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God Save My Marriage

Please help me see HOPE!! I need you people terribly!!


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Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

 

The pain you are feeling is good. Embrace it.

 

Know that the pain you caused your wife felt a hundred times worse to her at those moments.

 

When you really feel this pain....you will that much closer to empathizing with her....it will about her, not about you.

 

That is what you need right now.

 

God is with you. He promises. He's there.

 

Bless you for reaching for Him.

 

Abigail

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I have decided winning my wife back has GOT to take a backseat to getting myself healthy and spiritually grounded in Christ. Pray for me that I give up my chewing tobacco, I know it is a major stumbling block in my relationship with God.

I listened to numerous Joyce Meyer sermons today on my Ipod while at work and have come to the conclusion God wants my heart first and foremost- even to the point of letting my wife go for good.

My children will always be in my life and I must focus upon being a Godly example to them and a mentally healthy adult. I cannot do this holding on to my wife or being preoccupied with how she chooses to live her life right now. God is not limited in His ability to move and influence someone's heart. I most certainly am. I must cast my cares upon the Lord for He cares for me even more than I care for myself. He will not, will not, will not, leave me nor forsake me and He has a plan for me, one of a future and a hope. No harm will befall me. I can choose to rest in Him knowing that He began a good work in me and will see it through to completion. I do not need to fear, if God is for me which He most certainly is- who can be against me.

 

I am NOT in control here and will not add one breath to my lungs by woorying. I will cast all anxiety on the Lord and pray without ceasing that He have His way in my life and the lives of those I care about.

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Just a quick thought... it seems like you might be struggling with some anxiety attacks. Not sure, but I have had then, and if you are in this place, you might want to talk to a doctor to get help while you do the growing that needs to be done.

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Anxiety attacks??!! You ain't kidding- but I will- with the help of God overcome them. Only question is-- is grief something we are supposed to be able to walk through without it hurting almost to the point of causing dysfunction? If I was not in school and listening to my joyce Meyer sermons, quotinq scripture and praying like mad I would seriously be a candidate for a padded cell I think.

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I am not sure if you are supposed to be able to walk thru it without hurting that much, but probably not. As someone told you, it is probably nothing compared to the pain that you have caused your wife. You need to walk thru this in order to become a mature man. If you got your way now, I know that the growing that needs to happen would not come to completion. And it needs to happen, with or without you wife. I don't know what others think about meds, but I know, as a wife, it has helped me.

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I have one week of school left after this one then the whole month of september off. That will be a good indicator I think of where I am at. Better or worse, but don't want to affect my brain chemistry during finals week I think.

 

Everybody just keep praying for me. This is not a month I am looking forward to, just realized meds may not be a bad idea once I get done with this qtr. as the D is supposed to be finalized mid Sept. might be a good time to get physiologically prepared.

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I awoke this morning with total peace in my decision to quit focusing on "winning my wife's heart" and he next "do" I must figure out. I released the situation to God again before my feet even hit the floor.

 

Father your daughter K needs you desperately because of the hurt I sowed into her life and the way in which she is choosing to soothe it, you know best how to minister to her- I pray you touch her deep, hold her safe, and guide her in the way you would have her to go. Raise up holy workers to surround her in Christ's love in a tangible way.

 

I thank you I am forgiven and on my journey to becoming more Christlike and pray you have your way in me today. Create in me a servants heart. Search me and reveal any unclean thing in me. Help me put a guard on my mouth that words I speak would be uplifting and edifying.

 

Be with my children this day Lord that they not pick up any offense or roots of bitterness, that their hearts would remain fixed upon Jesus and be protected from the wiles of the enemy- may they walk in favor and blessing and your special provision of peace. May they continue to honor their flawed father and mother that their days would be long. Hold them closely God and shelter them from what is ahead of us, please in Jesus name and by His blood- I release it all, all my cares, concerns, anxieties, and people I care about into your hands.

 

Then my devotional / prophesy this morning was:

 

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- August 18, 2009:

 

Rise up from the dead ashes of the past, whether the recent past or distant past, for what's done is done. You cannot go back and correct or change what is behind. But, you can set up positive and powerful parameters for the future if you will just let go and trust Me, says the Lord. Now is the time to set yourself up for blessings and victory by charging your atmosphere with prayer, proclamations, and godly thoughts and intentions. Be done with any victim mentality, and leave it in the past where it belongs. Then, prepare to move higher.

 

Philippians 3:13-14 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

 

PEACE!!!

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Join with me as I pray for my wife that the spirits of:

fear

condemnation

doubt

adultery

bitterness

anger

would be bound in her life in Jesus' name

She is a blood bought spirit filled wise child of God whom He loves dearly that desires to live a life pleasing to God. She is filled with a hunger for Jesus Christ and I praise Him for drawing her to Him in everyway everyday. He is the great physiscian and through Him she will be healed.

