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God Save My Marriage

Please help me see HOPE!! I need you people terribly!!


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MY WIFE IS A BLOOD BOUGHT, SPIRIT FILLED TONGUE TALKING CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD. SHE KNOWS THAT THE THIEF ONLY COMES TO STEAL, KILL, AND DESTROY AND THAT HE PROWLS ABOUT LIKE A ROARING LION SEEKING WHOM HE MAY DESTROY. SHE WILL NOT BE CAUGHT UNAWARE AND DECEIVED BUT SHE WILL FLEE THE DEVIL AND DRAW CLOSE TO GOD. HE WILL CALL OUT TO HER AND SHE WILL HEAR HIS VOICE. HE WILL LEAVE THE 99 IN PURSUIT OF HER HEART. ANGELS WILL BE GIVEN CHARGE OVER HER AND GOD'S PLANS WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!! SHE IS A FRIEND OF GOD. HE WILL NOT LEAVE HER NOR FORSAKE HER. SHE WILL BE SET FREE, HER SIGHT WILL BE RESTORED AND HER BROKEN HEART WILL BE HEALED. SHE WALKS IN THE SPIRIT AND DOES NOT SEEK TO GRATIFY THE LUSTS OF THE FLESH. SHE WILL BE MADE PURE BY THE WASHING OF THE WATER OF THE WORD.

 

How's that for starters?

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MY WIFE (and I are) BLOOD BOUGHT, SPIRIT FILLED TONGUE TALKING CHILDren OF THE MOST HIGH GOD. We KNOW THAT THE THIEF ONLY COMES TO STEAL, KILL, AND DESTROY AND THAT HE PROWLS ABOUT LIKE A ROARING LION SEEKING WHOM HE MAY DESTROY. We WILL NOT BE CAUGHT UNAWARE AND DECEIVED BUT We WILL FLEE THE DEVIL AND DRAW CLOSE TO GOD. HE CALLs OUT TO us AND we HEAR HIS VOICE. HE WILL LEAVE THE 99 IN PURSUIT OF our HEARTs. ANGELS WILL BE GIVEN CHARGE OVER us AND GOD'S PLANS WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!! We are FRIENDs OF GOD. HE WILL NOT LEAVE us NOR FORSAKE us. We WILL BE SET FREE, our SIGHT WILL BE RESTORED AND our BROKEN HEARTs WILL BE HEALED. we WALK IN THE SPIRIT AND DO NOT SEEK TO GRATIFY THE LUSTS OF THE FLESH. We WILL BE MADE PURE BY THE WASHING OF THE WATER OF THE WORD.

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Beloved Warrior,

Listen to Dory. She is giving you the purest truth.The only thought of your wife should be,what can I do to serve her.That is it nothing else for now.

The only thought for yourself should be,what can I do in this moment to become more Christlike. That is it.Until your heart and mind sync these two thoughts,you will be stuck.

How do you achieve these? Prayer.Faith.Trust. And most importantly Surrender.When you have been completly broken,surrender will be your only thought.

 

God Bless

David

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Dory,

 

I want to say that I thought your words were spot on, so don't take on any of his attitude. Maybe he did not mean it the way it came across, but then maybe he is in this place because of just such an attitude.

 

He seems to miss the point that this still needs to be all about her and not all about him. It needs to be about him in the limited way that he needs to get the message and not the "Poor me" message. He needs to focus on his dying and not on her living; no matter how she is living. Quite frankly... her living is between her and her savior. She will have to answer for her actions, likewise he will certainly have to answer for his. 'nough said!!

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

 

PS: Thank you David. Have missed your posts. Praying that things are still well in your world with your savior!! You stick with this, you rock!! Also... give it to BW with both barrels, he needs to see where you came from and where you are now!! BLessings, Tigger

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Somebody please explain more clearly how I am missing it. I feel like you all are talking in code or a foreign language. Almost like you folks are all sitting around knodding to each other while saying to me, "Just wait until you are enlightened" but not explaining how to become "enlightened."

 

I am not looking to offend or remain ignorant- I have been told all my life I think "different" and here you all are pointing out the same thing without an explanation of what you see. I'll admit I am wrestling with my obsession with my wife's behavior / life choices- but I am also pursuing a stronger relationship with God- begging Him to make me Christlike- and everyday the obsession toward her fades a little. Am I supposed to be able to "just" shut it off? This is a sincere question not a sarcastic one.

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This is a sincere question not a sarcastic one.

 

I am sorry BW. I guess I didn't accurately interpret your words.

 

1) Your focus of FIXING needs to be on YOURSELF.

