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Thanks all for the input. I don not think I am functioning very well tonight so I think I will reread and post a reply tomorrow. I have been driving all day and do not seem to be able to multitask while listening to the call. so I will close and spend time with my wife and listen to the call. I do appreciate all the input. Thanks.

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My hearts desire is to make my beautiful wife OUTRAGEOUSLY HAPPY. I desire this because I love her and want to make her dreams come true. My Love I have failed to meet your needs in communicating with you. I am truly sorry for this. I hate to think of the pain that I have caused you. You are my only desire and I want to fulfill you. I enjoy the time we spend together and vow to be more proactive in having the time to be alone and communicate with each other. I do want us and YOU to have an OHM. I will walk this road with you no matter where it goes. If it goes over a mountain through a deep and wild river or across a dessert, I will be by your side. I look forward to the day when we are sitting side by side in the green valley enjoying each other and our children. I love you and desire a deeper relation with you. You have my eternal Love always! Pooh.

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Tigger wrote:

Sorry I have gone on so long. I am just hurting and maybe if someone else can see this they may be able to encourage POOH in some other way then I have. I want to have an OHM, I am just not sure POOH cares enough and wants the same thing. I think he is reasonably happy right now, I know he loves his family and would not like to live apart from them; however, that is a far cry from wanting to have an OHM!! I hope I am making sense, I am crying too much now to go on, so thanks for reading.

 

Pooh wrote:

I do want us and YOU to have an OHM. I look forward to the day when we are sitting side by side in the green valley enjoying each other and our children. I love you and desire a deeper relation with you.

 

Really Pooh? Do you mean this sincerely? Because you and you alone are the only one who can make "your" desire a reality. If your desire was more self-serving, say, (if you like golf) a golf-vacation fully paid to Myrtle Beach, would you make that happen?

 

So, for Tigger, your beloved from God Almighty, you just said your desire is to live an OHM and to make her happy. So, why aren't you?

 

Come now, you cannot claim you do not know how to do this. Just do it already. I am frustrated with you, so I cannot begin to imagine your poor wife's sadness and lest we forget, we are constantly in prayer for her health issues.

 

(Job 40:7a) "Brace yourself like a man" and just get this done already! We want Tigger to post, when she is recovered from yesterday's surgery, about how happy she is and how wonderful you've been to her....

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Dear Aunt Pitty,

 

I want to start by saying that I LOVE your name. I know not how you came up with it, but for me it brings a smile to my face everytime I read it. So know that you bless me with smiles when I see you post.

 

I did not realize you had been following this thread or mine for that matter, but that matters not, I thank you for your post, most wholeheartedly.

 

I am going to copy over here what I have posted on my thread and on the PR thread for me. This will keep everyone "In the know" when we reference my health issues.

 

Dear Forum Family,

 

Here is the latest installment of the Tigger Medical Saga (TMS).

 

I went for my surgery yesterday. They indeed could not find the attachment to the stent; reason's unknown, but neither the doctor nor the nurse could find it upon visual examination.

 

They had to use a scope with a claw on it to go up and get the stent out Arrow Can every one say: "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" with me!! That was worse then my annual examine, by far!! They were, praise the Lord, able to remove the stent though!!

 

The unfortunate thing is that the stone DID NOT come out with the stent. The surgeon who did this procedure said that it could come out in 2 hours, 2 days, 2 months, 2 years, or never, there is NO way of telling.

 

It is not huge but my body is too small to pass it the natural way. They also learned that I have a huge acid problem, which they are now going to medicate me for, for life. The hope is that this medication will help to prevent further stones from forming.

 

What they found, when they were scoping, was that the stent and the line attached to it where already covered in calcified urine. This means in the 9 to10 days that the stent has been placed in, my body was already trying to form the beginning stages of stones on the stent and attachment cord. Lovely, just lovely.

 

The doctor told us that the condition that caused me to end up in the hospital was very serious, his quote "It was life or death for you when you came in to the ER". My other surgeon said that he could not wait until morning to do the surgery, instead did it at midnight, because he could not be sure I would be alive by morning. Nice huh!!

 

The surgeon yesterday said that I had to learn to be proactive about this when I spike a fever. The ER poo pooed me when I suggested a kidney stone and they took hours- literally like 7 more hours trying to find out what was wrong with me. The ER did everything they knew to do, I just do not present normally.

 

By the time they did the CAT scan the infection/disease had shut down my stomach from working, my liver was not working, it was attaching my heart (thus the thought that it was a heart attach, because it looked similar), and had begun to attach my CNS- the brain specifically.

 

With the liver not working no medicine is being processed and with the stomach not working, there was a bigger chance of anesthesia complications because of vomiting. Because of this it made it more dangerous to do the surgery last week. When he got in there, he feared rupturing the kidney because of the size and infection in the kidney, which would mean spreading toxic waste through out the body Arrow not good!!

 

The doctor told us yesterday, that they see only 3 to 4 of these type case a year, and I have been 2 of them in the last year; not comforting, eh??!! He said because I do not have the classic signs and symptoms, that not only me but my family would need to push for correct medical care; as last time (Nov. 2008) I could not even sign my name by the time I got to the hospital.

