PRAISE REPORT!

[JoelandKathy]

This is copied from Scarlett's topic at

http://www.joelandkathy.com/boards/viewtopic.php?p=43549#43549

 

Be sure to go and read the full topic by clicking on the link. (have to be registered to read full topic)

 

 

What a difference a week makes...

 

The Intensive was FANTASTIC.

 

Kathy and Joel (I purposely reversed the names ) are so gentle and compassionate; yet, strong and definitive. Perfectly matched and full of hope and love. They are anointed and their message is from God! I will be forever grateful to Him for bringing me to them...

 

One week ago today, I was dreading Florida and seeing my estranged husband, Rhett, again...

 

We almost didn't make it through... my H came to me on Saturday morning and told me that he cannot do this. I am asking too much of him concerning his mother and he cannot hurt her. All I said was, calmly, "ok, thank you for telling me." Inside I was going crazy! What is his problem!!! He confirmed all my fears and why I did NOT want to come to Florida and meet him. I called Kathy and told her I was leaving. She talked me into staying and the rest is a surprising love-story .

 

I learned that Rhett's mother is pressuring him to stay with her and divorce me. She is telling him that she hates me and I am no good. I actually think she is speaking out of selfishness and fear...it is more of survival for her. She doesn't want to go into assisted living and move up North, she wants to stay in her home in Florida and she cannot do it alone... she wants my H to be her caretaker. What I didn't know, is how much he was struggling with this... Apparently his "allegiance" had expanded to also include his mother (along with his ex-wife) over me. Rhett's mom is not being nice to him now; she is using anger to manipulate him into divorcing me; yet, he is still coming home... Amazing.

 

Rhett's growth during this same week is extraordinary. It is nothing short of a miracle from the great miracle-maker, the Lord of Lords and King of Kings!

 

Let me add that I have made it abundantly clear, to Rhett that I am not playing games with my marriage any longer... he is either "in" with God's design for marriage/husbands or he isn't. There is no in-between for me. I am too old and have seen too much heartache from my mother's life (she and my dad are married 56 years and my dad is 2 yrs old---IMAGINE what her life has been like and my example of marriage???)

 

The following are email exchanges, since the Intensive, between J&K and me:

 

Scarlett (formerly OliviaF; now Scarlett of "Scarlett & Rhett" ) wrote:

Hi J&K,

 

Rhett told me that Kathy isn't feeling well. I am so sorry to hear that, especially with her parents visiting. Is she better today?

 

I just wanted to tell you that you two are great...

 

and that I asked Rhett to come back, into our home, this upcoming weekend------

 

for two reasons:

 

1. his mom is a very bad influence on him and her power over him is no good for our growth and his growing up. He needs to get out of there. If we wait, I believe he will back-slide and when he does come back, we'll (I'll) be starting at square-one again! I don't have the patience or desire for that.

 

2. I want him at home because I want to move ahead... I told him that I believe he wants this, but whether it is only in his head or not cannot be seen/known until we are together. If he is faking, I'll soon know. I told him that I will have NO problem filing for divorce and getting a restraining order keeping him out of the house, if this is only in his head and not in his heart. Please understand that I am well aware that he is 2 years old and has a lot of growing to do. I know for a season, I will have 4 boys to raise .

 

I do not want to waste another 4 years of my life (length of our marriage)... Rhett is either serious or he is not. I will know once he is living here.

 

J&K said:

You have a perfect attitude going in and we are VERY excited for you and your family. With your perfect attitude, if Rhett does not succeed, then he would not succeed with anyone!

 

We have a good feeling about Rhett - he reminds me of LargeOne. Did either of you end up on the group call last night?

 

KUDO's, KUDO's, KUDO's!

 

I know the folks on the forum will love to hear your so far report!

 

Blessings,

 

Joel for J and K

 

PS Kathy is just hanging in here today. She is a trooper..

 

Scarlett said:

Thank you for the Kudos. I'm blushing , but I don't have an icon for that!

