pooh Posted February 18, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Tigger, I apologize for not posting sooner. I should have posted when I got back to the hotel. I did take a little nap and then went to find something to eat. I ran into Justin and talked about work. I was waiting for you to call but when you didn't I thought that you had gone to bed. I then preped my clothes for tomarrow and then checked in on the form. I did not mean to cause you consern and upset. Pooh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C2 Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Pooh, come on. You had time for a nap. You had time to talk to other people, but you didn't have time for your wife??? Come on!!! You're out of town. All kinds of temptations and you are not focused on your wife????? REALLY????? You know all those other times you went out of town and hurt her??? You just made her relive the pain of every one of them. Your apology needs to include a complete cessation of this hurtful behavior and validate her sense of injustice here. True remorse does not repeat the behavior. And it sure doesn't make up excuses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 C2, I hearty AMEN to that one sister. He called this morning and I got a generic "I'm sorry". I think he thinks that makes up for it all!! NOT!! I am hurt and had a really lousy night. Our oldest son is always worse when POOH is away and today was no different. He accosted our younger son. I called my parents who are close by but my Dad was working today. My Mom actually came up and spent about an hour talking with Owl. I know she cried because she was all filled up; my parents do not always seem to understand what is REALLY happening with this child. I hope it helped. Owl came out and apologized to his brother and later to me. My mom said it was of his own volition, not something she prompted. I was really scared this morning. POOH called just after my Mom got here so there was a lot of chaos. Our little Eeyore was hurt and he needed to talk to Daddy about this, so that was a priority, he was really scared!! Our second son has a growing disorder and though he is only 20 months younger then Owl, he is half the weight and a foot shorter. This child has a bio father who is 6'9", he has a real growth issue going on which we are dealing with, but until something happens he is very weak and under sized. I out weigh Owl but am in no physical condition to take him on and our daughter is smaller then Owl. Thankfully the babies were not here. I am not sure if I could handle him if he really went off on me. He did ultimately obey me and went to his room but then he was trashing his room and screaming. This is really hard on the rest of the family. I was concerned for my mom so she asked him if she could unlock his door and come in to speak with him. He said she could; she has always been soft towards him and takes his side in all situations where there has been a conflict before, so I imagine he figured he was pretty safe. Well this has totally gotten off subject from the beginning. I am just giving info about how rough today has been on top of being ignored by my H last night. I feel like CRAP, excuse my being so blunt. The babies social worker is bringing the babies back in the next hour and I would imagine she will be stopping in for a "visit", just the stress I don't need right now. Our social worker is a TOTALLY LOVELY person and very supportive. My mind is just not on things that she would want to talk with me about, on the case with our two babies. On that issue I have been asking the Lord for clarity too. I need to hear His voice amongst all the chaos in my life as to what he wants us to do, with regards to these babies. I won't go into all the details, just know that I could use some additional prayers for me to HEAR GOD clearly. I want to stay in His will in all things. This is a very sensitive issue though, because it involves so many people's hearts. Please GOD give me clear vision. BLessings, Tigger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C2 Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Wow Tigger, now I see what you mean by fighting. I am worried for your other children. I am just thinking out loud here. I hate to pass on information I have never even tried myself but here's a thought. I had a co-oworker I worked with before I taught school and then after I started teaching I taught one of his foster children. His foster child was causing a lot of trouble and one day he showed up at school with his head shaved. I asked my former co-worker about it and he very confidently told me something about a consequence. At the time I thought it was rather harsh, but not knowing the infraction I never thought a lot more about it until now. This was 10-15 years ago. I do remember the kid's behavior improved. Owl is going to sink his own ship here if he's not careful. Steve Arterburn who runs New Life Live Ministry states he told his daughter growing up if she refused to abide by his rules he would sent her somewhere where she would. That's easy to say when its not your own kid and its not your own heart that's breaking but if he is seriously a threat to the other kids then it's going to come down to something like that. Too bad there's not some place you could send him for a week or two that he would seriously not like. I think I'd rather risk being harsh and shaving his hair before I'd be willing to let my kid go down. I would warn him first, maybe even put it in writing and have him sign it so if this ever happens again he'll know it was his choice. I would tell him, I will not allow you to hurt the other children and then do what it takes. My cousin went into a children's home for a couple of years in High School. She was sneaking out of the house etc. It was rough for her but she was out of control at home. It turned her around although