 

So now is a waiting game. I may never have problems with this kidney stone or I might, the only way I will know is if I get real sick again and end up in the hospital. The doctor does not want to risk doing periodic CAT scans on me because of the high level of radiation. It is prone to causing Lymphoma, and considering... that I have just finished receiving cancer treatments, and with my age, and with my other family medical history, they do not want to take that risk with me.

 

So I now have 2 more doctors, in a completely different specialty area confirming that I am a conundrum. The more that happens with my medical, the more everyone is amazed that I actually made it into this world alive to begin with; GOD is not done with me yet. From all accounts I should have not lived past birth and even if I managed that I should be dead by now. So satan take that Razz Razz Razz Razz , GOD is for me who can be against me!!

 

I want to give all the glory and honor to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, because he paid for my sins on the cross and because of Him I am saved, sanctified, and set free!! He and He alone is bring this miraculous healing in my body!! I DO thank you all for all the petitions to heaven on my behalf, I totally believe that GOD honors the prayers of the praying saints!!

 

One last thing. The procedure went well yesterday, but the recovery was rough, in 2 ways. First it was very painful, etc, etc, etc. Second it brought me to my knees and has me finally realizing that I can NOT be wonder woman and do it all Shocked Shocked Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes Shocked Shocked Embarassed Embarassed Mad Mad Wink Wink Laughing Laughing Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation

 

So now you know how GOD is teaching me through this, He is humbling me. We never go through something for nothing, there is always something to be learned from the things the Lord brings you to and/or allows us for face. I like the saying "If He brings you to it He will bring you through it", of course we all know that only works if we bring HIM through it with us!! Wink Wink

 

So I have come to the end of my TMS for now. Keep watching for the next update on the miracles that our GOD is doing!! Praise HIM in all things!!

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

_________________

Tigger (Pooh' wife, married for 14+ years of 26+ year Friendship)

Dec 2007 Alumni:

02/19/08 cautiously optimistic he is "trying"

4-15:Conquered 1 demon, now the rest

1/21/09:Crushed-his unfaithfulness discovered

7-14-09:Struggling more then ever

 

So you can see that life has had some bumps but that is not an excuse, it is just a fact. We will always hit bumps in the road, he has to learn to flow with them. Well my 10 month old is up from his nap and trying to help me type, so I will send this out. Thank you once again for your encouragement and wisdom; you are obviouly a Godly woman.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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AC,

 

That was absolutely great what you posted. I was trying to read it while on the call the other night. The irony in that is that I am ssssssssssssssssssssssssooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ADD, that I could not concentrate on both and since... the call was about ADD I went to listening to the call. Your post was very rich and I love you for posting it; if I could just figure out my printer right now I could print it and keep it around for POOH. Maybe he can print me a copy at work :idea: :idea: HINT HINT POOH!! Thanks again AC!!

 

Tigg

 

GMS,

 

I believe you are anointed of GOD with discernment and wisdom. You put into words that which even I could not get written.

 

 

The problem is that he has decided that friend = lots of communication and husband = isolation, lack of emotional connection with wife.

 

So much of what you wrote was spot on correct.

 

 

Busyness is not an excuse, I fell into that "I am too busy and we are in crisis" trap right after the intensive and GPP helped me to see that it was not acceptable to be without emotional connection with each other, especially in the most difficult of circumstances.

 

I was wondering if your wife and you might minister to us how that may have looked for the two of you, that we may try to apply that to our world. I heard your wife's heart on the Thursday night call, about how she appreciated the Godly woman with the integrity to PM her about a question she had for you. I want to be writing you without causing her pain; this is all on the open forum, not in a PM.

 

She wants to still be your best friend and confidant and that is a good and healthy desire and it is essential to restore your relationship. As always you can do this with Jesus' help, He is the one who heals, restores and renews and He will be with you.

 

This was so amazing, I felt that you had got into my head. I emphasized the one sentence because it is really my heart and I wanted it to stand out. POOH has always needed a ton of bricks, so hopefully the color and boldness of it will get his attention.

 

Thank you GMS for your insight, as I said before, I believe that GOD is using you to help me communicate better with my husband, that we may have a restored marriage. Praise GOD, and thank you.

 

Tigg

 

Now for my last comments. I read in someone else's thread (Looney or 1SM- I think) that when a wife is down that she needs her husband to not be "down" with her. This is kind of where POOH is right now. I feel like I keep asking him to do the things around the house this weekend that he already knows (because I have already told him) needs to be done.

 

He is seems just to sit around watching me. If we had nothing else to do that would be one thing, but we have 5 kids, HELLO can you say... there is always something to do; on top of that we have family coming from out of state on Sunday afternoon and staying for a week. I am highly stressed about this company, lots of reasons, but I will not go into all of that. POOH knows how much stress it causes when this particular family comes to visit, so suffice to say I am stressed out about this and he knows it VERY well.

 

Additionally, I am suppose to be taking it easy and recovering from my surgery yesterday, the surgery last week and, in general, from my cancer treatments. I feel that I need to jump up and start doing everything that needs to get done. I am trying to communicate that to him, but his response is less then encouraging. He responds "Yes dear, thank you for sharing that with me", then the next thing I know he is sitting here again. I feel like an ogre!!

