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Eeyore had a migraine Saturday night, and still wasn't feeling real good yesterday. She's also having some vision problems, and is going to be seeing an eye doctor today. This is something that came on rather suddenly, which seems strange...

Can you see any pattern in her physical ailments that correlate to her emotional issues with you. With all the stress of what happened on Thursday it showed up in physical problems with Eeyore over the weekend. Can you see how when you lay your life down for her and put her healing ahead of your feelings you will be bringing both physical and emotional healing to her. Just remember this little phrase, listening to her feelings will bring healings.

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Absolutely - I completely agree with what you are saying, LO50. My self-focus, my abuse of her, my selfishness leads DIRECTLY to her health issues - no question.

 

Now, I need to become consistent in offering her an alternative to holding her pain inside, where it is affecting her health and her state of mind. Like you said, "Listening to her feelings will bring the healing" - well said, my friend, thank you.

 

HerDensity

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LargeOneFiddy speaks from experience similar to that which I have with Dory. While I cannot say that every migraine she has is due to stressing out over my behavior, stressful times seem to precede her migraines. You may not be able to completely eliminate Eeyore's migraine events but you very likely can reduce the frequency. In addition you can take the opportunity to bless her in other ways. First make sure the kids keep quite if she is sensitive to noises. And of course you can pick up around the house or feed the kids or some such thing so that she is not loaded up with undone chores when she finally does recover.

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And for cryin' out loud, fill out the census and do the taxes! OK, if she knows tax work more thoroughly, fine, but you could at LEAST do the census!

Yes Nemo? wink wink?

THANK YOU dear.... :lol: Hi-jack over. :wink:

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Praise Your Way to a Breakthrough!

 

Do you need God to make a way out of no way? The swiftness and surety of your deliverance starts with how you respond to hard times and difficult situations. Hear me when I say that it is not just enough to thank God and honor Him only when you've received a blessing. God wants you to show the extent of your faithfulness and trust in Him even in the midst of going through a challenge. The power of your praise will determine the magnitude of your breakthrough.

 

Praise is not just clapping your hands or applauding God. It is showing respect, honor, and gratefulness using your whole heart, mind, spirit and body despite your circumstances. Paul and Silas didn't wait until they experienced a breakthrough to praise and thank God. In the midst of difficult circumstances, they praised God and received the breakthrough they desired.

 

Acts 16:25, 26 (New Living Translation) reveals, "Around midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening. Suddenly, there was a massive earthquake, and the prison was shaken to its foundations. All the doors immediately flew open, and the chains of every prisoner fell off!"

 

Paul and Silas praised God even when their backs were bleeding and their feet and hands were in chains. Despite the pain and suffering they were going through, they praised God anyway; and as a result, God shook the very foundations of the prison, setting them free. God will shake the foundation of your prison; your bondage, your problem...if you make a decision to praise and give Him thanks, no matter what.

 

Praising God should become second-nature for all Believers. "This shall be written for the generation to come: and the people which shall be created shall praise the Lord" (Psalm 102:18). We were created to praise God, and it becomes a natural expression of your love for the Father when you spend time in the Word and meditate on His goodness.

 

When you have a heart for God and you know He loves you, your confidence in His ability to deliver you soars. You know help is on the way and you eagerly anticipate it. First Thessalonians 5:16-18 encourages, "Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus" (NLT). God doesn't tell you to thank Him for negative circumstances; He says to thank Him while you're in the midst of them. Doing this shows that you trust Him to bring you out.

 

The storms of life are going to come; but don't let them disturb your peace and affect your thoughts and emotions. This will only move you into self-pity and frustration. Instead, maintain an attitude of praise.

 

Your first line of defense is the Word of God. Meditate on it and give it life by speaking it over your circumstances. If you need healing meditate on scriptures that reveal God's ability to heal. Receive that Word in your spirit and begin praising God for your healing.

 

The Word of God declares, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:4-7, NIV).

