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Please help me see HOPE!! I need you people terribly!!


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Thamk God I am on the anti-anxiety meds- good timing God- I just found out some details regarding my wife's love life I was not prepared for. My Kids volunteered his name and what he looks like, how often he's at her house and how much they like him already. He is totally opposite me- tall, fit, good looking and "amazing" according to my 12 year old. Can a Chrsitlike short fat guy compete with that? I doubt it especially when my wife is evidently not walking in the spirit right now. Sometimes. no, most of the time I feel she felt like she short changed herself and wasted 9 years of her life being married to me and now she has a chance to achieve all she missed out on.

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From God's Mighty Soldier to 3D:

 

Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:06 am Post subject:

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

3D asked:

Quote:

After a few minutes of thought, I have a question for any men who are solidly on this journey. I recognize that the bulk of this ministry and the available resources are centered around winning back wives, but specifically what resources are more geared toward Christlikeness? I know that should be goal, but it is sometimes lost in the marriage help that is provided.

 

 

I hardly need to comment because Damsel & Knight have hit the nail on the head.

 

In the past I have tried many things to become more like Christ with limited success because I was avoiding the one person who could help me more than anyone become more like Christ, my wife. The foundational instructional message of the entire Bible to us mortals is, "Believe in God and love your neighbor." God says in 1st John chapter 4 that if you say you love God, but don't love your brother you are a liar and the truth is not in you. Jesus said that if you come to the alter and remember that your brother has something against you to leave your gift at the alter, be reconciled to your brother and then come back to present your gift (worship) to God. The primary outward expression of our love to God is in loving people. Jesus said, "the whole world will know that you are my disciples by the love you have for one another" and "this is a new command I give you that you would love one another even as I have loved you."

 

The key to becoming Christlike is to love other people! First lay down your life for your wife, then your children, then your brothers and sisters in the body of Christ and then any and everyone else who God brings across your path - in that order of priority. As you lay your life down to love your bride, Jesus will meet you there with His love and life and help you to become more like him. In other words you can only become more like him in the context of the relationships of your life and your relationship with your wife takes priority over all other human relationships. If she isn't happy with your relationship it is your responsibility to pursue her, find out what she is lacking from you emotionally and with God's help meet her expressed needs.

 

We went to the intensive in July of 2008 and in the past 11 months as I have tried, failed and tried again to lay my life down to meet my bride's needs (she is God's Precious Princess on this forum) I have grown more than at any other time in 17 years of being a Chrisitan.

 

The path to Christ likeness is to love your wife as Christ loved the church.

_________________

 

Brian (Gratefully Married to God's Precious Princess)

 

Meet our

Emily Grace

 

 

Hope this helps you, belovedwarrior! Aunt Pitty

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I don't get it!! I love my wife and would do anything of me she asked. I am even doing it now. When I got out of the hospital in October she said the most important thing to her was I get a job and go to school to get a "real job." I am now working part-time and going to school in pursuit of a Nursing degree. Rather than her heart turn toward me it has become more cold and closed. Even to the point of telling me "No gifts, letters or attempts to engage her in conversation" Her exact words were, "You need to give me space, leave me alone and let me go"

 

I am in NO position to pursue her. I am praying that she would experience God's best in her life and that he would protect her heart and turn it back to Jesus in everyway. I cannot lay my life down for HER, I can and do with my children and have great success in our relationship. The bottom line is I feel my wife short changed herself by allowing me to get her pregnant 9 years ago and agreeing to marry me (probably well beneath her) she has now wasted 9 years of her life and is very excited to move on and "get" all she missed out on. Someone her height, with nice biceps and six pack abs that will treat her like a queen and with her looks she will be able to find it. Only a heart 100% commited to Christ would cause her to see me as "good enough."

 

I think I am fooling myself to entertain our reconciliation- much more sensible to accept what it is (over) grieve it and move on in Christ continuously giving my pain and all I have done to hurt her and justify her following through on her discontent.

 

I know many of you are going to say stop having a pity party, women do not think the way you portray your wife's thoughts and I am being disrepectful in painting her with that brush BUT that is exactly what she is dating right now all better looking than I will ever be.