 

Rhett and I had a long conversation today about the SUV his mother "gave" him, while he has been living with her. Since she is NOT letting him bring it home (she doesn't want me to 'touch' it), I explained that it was not a gift, but a bribe. He seemed hurt and defensive and I immediately told him that he is making me feel as he did with his ex-wife -----her feelings matter and mine don't. He immediately apologized.

 

I can see him trying and he keeps saying, "I know you are speaking to me from God and I need to listen to you." I know he is saying it as much for himself as for me and that is okay.

 

We did not make the call last night. I didn't get in from the airport until 4pm on Monday afternoon, my 3 boys were very happy to see me and we were busy catching up, going out to eat, etc... I fell asleep (or passed out) about 9:30.

 

I've been cleaning all day and doing laundry---catch-up for the past week. My son has a 6pm baseball game. My son's birthday is tomorrow... a lot going on here. It seems unlikely I will make it through until tonight's call either, but I will try.

 

Rhett and I agreed to definitely be on Thursday's call at 9pm. Did you want me/us to speak (is there a GASP icon???)?

 

I will continue to pray for Kathy's speedy recovery.

 

Today is Wednesday-May 20 and I've been home 2 days. My H calls a lot and says: I love you. He asks my thoughts/opinions on his "mother" situation and it is so different than anything I've ever experienced in marriage. So very sweet and comforting. I feel loved for the first time since we said "I DO."

 

Please don't be concerned that I've gone loco-in-love. I am very aware that my H has a long way too go/come. I am putting my full trust in God and in doing that I must love my husband and trust that he is working for my/our good. If not, then I am the one who is slowing the process and will prolong the recovery of our marriage or discovery of his facade. I want to move forward and quickly... either to my dream OHM or divorce and hope of an OHM someday in my future.

 

Thank you everyone for all your prayers, concerns, words of hope and love. I will keep everyone posted... he'll be home Sunday night!

[Cinderella]

Wow, what a lovely surprise this was! Thank you J&K for all your love and support, but mostly

 

thank you for loving God so much that you two would lay down your lives for the restoration of marriages throughout the world! It is truly a sight to behold at the Intensive. How do you find the hours in a day???

 

You two are present day miracle workers. Working for the glory of the Kingdom of God, saving souls from eternal hell and bringing hope to the next generation of married men, through the healing of their fathers!

[JoelandKathy]

This also is copy and pasted from Scarlett's topic. (see link in the first post above)

 

 

 

LOL... Miss Jane you are too funny!

 

Thank you Largeone for the information and caring about our marriage .

 

There is so much to say and it would cause everyone to have to quit work just to have ample time to read my update(s)!

 

God is so very good. I hope that if anyone reads my blog that the ONE thing they take away from my life/message is that

 

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

WE SERVE AN AWESOME GOD!!!

Here goes...

 

On Wednesday (June 3) I had had it with Rhett... his whining and vomiting all over me about all his pain, anguish, "killing" of his mother (emotionally), dying to himself, etc... was KILLING me... it started a slow death---I was the one dying not Rhett---so by Wednesday I couldn't take it any longer. What a baby my H is!

 

He went on the men's call that same night... the men gave him advice and encouraged him to die... instead he came to bed and decided to continue his whining and vomiting all over me, in his "I am such a victim" way.

 

Oh, excuse me, I mean Rhett wasn't vomiting, just telling me how he feels.... (per Rhett)

 

I TOLD HIM that he had until Sunday to prove to me that he was indeed on board with God's desire for our marriage or I was kicking his butt out and sending him back to his mother! I meant it and he knew I did.

 

I was/am NOT wasting another day being unhappy and dying for my husband to live... if the cost of his life is my death, then he has to leave. That is it!

 

By Thursday morning I was so frustrated and unhappy with Rhett that I couldn't bear the thought of him in this house one more moment... I was beyond frustrated and Miss Jane called...(God is so good!)

 

The Holy Spirit truly spoke through her, to me.

 

She listened, empathized and then got logical---LOVE IT!

 

She said I need to make a list of the top 5 things that Rhett HAD to do by Sunday for me to believe he was desirous of this marriage and indeed intended on DYING so that I could LIVE.