 

When you are in a situation and there seems to be no way out, open your mouth and praise the Lord-and don't stop. Instead of crying and complaining, give God praise because you know He has a plan for you that includes deliverance, restoration and peace. Thank Him for His goodness because your praise will stop the enemy and move the hand of God

 

When your deliverance comes, continue to praise Him because He has more in store for you. Thank Him for breakthrough in your home, on your job and with your children. Through your authority in Jesus, place a demand on your breakthrough and watch God show up in your life in ways you would have never imagined.

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Lots going on here - we talked with Eeyore's sister last night, and she sounds very shaken, understandably so. Right now, they aren't sure when surgery will occur and they don't know how widespread the cancer is - but, when surgery occurs, we will get Eeyore down there to be with them during recovery.

 

We got some help last night on the Helpers call - I appreciate what LO50 posted above, because I think that's one of things that I do very poorly, trust God in negative circumstances. I still tend to think that it's my fault that we're in the bad, and it's my job to get us out. I realize, though, that's just an excuse to roll over and shutdown because "Wah, it's SO overwhelming". Then, Eeyore gets to come in and clean up the mess.

 

It's time that I started growing up IN ALL MOMENTS, not just when it's convenient for me - the Cross wasn't convenient for Christ, and our marriage hasn't been convenient for Eeyore, but they both followed through on their commitments and remained steadfast through the bad.

 

It is SO easy for me to forget that my wife wants ONLY to be WITH ME - regardless of what's happening around us. NOTHING matters to her but the togetherness of everyday life. God, please help me UNDERSTAND this - get this INTO MY BRAIN! We are opposites in this, but I know that God wants me to LEARN and CHANGE how I am, because maturity is working together as a TEAM, not stepping off into the weeds to let your wife fix the problems alone.

 

I woke up this morning with a fresh revelation of how willing my wife is to just BE WITH ME in everything, and how terribly I treat her when that's what she's trying to do. I know that EVERYTHING is easier when we're working together, and I want to make that our "normal" in bad times as well as in good times, and I will work harder than ever to keep our TOGETHERNESS in my mind.

 

HerDensity

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I woke up with a picture too... one that showed me that every time I show HD any of my pain, he says, "but my boo-boo is bigger!". Waaahhh!!!

 

We have tried to fix HIS pain for 20 years. I HAVE tried to fix HIS PAIN for 20 years. And yet he still wants more.

 

I NEED him right now. I also WANT him right now. He tells himself that I can't possibly want him. How insulting is that? :roll: I am smart enough to know what I want and what I need. But if he is going to continue to NOT believe me, and continue to NOT want to be that person, then he can have what he wishes for.

 

I played a song for him last night that I played for him SEVERAL years ago...

It is "Mama He's Crazy" (by the Judds).

 

The lyrics say...

 

Mama, I found someone

Like you said would come along

He's a sight, so unlike

Any man I've known

I was afraid to let him in

'Cause I'm not the trustin' kind

But now I'm convinced

That he's heaven sent

And must be out of his mind

 

(Chorus)

 

Mama, he's crazy

Crazy over me

And in my life is where he says

He always wants to be

I've never been so in love

He beats all I've ever seen

Mama, he's crazy

He's crazy over me

 

And, Mama, you've always said,

"Better look before you leap!"

Maybe so, but here I go

Lettin' my heart lead me

He thinks I hung the moon and stars

I think he's a livin' dream

Well, there are men

But ones like him

Are few and far between

 

 

I told HD that he needs to realize that this song is about TWO people.

He thinks I hung the moon and stars

I think he's a livin' dream

 

And it is about promises that he made to me!

And in my life is where he says

He always wants to be

 

I am tired of him knocking himself down in order for him to feel "more needy" and "less worthy" than me. I don't care about his "boo-boos" any more!! Time for him to care about mine.

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I stumbled across this post this morning.

 

From my very first post, Jan 8, 2009...