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bw,

 

First, I am not qualified to answer you in regard to God's teachings through J&K, that is why I referenced GMS. His wisdom is astonishing! But as a woman I will say that your statement:

that is exactly what she is dating right now all better looking than I will ever be.
is off. Yes, does EVERY person on the planet know what is attractive to them? But a woman's desire is for her husband and that is YOU. A woman is not going to marry a man just because he is good looking, if he doesn't treat her like a princess. Your looks (and I have no idea what they are) did not drive her from you. She is choosing "boyfriend" over "husband" because boyfriend is giving her, now, what husband refused to give her while they were together.

 

You said:

I don't get it!! I love my wife and would do anything of me she asked.
Now you would. I don't think anyone is arguing that point with you. You're being instructed to stop forcing your "change" on her and step back and let her "see" it for herself.

 

You said:

Rather than her heart turn toward me it has become more cold and closed.
Has it? Or has yours become so warm and desirous of hers that her heart now looks to you as if it is colder than before? Was her heart warm while living in your abuse? Or didn't you even notice it was cold then too?

 

You've been so vulnerable through-out your posts (which personally I find very refreshing) and so anxious to see a great change in her. Instead, as you've been instructed, stay focused on your relationship with Christ and take a long breathe and a step backwards, pray hard for God's guidance, accept what the great men of God (and women), on this forum, are instructing you---follow it to a tee.

 

Know that she is not going to completely reject you and marry "boyfriend" because he has a 6-pack and reaches a certain height requirement. Just wanted to let you know :D .

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So let me see if I got this straight. These desires that my wife has and is expressing toward these men she is dating are really desires she was designed to express in marriage but because I was a jerk they stayed all pent up inside of her until now? That is heavy. "My people perish for lack of knowledge" "by the desires of their own flesh they are led away to destruction"

 

What on earth can I do about this folks? Anything?

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Another quote that sticks out to me is... "Hope deferred makes the heart sick". She probably expressed her desires to you, at least in the beginning, but (many) husbands tend to not listen, as if they don't matter. It is a tough lesson for a husband to learn that yes, they do matter. And without it, a wife will wither and die.

 

No, there is nothing that you can do. No directly. You can just work on YOU. Love your children. Die to self, and ALL of your desires.

 

Every time your heart and mind fluctuates, that is the fight between your flesh and God's working in you. When you feel those frantic need to "do something" feelings kick in, that is the flesh. When you feel full of peace, that is the Lord. So, the feelings that you MUST do something are the feelings that you MUST kill. They have to die. That is what this process is all about.

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Here is an update- it will be the beginning of some time away from here to lick my wounds and get my heart right, at least that is what I am thinking right now. My wife handed me a copy of the divorce papers today at church that she will be finalizing Sept 14. I evidently don't even need to be there as I defaulted when initially served.

 

There is nothing in her heart right now that would even entertain the smallest possibility of reconciliation- not even being friends.

 

When I asked if she was sure this is what she wanted to do she tore into me like a woman possessed. I know I deserve it and I know I caused it but I care about her more now and seeing her in such pain- knowing she is going to allow it to fester inside of her and drive her motivations and life's decisions for a long time down the road breaks my heart.

She even mentioned she did not read all through the forgiveness letter I sent her the beginning of August because she didn't want to feel the pain all over again. The one thing I did here positive if you can say that was "Instead of sending me silly gift cards for ice cream, coffee, and bookstores you should have been sending me grocery cards to feed my kids."

Do I do that now? Do I go buy her groceries and leave them on her porch at 6:00 in the morning while she is at work or still in bed?

 

The reason why I say this is the beginning of the ned of my posts is because I really need to get away from all this "divorce pain" stuff for a while and get my heart right with God in my walk with Him. I have been angry with God over these last couple of months for not speaking to me and walking with me in "reconciling" my marriage. Today I realized, He has been talking to me and my posts are evidence of that- He just hasn't been saying what I want to hear. Instead of reconciliation He has been talking to me about fundamental truths- like through the devotionals I have been doing with my kids.

 

Putting a guard on my mouth

Planting friendship seeds

Being faithful in little things

Controlling my anger

You reap what you sow

Having a servant's heart

etc.

I think I am going to seek out a volunteer position somewhere to help me find joy in being a servant.