she never lived at home again. I had another cousin that stole from me when his family came down for my dad's funeral. I was 18 and working at K-Mart to put myself through college. That money was my bread and butter. My dad had just died. My mom had no job and there was no money coming into our household. I told my Uncle what happened. He came down pretty hard on my cousin but my cousin continued to make bad choices and ended up in prison later in life. I don't mean to alarm you but there are a lot of possibilities in this kid's future. I've always hated that saying, they'll grow out of it because often they do not. The other week on the phone if Pooh had him up against a wall, do you think it was for a good reason? I mean, if he's protecting the other kids, he's got to do what he's got to do. I've seen male teachers have to take a student down. They trip them and then hold their arm behind their back. They sometimes have to do stuff like that to break up a fight. It looks harsh, but let me tell you, as a teacher who's had to break up a couple of fights, I was very thankful for the times the male teachers were there to put a quick end to it. I saw one woman teacher step in between two kids trying to break up a fight and they didn't see her step in and she took a hit to the mouth. Fights are seriously dangerous. That's good that Owl apologized on his own initiative but you need to decide on a plan of action before the next time because there will be a next time. That boy's getting too big for this. You know its such a shame that Pooh not feeding you life at the very time you need it most. Does he not understand you can't just get that kind of strength on your own the way he can? Pooh, I am borrowing this from somewhere else (it might even be on your thread) but think of it this way, would you tell a baby, God will take care of you. No, God gave that baby a mama and if that mama doesn't take care of it God is not going to step in and give that baby the food and love it needs to survive. That baby is going to die. It requires human hands to live. Your wife depends on you in the same way. She can't provide for herself what she needs to thrive. God gave you to her for that and if you don't do your job God is not going to do it for you. Your wife is suffering from neglect. That is an excruciatingly painful death. I know. Please don't do this to her. Look, like Pure in Heart says, you don't even have to think and guess and figure things out. Just do what Tigger asks you to do. She has spelled things out. Just don't make her spell the same thing out again and again and again. Come on Pooh grow up. Give your kids a chance to see how life is really supposed to work. Nobody did it for you but you can chose to do it for your wife and kids. Be the hero. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 C2, There is so much to say. It is incredible all that is flying through my head, I do not think I can even process to make it make sense here. I am crying and hurt. You brought such comfort with your post. I am feeling really alone here right now. I am trying hard not to get depressed, but am really struggling. I have tried to stay here on the forum reading and trying to help where I can, a post here and a post there. I just feel like I am drowning, all the while I am trying to stay positive here. Maybe I should not be posting, because the last thing I want is to give poor advise. I appreciate the time you have given me. We have thought about sending Owl to get help but where. Everything is so secular. We spent years in counseling and honestly he seemed to be worse off for it in the long run. My parents have offered to let him spend time there but that is too cushy. When things have gotten bad in the past he has gone there, just because it was absolutely necessary. We have already moved our other son out of their bedroom, for his safety. Our daughter was upset that he (Eeyore) was being moved to the 3rd floor with the babies; she did not think it was necessary and honestly it is NOT ideal!! Today after what happened KIT came to me and said "I am sorry Mommy, you were right Eeyore was in danger and I did not believe you. I was wrong." That kind of broke my heart, to have to learn such a lesson so young. Well I have nicely avoided the tough stuff I did not feel I could handle but I have shared some so I don't have to walk away feeling guilty like I blew you off; that is NOT my intention. I need to go, my head is pounding from all the upset. Thank you for staying here with us. BLessings, Tigger PS: I am still really hurting from POOH's lack of -------- in caring for me. SORRY is just not enough/the right answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C2 Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 Tigger, one reason you give great advise is because you are in the trenches with us. I was alone and you came to my rescue. I will be forever indebted to you. You said, We spent years in counseling and honestly he seemed to be worse off for it in the long run. My parents have offered to let him spend time there but that is too cushy. I concur with both. Counselors get you to do most of the talking and then give 2 cents worth of advise. If you try not to talk they keep asking questions. If you try to ask them questions, they don't answer. Where are you Pooh? Did you fall off the planet? Get lost in the woods? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooh Posted February 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 Tigger, I apologize for not posting to you yesterday. I was able to get on for a short time and check on our threads then got called away before I could post. I have checked on the treads to day and we are on the call. I am having problems with multitasking. I love you. Pooh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 I love you. Really? I'm glad you clarified that. I couldn't tell. I don't know what to say to you anymore, Pooh. I feel like I've encouraged, poked, prodded, and yelled till I'm blue. If I feel like that, I can only imagine how Tigger feels. You've been with J&K how long now? And you can't even do the basics. I need to get out of here, or I'm gonna say something I shouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 Looney, Thanks!! I am VERY frustrated with him right now. He acted like a two year yesterday, it was AWFUL!! C2, I don't think that ONE (1) brick would work, something more like a TON of Bricks!! I am on the call right now and I am not being able to type and listen. Kathy is so darn cute tonight, she just keeps jumping in, she can't help herself!! CUTE!! Thank you all for your input. Looney, I need that cattle prod or something worse. I am stumped right now as to what has changed. He seemed like he understood for a brief bit but he is really falling down now. He seems sooooooo angry and frustrated, what can I do?? He says he does not feel that he is angry, but he comes off that way. What can I do to draw him out. He says he will be on board on the calls on Thursday nights but then life happens and he forgets everything. He will ask how I am doing during the day when nothing is happening but he does not control himself when things are happening. This is probably not making much sense since I am on the call too. SORRY!! BLessings, Tigger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pure in Heart Posted February 22, 2010 Report Share Posted February 22, 2010 pooh, This was written to Chris and it applies to you also. I pray God's conviction falls on you. pooh, You are told by God to love your wife...period. You refuse and therefore you are in rebellion to God. God did not love you the way He wanted to. He loved YOU the way YOU needed to be loved. Why would God die? Because He needed to? Because HE GOT HIS KICKS OUT OF DYING? He died because YOU needed to be rescued from your sin. He died to meet your need to be loved. This life you are "choosing" to live is to the point of pathetic, pooh. It is to the point of absurdity that you claim to love Tigger. NO..you do not love your wife. You are deceived. You love according to what YOU decide is love. You have made yourself a god. You decide, you choose, you come up with all YOUR ideas of love that have nothing to do with truth. You are in disobedience...plain and simple...period. You are not broken over your sin, you are not interested in God's way. You are interested in pooh's way, and that way, is the way of what is good for pooh and has no sacrifice involved on your part, no cost to count, nor to pay. You are not willing to be "uncomfortable" to choose against the very thing that is killing you. That is your flesh. You coddle it, hold it, nurse it and tenaciously grasp it. Period. When you resist, resent and withhold love deliberately from Tigger it is one of the worst and most cruel forms of ABUSE there is. Your mantra is.."I abuse by what I refuse to do". You can make choices then can't you?? You are not passive you are in rebellion and stubbornness. You have made a choice...do not be fooled. You choose NOT to love. REPENT. I am convinced that yes, you may have been convicted but your repentance fell short because it was worldly sorrow that you got caught instead of being more concerned about how your sin effected Tigger. You want the "gnawing feelings" of your failures to go away to calm YOUR bad feelings about pooh instead of Tigger's feelings of being sinned against. It was NOT true repentance. Repentance, if true would have led to a change of mind and you would have made righteous and different choices in your marriage but you have done NONE of that. Your lack of loving her and DOING what she NEEDS to be done is the proof it is not genuine. Nothing about you has changed. Get real. God can only deal with a humble man. Not a man full of excuses. Again REPENT. It means to "change your mind" and DO something different than you have always done. Until YOU show the fruit of genuine, authentic repentance you will stay stuck and lose your marriage by the choices you made to stick your fist in God's face. I am tired of you men who have absolutely no FEAR of God and you act like you are doing God a favor in loving your wife. No, God did you a favor by giving Lorna to you. Get it straight pooh. It is pure laziness on your part. Look in God's Word to see the end result of laziness, lukewarmness, and apathy. That is NOT a suggestion.. Perhaps these Scriptures would put the fear of God in you. YOU look them up and get them in your spirit. Then, repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. God is NOT trying to beat you up...God wants YOU to become a Christ-like man and the Lord gets to define what that means and what it looks like not YOU. You are missing the mark and God will not stop until He has your attention...ALL of it. What would it profit YOU or God to allow you to stay the same and NOT truly be transformed? It is because Christ Loves you that He is telling you this. Do not even dare to accuse God of wrongdoing. OR your wife. PIH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pure in Heart Posted February 22, 2010 Report Share Posted February 22, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooh Posted February 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2010 Tigger, I miss you. I whish I was at home with you. I am going to do some reading on the form, then I will go to the store and pick up the almonds and get dinner, and then it will be off to bed. I hope to talk to you alteast twice during this process. I have already called to let you know I am here. I wish you were here or I was there. Feel free to call me at anytrime. I will not watch TV. I will also see what I can find on military schools. Missing you dearly. Pooh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted February 