 

He is not physically abusive, but the loneliness that I feel makes me want to die... literally. And I am tired of it.

 

As I told HD yesterday, his emotional distance is the reason for basically EVERY argument we have ever had!!

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Eeyore wrote:

 

As I told HD yesterday, his emotional distance is the reason for basically EVERY argument we have ever had!!

 

Amen! I so understand this...have lived it.

 

This choice to abandon,leave, go inward has always been Romans' first defense/downloaded attitude to engage in...

 

I think the only reason he is not now, is because of two things:

(sharing this in the hope it might be helpful)

 

1. He came to such a realization that this 'leaving' was an arrested habit of self-gratification (tho not consciously 'thought out' , it was intentional because he'd 'practiced' it so pervasively)

 

In this realization he came to understand and accept that on some level this was punishment and abandonment of me, and of his choosing...

 

2. As to self gratification, he came to understand and admit that although he wasn't using SG physically through MB, his neuropathways were still going into himself, almost trance-like (try dissociation?) to self-comfort and avoid the reality (read conflict,pain,needs, issues, scarey stuff) around him.

 

It was only weeks ago that we both had a really transformational discussion about the Holy Spirit revealing this to him/us.

 

The issue became this-- "Bruce, what behavior are you going to choose to substitute for this old way of coping?"

 

This is hard...like asking me "Sharon what behavior are you going to choose to subsitute instead of overeating to calm yourself down?"

 

The difference? My behavior wasn't as directly relational in its' effect on others (sure, it will affect my family someday if I have coronary or other health problems if I don't change my food addictions).

 

But, understanding this concept helped us on both sides...from both perspectives.

 

For me, I better understand how hard-wired this is (still, telling Bruce that he HAD to deal with this now! Thank God he is doing that because it was/is abusive to me).

 

For him, it became a tool...a hands on awareness that he is able to get a handle on...actually grasping the action-step of having to substitute a different behavior for his habitual first-course-of-action of self-comforting instead of ME-comforting!

 

I'd like him to share with y'all about this...but from my bird's-eye-view, the CHANGE happened when the Holy Spirit revealed to Bruce that he had a spiritual stronghold, that was expressed through a neurological (arrested!) pattern.

 

Once he became willing to pray and allow God to address this (including his need to repent for believing in Satan's lies= a spirit of rejection) then the Holy Spirit could show up and be the dunamis/dynamic of change that Bruce needed.

 

Simply put?

 

I COULD NOT DO THIS FOR BRUCE...

 

HE HAD TO DO THIS FOR HIMSELF...

 

EVEN THOUGH I HAD THIS NEED FOR THESE ISSUES TO CEASE IMMEDIATELY, HE HAD TO COME TO THE POINT OF WILLINGNESS TO FACE HIS NEED TO SELF-COMFORT AND LAY IT ON THE ALTAR OF TRUSTING GOD TO MEET HIS NEED!

 

And, God in His grace is meeting Bruce at his point of need...I am NOT the Holy Spirit although I can speak truth of the HS to Bruce :) .

 

I am not his life-source...but I can encourage him to run to the HS/ his life-source by confronting and pointing him back toward God...

 

He is messing up on this sometimes...and now when I remind him, he is turning around and repenting right away, then changing his behavior.

 

I'll let him share with you what he's doing to find out how God meets his needs.

 

I am not involved with that part of the process...as you said earlier Eeyore--

 

 

I woke up with a picture too... one that showed me that every time I show HD any of my pain, he says, "but my boo-boo is bigger!". Waaahhh!!!

 

We have tried to fix HIS pain for 20 years. I HAVE tried to fix HIS PAIN for 20 years. And yet he still wants more.

 

I NEED him right now. I also WANT him right now.

 

Yep! You DO need him RIGHT NOW! And it's not your role to meet HD's needs in this, is it? :idea:

 

Love you both, just bunches...all this is shared with extreme humility and the awareness that you are called and blessed by God to lead us in this...