 

I know this is a rambling post but I am feeling a bit rocked. I have not been single and alone (even no child) in the house for close to 17 years. To say I feel lonely is experiencing something is very foreign. As I reflect on the circumstances under which my wife and I married- it is amazing that we made it as long as we did (to her credit). I remember very clearly thinking the day I met her "here is someone who needs me, she has already been divorced once, her previous husband treated her badly so her expectations will not be so high and she has 3 little girls that need a daddy." I basically preyed on her. Now I am not saying my heart stayed there nor is it there now but living with her in that mind set for only a brief period of time wounded her in a way I was ill equipped to ever undo. I could do it NOW with God and the help available here and what I have learned since being here, but like she said today- "It's too little too late."

 

So here is the plan if you all approve.

After a while, like beginning of October (can't do it until then because I work), I will start leaving groceries on her porch every Tuesday morning when I go into church for the men's breakfast.

I am going to begin reading several of Joyce Meyer's books and getting in the word praying daily and continuing to do my devotionals.

Anything else?

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"Instead of sending me silly gift cards for ice cream, coffee, and bookstores you should have been sending me grocery cards to feed my kids."

 

One thing sticks out to me here.

 

She asked for ONE specific thing. DO IT!!

 

HOWEVER, you are AGAIN, wanting to do it YOUR WAY!!!

 

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT bring her groceries and drop them off! That is YOUR WAY of doing it.

 

If you choose to do this your way, you are going to prove, once and for all, that you are not teachable, and that you refuse to listen, even when faced with the end of your marriage.

 

MAIL her grocery store cards, as you are able. (This is what she asked for! Show her that you are willing to listen and bless her in this way!) Send it in a card, if you want, but not if that upsets her more. What might be better is to mail a card to your children, and enclose a grocery store gift card for their mom. My Dad did this for years after my parents divorce, with the child support check in it, and it helped me feel connected with him, even when I lived in another state.

 

MAIL it, stay away... got it?

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No problem- mailing her grocery cards through the kids it is. I have been thinking about writing the kids letters on a weekly basis as well between visits. I pray me upsetting her today does not cause her to pull the rug out from under me visiting with her daughters.

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Glad that you received that message and will follow it. It know that it is a little harsh, but you need to listen to it!

 

Every time your wife asks you for something, (which is seldom) and you think, "Well, I will do it THIS way instead. My way is better and she will be even more blessed!", that is the FLESH!! You are not making her request even better. You are trying to do it your own way. It is like giving her what she wants, wrapped up in a layer of rotten flesh. Or it will seem that way to her.

 

Or, as Kathy puts it... if you bake a cake, but put a little bit of arsenic in it, it will still kill the person that you give it to, no matter how delicious it might taste!!

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I found my wife's profile on a "dating website" today- it's one of the more popular sites. I was looking specifically for IT by the way- no one else. Based upon what she is looking for right now- I cannot at this point in my life even give her. One thing that jumped out at me as being an eliminating filter to her is "financially stable and able to handle money wisely" I failed at both of these miserablly in our marriage and will not even begin to see daylight from my mountain of debt for at least 3 years from now. I do pray I am prepared to be a good husband by then and she is still single. She has put some pretty high standards up on her profile if she stays that picky I do have a chance but not until then.

 

She did also mention the height thing but God can handle at least that. (Being a little funny)

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Why are you looking? If you are letting go? It seems to me that this is just feeding your flesh! I pray that you stop this type of thing.

 

Your flesh is not going to die if you continue to feed it with acts that are going to do nothing but drive you into jealousy and anger.

 

Again, this is not focusing on God and your children...

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DITTO! DITTO! DITTO!

 

STOP and think about this a little bit! This is still all about what you want and you are really showing us hwo unteachable you are! You say you want to win your wife's heart back...yet once again...you turn it back into what you want!

 

Stay away from her right now...LISTEN to what she is asking of you!

 

Who care's if she has a "dating profile" on some stupid web-site! You going around looking for that is showing how much "in the flesh" you are...Remember you cant change her you can only change yourself!

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"Instead of sending me silly gift cards for ice cream, coffee, and bookstores you should have been sending me grocery cards to feed my kids."
Why, Why, Why do you have to keep putting TWIST on what your wife says to you? Stop thinking about what she means when she asks something! Be happy she is STILL ASKING and just do exactly what she asks.

