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Hi My Love, Tigger

 

I am sorry that I have been disconnected. I guess that I was running. I hate not being able to fix your health. I am scared to loses you. You have always been my life. I am here and I will listen. I am sorry that

 

I hope that you were able to get some more rest this morning. I tried to call you but no answer. I will try to get some rest then call later. I plan on having dinner with Justin around 6pm and then listening to the Oxycotin call again look forward to talking to you soon. I love and miss you!!!!

 

Pooh.

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a posting from Kathy:

http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/3071-its-a-decision-post-to-a-husband-by-kathy/

 

 

 

Only you can make "the DECISION"

 

 

Only you can be the Christlike husband to your bride, to agape-love her and cherish her, to live with understanding with her.

 

You were never called to fix her health -- but, rather to lay down your life for her and do whatever it is that SHE needs you to do to care for her. God is the Great Physician.

 

You were never called to watch idly by while she becomes more sorrowful, you were called to be "source of life, source of strenth" -- this will only happen if you DECIDE to do this.

 

Stop wasting time. Tigger needs you to do this NOW>

 

 

prayerfully,

June of

Edited by Ward & June
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Tigger,

 

Hope you are having a good morning. I hope you slept well. I had a real strange dream that I woke up to. I was in class and I didn't understand the assignment I had to do. It made me feel uneasy.

 

My class today should be fine in that regard. I even hope it not to remedial. It starts at 8 and should end around 5pm. This is the first class that I have no idea of how it will work. (start & end times, last day of class dismissal, Etc.)

 

I am feeling that my dream might be more about our relationship then a class. (Our movement towards an OHM!!! & my having a clear understanding about how to get there!) I will try to think more on this subject. Have to get going and get some breakfast before I have to go to class.

 

I hope your day goes well. I hope OWL decides to be cooperative today. Sorry that the Doc appointment with him will not be what you wanted. Maybe we can reschedule and see the correct doc soon and I can plan to be there. I Miss You and Our Family!!!! I do not like being apart. I can not wait to be home again. Talk to you later and see you soon.

 

Your Pooh.

 

P.S.

The line that was dropped off was an apology about not being there and running. I know I can not run from Life and that Our Lord will not over burden me. I pray that I will be able to be there for you better. I Love You!!!!

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Hi Pooh! Welcome Back! (Where have you been?)

 

I think I read somewhere you two were on a call recently. I missed it. Do you know what day or if it was recorded? Not sure exactly what the most recent issues are but …

 

I think you have lost some ground.

 

You said:

 

 

Tigger,

 

Hope you are having a good morning. I hope you slept well. I had a real strange dream that I woke up to. I was in class and I didn't understand the assignment I had to do. It made me feel uneasy.

 

My class today should be fine in that regard. I even hope it not to remedial. It starts at 8 and should end around 5pm. This is the first class that I have no idea of how it will work. (start & end times, last day of class dismissal, Etc.)

 

I am feeling that my dream might be more about our relationship then a class. (Our movement towards an OHM!!! & my having a clear understanding about how to get there!) I will try to think more on this subject. Have to get going and get some breakfast before I have to go to class.

 

I hope your day goes well. I hope OWL decides to be cooperative today. Sorry that the Doc appointment with him will not be what you wanted. Maybe we can reschedule and see the correct doc soon and I can plan to be there. I Miss You and Our Family!!!! I do not like being apart. I can not wait to be home again. Talk to you later and see you soon.

 

Your Pooh.

 

P.S.

The line that was dropped off was an apology about not being there and running. I know I can not run from Life and that Our Lord will not over burden me. I pray that I will be able to be there for you better. I Love You!!!!

 

The focus of your post is all about your feelings (again). Your feelings -highlighted in red. I'm not saying you have to leave out all the I's but that's a lot of I's. Yes, it is about Tigger, but not about her feelings, mainly yours. Bringing up the dream and family is good if you relate that to Tigger’s feelings. Is she feeling distant from you? Maybe she is frustrated with Owl and your part in that is …? What will you do different?

 

I am worried about Tigger too which is especially why she needs to FEEL love NOW! Not a day later but every day. Each day that goes by that she does not feel love is a wasted day and you will never be able to reverse the Earth’s orbit and redo it. Once that day is gone, it is gone forever.

 

Will you repost and write about how Tigger is feeling and specifically how she is feeling about your relationship. I am not hearing any of that from you. Are you hearing her? She said:

 

HELP!!