 

My list:

1. clear my reputation, that he dragged through the mud, with his mother and family, but especially his mother (btw, I didn't care if they believed him or not, he needed to do that for ME).

2. get me a vehicle (SUV)---mine was 11 years old!

3. take me to lunch 2 days before Sunday (we are together, in our home, 24/7 and for 4 yrs he's NEVER taken me to lunch).

4. go to the Jersey Shore boardwalk in a date on Saturday evening (I love funnel-cake ).

5. Apologize to my eldest son (who is here 24/7 and watching Craig NOT die for me for the past week) for being selfish and hurting my heart and in that, hurting my son's heart.

 

We went to lunch Thursday afternoon (June 4) within that hour and I within a lot of stress, I handed him the list and his face went into shock. I said, "what?" He said, "nothing, I just don't know if I can do this."

 

Here was my reaction to that: .

 

When we left the restaurant, I said, "how about if we drive down to ____ and just pull into car dealers and see what is available." He said, OK and off we went. We found the "SUV of my dreams" that afternoon!!!" We both knew that God planned that entire afternoon.

 

Well, he accomplished all 5 items by Saturday!

 

My SUV was in the driveway by Friday night!!! I love it!!! God is soooo generous. It is more/greater than I ever dreamed I could have!

 

Later I asked him, "what were you thinking when you read the list?" Rhett said, "I wanted to go to my mom's." Again: .

 

I have told him a couple times since then that he CANNOT tell me (vomit on me) that he wants to leave me for mommy when I make a request of him. He apologized and hasn't mentioned it since!

 

His mother told him she never wanted to speak to him again... he came to me immediately and said how free he felt that he chose to break that stronghold with his mom... (we are believing she will return to him).

 

LADIES---Please know that if your husband made the huge sacrifice/effort to get to Florida, then he does want his marriage to work. Hold him to the fire, do not fear loosing him because if you do not force him to choose to die, then he most likely will leave, emotionally at least, anyway.

 

"Be bold and strong! Banish fear and Doubt! For the Lord your God is with you!" Joshua 1:9

[Kay]

Totally SO Cool! I'm proud of you, Ms. Scarlett. Wish I had read this back in Sept. of 07. It could have stopped me tons of pain!

 

Keep on Chugging along, my friend!

 

Love you,

Kay

[Cinderella]

Thank you Kay. The kudos mean a lot. Things get confusing in the midst of feelings flying and after the ultimatum, you think, "what if he does choose to leave? What if doing this is too hard?" But what is the alternative??? Living as corpse for the rest of your life. No thank you! I've watched my sweet loving mother do that for 56 years and she is SOOO happy for me that I am not living that life another day!

[JoelandKathy]

Amen!

 

Hey, another couple is coming to the next intensive - his ex-wife is apparently getting all of the priority. Hmm.. I wonder who might be able to help a couple like that after the intensive.. or even before if they end up on the group calls?

[Pure in Heart]

Scarlett,

 

They whisked you away to the OHM Happy Land section but I have been following your story...God is wonderful and gracious. God leaves me speechless and awestruck. I am so happy for you.

 

"OH, RHETT".... insert fake fainting spell...has a real tiger by the tail with you. I love your spunk...You stay on him!!

 

Rejoicing and praising our God for your restoration....careful Rhett...Scarlett is not any ordinary woman!!! But you knew that

 

 

Pure in Heart

[Cinderella]

J&K said:

Hey, another couple is coming to the next intensive - his ex-wife is apparently getting all of the priority. Hmm.. I wonder who might be able to help a couple like that after the intensive.. or even before if they end up on the group calls?

 

Oh No!!! Said Mr. Bill!

 

Rhett said he'd be more than happy to lead her husband astray and teach him how to remain a toddler... . (He is right here with me ).

 

I would love to help in any way I can .

 

Ok... Rhett is here, breathing over my neck and insisting I say, "we can help." Are you happy Rhett???

 

PinH said:

"OH, RHETT".... insert fake fainting spell...has a real tiger by the tail with you. I love your spunk...You stay on him!!

 

Thank you so much. I get skeptical sometimes as to what is too much. I appreciate your input... You've been a blessing to me .