 

I do not want to be heartless, I just have this need to not feel like everything is closing in around me and/or more like falling in around me. I think that Looney can probably relate on the "caving in on you" syndrome.

 

POOH grew up way differently then I did, as far as neatness and clutter. This has been an issue in our marriage. It may seems silly to others, but it is really something that bothers me and wounds my heart. Well I need to cut this short as I need to resume testing with my 2nd son who is very special needs. Please keep us in prayer, we are not sure where to go with this little guy. Thank you all.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

 

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Tigger, I'm glad my name brings a smile to your face :D .

 

Yes, I'm familiar with your and Pooh's life... or lack of, in regard to his DYING in order to bring LIFE to you.

 

Tigger said:

So I have come to the end of my TMS for now. Keep watching for the next update on the miracles that our GOD is doing!! Praise HIM in all things!!
Amazing, Tigger, that your faith is so deep. You are an inspiration to me!

 

Pooh,

The doctor told us that the condition that caused me to end up in the hospital was very serious, his quote "It was life or death for you when you came in to the ER". My other surgeon said that he could not wait until morning to do the surgery, instead did it at midnight, because he could not be sure I would be alive by morning. Nice huh!!
This news is heart-stopping! Enough to bring any person to his/her knees---I cannot imagine hearing this about my spouse and it not changing my world!

 

Tigger is such a strong and God-loving, God-fearing woman. Her heart is for you. You need to appreciate that and treat her as the treasure she is.

 

Earlier this morning, I wrote to you:

We want Tigger to post, when she is recovered from yesterday's surgery, about how happy she is and how wonderful you've been to her
Tigger responded, but did not mention anything about you. There were volumes spoken in that absence of content.

 

Tigger ended her post with:

He [God] is humbling me.
Wow, amazing how sensitive and atune your wife is to her God, when it is actually you that God is so desperately wanting to be humbled.

 

Then she wrote to AC:

Maybe he can print me a copy at work HINT HINT POOH!!
Does she really need to beg you to just do something as simple as printing something off the PC? Is that how little you're offering her from your heart?

 

What am I missing here? I have to be missing something because I am NOT getting what is preventing Pooh from blessing Tigger except for PRIDE and "desire" to NOT DIE to self in order to bring LIFE to his wife.

 

I'll re-print, here, Tigger's desire for you (aforementioned by GMS and repeated/confirmed by your wife):

She wants to still be your best friend and confidant and that is a good and healthy desire and it is essential to restore your relationship.
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Dear Me! Tigger and Pooh,

 

You've got to tell that company that you're extremely sorry but you simply CANNOT HAVE company at this time!

 

Please, don't let them come. Put them up at a hotel or something! Or ask them to stay home... :wink:

 

Love,

MaryJane

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Dear Mary Jane,

 

I just wrote to you on my own thread, now here. I guess that means that you are really staying with this :arrow: THANK YOU!!

 

I must apologize, I may have been miss leading. It is my brother, SIL, and niece coming and they are actually staying at my parents house, just down the hill. This puts an enormous amount of stress on my parents, especially my mom who has serious memory issues- like Alzheimer's Disease, in which stress exacerbates the issues.

 

They are coming because it is my parents 50th wedding anniversary this Saturday. They were going to come Wed. night and leave Sat. night, which was doable. Now they have changed their plans to it being Sun. night to Sat. night.

 

I was expecting to have 3-4 more days to prepare. I am doing my annual testing with my children right now, so I thought I had Mon., Tues., and Wed. to do the tests, in addition to the weekend. Now my children are stressing to push to get done so that they do not have to work on it while their aunt and uncle are here.

 

They love to play with their uncle and they want to be able to play with their cousin, they seem them once a year if they are lucky. I do not want to take this from them, and the tests were already ordered before this change happened. Of course they changed their plans, then let us know; not ask to see if it is alright.

 

My SIL does not understand the concept that we are not necessarily free to just jump when they make a decision. Additionally she does not understand the stress between the family as there are secrets not revealed to her, so she is clueless. She is a go getter type so nothing stands in her way when she has put her mind to something.

 

Because of the family secret... it is hard for me to want to trust my brother with my children. I can not keep up right now, so when they want to go, I just can't. They also only want to take the 3 older children, not the 2 younger ones. I understand it is harder with babies along, however, with my health being what it is, my 3 older children greatly help me with the 2 babies. I feel like this is a no win situation. If I say they can't go then I am a Meany, if I let them go how will I live with myself and how well will the babies and I make out.

 

I am sorry, I did not mean to go on and on, it just is kind of hard to explain. I hope I have given some clarity why I can not just kick them to the curb. :arrow: :arrow: Isn't that a potential thread here??!! :lol: :lol:

 

 

 

Aunt Pitty,

 

Thank you for the butt kicking response. I hope this helps POOH put this into a right perspective. I believe somewhere in there he wants us to be happy, he just has not surrendered his carnal self. I wish there was an easy 1,2,3 step to doing it for him, but this is something that he has to walk out himself.