 

Things have just gone so south here. I am frustrated and don't even know exactly what to say. It is like I am living life back 'there' again. I need consistentcy, this is really hurting my heart. I am finding it hard to get up and try to do anything. HELP, what do I do?? How do I make him "see" the hurt that he is causing?? Thank you for any and all help.

It will help if you will do that. Will you?

 

How is Owl? I think that is good he had to leave for a while. Especially if it was unpleasant for him. Is he reading some books with good role models? Maybe something old school would do him some good.

 

Waiting for your response.

 

C2

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C2, I am literally dead on my feet, falling over, so tired and exhausted. I can not stay here long. I wanted to let you know that we are to the point of considering a Christian Military School. ZThis is really hard; especially for a home school mom and dad. I will try to get on tomorrow but it is another harrowing day of appointments. Thanks for caring, sneding you love. ASorry for all the mistakes, just so tired. Tigger

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Tigger

 

Good Morning! I hope you were able to get some good rest. I will let you know as soon as I can about what time class will be over. I do not think it is a whole day so I should be home normal time.

 

I am sorry that it is so hard on you when I am gone. I know that it is hard when you do not have any help. YES, KIT is a great help!!!!! I do not mean to demean that. I know that it is not the same as having me help you.

 

I pray that Jesus will grant you comfort to rest and will sustain you as you go through your day. That he will give you wisdom and peace in your day. That you and I will have journeys mercy’s and be reunited at the end of the day. I pray these things in the name of Jesus.

 

I can not wait to be home with you.

All My Love Pooh.

 

C2,

 

As I understand it, One of the things that my wife complains about is that I do not share my feelings. When I do not share my feelings she feels alone. Because we do not have a connection. She feels she not only has the struggles of life but that I also am added to that list and now she has no aide. No one to be by her side and fight and give comfort.

 

I will have to ask her if I have this correct. I could have missed the boat. I was trying to let her inside so that she felt attached. I will seek her out and see if there is some other way I could meet her needs better. Thanks for always caring.

 

As for OWL as she was saying he has been very defiant. He then blames us for all of the consequences. He purposely just filled in the bubbles, on half of his standardized test. Now that he failed it he blames us that we are holding him back. We have broken it down too three simple rules he must follow.

- Do not get physical with anyone

- Do not lie

- Do what little is asked of you well

He just refuses to do any of this. The little time he was away was like a vacation for him. The only discomfort he felt was not being with the family. He was with his grandparents and they do not require anything from him and there is no one else to have to control your self with. So life was easy for him. He also got have one of his addictions TV. While it gave him some hart burn not being with the family it was in no way a hard ship for him. It did give us the need break to decompress and analyze things.

 

I will make every effort to meet my wife’s needs that are know, and I will put in extra effort in trying to identify those needs. Thanks for all of the input. It makes me think about things to ensure that I am not self centered in my focus.

 

I have to get to class. Have a great day everyone.

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Pooh:

I’m glad that your post is longer and more detailed. That part is great. If Tigger wants you to share your feelings then share your feelings but don’t make that the main focus.

 

Howerver,same question:

Will you repost and write about how Tigger is feeling and specifically how she is feeling about your relationship?

From what you wrote Tigger is fine with your relationship. You posted about your feelings and now she is fine. That is the picture you are painting. From her heart cry below that’s not what I am hearing. Did you ask her about the post where she wrote HELP? Did you ask her what she was feeling when she wrote that? Has that been resolved for her or did you just ignore it, sweep it under a rug and then divert the issue.

She said:

HELP!!

 

Things have just gone so south here. I am frustrated and don't even know exactly what to say. It is like I am living life back 'there' again. I need consistentcy, this is really hurting my heart. I am finding it hard to get up and try to do anything. HELP, what do I do?? How do I make him "see" the hurt that he is causing?? Thank you for any and all help.

 

From what I have seen this has never been addressed. Let’s have it Pooh. No more diversions. Ask Tigger what SHE was FEELING when she wrote this. Ask her if it was resolved. Show her you care. Do not look bored. Do not give her a fake apology. Do not argue. Look her in the eye, hold her hand, use your soft voice. If she says you are faking it then dig deeper until you FEEL her pain.

 

Pooh, we want you and Tigger to have a wonderful life and marriage. This road you are taking your family down is not that road.

