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Well, it has been a while since I have posted anything on here.

 

Here is the truth about what is going on with us...

 

On September 2nd, Steve and I brought out daughter back to college.  We drove two separate cars, as she had a lot of furniture to move into her new suite at college, and her car had recently died.

 

On the way home, we stopped for dinner, and I knew something was up.  About five minutes before this, I was hit with an overwhelming urge to ask Steve if he still loved me.  It was so strong that I could barely breathe.  I knew the answer.  I did not even need to ask...

 

When we got seated in the restaurant, I asked him what was up.  He proceeded to tell me that he no longer loves me.  I asked him what his plans were, and he said that he planned to stay with me until our son graduates in May, "then see what happens".  I told him that I was not about to stay with him until then, as I knew that it meant that he would just dump me once our son was done with high school.  I told him that I was not hungry and I left the restaurant.  I called my sister-in-law and she encouraged me with love and support, and told me to go home, pack a bag, and come to their house.  After I spoke with her on the phone, I called Cindy and talked to her for quite a while. 

 

While I was on the phone with Cindy, Steve called me and left a voicemail.  He proceeded to tell me that the woman that he had told me about earlier that year (April) who he was corresponding with online was completely made up, but he WAS seeing a woman that he met online in person.  He had taken SEVERAL trips to Columbus, OH, supposedly for work meetings, to try to gain business from a company down there.  Well, ALL of those trips were to see her.  In addition, there was another day when he disappeared and I almost went to the police.  He left me a note and it fell beside the bed and I did not see if for a several hours.  Just when I was getting ready to head out to talk to the police, I saw the note.  It basically said that he had a rough night but everything was okay.  I had texted him and called him repeatedly, and when he finally did contact me, he claimed that he was "hiking" and did not have cell reception.  He was gone from 5am until at least 10pm.  I know now that he was with her.

 

In addition, in July when we went to see my family, he was on the phone for extended periods of time, and in hindsight, I know that he was on the phone with her.  he left the house to go to the store, which is only a mile away, and was gone for an hour + on multiple occasions.  Everyone knew what was going on except me.  Truly, the wife is the last to know.  When we left, my step-mom turned to my dad and said, "Do you think we will ever see him again?".  They knew... not me.

 

He had been distant, cold, and arrogant to me since April, but I thought he was just working through some stuff, which is what he told me.  I was so naive to believe him and trust him.

 

So, two days after I left I hired an attorney and we have been working on a dissolution (basically a divorce where the parties agree on the terms instead of having a judge tell you who gets what).  Steve signed the papers yesterday, and I will sign on Monday.  We will have a little moer paperwork to do, then the court has 90 days to hear the case.  Then we will be divorced.

 

I know in my heart that he is still seeing this other woman.  Our kids are angry and feel betrayed.  I can't even describe how I feel.  He acts like he had it so rough, telling me that he is done and wants out.  But the truth, which he cannot see, is that he had a woman who was so devoted to him that she would have done ANYTHING to make him happy.  I loved him unconditionally, and he took advantage of that.  All I ever wanted was an emotional connection with him.  Yes, he had it so rough...  I NEVER lied to him, cheated on him, had male friends, etc...  I protected our marriage from outside influences and temptations, no matter how lonely I got.  Yeah, he had it so rough.

 

Anyway, our son and I are living with my brother and sister-in-law, until I can get on my feet and support myself.  I have an amazing job that I love and am SO thankful for.  I started my new job on our anniversary, so it was a blessing to have something new to celebrate on such a sad day.

 

Our daughter is a junior in college, and when she is home on breaks, she spends most of her time with me.  My son's dog is with us, so he is blessed by that.

 

Yes, I walked away from our home.  But we did not own it and I could not afford it.  But I have lost my dogs and my cat.  My dog, the male, went to live with my cousin in NY state, a couple hours away.  I hope to see him again some day.  Steve plans to keep the female dog.  He is also keeping my cat, at least for the time being.  I hope to have a place where I can bring him home some day, if Steve keeps him long enough.  I miss them so.  But I am so grateful to have my kids, my family and my friends.  God has surrounded me with so many friends.  They are repaying the years that the locusts have eaten... years when I was not allowed to have friends or share with others any struggles that I or we were facing.  I was criticized and manipulated whenever I tried to reach out to others.  I was lonely to the point of death.  Yet that still was not enough for him.  He continued to take all that I had to give, and yet it was never enough.