 

As to his reaction to medical news... he never gets ruffled about anything. I have only ever seen him run/get excited once in nearly 27 years. He threw my daughter at me and went running after our motor home that was going over the cliff with our two young son's in it. That is decidedly very serious as they were 4 and 2 1/2 and the 4 year old had knocked the gear shift out of park, while we were parked at our building sight; our daughter was 1 1/2, so throwing her to me was the right thing to do!! It all ended well, but let's just say we all have more gray hair over this one.

 

He never really gets excited about anything. We met when I was 15 and he was 17, now those are USUALLY excitable times in ones life. It was 19 years later that I got to see him react to the motor home issue. No hurry!! That is why he is POOH and I... am Tigger. POOH is the kind of bear that just meanders along, he gets there when he gets there. Tigger on the other hand... comes bouncing into everything!!

 

Last thing and then I will close. I apologize for not posting anything good about POOH. He is working right now on dinner and has invited my parents to join us, which will be nice to have some good time with them before the company hits. Most of our interactions lately have been purely functional, my medical care, food prep./groceries, transportation and child care. It will be nice to just have sometime to spend together, maybe even play a game or something fun :arrow: :idea: .

 

So he is doing some proactive stuff too. I need to give him praise when he deserves praise. He has rubbed my back this afternoon when I asked him to, because it was hurting. He has helped to clean up a bit around the house and he has pitched in with testing things when I asked him to help. He will help when asked, he is just not real big on self initiation. You know what Joel says, there are 2 wives in any bad marriage. I have to be the initiator and he is the responder, we are backwards for what GOD planned. This is where he needs to step up and begin the process of change. Well it is back to testing.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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O my, you are soooo sweet. Can you come and live inside my head please? LOL.

 

Back to Aunt Pitty-

Tigger said:

I believe somewhere in there he wants us to be happy, he just has not surrendered his carnal self. I wish there was an easy 1,2,3 step to doing it for him, but this is something that he has to walk out himself.
Yes, Pooh, wants to be happy. Everyone wants to be happy, but fortunately for him, God was gracious enough to show him, through J&K, how to make that a "reality!" Not just a "want." You and I both know that most men have NO idea how to have an OHM. Pooh does.

 

I'm sorry, sweet Tigger, but "there is an easy 1,2,3 step to doing it for him," but he needs to want it. Look at Lo and GMS... great examples (I'm sure there are others). In less than a year, after their Intensives, they are running conference calls! If I recall, they were at the same Intensive...J&K must have been handing out "special spiritual water" that Intensive :D .

 

It is possible, Pooh. By next spring, you and Tigger could be leading a Friday night call :D .

 

Praying for you :D .

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My oh my!

 

Pooh, is there something you can do to relieve Tigger of this pressure of the upcoming family visit?

 

Would it be possible to let the oldest child in on the "secret", even to a degree? Then she (I think your oldest is a girl, correct?) could keep a watchful eye on all concerned.

 

Then you could stay home and help Tigger. Surely the family, ie the SIL, has some idea of how awfully much Tigger is going through!

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I love meeting my wifes needs. It brings me great joy to be a blessing to her. I have already printed what she wanted. I could have printed earlyier but I did not know she wanted it printed. She did not say anything. It is hard to meet a need if you don't know about it. Yes There are some things that are easy to see: kids need to be redirected, house needs to be tiedied up, etc. But the stuff that I don't know is where I get in trouble. EX: My wife wanted me to be posting. yes I made several excusses, then I finnaly posted. I checked back in a day or two and there was one reply. I then used a few more excusses (work was very busy). When she finnal told me that she need me to do this as a priority (on August 19th) I have gone out of the way to ensure that I check in and post. It is an excuss but I did not know where to put it on the priority list. I have a better understanding now and have given it the level it needs. I still have to find more time to catch up on my wifes posts.

 

I want to be my wifes best friend. I think she finds it hard to complain about me to me though. I know I have not handeled it well in the past. To this I am deeply sorry my love. I wish I couldgo back and wash away the hurt that i have caused you. I will do my best to not react when you need to talk about me. It is hard to die to your self when you feel atacked. I use to get so defensive. It hurt you and I am truly sorry. Please try agine to talk to me. I Love You Dearly.

 

Hope this was more then just BL-----.

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Dear POOH,

 

I wanted to give you the words of appreciation that I know you need. Thank you for printing the paper out. It was for you to use, not necessarily for me. I appreciate that you heard that I wanted it printed.

 

It is nice to hear that you "want" to meet my needs. I am sure you do find great joy when you feel you are blessing me, that IS a good feeling!!

 

Since you mentioned in your post, that I did not mention to you that I wanted that section from AC printed, I would like to respond. I am not trying to yell at you, but we will see how this goes over. Remember I am struggling with sad feelings about oyEe not doing well on his test.

 

1) I guess I thought that it was really good information, something that you might want to look back on, kind of like you look at reference manuals when you are going to work on the vehicles. Yes, I may reference something from it to you, so I thought that it would be helpful for you to have to read over from time to time. You mentioned that you could not multi-task when you were reading it, so I thought that it might be helpful for you to have it in printed form.