23, 2010 Report Share Posted February 23, 2010 Dear POOH, My title here is very telling. I NEED for you to go back a read what Miss Pure posted to you. You see, JDI has turned his back on his wife and family, he will not get on the calls and/or get on the forum. I NEED for you to get this, it is important to me. Please, please re-read Miss Pure's post (PIH). JDI is not loving SW- his wife, he is loving and serving self. You say you want to get this and do it, but I need to see this!! I am not trying to be mean and obstanant. I am trying to give you the feed back that you "say" you want/need. Well I have part of dinner in the oven and I need to get the rest going now. I hope you read this before you either go to sleep or call me. Please, I know Miss Pure is deep, but she is VERY wise. BLessings, Tigger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooh Posted February 25, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2010 Hi dear, It been a busy week. I am glad that the week is through. what would you like me to bless you with this weekend. I hope you feel better. I love you Pooh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted February 25, 2010 Report Share Posted February 25, 2010 Dear POOH, YUP, I know you really did bad with the writing this week, but your week was kind of crazy with working to evenings as well as all day. Glad you were here to go to the doctors appointment with me today, though I was sorely disappointed with the lack of interest the doctor seemed to have with Owl's violent issues. I want you to read the new sticky that Looney posted that is actually written by HeartSong. It was a "WOW" moment reading it, so I hope you will get something out of it; she speaks of how a wife's heart feels. I especially feel like the paragraph about how we, as little girls, used to dress up and dream. I have other things that I need to post to you but am struggling with my eye right now, so I will just let you know that I am still working on posting about the issue. SOOOOOO the phrase of the day is: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT!! Repeat that several times a day and then do it/live it, make your wife's dreams come true. BLessings, Tigger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooh Posted February 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2010 Tigger, Thanks for sharing something that touched you. You are lovely! You have always been lovely to me and in life its self. If anyone has told you different they were lying. They were working for satin. I am sorry that I had chosen to work for him at a time. I let him deceive me into think that there was more then my desire for you. My desire for you burns deep in me, and I let satin tell me that I could have more. He is a liar and a theft. He stole from me and you. He used me to crush you. I am deeply sorry that I let him use me. I allowed him to deceive me. You are lovely and I do desire you!!! You have been my desire from the day that we meet. You captivated me and have had my heart ever since. Everyone I dated and even my mom knew that you had my heart. That I was captivated by you and that I thought you were lovely. They could also see themselves that you were lovely. It shows in you inner being and your outer beauty. It is in the glow that envelopes you. I apologize that I have made you feel that you were not lovely. I was wrong when I did that. I can not imagine how crushed you are. I would hate it if I was rejected that way. I can not express the remorse that I have for making you feel this way. You deserved to be cherished and held in a place of high esteem. My desire for you has never been meet by another. I have failed you by even tiring to find someone. I hope that I can restore the value in you that you are lovely. Especially to me. You have my desire and have captivated me. I will never be deceived this way again. I am ashamed that I have crushed you and devalued you. You area a precious flower who's beauty and aroma is pleasing. I love you! I desire You! You have captivated me! You are lovely!!! My eternal Love,Your Pooh PS. I DO NOT HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, I JUST HAVE TO DO IT!! I Love You!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted February 26, 2010 Report Share Posted February 26, 2010 WOW! OK, who are you, and what have you done with Pooh? Seriously, Pooh, that was awesome! We are finally seeing something from your heart! That was a real L.O.V.E. apology. It has touched ME, and I'm not married to you - I imagine Tigger is a puddle of mush right about now. Now that you've done it, was it all that hard? No, I didn't think so. Keep it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted February 26, 2010 Report Share Posted February 26, 2010 Looney, As always you brought a smile to my face. I read his post this morning and was not able to decide how to respond. On the one hand... it sounded real 'nice'. On the other hand it was like it was so fake. I know this is the hurt side of me speaking. If I was so wonderful, in his eyes, why was I just not enough. It is not just about the sex issue, though that looms large there too, it is about the personal intimacy. Why did he stop talking to me, but rather would talk at me or usually more accurately he yelled at me, about me, at the children, about the children, etc., etc., etc.. I feel like he finally posted something with some substance. Why am I so hurt by this though?? I don't want to be unreasonable here, so how do I handle these feelings that have come to the surface?? Today is a big day as we are going to see the doctor again about my right eye and I will be going through some tests. We have a 2 hour drive each direction and will have 5 kiddos with us during that time. > Anyway, back to reality. Today is filled with much going on, so having a heart to heart is just not going to happen. How do I deal with