 

Sometimes though, maybe God can speak through our failures (me and Bruce) to bless others! :wink:

 

I'm also thinking that the Holy Spirit wants to work through Kim and Josh praying for discernment about some repentance/confession/releasing type of inner healing prayers for HD (and then, delightfully for you too, Eeyore as HD's responder!). Bruce can share about this as well...

 

Much of the fruit of our turn-around happened in this way...the Holy Spirit just did a work of sanctification/cleansing/repentance in our heart attitudes toward God and each other...

 

AW

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Hey, HD and Eeyore -

 

I am following up on Sharon's post, with great hope that I've got something that will help here.

 

This is what I've learned so far about combating my longstanding pattern of going inward and isolating when Sharon is in a place where she is needing me, or needing to confront me.

 

During the last couple of weeks, I had tanked pretty seriously. Sharon had to throw me completely out and not have me around. I was alone for several days.

 

I finally pulled myself up out of my depression and self-pity and concentrated on hearing what the Lord was saying to me, he showed me that I was laboring under both a spirit of fear and a spirit of rejection. They have both been issues in my life, going back as far as I can remember.

 

This is part-and-parcel, I believe, of my history of SG (MB), which began for me at age 4 (possibly earlier) and continued (daily) until I was almost 29. I have wondered for years whether I was a sexual abuse victim. I have no proof, but I still wonder.

 

Even though I no longer use MB, I still have the hardwiring in my brain, as Sharon has shown me. This is also at the root of the mother-son issues I have with her.

 

The Lord has shown me that I am at a fork in the road every time I have a chance to choose myself, or choose my wife. He whispered that to me yesterday, and nudged me to choose the better road. When Sharon called me back after I had hurt her by going silent and sullen in the middle of an important phone call, I chose the better road, because the Lord has impressed upon me that I can trust Him to handle my feelings of inadequacy. He's also shown me that those feelings are a trap, because I get nothing out of staying there (I believed for years that I would get insight - I'm still waiting for an insight other than, "I'm bad."). When I choose to do the right thing in meeting Sharon's heart, then we get the blessing not only of seeing her heart healed, but I also get an infusion of God's life-source when I make the right choice - an injection of joy and confidence and strength that comes from doing what the Lord says about loving my wife. (I believe that this is a variety of the "gift of faith" from 1 Corinthians 12.) Yes, for me it there is still fear and discomfort in the moment, but if I step forward in faith to the God-side of the fork and meet Sharon, the Lord is right there to begin to lift those feelings off me. Kind of like, "leap, and the net will appear." It's a divine appointment for me, every opportunity I have to show Sharon and the Lord that I am available to make the right choice. (It feels great!!!) And I know that the more I make this choice, the more natural it will become, and my brain will start to get rewired.

 

It is getting to the point for me where I realize that, on the one hand, I have a choice, but on the other hand I don't. One road in the fork is life - the God-life, and blessing Sharon's heart - and the other road is slow death - remaining arrested, suffering under the enemy's condemnation and my own self-loathing - in addition to the knowledge that choosing this road is choosing to abuse my wife. Only one road has that infusion of God-life that I crave, and that my wife needs.

 

So, HD, let me encourage you. Eeyore needs you. Ask the Lord to meet you at the fork, and then leap. The net will appear. I believe the Lord will meet you to take hold. When you leap, you will get an infusion from the Holy Spirit - He will give you the words to say, and He will give you the gift of faith you need for Eeyore.

 

Love you guys - hope this helps!

 

Bruce/R12:2

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AW and R12:2 - thanks for posting here, and for the Word that you have laid out here...

 

Eeyore and I have spoken before about how my running and hiding from her emotionally is a "dry drunk" version of a withdrawal from SG. I have stopped the SG, but I haven't replaced that behavior with something positive, and when the stress rises, I don't have a positive behavior or thought pattern (synapses, etc.) to take the place of the emotional distancing. Without the replacement behavior, the distancing "just happens" as an "automatic" response to the stress - I know that I have a choice for this NOT to happen, and I need to start exercising that choice, which will re-wire my brain...