 

As for Owl, yea I know what you’re saying. Zero effort when they bubble in all the wrong answers on purpose. I didn’t fail too many kids. If they tried they passed. Owl is not trying. He is charting his own course.

 

Tigger does not have the strength to type and tell us what is going on in her heart. Ask her for me please. Tell us what she is feeling because she can’t right now and she needs a voice.

 

C2

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  • 2 weeks later...

POOH

 

I have been wanting to write, but don't have the mind to do it now, but wanted to share this that I read.

Pure in Heart posted this on another thread:

 

 

What specifically for the wife does this look like? I believe it is that he consistently with a stubborn resistance refuses to DO what SHE needs. As soon as she makes a request, presents her need, cries out in desperation; her husband will make sure he does everything BUT what she asks for. For the "passive" type of man this IS his CORE ABUSIVE NATURE at work and that very thing for him to ever, ever make headway is to first identify this about himself and then DIE to it. It is honestly, that simple.

His major problem comes out in his thinking that he really is NOT the problem here. He is set in his thinking, grasping at straws, claiming he is confused because he thinks he has it all together and refuses to be teachable. You, L were given to him by the Lord to teach him about the depths of God's heart and the many facets of love and being like Christ.

 

It is not abnormal for most husbands coming to this ministry to be called out on resisting meeting her need. That is already been established. But men like that, do it under the pretense of making sure they have done other things first that present them in a good light. So, now the wife points out...Hey, you are not meeting my need and He says, But look at all I have done. She now is in a dilemma. Yes, he has done things but they were what HE IS COMFORTABLE WITH and NOT what she NEEDS.

 

Another one:

This is called sabotaging the relationship. If he meets your need then he has to connect with you and he avoids that connection like the plague. This is his carnal, sinful behavior, developed out of Arrested Development he has to die to and do the opposite of what he wants to break the cycle. He learned somewhere along the line those certain behaviors to please other people to get love. He decided that this is all there is to love. He surmised these things or learned them to get love in his family of origin and from others. He must learn that properly loving another does not necessarily mean those behaviors that worked for him in the past and with other people work all the time. He needs to get out of his comfort zone and LISTEN to what you are asking him in each and every moment to KNOW and learn to understand what YOU NEED to be loved.

 

I believe he must repent of this manipulation, as this is what it is and the root of it is mother/son issues. It is almost like getting back at his wife for what his mother did. He is, in essence punishing the wife for the failings of another.

 

Red section is all my highlighting/emphasizing.

 

Another great insight:

His ideas are skewed and have caused damage and he needs that same revelation. Believe it and act on it. ACT on what makes his wife feel loved. To meet her needs. To listen to your heart. That means what it means. LISTEN to the actual words coming out of her mouth and DO them exactly.

 

More from PIH:

She is also A MIRROR...that reflects what something looks like. When a wife looks weary...talks weary...acts weary...then the husband is WEARING HER DOWN BY NOT LOVING. If she is happy, upbeat, energy, loving him back..responding... then the SOURCE is life-giving(agape loving)

 

More GEMS!!:

To break the bondage and stronghold...even though that stronghold may be subconscious, underneath the surface, is to focus on the wife and her specific needs. It is a time to be strengthened again after your long battle. When he does what you NEED, his bondage is healed. He is set free. Loving you is the way out for him. It also means that he is hyper vigilant on ONLY MEETING the NEEDS YOU ASK HIM TO MEET.

 

This IS how he dies to himself. His own thoughts that he thinks and has determined make relationships work needs to die. God gave him a help-meet to show him a better way of love.

 

His ideas are skewed and have caused damage and he needs that same revelation. Believe it and act on it. ACT on what makes his wife feel loved. To meet her needs. To listen to your heart. That means what it means. LISTEN to the actual words coming out of her mouth and DO them exactly.

 

This next one is all good, but pay close attention to some of the highlighted areas in paragraph one and ALL of paragraph 2.

What specifically for the wife does this look like? I believe it is that he consistently with a stubborn resistance refuses to DO what SHE needs. As soon as she makes a request, presents her need, cries out in desperation; her husband will make sure he does everything BUT what she asks for. For the "passive" type of man this IS his CORE ABUSIVE NATURE at work and that very thing for him to ever, ever make headway is to first identify this about himself and then DIE to it. It is honestly, that simple.