all these feelings that I am feeling, without being able to let them out in a 'good' manner. HELP!! BLessings, Tigger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted February 26, 2010 Report Share Posted February 26, 2010 I understand, Tig. When 1SM was still working on the marriage, I remember being ticked off, because while I was glad he was trying to change, I had essentially been saying the same stuff for YEARS and he didn't listen to me. Remember that it IS gonna be fake for awhile . . . he has to fake it till he makes it. At least he finally did it. It will take awhile for it to sink from his head to his heart. - and that's assuming he is consistently doing it. You handle the feelings by a) allowing yourself to feel them, and telling Pooh. He needs to bring you some healing today. So, Pooh, are you listening? This is another opportunity for you to apologize and validate Tigger's feelings. If it's easier to do it in writing, then write her a note. Just make sure you do it somehow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted February 26, 2010 Report Share Posted February 26, 2010 Looney, Thanks for your help. I will process and try to address him before we leave for the doctors. I doubt that he will read this again before tonight at the earliest. Presently he is doing research for something that is needed for the family. Thank you for your time. Other issue, we are having a time with Owl this morning. Please keep this situation in prayer. We are to the point of considering a Christian Military school for him and this is really hard for a mom who decided to home school before she was even married and had children. He is much to aggressive right now to be safe on a consistent basis. We were at the Psychiatrists with him yesterday and he increased Owl's medicine that addresses his aggression. We will see how this goes. We will go back in about 4 weeks. Owl has only had the increased dose last night and this morning, so... it is too soon to tell. I figured it will take about a week to notice a change, but if anyone has any input that would be helpful. Thank you one and all. BLessings, Tigger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooh Posted February 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 My dearest Tigger, I aplogize for not being able to connect with you for the last several years. I was lost in my own troubles. I waas being selfish. I am sorry. I know taht I have left you feeling alone, unwanted and abandoned with the children. Yoiu have ever wright to be hurt and mad. I did not meet your needs during this time. i left you isolated. It was wrong of me. i was to selfish to see the hurt and abuse that I was causing. I have a lot of work to over come the upbring I had. I will continue pushing towards you. I love you. All of the feelings in my last post are true. I have always Love you! I have always Desired you and I have always been captivated by you. You are truly Lovely and lovable. I am sorry that Ihave failed to show you these things. They are in my heart. I will always keep them there. You are a true blessing from God and I know that. I love you!!! Pooh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooh Posted February 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2010 Tigger, I have checked up on our post and worked on the taxes today. I hope to get some time to talk tonight. I love you. Pooh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted March 1, 2010 Report Share Posted March 1, 2010 POOH, I don't know how to scream on here, I will go look at the icons and see if I can find something suitable. None really did the trick for me, so I will try with words. As my title indicates, brevity has always been your way. You are suppose to be changing and working to win my heart and to heal me. You keep talking about sex, sex, sex, yet you will not do the simple thing like open your heart to me. Is it really that hard to post to me. Not just some mundane thing, but really something from your heart. You know that I made the discovery on Saturday morning- early, that I am afraid of you. You mentioned it briefly in your post, but never pursued talking with me about this fear. Then yesterday afternoon you were all angry and I had to go hide, even still you yelled about me "disappearing" on you. Well I just got a Fru-Fru in my lap, so I have to close. BLessings, Tigger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C2 Posted March 1, 2010 Report Share Posted March 1, 2010 Pooh, the two posts before Feb. 28 were good heart posts. You were taking responsibility for things and saying things that will eventually bring healing to Tigger ... IF YOU ARE CONSISTANT!!! Your Feb. 28 post was back to being mechanical. How about addressing Tigger's post with LOVE. Tigger said: You know that I made the discovery on Saturday morning- early, that I am afraid of you. You mentioned it briefly in your post, but never pursued talking with me about this fear. Then yesterday afternoon you were all angry and I had to go hide, even still you yelled about me "disappearing" on you. You haven't talked to her about that fear. How about it tough guy? Can you handle that one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted March 2, 2010 Report Share Posted March 2, 2010 Pooh, you ignored another good opportunity to connect with Tigger, and it sounds like it could have lead to some real healing for her if you'd handled it right . . . or even if you'd handled it at all. Heartsong put a very eloquent statement on her thread . . . I told her I was going to spread it to all the clueless guys who needed it, and you were the first one I thought of. "is there anything i have brought to this girl's life today that she could NOT accomplish by hiring a butler?" Ask yourself that every day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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