 

If she said she wanted milk, would you ask if you should buy a cow and bring it to her front door and milk it and give it to her "fresh?"

 

Just do what she asks. Not groceries (of your choosing), but a gift card (her choosing).

 

You say you want to be godly man. You say you want to win your wife's heart back. You say you want to grow-up by following God through J&K's teachings. God wants you to become a man of God. Stop googling your wife's name and spend that time reading the Word and re-reading J&K's books and the books they recommend. Give her some breathing room.

 

J&K 101: listen to your wife's heart and DO IT. Not complicated at all, bw. Yet, you keep making it complicated....

 

I know you're thinking that actually doing the grocery shopping would bless her even more, and truly, bw, that is very nice that you want to do more than she asks, but you cannot. Again, be happy she is still asking and then back off and just do what she asked for.

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Amen. And I hear you loud and clear. This has been all about me and doing anything I could as fast as I could to NOT get to THAT DATE. Obviously it ain't gonna happen and I am dealing with the grief of realizing that and the fact that winning her heart back may be one of those two year projects that does not see any headway until after the divorce is final that J&K talk about.

 

"Often times there is no discernable headway or change until after the divorce is final because the woman needs 'closure' and she feels she needs to be married to a different man- even if that will be you."

 

I don't know if that is true in our case but I do know that is a lot like the way my wife thinks about a lot of things. All I can do is prepare for the future God had for me. Sure I can still bless her with grocery cards maybe some additional money here and there but I have to follow through on what it is I am praying.

 

"God, my wife and I are both your children and I know you love us and have plans for us. That no harm will come near our dwellings and that you have begun a good work in us and will be faithful to complete it. I release my wife, your daughter into your hands trusting you will protect her, give her wisdom and deal with her heart as only you can. I pray you help me walk through the grief of hurting her and being such a fool. I am yours to do with as you please. I surrender all and pray you give me the strength to walk this out daily. Help me be diligent and disciplined in my thought life casting down every vain imagination that would set itself up against the will of God and taking those captive that are planted by the enemy. Make me Christlike in everyway, everyday by your limitless grace."

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THE TRUMPET by Bill Burns -- August 24, 2009:

I am the God of goodness, but also the God of severity. So I will test your heart so that it may be purified. I will come to you in this season to perfect those things concerning you that need perfecting. For I have chosen you to walk in a calling that is much higher than you can believe, a calling that is much higher than you can expect, a calling that will cause you to walk in the likeness of Jesus Christ and therefore in the faith and gifting that He walked in so that the scripture might be fulfilled that these works and greater works than these you shall do. For now is the time of the judgment of My house where before the world itself is judged, My people must come to a place of purity and righteousness to exercise kingdom power and kingdom authority as My kings and priests. So let your heart be glad and lifted up with joy and peace before Me. For, the work that I am doing in you in this season is the greatest work of all. For that work is to call you to be Christ-like and to walk in the divine nature of My beloved Son. So rise up now and receive this opportunity to come to the new plateau, which you have yearned for. But I say, that you cannot come to this spiritual place without first being perfected. And that is the process that has been going on now for these three years, says the Lord. I will continue to perfect those things that concern you, My people, so that you may gravitate to this high spiritual level that I have provided in this season where the house of the kings has been established. So come and renew yourself in Me today, says the Lord God Almighty.

 

God spoke to me this morning....

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I will test your heart so that it may be purified.

Am I truly pursuing Christlikeness to become Christlike or for ulterior motives?

For I have chosen you to walk in a calling that is much higher than you can believe, a calling that is much higher than you can expect, a calling that will cause you to walk in the likeness of Jesus Christ and therefore in the faith and gifting that He walked in so that the scripture might be fulfilled that these works and greater works than these you shall do.

Crucifying the flesh and laying our lives down for others is the ultimate test / reward, there is no higher service.

So let your heart be glad and lifted up with joy and peace before Me. For, the work that I am doing in you in this season is the greatest work of all. For that work is to call you to be Christ-like and to walk in the divine nature of My beloved Son. So rise up now and receive this opportunity to come to the new plateau, which you have yearned for.

