely more interested in hearing about are things along the lines of what you read in chapter X that made you realize how you had hurt her in a specific situation(s) - not just that you read chapter X, or what you learned (and how you're going to apply what you learned) on a conference call, things like that. I don't know your wife (I don't know you, either), but from what I've heard her say on the calls and
  11. You are doing great. Just felt led here today, I'm going to go through and read the thread from beginning to end to re-familiarize myself with it. I do believe Pooh genuinely wants to give you what you need, he's just kind of stuck.
  12. IPTV hasn't really taken off in the US much yet for whatever reason. AT&T and Verizon do have offerings, though. AT&T's is called U-verse and it might be available in your neck of the woods. Plug your zipcode into the box at this link to see if it is. http://www.att.com/u-verse/explore/default.jsp
  13. I'd wait until after the birthday delivery for the apology letter. Let her enjoy her birthday. As far as the previous letter goes, I'd defer to one of the other helpers on that. GMS gives great advise. I'm not a helper by any stretch of the imagination, I just saw you getting ready to make a mistake I would have made a few months ago with the apology letter, so I pointed it out. It comes with our old nature. I sense a bit of control freak in you, I guess we can smell our own. It is good that you are identifying reasons why (not excuses) you have behaved the way you have, and my opinion is that
  14. Yeah. Pretty much anything that draws attention to yourself is not good. The only 'I' should be in I am sorry for.. - pretty much every single guy posting in this section has been extremely selfish in the past, and our wives are very aware of it, so anything with even a hint of self-centeredness is not good. I realize that you don't intend it that way, but your wife probably will not. To her it kind of says "See, look at me, I'm changing and doing good, now tell me I did a good job". That's why it's good to run things by the people here. I'm rather clueless and new to this myself, so, if I can
  15. Have you read the 'When a Wife Commits Adultery' chapter in book 2 yet? Chapter 21, I think. What does God want? He wants you to love your wife as Christ Jesus loved the Church. He gave you a fighter's heart, didn't he? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
  16. I'm not in much of a position to offer much advise, but from the little I've read that you've posted and heard on the calls, I guess the easiest way I can phrase what seems to be missing is that you and Looney are human BEINGS not human DOINGS. Make sense? Your wife wants to share an EMOTIONAL connection with you.
  17. Hi Peter- I can understand where you feel like you may have communicated clearly, and I wasn't privy to the conversation, so I'm not taking sides (not that I would anyway), but - and I say this with no fear of revocation - trying to engage in a spitting contest like this will in no way bring healing to your wife's heart or your marriage. Apologizing for any hurt you caused your wife (purposely or not) and asking how you could make yourself more clear in the future would be a better route. Blessings!
  18. Thanks for the reply Kimberly. I read your posts frequently and know that you have a genuine heart for the Lord. Not Wanda has recently told me that she wants to proceed with filing for divorce. Our arrangement for the past few months has been one where I've been renting a small room in a house, and her and the children have been continuing to live in the family home. I've been taking care of the bills, at her request, and staying in our family home every other weekend with the kids. She has stated that she needs a further level of independence from me. Completely separate finances, and se
  19. As far as what you can do begin educating yourself right now, immediately -like, tonight - while waiting for the books (and you need the books, all of the advise you'll be given here is based on the principles explained in the books - you can order the ebook version and download it immediately, by the way) is to read the 'For Men' section of www.godsavemymarriage.com and also download the free excerpts from the books (I think it's about 120 pages worth).
  20. It's been pretty hectic the past couple of weeks. The week before last, I was at a conference for work out of town, and last week I was with my youngest two children on vacation at my parents. Not Wanda went and stayed with a friend in Florida. Communication has been pretty sparse - we talk daily, but not for very long. I'm trying to give her space, which is what she says she wants. She did mention at one point last week that she felt like she needed 'more independence' from me than she was getting when I asked her about her day - she said it made her feel like I was prying, which I know I use
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