 

2) Next... you mention that you do see the easy things, like to clean up the house, but even that I have to direct you about, like yesterday when you said you had the living room cleaned up and there were still laundry baskets, clothing, wet wipes, etc. all sitting around. To me that is the obvious stuff that should fall in the "easy" category.

 

3) You are absolutely right, it is VERY hard to try to talk to you about anything. Even this morning when you were putting your socks on after your shower. You got exasperated when I said about breakfast. You said last night that we needed to get #2 son, oyEe breakfast and going on his test so that he could do his very best, yet when it comes time for you to actually carry through, and I have the audacity to remind you... you get huffy at me. That just shuts me down.

 

4) You will eventually have to work on healing the old hurts, it will not be as easy as just "washing" them away; wouldn't that be nice :) . But the best thing you could do right now is to try not to add anymore to the hurts that are already there.

 

5) Telling me that I am "attaching" you does not make me feel any more like "trying" again to communicate with you. I used to let loose on my string, because I figured you would never read it anyway. Well now you have tried to read some, so that is going to give you some insight. I do not feel my heart is safe with you. I am sorry if that hurts, but you said to "try" again, so I am.

 

I do feel that you have given me a bit more then the beginning sound of "B" with this post. I look forward to a time you can just come to me and say the whole word---> Blanket. Oh what a glorious day!!

 

I hope this goes over well, and I have not upset you too much. I am not meaning to put you down. I am just trying to communicate with you like I think you were asking of me. I appreciate all that you have tried to do so far to bring about the changes that have begun. Thank you, good job!! Keep up the work and lean into GOD, you can not do this on your own. Remember when you have tried on your own it has not gone well. Please seek our wonderful, loving GOD to help you through this process.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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I am shaking in my boots now that I have posted to POOH. Any kinds of words of encouragement would be great, I am literally scared spit less.

 

I wanted to address Mary Jane.

 

I know for POOH to post even as much as he does it takes quite a bit so I will address this for him/us.

 

On the first issue. The youngest of our 3 older children is our only daughter. I do not feel, that at just turned 10, that she should be burdened with this "secret". She would totally take this to heart and may never want to be around her uncle again; she is sssssssssssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooooo protective of me. I know, that is a bit reversed; likewise... I am very protective of her!! She is the most mature of the 3 older children, partially because she is a girl, but largely because she is the only one without any exposure to drugs, alcohol, and tobacco before birth. Our boys do have after affects from what they went through before they were born. Additionally, our oldest son was exposed to the drug scene and partying before he was taken away from his birth parents. He is the oldest, but he is not at a place where he could handle this information and process the "right" way to handle himself and his siblings.

 

On the second issue. NO he can not stay home this week. This is absolutely the worst week at work for him. There is NO way he would ever be granted time off from work. The federal government is at POOH's work this next week to do the BIG inspection and give their results of what they saw a few weeks ago when they 'visited'.

 

The boss never takes responsibility, so he will try to pass the buck and POOH is liable to be caught in the cross hairs. Even if there was any way he would get approval to take a day off, I would not want him not to be there. He is his best advocate.

 

We may have marital problems, but I know and trust POOH's integrity that he has been honest and above board in all of his dealings. I have seen too often how the boss weasels out of things, laying the blame on others; I would not trust him for anything!!

 

The boss above POOH's direct boss is a woman- term used lightly, who is in relationship with other woman- again used lightly, and she does not like men!! I hope I was subtle enough but got my point across all the same; she especially hates conservative, Christian men who support their family and have stay at home wives. POOH is the only person who fits into that category in his whole office.

 

The last thing. My SIL has lived a "charmed" life. She has not struggled with any health issues, no life issues either- she is from Souther California, need I say more about the mentality. She grew up with her own way, 1st born, good student, over achiever, excellent job, etc., etc., etc. She just does not seem to grasp the concept that not everyone has a life like she has, or even that not all of us want the kind of life she has chosen.

 

My mom said last night that I could bring the babies down to her house to stay when they went to do their special trip together. I do not want to do that to her either. This is really just such a bad time. Most any other time POOH could and would take time off from work to be my support network and/or the go between- something he has done before and understands. This would not be such a big deal either if they had just not changed to add the extra days.

 

They also seem not to realize that we still have all of our normal everyday things, like school, chores, family time, etc. We do let the children off the hook alot when they (the family) visits, but it is really hard on our children when the structure falls all apart.

 

I have enough on my plate right now, not to have to add regrouping my family for the next week or two because of this disruption. I need to resume school with them, especially since I have no idea how much more medical treatment I may be facing in the next several months. If I am not well and/or right here with them during school, they do not keep going; POOH is just not as tough as I am with the children's school work.

 

Well I have rambled on long enough. This is really not a matter of POOH not wanting and/or trying to meet my needs. I totally believe he would be here for me, if the circumstances were different. I am not trying to make excuses, this is just the facts. Hope this gave clarity. Thanks for all the encouragement, prayers are greatly appreciated.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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If he wants constant feedback, he needs to constantly post. Post, ask, question, praise, etc... I know that people get frustrated when they ask a question of a husband, and get no reply.

