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Well, after unfriending me on Facebook (which might seem like no big deal, but I know it was a BIG deal to her), she apologized and admitted that she was childish. Now she has not only unfriended me, but completely blocked me. Oh well, I guess she went dark on me. Her loss. I have apologized for everything that I have done wrong, and she will not accept my apology, yet claims that she is at the feet of Jesus. Hmmm...

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I have a question... has anyone used "going dark" on family members? Stephen suggested that I do it with my sis-in-law, as she is being completely unreasonable and mean. I have reached out to her but she is unforgiving and keeps throwing "flaming arrows" at me and my family. Just wondering what your thoughts are on this idea...

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. You've done your part, it's time to sit back and let the Holy Spirit work on her.

 

I really believe that. Stephen has good ideas sometimes! ;)

 

You'll know when it's time to reach out to her again. You know, I have a feeling I'm talking to myself too. I have a brother I'm "dark" with.

 

God bless you both!

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Well, I wanted to share an update/praise report. Things have been going very well, and Stephen is not only meeting my needs, but is anticipating them before I say anything often times!

 

Today he had an appointment in the afternoon, then was going to work at his second job this evening. He went up to take a shower and to get ready, and while he was up there, Looney saw some posts on Facebook that a friend had posted, stating that highway 90 is closed all over the place, due to accidents. I "knew" that if I told Stephen this, he might cancel his appt, but he would insist on going to work, no matter how bad the roads are, and so I usually don't bother to even bring it up to him, because I will just get hurt.

 

Well, when he came downstairs and I told him about the roads, Looney told him that what I was trying to say was that I wanted him to stay home. He did not even skip a beat... he canceled the appt and called off work for the night!!

 

Not only am I grateful from a heart perspective, because I don't have to feel "jilted" that he would go even though he would be putting himself in danger, but also that the more we look at the road conditions, the more we realize how bad it is. One pic shows a semi on top of a Volkswagon Beetle!! Another shows a semi smashed into the back of another one... and the cab is just about gone!

 

Thanks, Honey, for listening to me and my heart. I am so glad that you are home safe and sound with me!!

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Hey, MJ - the word that I used to describe what needs to happen to break down a Passive Guy's "parallel universe" of self-deceit and manipulative versions of reality was "DECONSTRUCTION".

 

I want to get more into this concept, but I am seeking some additional insight from the Holy Spirit before I post my thoughts.

 

Enjoyed talking with you last night - hang in there!

Stephen/HD

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Eeyore and I are leaving today on a trip to visit our daughter at college, about 4 hours away. Historically, this is a time (before or after a trip) when I will kick into high gear with relationally destructive behaviors - self-focus, withdrawing, moodiness, etc. I have done this MANY times, to the point where Eeyore has left my at home on trips because I have been SO bad...

 

I have been working a lot over the course of the past few months at identifying patterns within my mind that are part of this pattern, and then proactively deciding how to do something different the next time I find myself in that cycle of behavior. Last night, I had several dreams about the managers at my part-time job giving me a hard time and being upset about taking a weekend off during "peak time" - I can recognize that this is the beginning of a negative cycle in my mind where I start to value the opinions of others above my wife's and what I want.

 

Today, I am confessing the truth and standing against the idea that the opinions of others have power over what I want and what's important to me. Frankly, I do not really care what they think about me taking the weekend off - I told them that I needed this weekend off the minute that I was hired, and I have reminded them over and over about my trip. The trip is important to me, and frankly, more important than this part time job - but, in the past, their opinion (or my IMPRESSION of their opinion) would have ruled the day and would have destroyed the trip.

 

Not this time, praise God!

 

Stephen/HD

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(or my IMPRESSION of their opinion)

 

This is so key here... even if they told you "okay" or "that is fine" or "go, have a great time! we will be fine without you!!"... you would still beat yourself up because you "knew" that they were upset... (in reality they were not, but you thought they were or might be or whatever)...

 

So, to choose someone else's opinion (or imagined opinion) over your wife if VERY hurtful, especially if you realize that your wife will NEVER be chosen because that "someone else" MIGHT think something bad, even if they say "it is fine". It is like living second to anything, anyone, or any possibility of a negative thing that might come along under ANY circumstance... so you run from the chance of "displeasing" those "others" by doing EVERYTHING BUT choosing your wife!!

