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Greetings all, I will use this post to start sharing my own experience. I received a book from Amazon.com from Joel and Kathy and thought this forum may be another great resource to help me through the difficult time I am going through. Fortunately I do have many good friends, family and spiritual leaders to turn to who have helped me and continue to help me. I am a lifelong Christian with my faith set firmly in Christ - he is my all in all and I know God already has the ultimate victory. Currently where I stand is that my wife of 8+ years, being together since September 2003, wants an amicable divorce. We have two small children (4 and 7) and I do not want the divorce but this is coming out of two different affairs in the last two years, both of which continued during counseling (one ending in March this year and the other starting in July). I continue to go to counseling myself, reading the scriptures, seeking Godly counsel. She has stopped counseling months ago (while in the second affair) and does not see any hope for the marriage. My heart has been breaking since I discovered the second affair over 2 months ago which she refuses to give up. It started on Facebook and she has met the other man once, also supposedly a Christian. She and I were drawn together in our pursuit of God and love for family and friends. That desire has pretty much left her and she no longer has any friends, only her mother. I on the other hand being an extrovert and lifelong believer have many who are praying intently for us - that the Lord would restore our marriage and that which blinds my wife (selfishness) be removed and that she have a contrite heart and repent. I forgave her within the first week of the affair - not condoning what she did but calling her back into relationship with Jesus Christ. She has refused and continued to be very private. I have been very open with all I have talked about seeking earnestly all that I have contributed to the state of our marriage - selfish ambition, pornography, plainly not making my wife the priority she should be in my life for nearly the first 6 1/2 years of our marriage. I have been reading lots of marriage books, listening to podcasts and other resources from the likes of Family Life Today and again seeking out Godly Christians in my life who will speak truth in love. I hate that I am headed for a divorce, particularly that I was married once before (shortly 2000-2002) and told my wife I was all in. I welcome your input/insights as this appears to be a great forum for that. I will continue to share more, but I wanted to get something out there, particularly as I deal with the details of the divorce. We have not spoken to the children about it yet either so that is weighing heavily on me. Please continue to pray I am vigilant, doing in the best interest of my children, taking care of myself emotionally, mentally and physically so that I can make clear decisions on how best to proceed. God bless you all and thank you for reading today.

My husband is a pastor. He started in youth ministry for 8 years and became the pastor of our home church 3 1/2 years ago. We have always had an up and down relationship. But theyre's no doubt in my heart that God put us together. I saw God transform him from a very shy teenage boy to a Sunday school teacher, deacon, youth minister to senior pastor. I know he has a calling. It's very evident. But at each step of moving forward in ministry, satan has attacked our marriage fiercely. Over time I had let harsh, hurtful words that were frequent set in my heart and committed adultery. That was 12 years ago. Through God's grace, we reconciled but not really dealing with the root of our issues I guess. Divorce has never been an option for me but my husband always kept it at arms length. He threatened to leave on numerous occasions. Before and after my infidelity. At the time, our daughter was 3. Not keeping the house tidy was an example of his reason for wanting out. He has told me more than once that he loved me but wasn't in love with me. Even before we got married. Although he said he forgave me, I always had to prove myself in everything. Which is completely understandable. But through all this, harsh words settled in my heart to the point that I "checked out" of our marriage, so my husband says. We did have good times. God blessed us with a son after 2 miscarriages. He is now 8. I admit that I was not sexually motivated at all. Not that I with held but I certainly didn't desire my husband as God designed due to the sin of harboring hurt feelings. I was very irritable to the point I began to take celexa. Which was a God send. We got along so much better. At this time he was in youth ministry. I was his helper. This was for 8 years. Fast forward to the present. He became senior pastor at our home church. I guess I finally felt safe. In that he was a man of God and our marriage would be protected. God's messenger would surely do what was needed to keep his marriage. I am not innocent. I allowed fear to control me. I would hide things from my husband in fear of his reaction. I hid things I bought, money I spent, etc. we both have done plenty to destroy our marriage. He began to say he felt like he needed to step down from being pastor after 3 1/2 years. I began to worry. He just seemed to be different. In june of this year, he stepped down. Saying he needed time for a sabbatical and time with his family. After years of studying