 

Anyway, sorry for rambling.  But I wanted the truth to be out there.  Our story ended so sadly.  No OHM for us.

 

But I don't plan to be alone.  God is preparing someone else for me, and I will lean on God until he reveals this new person to me, and after that of course, as well.

 

I will never again begged to be loved.  I deserve to be loved, cherished, adored.  That is God's plan for my life.  So I am moving on, one day at a time.

 

Thanks for listening...

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Eeyore, thank you so much for taking the time and exerting the emotional energy it would have taken to write this update!

 

I'm so sorry for you! This kind of thing is SO frustratingly painful! It's so unnecessary, so wrong!

 

I'm glad you have a good job. It will be very important to be financially independent, and savvy.

 

May you sense The Lord's presence and promptings as He guides your footsteps. My sincere good wishes (prayers) for you, Eeyore.

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Eeyore, It's great to hear from you! I've missed you.  This explains so much about WHY you felt such intense struggle and felt so insecure and estranged from Steve even though he was talking the talk.  I am so sorry to hear of his betrayal of you and your family, but I hear tremendous strength now in your voice that I feel relief for you.  Isn't it great to feel rational again?  Strangely I don't feel sad about your separation, the truth feels so much better than his pretending and you trying to accept his pretense.  

 

I'm thankful for your job and your friends and family around you! Welcome back and please continue to share from your huge storehouse of knowledge and understanding.  May the peace of Christ rule in your heart! Lots of folks here have learned from you and Steve already.  God even used Steve's voice to deliver the message of OHM and God can do that, cause God is cool like that.  I'm sorry for the years "that the locusts ate"  I like the way you phrased that.  That seems exactly right.  YOU are not a disappointment!!!!! You are a precious shining treasure!!  I know you know that.  

 

Thanks for sharing!

 

 ( Thanks ChooseLove for inquiring.  )  

 

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There's also the "little thing" of Steve hugely betraying this ministry (which includes me) and for that I also feel a lot of disappointment.  It no way compares to the grief he put on you, Melissa and on his own kids, but it's there and it should be mentioned.  This ministry takes a lot of blows from the world.  God is faithful and his Love is true.  

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Yes, that is very true.  I don't know how he did it... pretended to be invested in me and in this ministry.

 

But as you pointed out, God used his voice to reach others, even when his heart was not truly in it.

 

Thanks so much for the encouragement.  It has been a rough road, but as Kathy says, I need him (like he is right now), like I need another hole in my head!!

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Oh.. I love all of this.. I know it's painful, Eeyore, but I just love reading all of this! I do hear the strength and determination in you. I do agree with MaryJane's prayer for you! I also am amazed at his betrayal of not just you.. but the ministry itself! And I am also glad- as painful as this is- at the truth finally coming out... and Yes, God uses even donkeys to talk to us! And in this case, that donkey is not you, Eeyore!

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Wow Eeyore, my heart is saddened by this all, but at the same grateful for your continued faith in the Lord, knowing God's love never fails.  I will pray for healing for you all.  It is interesting how this past Sunday we were reading Philippians 1 - these verses came to mind regarding Steve...

 

15 It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. 16 The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. 17 The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.18 But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.

 

I pray he repents and turns to the Lord, truly laying his life down.

 

For you and the rest of your family I pray that you are renewed and you receive Christ's rich blessings.  I can see how loved you are by many in this ministry and I have learned from your experience as well.  Please keep us updated as to your journey.  I am glad to hear you are able to reconnect and make new connections who love and support you!  

 

I leave this verse for you Eeyore...

 

1 Thessalonians 511 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

I am thankful for you!

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Eeyore, your thread was one that I spent hours reading when I first came to the forum. I learned so much from you, and copied off pages of stuff that I thought would be helpful to have at my fingertips. I, too, want to thank you for sharing your journey and your heart here on the forum. Your story, as I read through it, gave me hope.  It's really hard to read your update and see that even after 5 years of working with this ministry, some men just still choose to walk away.  I'm so sorry you didn't get your OHM. But I'm so glad you see that you are indeed a woman of great value, you deserve to be treated as such, and I'm thankful for the blessings and healing that you are experiencing now.

 

I pray God's peace, comfort, healing and joy for you and your children.

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