 

God is faithful and He will protect her.

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Alright folks- I need some counsel. You all know that my ability to influence my wife's heart in tangible ways has met with total resistance and that isn't a surprise to me considering the attitude under which she initiated the divorce.

 

But here's the thing- I am growing in the belief that:

Prayer is the single most powerful force in the universe.

God has a plan for me- one of a future and a hope- not of harm.

God is good and wise and all powerful. He holds my life in His hands and has my very best interest at heart.

God is the ONLY one who can change the heart of man and women.

God will never leave me nor forsake me.

He has begun a good work in me and will see it through to completion.

Reconciliation if it should occur will be the icing on the cake in my journey to Christlikeness.

My emotions are all over the place and I feel directly linked to my depth of conviction to the above listed beliefs. "The more strongly / deeply I believe the less my emotions will be all over the place." So far so good? If so, how do I deepen my level of conviction of these beliefs??

 

I understand I have caused my wife great pain- but right now it seems like she is choosing to live intoxicated with love / infatuation / lust and is refusing to acknowledge it. Something I cannot DO anything about. Once again- I must grab a hold of the fact God is on the job and that all things work together for good of those called according to His purpose. Another belief that has to become a deep seated conviction. How do I get these "thoughts" I call them right now to become part of who I am and rest in accepting God is on my side and He will not be defeated in His plans?

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Something I cannot DO anything about.

 

You are right, there is not a single thing that you can do at this time to change what your wife is doing or how she is living. Please accept that.

 

I am not sure what else to say to you. I return to the anxiety concern. Your posts go from being filled with peace to being spastic posts filled with anxiety and confusion. Your fluctuation makes me wonder what else can be said to reach you. As I said, you HAVE to accept that there is nothing that you can do to change your wife, her actions, her thoughts, her needs, etc. You MUST work on you, love your children, seek the Lord, and leave your wife alone!! Only by doing these things will you ever have an hope of winning your wife back. But you must press forward, knowing that your marriage is over, and that you will do the right thing even if your wife is never won back.

 

Blessings to you as you continue on this journey. Allow God to break the strong areas in you. Be bendable, teachable, flexible... Stop trying to be at the goal when you have just begun the journey. There is so much work that is left to be done.

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BW:

 

What I hear you asking is if we think you are unstable emotionally...

 

As you stated you are filled with anxiety over all of this.

 

I am not a doctor...(nor do I play one on Tv..) so if you think that you might be feeling some anxiety, depression, etc...over all of this...then you probably need to see a doctor and ask for help in that regard...God made doctors and gave them the brains to come up with all sorts of medications to help us when we need it...so if you think you need something to help stable your emotions, then do seek out a doctor...Medication is there...you just have to seek it out and get that help you feel you need....

 

Maybe it will help you and help you along this path of becoming Christlike....

 

I have a question for you......

 

Have you read the red book lately? If not...I would encourage you to go back and re-read it again...this time underlining the parts that pertain to you and your situation....

 

Have you been able to get on any of the group or men's calls? Why not take advantage of this help that is available?

 

You've been here since March....we have given and given and given...and yet you still stay in the same cycle here. I, like many others, don't know what else to say to you other than what has been said.

 

Learning to become Christlike is not something you can do on your own strengh..it's only through Christ Jesus the Lord will you make the change in your heart. It's in your head....but take it down about 18 inches to your heart...

 

This is changing your soul here, your way of life, your heart...living in the Holy Spirit before you can live in the flesh....

 

When you are reading the Word of God...are you listening with your eyes or your heart? I feel that maybe you are just listening with your eyes here and not your heart....

 

Think about this.....

 

Heather

 

Ps...One day you will thank me for being hard with you....I don't hold back to "spare" your feelings...because your feelings don't matter at this moment in time....Die to those feelings...

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No. Not yet. I have been giving Cbad's post a lot of time when feeling "stable." Last night / yesterday I read a bunch of it. I am on page 27 right now.

My prayers took a different direction this morning- you will all say DUH!!

 

I considered the example I must set / be for my children. It was much easier asking God to mold me and shape me for that purpose with a heart felt plea than to "win my wife back." Especially for the little boy I love so very much that idolizes his father and is at the tender age of 9 and my two preteen beautys. I must be the example of the man I would want them to marry.

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BW asked:

 

How do I get these "thoughts" I call them right now to become part of who I am and rest in accepting God is on my side and He will not be defeated in His plans?

 

Here is how you do it: you personalize all of these scriptures and read them out loud several tims daily and also take time to really ponder their meaning for you in your life right now. Here is what I mean:

 

Here are your thoughts from above:

 

1. Prayer is the single most powerful force in the universe.

2. God has a plan for me- one of a future and a hope- not of harm.

3. God is good and wise and all powerful. He holds my life in His hands and has my very best interest at heart.

4. God is the ONLY one who can change the heart of man and women.

5. God will never leave me nor forsake me.

6. He has begun a good work in me and will see it through to completion.

 

1. Prayer - James 5:16b - The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Make it personal: The prayer of Mark David, a righteous man in Christ is powerful and effective.