His major problem comes out in his thinking that he really is NOT the problem here. He is set in his thinking, grasping at straws, claiming he is confused because he thinks he has it all together and refuses to be teachable. You, L were given to him by the Lord to teach him about the depths of God's heart and the many facets of love and being like Christ.

 

It is not abnormal for most husbands coming to this ministry to be called out on resisting meeting her need. That is already been established. But men like that, do it under the pretense of making sure they have done other things first that present them in a good light. So, now the wife points out...Hey, you are not meeting my need and He says, But look at all I have done. She now is in a dilemma. Yes, he has done things but they were what HE IS COMFORTABLE WITH and NOT what she NEEDS.

 

Thanks C2 for letting me borrow so much of the good stuff on your thread, I know you don't mind.

 

Thanks PIH for all your time and love you pour into this ministry, your sage wisdom is so appreciated!!

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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Kimberly aka Pure in Heart

Posted Today, 03:56 AM

How to Love Your Wife According to the Bible

 

So did you know that there are Biblical commands for husbands? Husbands have responsibilities to love and honor their wives.

 

Would you like to be a husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the Church?

 

(1) "Love your wife as Christ loved the Church."(Ephesians 5:25)

 

Risk your life to help or save your wife. Christ's love for the church is without limits, nothing is held back. He gave His life for the church - before you loved Him. His love does not depend on your love for Him. - love your wife as service--as giving your life to God.

 

 

(2) "Love your wife in the same way you love your body and your life."(Ephesians 5:28-33)

 

You care for your body daily to be as well fed and healthy as possible. You quickly take care of any needs or desires. Any sexual desire as a husband should be cared for with your wife. In the same way, care for your wife's needs and well being. Feel your wife's pain and illness and rejoice in her health as if it were your own life. A husband must see his wife's sexual desires and make supreme efforts to meet those needs too. Basically, her need or desire whether financial, physical, emotional or spiritual in your relationship must receive your full effort. Only in this way can you love her and provide for her just as well as you do for yourself.

 

(3) "Be considerate as you live with your wife, with respect ..."(I Peter 3:7)

 

The Bible says that if we neglect this command, our prayers will be hindered! To be considerate, quit any irritating habits! When she needs to be helped carrying heavy items, do it! If she needs time you can take care of the family! Help your wife with all of your energy, show your love to her with all consideration. Pray to see where you may be inconsiderate.

 

 

(4) "Do not be harsh with your wife."(Colossians 3:19)

 

When a wife is sensitive realize that harsh answers, angry looks, irritated tones of voice and impatience will deeply affect your wife. Rejoice that she is a lady and isn't like you - remember that she is a precious gift God has given you.

 

 

(5) "The husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife."(I Corinthians 7:3-5)

 

Please your wife physically. Don't deprive her of what she needs. Your wife may not tell you that she would like to climax during times of intimacy. Assume that she would like to orgasm and work to please her. A wife might become more active in sex if her desires were being met! Sexual pleasure is something that is given, not forced or taken.

 

 

(6) "Rejoice in your wife all your life. Let her breasts satisfy you. Be captivated with her."(Proverbs 5:18-19)

 

No man should look at other women or pictures of other women when he has a wife on whom he can gaze daily. And women should strive to keep their bodies as attractive as possible. A husband should become fully satisfied with his wife's body. No matter what the size or shape, if a man will let it happen, and ask God to help him, he can grow to truly find his wife's breasts to be the most attractive in the world. This is the true spirit of being captivated with your wife. Such a wife will feel sexy, attractive, and most of all, ladylike.

 

 

(7) "And that women may be dressed in simple clothing, with a quiet and serious air; not with vanity about her hair and gold or jewels or expensive clothing;"(1 Timothy 2:9)

 

Encourage your wife to be modest in public and erotic in private with you. A modest woman is a lady. There is much sin and temptation that results from women showing too much skin in public. Just think of the pleasure of knowing that no one sees too much of your wife's legs but you! You will be shocked at how this one maneuver will increase your feelings of masculinity and her feelings of femininity.

 

 

(8) "Do not be captivated by other women."(Proverbs 5:20)

 

Finding other women attractive and looking at them will erode your own view of your wife. You will be less satisfied with her and she will feel less special to you. No man can build a habit of glances without subconsciously doing it in his wife's company. And she will notice. Remember to be captivated with your wife and no one else. She will feel like the Queen of the world and you will fall further in love with her.