All my railing, striving and whining against the pain ought be an attitude of joy and gratitude that I have this opportunity to change and not have to continue wallowing and just getting by in the kingdom of the fleshly realm.

But I say, that you cannot come to this spiritual place without first being perfected. And that is the process that has been going on now for these three years, says the Lord.

Until my heart is fixed on God and it reflects the image of His son nothing else happens. We are in it baby. It is seeking the kingdom all the way and receiving all the rest or nothing.

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All right I have read Cbad's entire string and what I got out of it was that like myself he appeared to want everything his way on his terms in his timing. Since I have gotten on my meds the "obsession" to alleviate my emotional pain has decreased significantly, I have begun praying surrender to my life and future and asking for strength and faith to grab a hold of the truth God has a good and perfect plan for me that will be realized along the road to Christlikeness.

 

I cannot however, get my wife out of my mind or the concern I have for her dating so soon with such venom in her heart toward me. (Joyce Meyer said something interesting in a sermon I heard today, "Feelings cannot be buried alive) I know that makes her very attractive to predatory men (I was one). I pray God will protect her from the seeds of death I sowed into her life and hope that he does. Can I be sure of it? I pray that there would be a hedge of protection around her heart and that no man would come into her life that would not love our children as his own. I wrestle with the realization there is nothing more I can do than watch and pray. I still turn over thoughts in my mind of what I could "DO" but have resigned myself to thanking God for His faithfulness and for hearing my prayers for her and loving her more and with greater understanding than I ever could.

 

I almost hope (and this is going to sound crass) that she is just screwing around instead of looking for something long term. I want to be there for her- even if it takes two plus years. My church teaches I am spiritually bound to her until she remarries. Does that mean if her heart should become softened and turned back to Jesus as Lord her desire would also turn toward me if she is still single and I have been faithful to her?

 

This is where the walking it out gets real. I expect once the divorce is final she will be much more open with her dating life if nothing else to exact a certain degree of revenge, to test me or to rub my nose in the fact that "other men" want her even if I didn't. Or maybe just to soothe her own pain and need to feel desired and loved. I probably won't ever truly know the motivation but I will know it is coming out of the pain I caused her. So I get to sit by and watch her hurt herself because of what I did. Yippee!!

 

Ladies- Is it customary to experience a certain degree of healing when the divorce is finally "final?" Would I be perceived as a stalker by sending the kids grocery cards tp pass on to her in letters I write them?

 

What do I do from here folks. I pray all day, I am listening to probably 50 Joyce Meyer sermons repetively, I have my quiet times in the morning and I am posting and reading here-- That brings up another point I wanted to ask, is there a post on here of a guy in a similar situation as mine that walked the walk to reconciliation- in other words the wife was dating, "moving on," uncommunicative, and bitter toward him that I could read?

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Hi bw,

 

I cannot however, get my wife out of my mind or the concern I have for her dating so soon with such venom in her heart toward me.
You need to turn this over to God and lay it at the Cross. How you do that is to train yourself in another direction, just as you're being taught to do with regard to your wife and dying to you old self. Make a conscious decision, when the thoughts come, to praise God for all his blessing and thank Him. I know you want to dwell on her and think about all the "what ifs," but that is not Christlike and that is your goal.

 

As for the Cbad string, I know the men, on your string, suggested you read his posts, good for you that you've complied. I cannot comment on this. Hopefully one of the Godly men will respond.

 

Here you go again...

I expect once the divorce is final she will be much more open with her dating life if nothing else to exact a certain degree of revenge, to test me or to rub my nose in the fact that "other men" want her even if I didn't.
This is the attitude that everyone here is trying to get you to move away from, bw.

 

Does that mean if her heart should become softened and turned back to Jesus as Lord her desire would also turn toward me if she is still single and I have been faithful to her?
Bw, you'll have to PM a helper to answer some of these harder questions. I won't answer anything that I don't believe I know the answer to. I'm sorry. Just let me say, again, that I believe they'll tell you to take your focus OFF of you and what you may get from your wife and focus on dying to self.

 

Ladies- Is it customary to experience a certain degree of healing when the divorce is finally "final?" Would I be perceived as a stalker by sending the kids grocery cards tp pass on to her in letters I write them?
I am divorced so I'll tell you that my very abusive husband was abusive until the end and I was very relieved when the divorce was final. I do not know what it is like to be pursued by a dying husband during the divorce process. Maybe someone else can help here.