 

I need to read both of your posts more than once, because I know that this is something that hits at the crux of the issue - my immaturity is VERY deep-seated because of years of SG and porn...

 

Thanks for speaking into our lives!

HerDensity

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Hey Eeyore and Her Destiny,

 

AW and R12 said something that rings true with me as well: that the process of learning how to tap into the Holy Spirit for help in receiving and unloading your bride's emotions is a different process for every guy. The way I get help seems to be different than the way Josh gets his help, and R12, and LO50.

 

Despite our 3 years in this ministry, I have only recently learned how to get help from the Holy Spirit when I am faced with the emotions Dory needs to share. When I am listening, the HS encourages me to lay down my fleshly wants, my desire to be heard, my desire to be right. These are the parts of me that still need to die. That is the difference for me now.

 

Now I know that the HS is always there to encourage and give strength. Granted, I still shut my ears and don't listen sometimes (when I am self focused) but the HS just shifts gears and uses Dory's voice instead of directly encouraging me. What a gift! She is awesome and my greatest blessing in life. And through her I am reminded how loved I am by my Savior.

 

HD, I know for sure that you will have a breakthru in your ability to hear her, be with her, and fill her needs. You are looking in the right place for help... The HS... and you will get better and better at it.

 

Eeyore, I apologize for insulting you with my input on the helpers call. LO50's post shows me what I should have said. I should have said 'Though hey may not now know how to cope with your feelings, he wants to learn, he WILL learn, and I know he will be blessed with that learning because you are both beloved children of our loving God. Her Destiny WILL get it and you are the best one to show him how thru being the great helpmeet you are. Our prayers a with you that your desire for this marriage will be rewarded in spectacular fashion.

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Hey all,

 

We had a pretty good weekend here, overall. Last night, Eeyore's brother and sister-in-law dropped by to have dinner and hang out with us. We a really nice time together, although I did start slipping to the "Mr Know-it-all" routine a couple of times. Eeyore subtly called me out on it, and helped me to see where and when it was happening, and I was able to change on the spot. I was able to see how I was sliding into the "show-off" role, and stop it before I hurt Eeyore, or put her in a spot of having to react in a way that would put her in a bad light in front of her family again...

 

We also spent some time working together on a budget last night, although it was more of a "catch up to what your wife has been doing for you" night for me. I am slowly beginning to understand just how much she has been taking on within the marriage ALONE, when this should have been stuff that we were working on together all along.

 

HerDensity

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although I did start slipping to the "Mr Know-it-all" routine a couple of times. Eeyore subtly called me out on it, and helped me to see where and when it was happening, and I was able to change on the spot. I was able to see how I was sliding into the "show-off" role, and stop it before I hurt Eeyore

 

::clap ::clap ::clap ::clap ::clap

 

See, he CAN be taught! :wink: Nice "do over," Steve. Now just rinse and repeat for the rest of your life.

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Sitting across from HD as he works from home today. He is on a meeting, so he is concentrating pretty hard and looks pretty "intense" (as he usually does). I can't help but look at him and feel SO thankful that this man loves me.

 

HD, I am so proud of you. I am thankful for you. I am honored to be your wife. Your commitment to me and our family helps fill me with the love that I have been missing all of my life. Thanks for working so hard to become the man of my dreams!

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Happy BD, HD!

 

Father, we pray that you would bless our brother on this special day, and from this day forward.

 

Grace him with a new level of awareness of Your voice...bless him with a deeper sense of Your leading Holy Spirit...

 

Lavish Your presence on him Lord. Let him rest in the secure understanding that You are in his every moment...ready to direct him to be more like You, Jesus.

 

And send the overflow of this love into his wife and children Lord!

 

Amen!

 

AW

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