2. God is good and his heart towards me is good. Jeremiah 29:11-12 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Make it personal: "Mark David I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Mark, then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

3. God is good, wise, all powerful and has my best interest at heart - John 10:27-30 - My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one."

Make if personal: Mark David my lamb, which you are, listens to my voice; I know you, and you follow me. I give you, Mark David, eternal life, and you shall never perish; no one can snatch you, Mark David, out of my hand. My Father, who has given you to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch you, Mark David, out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one."
4. God is the Only One who can change the heart - Psalm 51:10 - Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Make it personal: Create in me, Mark David, a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

5. God will never leave or forsake me - Hebrews 13:5 -6 - Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

Make it personal: Mark David, keep your life free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Mark, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I, Mark David, will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

6. He has begun a good work in me and will complete it - Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Make it personal: Mark David be confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

 

One last one, feast on this...

 

Luke 15:20 - So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Make it personal: "Mark David when you get up and come to me your father, while you are still a long way off, I see you and am filled with compassion for you. I run to you Mark David and I through my arms around you and kiss you, my son."

 

You can also start praying these for your wife and put her name in the personalized versions. Renew your mind by making His word personal to you and then daily taking the time to put it into your mind, speak it out loud to yourself. His word never returns void, but always accomplishes the purpose for which He sent it, to make you Mark David like Jesus Christ. Therefore, stand firm in His mighty power by faith in Him!

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Hey folks- I am thinking about writing my wife an e-mail along the lines of:

 

You know for as long as you have known me and for the 9 years of our marriage I have walked in and served the desires of the flesh. Much of the reason I have learned it was such a hard time grabbing onto God was because of my fears of abandonment, rejection, and punishment I learned from my father beating the crap out of me from the age of four until I left home at 16. I tranferred these fears to God and never felt good enough to be loved by God or learned to trust Him with my life.

 

I am doing that now and growing ever so steadily but wanted you to know as I continue to pursue Christlikeness and become the man it would be safe for our daughters to marry and our son to imitate, if you see anything in me that is not Christlike I would appreciate you bringing it to my attention.

 

Thank-you.

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Beloved Warrior,

 

The reason I keep on about Cbad's thread is that it contains the answers to the direction your questions are headed. It gives you an opportunity to have your questions answered without having to wait on one of us to respond. If you read and begin to comprehend what is being said, when one of your panic attacks hits, you can go and look for the answers.

 

GMS has done a masterful job of bringing you scriptures to live by. So,please do print them out and carry them in your wallet. You need something to calm you during the storm. Medication may also be needed for a season. I took some early on and I am sure others have as well. Another huge thing for me was being diagnosed with Adult ADHD. You do show some signs of this as well. Have you ever been tested?

 

After I started taking my ADHD medicine, it changed everything. A lot of the guys here have been diagnosed as well. Something to think about. You are getting great counsel here. Please open your heart completely and follow the advice. You can do this. If I can, anyone can.

 

God Bless

David

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Beloved Warrior,

 

I did not see your post about the email until now. I say this with love in my heart, Stop trying to impress your wife with your words! The only thing that will impress her is you becoming Christlike. PERIOD. I and others have told you over and over to STOP worrying about what she is doing and thinking. You will FOREVER be stuck where you are right now if you do not get this. Once again, this is covered over and over in Cbad's thread.

 

If you send her that email or any other email stating how much you have changed, you will have lost ALL that has been built between you and your wife during your journey. It's time to start listening friend and IMPLEMENTING!

 

God Bless

David

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BW - do not send the email. Eeyore, Looney & FHFH are all giving you wise counsel. I also agree that you can learn a lot from Cbad's string or what not to do. Cbad's primary problem was pride, he always thought that he knew better and that we just didn't fully understand his situation. You don't have to fall headlong into that same trap, but you are still headed in that direction on a regular basis.

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Alright folks I am beginning to come to the understanding that the advice here needs to be followed "just because I am not coming from an emotionally rational point of view" This was my reasoning for the e-mail and you all let me have it as to why my thoughts are not correct. Help me understand.

 

A) I never knew the "reasons" for my abusive behavior and the strongholds my mind held keeping me from being transformed by the work of the Holy Ghost and being able to form a trusting relationship with God until recently. I, like Cbad, am assuming if maybe she "just had a 'reason' to blame for my poor behavior- she might see me in a different light.

B) Because of my nonexistent relationship with God and living in flesh that was pretty messed up- my wife really has no reason to "hope" or believe I could be different.

 

I will submit to whatever you guys tell me- but I do feel much better about it having learned something about my thought processes thru it.

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