 

What do I do from here folks. I pray all day, I am listening to probably 50 Joyce Meyer sermons repetively, I have my quiet times in the morning and I am posting and reading here-- That brings up another point I wanted to ask, is there a post on here of a guy in a similar situation as mine that walked the walk to reconciliation- in other words the wife was dating, "moving on," uncommunicative, and bitter toward him that I could read?
You get to know your Savior better. God is carving out this time to make you Christlike. You will not let go of her. She can sense your desire to control her even if you think you're being so coy and nonchalant. Relax and become friends with Jesus. Then in the midst of your times when you're in the presence of your wife, you can just gentle talk to Him and He will guide your steps.

 

As for knowing of another man who has reconciled after the wife filed for divorce? I don't know. Again, you need to PM a helper for this post to get more definitive answers.

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BW - I am hearing some major differences in your posts lately, generally speaking. I am seeing more of a focus on your wife than on BW. That's a great start...

 

You are right in saying that your wife is dating with venom within her towards you - that's exactly right. You have hurt her and she doesn't like you any more - that might be one of the driving forces behind her beginning to date and look for a new man. Will she make a good choice? Possibly. Will the new man love her children as you would? Possibly.

 

All you can do, and I think that you realize this, is PRAY. You are asking God to put a hedge of protection around her and that's about as far as you can go. You can listen to her when you talk to her for subtle hints at ways to bless her, and you can listen to the kids when they are with you for ways to bless her - don't pry or manipulate the kids to get this information, just listen carefully.

 

Your post then takes a bit of a turn and you start focusing on yourself again - her dating to rub YOUR face in it, etc. It's reality, bud, and it's harsh. She's hurting and she will seek her comfort, plain and simple. You won't know or understand her motivations, and there isn't anything that you can do about it, so try not to spend a lot of time thinking about it.

 

Pray blessing into her life, and put them there by your hand however possible. Sending the grocery cards with the kids is NOT STALKING - that's a practical method to bless her on HER TERMS - don't let yourself get talked out of doing that. Do that until she tells you to stop - I don't think that she will. You are blessing her through her children, and that will insulate her from you - and that's good right now.

 

You pray, picturing your wife and a GOOD life for her when you pray. Picture LIFE and BLESSING and PEACE and JOY and SAFETY in and around your wife. Pray for all of the good things that you would EVER want for her to become reality in her life. You have to remove yourself from the picture COMPLETELY and picture her in a GOOD, God-blessed life. That's unselfishness, complete and total and utter surrender to what God has for her, whether or not you are in the picture.

 

You need to be other-focused and not BW-focused. This is NOT a time to think about what you NEED or WANT, but a time to think about your wife. It will hurt, it will ache, and it will kill you - and that's good.

 

HerDensity

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I agree with what HD said (smart man! :wink: ). You need to stay away from focusing on yourself. You need to focus on Christ, and doing what you can to bless your wife, even if it is only buying grocery cards for her.

 

Your wife may never turn around. That is tough to accept, but it is true. It is probably hard for her to not think that it is just too late. And you need to check yourself and make sure that it is not just the toddler who has had his "toy taken away" which drives you to want to change. This is about so much more than that. You can't want to do the right thing just because she is gone now. You need to do what is right no matter what. Even if she never comes back.

 

I know that there are wives in this ministry who have been won back after filing for divorce, or even after the divorce was final. I am blessed that HD turned around before we got to that point, so I cannot relate to that. But if we had gotten to that point, I don't know if I would have ever been won back, without Joel & Kathy's ministry. There is a point that a wife reaches where she has to move on, especially when she sees no other options.

 

But remember, God is bigger than all of this (the past hurts, your wife's anger, etc). He can turn this into an amazing story of recovery for your marriage. Will He? Noone knows. But you must press on, even in the face of not knowing.

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Ouch!! Whose string should I next read? I am most interested in one who has walked a similar walk but had success in restoration. I still believe ForHimForher will see that day and I cried several times seeing how close they came during his walk- but I have not read any where the wife had "moved on" and was dating and came back. Are there any?

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