 

2) Your focus of BLESSING needs to be on your WIFE.

 

Your words reflect your inner places and when your inner places focus on her wrongs and speak them out, you break both rules above. The spoken word is powerful - its powerful for you AND for her. So make sure your spoken word follows the rules above, for we will all be accountable for each utterance one day before the Lord.

 

All this starts and sustains thru total surrender and confession to our Lord Jesus Christ who strengthens us THRU our brokeness! Keep your focus on Christ and on blessing her and you will squeeze out all the unhelpful thoughts about your pain and her wrongs.

 

God Bless you!

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Somebody please explain more clearly how I am missing it.
BW, You need to go back to page 1 and S L O W L Y read all the responses you've gotten from all the people guiding you and desiring for you to win your wife's heart back. You've been told the answer to how to win your wife's heart back many, many times. Most recently from Dory. You're still asking the same question, as if someone is going to answer differently.

 

Pray for wisdom and understanding and start REREADING all the godly responses you've been given. The answer to your question is already in all the posts right here.

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Beloved Warrior,

 

How come you can be so clear and give a great written description of us nodding at each other,* and yet you can be so blind in "getting" Dory's directive?

 

When you prayed, in capital letters, it was all about your wife's sins. This is the exact opposite of that which Dory had just told you to do!!! :roll:

 

Here's an exercise: Take your capital letters prayer, copy and paste it, then replace each "my wife" with the word "I."

 

This should be your focus. Even though you really, really believe that these are the things that she needs to work on, because you are so focused on these items, it is actually, in reality, you who needs these exact same things. What you prayed is evidence of your own subconscious needs for yourself.

 

Now, remember that you are the man / husband. You are called for very specific initiating / agape love, whereas your wife is called for entirely different things. It is apples and oranges.

 

If you still do not understand, keep praying, reading, and posting until you do.

 

Love and truth, peace and forgiveness,

Abigail

 

* That was funny, btw....it made me smile....and it takes a pretty good brain to come up with that type of word picture....so really, Beloved Warrior...I'm beginning to think you're playing dumb on purpose....but I will believe that you are not....you are simply blinded (at this moment) by your old neuropathways that want to still shift the blame to her. Renewing your mind and becoming humble will come if you keep working at this and you don't give up.

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Beloved Warrior,

 

You find a bag of hundred dollar bills in mall parking lot. You have two options.

 

1- Christlike- Close bag and walk straight into mall security and turn bag in.

2 - Not Christlike- Close bag and walk straight to car and then home.

 

Christlike is doing what is right regardless of what you can get in return.

In the above scenario, you may not get anything but a thank you or you may not get anything at all. But because you did the right thing by not thinking of yourself and putting someone else first, you were Christlike in that moment.

 

Now take this same analogy and change it into any of the recent events you have had with your wife. Which were you?

 

Your wife ask you to not call her by her pet name.

 

1 - Christlike- You only address her by her given name.

2 - Not Christlike- Hey (Pookey) how was your day?

 

By adhering to her request, you have served her because you put her needs before yours. So by being

Christlike in the situation, you have now served her.

 

Serve wife= Christlike

Christlike= Serving your wife

 

I hope that this did not offend you but you keep asking for a how. I could be wrong but I think this is broke down to its simplest form. I hope this does help.

 

God Bless

David

 

PS- thank you Tigger! I promise to update soon.

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Thank you so much for hearing me with understanding and patience. I suppose I am just so frustrated because I "have" no opportunities to serve her. I prayed about all this last night before bed and was left with the impression God said, "I don't want you in her life (right now?)" I can only assume that means there is work going on that could / would be hindered if we were in relationship. I am going to rest in this- man up to my issues and work them through. I am making progress its just the first 4 ft up Everest doesn't look like much. Do any of you see glaring issues that require focus? Go ahead and write a list if you must.

 

Thanks again folks I appreciate your efforts and patience with my thick headedness.

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Thanks again folks I appreciate your efforts and patience with my thick headedness.

We appreciate your appreciation. THanks.

 

God said, "I don't want you in her life (right now?)"

 

While there might be some truth in this, your exact interpretation might still be skewed by your self-focused pain. Your pain wants you off the hook so to speak. It does not let you off the hook from blessing her. Perhaps instead, this is God's way of telling you that you need to STOP watching and STOP judging her every move. Only htink and act towards her in ways that are helpful and kind. STOP all thought that is unkind.

 

You know what? That just brought up that Forrest Gump movie in my mind again. I challenge you to go rent that movie and watch it. Forrest never thought poorly of "his girl", broken and wayward as she was. And in the end, Forrest was the definition of true love that she returned to. I know its just a movie, but it is very inspiring movie to remind us all to live in that simple and non-judgmental place and in accordance with our own beliefs and we will be blessed.