 

This was posted by Eeyore on my thread, something for you to think about though. I think you post for me, not necessairly because you want to post, but it will be easier for you to post if you ask questions and pay attention to what others reply back to you.

 

Just trying to help.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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Pooh - your wife has told you some very important things; I have heard some of the same things in my marriage to Eeyore. She is saying that when we think that we did something great and nice and wonderful, and "Oh, what a blessing!" and then she has to come along and "finish it up", then we haven't really been a complete blessing to our wives. We did something part-way, and didn't really put into the situation the effort required for them to understand that we UNDERSTAND what will bless them and are willing to go ALL THE WAY to completely bless them.

 

Remember that the keys here are INITIATION (seeing something that needs to be done) and INTEGRITY (doing something in fullness, as though we are doing it unto the Lord). If we, as men, are going to do something, we have to decide to do it RIGHT - anything less just isn't what the Lord desires of us...

 

Make sense?

 

HerDensity

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HD,

 

Considering all you have gone through in the last 24+ hours I am humbled that you came here to post to help our marriage. I continue to pray for you and your family, Looney included. You have been a blessing to us and I thank you. I love your wife and Looney, we would have a hoot if we ever got together. Last night at dinner, my parents were over, and we shared what happened to you. They said that they felt like they had stumbled into a cartoon when we all got talking. They did agree in prayer for you but they could not get onto all the names; it was actually kind of funny. Our daughter was telling who all was who, she does not know your stories of course, but she knows everyones names. She helped me stay up on the forum when I was completely blind, after my surgery.

 

She is still saddened by Beauty and the Beast, and their failed marriage, but she rejoices when she hears good things- general not specific, about how well others are doing. She has been praying for you. She always tells us we have to go get on our call on Thursday night. She knows that she wants Mommy and Daddy to stay married and she did NOT like it when we were separated.

 

Well I did not get on here to say all that, but I did none the less. I do appreciate your posting and hope that POOH will start to respond better. Tell Eeyore thank you too, I am sure she has been a great encourager of you finding us!! Thank you and GOD bless!!

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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Tigger said:

I am shaking in my boots now that I have posted to POOH. Any kinds of words of encouragement would be great, I am literally scared spit less.

 

OH MY GOSH!!! This is heart-breaking, Pooh. Do you hear your lovely wife? She is scared to death to even KINDLY mention things that need to be changed in you so you can grow-up into manhood.

 

I know that scared feeling. It is horrible. And for your wife? Your gift from God? Your helpmeet? to feel like that about talking to her husband, doesn't that make you feel like a bully?

 

Tigger is scared to death because she said:

You said last night that we needed to get #2 son, oyEe breakfast and going on his test so that he could do his very best, yet when it comes time for you to actually carry through, and I have the audacity to remind you... you get huffy at me. That just shuts me down.
So, Pooh, by "we," you actually meant Tigger? How is she supposed to be healed by you and open up her heart if she is afraid to ask you to make your son breakfast?

 

Pooh, please. Come on. Why are you fighting becoming a man? You can see the finish line, yet you choose to sit on the curb and sip water whining about how tired you are.

 

Just CHOOSE to do it. Like Joel always reminds us, the pain is excruciating, but do it anyway. Keep the pain TO YOURSELF. Do not tell Tigger how hard it is to die, by getting "huffy" with her.

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Pooh, I believe you want an OHM. I believe you love your wife. I believe you are trying, but stumbling. Here is a specific, technical detail you can do for your wife after you read her post and the others here. LO did this for me and it was tremendously healing. You said you need to be hit with a huge bat so here it is:

 

Go to Tigger. Give her a hug and a gentle kiss. Tell her your sorry for hurting her and that she can post anything she needs to and you will take it like a man. Reassure her every chance you get that you will not quit. And if you read something here that upsets you, post it. Let the helpers hear your frustration and they can help walk you through it.

 

Summed up:

1) Hug and kiss Tigger.

2) Apologize

3) Reassure

4) Post your thoughts

5) Let the helpers help you

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I am here posting, not in response to any of the other posts, but because I have something that I feel should be said.

 

Last night POOH and I were very tired. He said that he would be up to bed in a little while. I asked what else he needed to do. He told me that he had not posted yet that day. I told him I would much rather he came to bed with me then to post. He said, are you sure?? I am not too tired to do this and I want to meet your needs and bring you healing. I said this is my choice and I would rather you be in bed with me cuddling then typing.

 

This was a beautiful exchange between us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :eyes: :eyes:

 

There were no harsh words, no bad feelings and I was TOTALLY ok with him not posting!!

 

He has not yet gotten to read what I have written, let alone anyone else. We needed to get a lot done yesterday as we were having the new social worker for the babies come out for a visit first thing this morning. It went well, by the way, but we needed or rather I needed to feel like things were all in order.

 

Last night POOH went through and had things super straightened up while I was taking a shower. I came out of the shower to a new house. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... WAY TO GO POOH ::clap ::clap ::clap ::clap

 

He was very helpful last night it was very nice. I forgot to mention that the night before he shampooed the carpets, without me ever asking him to do this. More kudos for POOH ::clap ::clap ::clap ::clap I figure he needs some hand claps, as I have done my share of complaining.