 

It is a no-win place for you to be... God blesses truth and transparency, as you have spoken and proclaimed in your post. Present your case to those "other people", take them at their word, and live your life! You absolutely cannot please everyone all the time, so just be a righteous man, and God will bless you. And that is where you are walking... and it is so nice to feel like I am #1 in your life, instead of #254,890,312.........!

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Just wanted to post an update.

 

It is four years into our journey, and to be honest, things are not as I hoped... they are so much more!!

 

When I think back to what I dreamed of... during this process, I hoped and prayed that HD would become nicer to me. After all, he was so "nice" when we were dating, and he was so "nice" to everyone else in our world. So, him being "nice" to me sounded like such a great improvement! Nice means that he pays attention to me, listens to me, cares about me. Nothing "grand", but not treating me like I am his worst enemy... that would be such a nice thing!

 

Well, things are not what I dreamed... they are so much more! I can honestly say that I don't think I could have imagined things as they are today... he is not just "nice"... he is here in the moment with me no matter what is going on. He does not run away emotionally every day, no matter what is going on. He stays here and that proves to me that he does indeed love me and wants to be with me. He does listen and pays attention to me and is physically attentive (20/20/20/20). He listens to my concerns, and not only does NOT run away, but he HELPS me face my own struggles with love and grace.

 

I no longer need to be the "strong one" 24/7... and it is amazing. I must admit that being able to let my guard down has resulted in some big crashes for me... the pain of the last 20+ years has brought me to a place of struggling with anger and resentment toward him for all those bad years. But I am able to feel it, share it, and even vent about it... and he does not run away. He stays and listens and is understanding. And that gives me the chance to let the poison out and I am getting stronger and healthier. And it is awesome.

 

Thanks, Stephen, for being the man that you are. Thank you for being brave enough to face each day with me at your side, no matter what it might bring. And thanks for allowing the GOOD to happen, instead of living in dread of the BAD all the time. It is awesome. And I love you.

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Eeyore - your words mean more to me that I could ever express. To think that we have surpassed the dreams that you have always had for our relationship is an amazing thing for me to try to comprehend - it brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart and PRAISE to my lips!

 

I love you and I SO enjoy learning more and more about you every day - learning means loving, and my love for you grows with knowing you more!!

 

Stephen

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I wanted to echo the desire for prayers tomorrow for Eeyore - she has been having some discomfort and pain in her breasts and also some swelling in her lymph nodes. She went to her doctor and she did not find anything obvious, but ordered some blood work, bone density tests, and a mammogram.

 

Eeyore has a family history of cancer, and she is very, very nervous about the potential of that being the issue - she has been feeling SO much better since her migraine surgery, she has a new lease on life! We want to live in what God has for us, and we believe that He wants Eeyore to be happy and healthy! She is doing a great job of being positive and feeling her emotions as they surface, sharing her fears and concerns, and receiving the well wishes and love of the people around her!

 

We will be going for tests in the morning - about 9:30 AM Eastern time, and would appreciate any and all prayers!

 

Stephen/HD

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Hey there Friend, Love, love, love your post.

 

I certainly remember days that were not so glorious of a report. The hurt, the pain and the agony of what felt like defeat.

 

But no defeat in your household. Victory is the song of the day!

 

So glad and happy to hear of the Goodness of God in your marriage and family.

 

Blessings, Kathy and Joel

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Well, no test results today. The technician almost sent me home without doing the mammogram because there was not a radiologist there to read the "films", in case I needed further testing. But because my doctor wrote the order as a "routine" mammogram instead of a diagnostic one, she went ahead and did it. I will get the results in the mail, unless they see an obvious problem, then they will call me and my doctor. Nothing today, so I guess that is good.

 

She did say "breast cancer does not hurt". I did not get into it with her, but I know that it can... and I also think that if I do have a lump, surely it can be putting pressure on a nerve or something and causing pain. Oh well... still praying for answers. If they don't find something, my doc will send me on to a breast specialist, because they may want to do more tests. I am having pain for some reason. I would just like to know why.

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