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I guess I just have to accept the fact that the renewing of my mind is going to be a process- quite possibly a loooong one at that. Currently, I do not have the "mental capacity" for a relationship anyway. I guess for now I just have to turn my focus inward, continue in the word, the teaching tapes, prayer, therapy (when it starts), and my schooling.

 

Let's see what CAN I control?

The amount and quality of time I spend with God in prayer and study

My attitude toward my children

Diligence in therapy

My diet and exercise goals

My performance on my job

My studies and grades

 

My grades

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I guess for now I just have to turn my focus inward,

 

Careful with your understanding.. Let's face it, even porn addicts are "inwardly focused"....

 

I maintain....

 

focus "inward" only on FIXING YOU and not her, focus "outward" on BLESSING HER and not yourself all the time.

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Dory - that was an awesome Forrest Gump reference...how true!

 

BW - staying focussed on what you can do to be a blessing, with Jesus' help is always the right choice. This is actually an outward focus, not an inward focus. The overarching message of the entire Bible is; Believe/Trust in God (which is to love Him) and love your neighbor - both of these are outward focussed. Yes meet your responsiblities (control what you can - inward), but meet those responsibilities with God and others in mind - outward.

 

You wrote:

I suppose I am just so frustrated because I "have" no opportunities to serve her.

 

Didn't she say she would appreciate a gift card she could use for groceries? That would be a huge blessing and service to her and your children. Have you done that?

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I have not done the grocery card. As a matter of fact we had a bit of an argument over the phone tonight for me being a "weird kind of a stalker" and how she feels under such great pressure.

She mentioned me talking to "every" pastor at our church about her, me sending her an e-mail the day after the Sunday she gave me the divorce papers that said something along the lines of, "How was your weekend? You sure look sexy in that dress." I did NOT send this but some spam program or e-mail virus may have- she wouldn't believe me.

She said she'll show it to me. I have talked to mutual friends at church about three weeks ago and she brought that up as an example as well as me looking at her dating profile on "findaman".com. She mentioned me "getting into the kids heads" evidently her middle girl gave her a note that said, "Just forgive Dad and let him move back in, he'll treat you like a queen." (Again I had nothing to do with it.)

She also mentioned the gifts I had sent her as being "stalking." So for now-- no grocery cards. Especially when she threatened me with a PPO and restricting my visitation with the kids to strictly every other wkend so I wouldn't show up at church every week. I have decided this weekend the kids and I will attend up here. I am assuming she is experiencing a certain measure of conviction and I am the whipping boy for her emotional turmoil. I have done / said nothing to her in a pursuit mode in 4 weeks, I think.

 

I know I am supposed to listen, offer an apology, validate, embrace when possible, I didn't do so well. I really tried but it came out like listen, offer an apology for it happening, I know I hurt you terribly in the past and that would lead you to believe these things about me, but I did not do.......

 

I agree Dori- Forrest Gump analogy was very good. I hope to be there when I need to be. Right now I strongly believe the therapy and getting my mind renewed is a must before attempting to be a husband again.

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She also mentioned the gifts I had sent her as being "stalking." So for now-- no grocery cards.

 

The gifts were probably 'Dropped off', NO? Hence her 'personal space' might have felt violated.

 

A grocery card is an expressed need, and you can send it regular or express mail! Something sent thru the mail is not a violation of space - its legal and its courteous and more easily received kindly.

 

Just DO IT!

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BW - Dory is right, there is no excuse for not going out as soon as you are able and buying her a gift card at the grocery store she likes to go to and if you have to send it anonymously then do that...but, just do it.

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I am broke right now. I have $35.00 to my name right now and my kids coming for the weekend. The previous gifts were mailed by the way. The first one she received very graciously- it too was in response to a spoken need.

 

I am half tempted to send her an email saying. "I will no longer do anything whatsoever 'trying' to get you back. I have asked for forgiveness for as many wrongs as I could remember and even shared my heart on how I should have behaved. I have taken responsibility for my issues and am doing what can be done to correct them. I am in college in pursuit of a profession. I have a job. I love you and love all the children as my own. I don't see how I can do anymore than this."

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Darn it. I wrote that just before getting in the shower after work. While in the shower I realized that last post was all about me. I wanted to get this out sooner but was all wet.

Don't respond to that last post. It is angry, bitter, and all about me. What I would much rather ask her is, "Could we get together sometime and talk? I would really like to know how we got here from your perspective."

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