 

We still have work to do but this is a start. I also want to mention that we spent about 2 hours yesterday watch J&K DVD and talking. Now we had a lot to get done, but he knew I needed to rest, so we went up to our room and watched the DVD's which led to good talking.

 

After that rest we worked together the rest of the day; him really doing the work, me more directing. I made dinner though, which was HUGE, since my treatments and multiple surgeries I have not done much cooking. My children where over the moon excited!! After dinner everyone helped clean up, I came to the forum for a while because I was spent. We were up to almost 11 last night and POOH has to get up at 4, so I really wanted us to get to bed.

 

All in all yesterday was a good day. I had much on my mind, hence the posts yesterday. Even through all the emotions I still think it was a good day.

 

Please keep POOH in your prayers for his work, this is the week with the Federal Government being at work inspecting. It is a tough week normally, but then to add to that, my brother and family are here visiting, so there is no relief at home either.

 

I want to say that I appreciate both Aunt Pitty and AC for posting. If I had the time or rather when I have the time I may get back on here, but for now my brother and his family are heading over for a "visit", so I need to prepare. Thank you both, you are wonderful to bless POOH, hopefully he will respond and appreciate ya'll, like I do!!

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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Hello there forum friends,

 

I wanted to get on here and feel my way through the last several posts. I had really hoped that POOH may have had time at work to get on here, but evidently not; which since I have not even gotten a call, I am guessing that he is quite tied up by the NRC inspectors. I will start with the easiest.

 

GMS,

 

He did do well with listening to me last night and it was great. He was not just on auto pilot, he was listening. Sometimes he gets in his mind that he has to do a certain task and he has blinders on where anything else is concerned. I am real glad that last night was not one of those times, I really wanted to be held. I did have to ask him for it, but that was okay; baby steps, baby steps!! :wink: Tigg

 

AC,

 

What you post is always so good. I see how the open forum, with all the sharing really helps everyone. I am not sure if Joel was talking about me, last Thursday night, with the PM thing, but I hope not. I do see the value of having an open forum. I have asked people things in PM's when I am trying to be sensitive to their privacy. I have asked a time or two for someone to reply privately to me, if it was to reveal their "real" name or sometimes like to ask where they specifically lived or something like that; something that they may not want broadcast totally on the public forum.

 

Anyway... back to your post to POOH, AC,

 

I love your list. It is short, sweet, and to the point. You hit all the main points and you give nice details, even in keeping it brief; something I am no good at doing. As I started to say in the previous paragraph. I am so glad to be getting help from others who have walked this road and that since we are on a public forum, we can read these things and help one another.

 

I like that you tell POOH that LO did this for you, it shows that it is tried and true and has worked; just look how far you have come.

 

One sentence really stands out for me:

Reassure her every chance you get that you will not quit.
, you can't imagine how much that one hits the spot. You also mentioned that if he reads something that upsets him that he should post it, that one made me stop and think.

 

If he posts that he is always upset with what I post, I am not sure that I will not shut down. Maybe if he was on the men's private section, maybe it is better if he isn't because it will cause me to think, process, and work through this together. I do want him to seek the help from the helpers though!!

 

In thinking about what I said, that it is good to hear it from someone who has walked this road, maybe I need to apply that to me. If I am not willing to take your advise, as in let him post how he feels about what I have said, then I am being a hypocrite. I will try to readjust my thinking here. I will take it like a man.

 

I guess I should be able to handle it if he is upset about something I have said. I must be just too sensitive about what he writes. Help keep me going friend, keep me on track. Thank you for your help. He is very analytical, so the step by step thing, I think, will really help him. Tigg

 

Aunt Pitty,

 

You never did tell me how you picked your name; I guess I should not have PMed you about that. I am just really curious if it is someone special, a chaster, or something different.

 

You have written several times to POOH and I always feel like you give such wise insight. I hoped I was not sounding like a complete quivering baby when I wrote that statement about shaking in my boots. I really could feel my legs shaking. I do worry about his reaction.

 

In times past, he has gotten angry at me over things and too often become grumpy, which means my children are then affected too!! I can take him not being happy with me, but don't mess with my children. I am very much the MaMa Bear protecting her cubs. Yelling at my children is far worse then yelling at me; I am not worth much, I deserve to be yelled at, at least some of the time, but not my babies---> even though they are not such babies anymore.

 

You mentioned me as a "lovely wife" I thank you for that, most times I do not feel very lovely. I feel like I am the old ball and chain. I want to move past this, but when you feel like such a burden then that makes it hard.

 

I know that POOH would eventually get around to making breakfast, the children would be on him because it was Daddy's special French Toast day, but I wanted to get him moving. He truly is a POOH, he does not move very fast; except when he is hoping to get some "Honey", if you know what I mean :wink: :wink: !!

 

POOH has for a long time referred to me as his "rudder". I give him direction; I also happen to be a size 4 kick in the butt to get him going most of the time. He is not very self motivated, which is the same as saying he is not an initiator; the self motivated thing has been what we have dealt with for many years. When he wants to do something he is good at putting an effort forward for that time of doing what he wants/needs to do, but not when it is something I want/need. Plus, unless I am pushing him forward he does not finish what he has started. We started our house in 2001, it is still not done. My bathroom has a sink finally and has a toilet, no shower--->yet. My closet is a storage area, so much so that all my clothes, and his too are kept on the second floor and our bedroom is on the third floor.