for school at Liberty University and studying for services 3 times a week as a bivocational pastor, our time as a family and couple were dwindled down to nothing. I still really had no clue as to the real reason he stepped down. In July, I happen to see his phone and found a provocative video he had apparently sent another woman describing what he wanted to do to her sexually along with how he missed their morning talks. I confronted him and his first reaction was he was leaving. However, he didn't and we talked for hours on how we had gotten to this point and how we had hurt each other. In hindsight, the signs are all there that he was cheating. I even asked once and he accused me of being in sane. He seemed repentive at first. But refused to tell me anything about the affair. Who it was with, how long.... Nothing. I was deeply hurt to say the least but I immediately forgave him. How could I not extend the same grace God gave to me. I uplifted him, encouraging that God still loved him and it was no surprise to God. He knew what would happen yet He still called him to preach His Word. My husband went through a depression feeling God was mad at him. He became very distant. He said his heart was hardened towards me. And cold. And then came the I love you but not in love with you speech. AGAIN. This was probably at least the 4th time he had said those words to me over the years. I asked him to pray with me over and over but he refused. He was asked to do a revival in November. He finally agreed to preach this revival. And I saw a change in him. He gave a testimony of how satan had stolen his joy of studying and preaching God's word. And how God spoke to him to let him know that He didn't need him, but that He wanted him. He actually prayed with me on the alter during services and asked for forgiveness for his hardened heart and to help our marriage. It was wonderful. During this time, I have grown so close to God. He's shown me all my sin and has taught me to love my husband unconditionally. He's shown me how marriage is a reflection of Christ and the church. After 18 years of marriage, I finally got it. I have swallowed my pride and try to be submissive completely and respect my husband. In which, God showed me that I had failed miserably in that area. But now my husband has slipped and seems to be walking away from God. He only plays on his cell phone for hours. I haven't seem him pick up a bible except during the revival. He refuses to pray with me although we do go to church every Sunday at different places He is very snappy and cold towards me. There have been fights with calling me horrible names among other 4 letter words. I found out that he corresponded with this woman through Facebook and their code names were Anna Steele and Christian Greye. Characters from 50 shades of grey. This is all from satan I know. It broke my heart to wonder what he had gotten involved in. He is self employed and lost 2 properties the day before Christmas and may be loosing a partnership with a friend in a glass business they pursued as a side business. He also threw his back out. He is absolutely miserable. If I cry, he becomes angry. He says to just act normal. I've not been able to grieve or get passed anything. Still don't know who she is other than I more than likely know her. I get in my war room every day and pray. I fast at least once a week. We have good days and bad days. I never know how it will be. The night all this happened, he ranted about his life being in shambles and that he deserved happiness. I finally asked why he was running from God. An argument erupted. I tried to speak in love that he seemed to be falling away. He always would tell people that were having a hard time that "God's way works!" I reminded him of that. His reply was that he had done it God's way and it brought him nothing but misery being In ministry and being in a miserable marriage. So to do it God's way, he would have to go back to preaching and stay married to me and be miserable the rest of his life. I just wept not knowing what to say. I have a couple close friends praying with me for his restoration. That night I told him to leave He has threatened to leave so many times that our now 16 year old daughter says she doesn't care if he leaves. He gets angry and threatens us all that he's leaving now. She loves him. Just tired of the fighting. I went to sleep on the couch that night and he asked me over and over to stay in our bed because he loves me. I'm just at a loss. I don't know how to help him. He is one person today. And different tomorrow. I don't know what each day will bring. He loves the Lord but is under a stronghold from Satan. I feel like I haven't been able to really grieve. I want to save my marriage! We have been through so much. I can't see God bringing us through all our trials to bring us to a failed marriage. My husband seems to be a little better this week. We prayed together last night and his demeanor has been better towards me. I'm sorry to be so long. I just don't really have anyone to reach out to. I feel like it's my duty to protect my husbands integrity and not give satan the satisfaction of God being mocked. How can I help my husband? I'm standing in the gap for our marriage. By admitting he has a hard heart to me and is angry with God, i feel like I'm a stumbling block between him and God. I've prayed that God remove me if I'm in the way. I want to be completely obedient to God. I just need biblical counsel on how I handle all this.