Well my guest just got here so I must close.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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::clap I am so happy to hear Tigger so pleased, Pooh, thank you! ::clap

 

O my Tigger :(

I am not worth much, I deserve to be yelled at, at least some of the time
You're going to make me cry. You so DO NOT deserve to be yelled at EVER. Pooh, here is another great opportunity to heal her heart and apologize and tell her this is a lie and she is forbidden from ever speaking (writing) it again :D :shock: .

 

Pooh, Tigger is giving you a million ways to heal her heart:

He is not very self motivated, which is the same as saying he is not an initiator; the self motivated thing has been what we have dealt with for many years. When he wants to do something he is good at putting an effort forward for that time of doing what he wants/needs to do, but not when it is something I want/need. Plus, unless I am pushing him forward he does not finish what he has started. We started our house in 2001, it is still not done. My bathroom has a sink finally and has a toilet, no shower--->yet. My closet is a storage area, so much so that all my clothes, and his too are kept on the second floor and our bedroom is on the third floor.

 

Let's put them into an outline (well maybe not).

Let's start with #1-initiate one thing tonight.

You can make an entire list from her paragraph, Pooh, and bring healing to her heart in each area.

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To my beautiful wife:

 

to the 1st post 8/23. Thank you for the communication. I am sorry that i did not communicate well. I was not saying that you attached me, I was saying that I was being defensive because I was selfish and self centered and took your comments as an attach. I know I was wrong. I am working on that part of dieing.

 

to the 3rd post 8/23. I greatly appreciate the input thanks my love.

 

To Her Density:

Thanks. Yes I need to do better. I knew that I was not completely done. I was just resting. If the baskets had registered I would have taken care of them. I would have eventually found them. I need to be more attentive. I am praying for your recovery. May God speed your healing.

 

To My Wife:

I am so sorry that I was not attentive to the stress you were feeling and the completeness of my work. I am sorry that I hurt you that way. I will do better! If I fail please remind me that you would like the job completed now. Thanks for your patients and understanding.

 

To Aunt Pitty:

You are correct I need to keep my dieing to my self. I never fully understood the pain it caused my wife until this week. I always thought that it was a sign of surrender. Along with my Yes Dear. I am working on the cease and desist for both of them.

 

To My Wife:

Yes I know I have caused you pain. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I desire to bring you happiness like I feel from you. I will strive to do my best not to cause you pain. I love and cherish you. Thanks for tolerating me.

 

To Aslan's Child:

Thanks you are correct. She is free to post anything she would like. I have already learned so much from reading her post and I am not even halfway through.

 

To My Wife:

I am so sorry that I have cause such fear in you. You ma post anything you like. I need you to talk to me. I can not hear your heart if you do not talk to me. I Love You Sooo Much. I do believe that you are a gift from God. I am deeply sorry that I have shut you down. You are a smart wonderful and beautiful Person, Mom, and Wife. I am truly blessed to have you as my wife. Thank you!!!!!!!!

 

Thank you for the acknowledgments. I LOVE YOU!!!!! I also love cuddling. Thanks again.

 

My Dear, Beautiful, Wonderful, Special ,Lovely Wife I am here and I am not going anywhere. I do not want to be anywhere else. You are my sole interest and desire. I desire to make you an OHWife if a truly OHM. You are truly special and deserve not to be yelled at. You are NOT BAD!!!!! I am so sorry that I learned to be loud. I love you and are very rarely upset with you. I am sorry for yelling at you when you never deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

List of things to do:

- LOVE MY WIFE DAILY

- Do Not Yell Under Any Circumstance

- Help her with the children in a loving way

-Complete her home

- Do Not Yell

 

Thank you all for the input. POOH

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POOH,

 

Thank you for posting. I had a bit of a hard time following your post, but I know it was late and you were trying your best. If you need to have me show you how to carry over quotes, I will be glad to do that; it really helps those reading to know what you are talking about, especially when it is actually on a different page then you are posting. I hope that made sense.

 

I need to go back and figure out all of what you said. I appreciate the apology. I will try to do better to talk to you; if you can let me know when you do not feel like you are hearing me then I will know better how to communicate with you.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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Help from all sources.

 

I am not sure if I am being dense or trying to look too much into what was posted by POOH. Here is the sentence that I am struggling with right now:

I always thought that it was a sign of surrender.

What exactly was a "sign of surrender" and why would surrender be such a "BAD" thing??

 

I know I am a woman, so thing affect me differently, so if someone could help me understand this I would greatly appreciate the help.

 

I am VERY mopey today. I should be over the moon excited that POOH is posting and he posted to not just me. SO... why am I so upset?? There is alot going on right now, so I am not saying that it has to be about POOH, but I just wonder if this is just some sort of emotional release. anybody on this??

 

Thank you all for the input. I look forward to hearing back from anyone who has a take on this.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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