 

 

(9) "Call your wife 'blessed' and praise her."(Proverbs 31:28-29)

 

Tell her that she is special and is greater than any other woman on earth. Don't just mention her physical beauty, but her care for you, her hard work, and her ladylike attributes. Watch the flower of your wife blossom as you repeatedly fill her ears with your praises. She longs for those words and she wants to hear them from you! Of course you don't need pride, but that does not change the wife's need and longing to be treasured.

 

 

(10) "Tell your wife how captivated you are with her body."(Song of Solomon 4:7; 7:1-8)

 

A true lover will make sure that his wife knows that he finds no flaw in her. God made your wife. God makes no mistakes. If you find a part of her body flawed, then it is your mind that needs to be changed. This does not let the wives off the hook to let their bodies go, but we all get old, and there is not much we can do about that! But it puts the responsibility upon the man to grow to love and express love for every part of his wife and also to respectfully and sensually tell her so. It will not help to criticize her or to be sarcastic. Think of how good she will feel when both you and she truly believe that you are enamored with every part of her!

 

 

(11) "Honor your marriage; keep it pure by remaining true to your wife in every way."(Hebrews 13:4)

 

Jesus says that "lustful looks are adultery."(Matthew 5:28) This is similar to "because where your treasure is there will your heart be also..."(Luke 12:34) and vice versa. Do not treasure such lustful thoughts in any area of life, but deny it access to you heart. Keep your marriage pure by training your heart and eyes to be true to your wife. Your marriage will reap huge benefits if you do!

* Thank the Lord for beauty and appreciate it but keep your eye, joy, mind and heart for the wife.

 

(12) "Be thankful for your wife and realize the favor you have received from God."(Proverbs 18:22)

 

Just think of how lonely you would be without a wife. Adam was alone and it wasn't good for him to be alone, so God gave him a wife. You have a lifetime companion, a friend, and a lover to enjoy every day. What a blessing! Thank God and pray for her daily. She is a tremendous "prize" from God.

 

 

(13) "Be one flesh with your wife in every way."(Matthew 19:5)

 

Enjoy life with her as if you were inseparable, but live your life thoughtfully. Long to be with her like you did when you first met. Rush home from work to her. Think about her during the day. Call her every day. Learn as a couple to agree: be like minded. Enjoy intimacy and sex often. You should have sex as often as is necessary to meet the desires of whichever spouse has the stronger sex drive, and as schedules and health permit. Spend time just talking and sharing the day's events. Show a genuine interest - listening intently - giving your full attention and eye contact. Your wife is more important than anything or anyone but Jesus Christ. Be as one with your wife.

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  • 3 weeks later...

POOH,

 

We have really fallen off the face of the earth here. We are facing the biggest struggle of our life and we have not been here bein loved and supported. Maybe this is why we are no further along in having a clear picture as to what we should do about Owl. Could you please speak to this a bit here. Thank you!!

 

I did not come here just for that, but GOD put that on my heart as soon as the typing started. So here is the passage I wanted to share with you.

For a guy who is passive.....this is also most likely a learned response in his family system. He had to learn to hold feelings to himself because he was either not heard, got in trouble or faced anger if he voiced his feelings. When a person comes across as non-confrontational, nice, and even out-going...they are generally liked. So now we have a person who is emotionally inept and immature but they are being applauded and accepted for this dysfunctional behavior. There is a pay off for them. There is no need to work at emotional out-put because to give and take that risk may also mean risking the applause of men. That is called an internal quandary!!

 

Hopefully this will make some kind of sense when you read it, as it is only part of a large post I was reading elsewhere. If you do not see what it is I am trying to get across, please ask questions.

 

BOy will I be glad to get the new computer up and working, this old one is driving me insane---> I know, I know, I know... NOT a far drive!! :rotfl:

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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C2,

 

Since you have been such a faithful and good friend, I don't want to make you keep hanging; you know waiting for POOH :blink:.

 

We are praying about the placement of our oldest son. We have been battling about an out of home placement and that is the way I am leaning; I physically can not handle him when he becomes aggressive. POOH is not at the same place, he is battling with sending our son away; I am too, but for me I know he needs help---> Help beyond what I feel like I can provide for him.

 

We looked into Christian Military Academy. at first. Where we are at right now is deciding about a place called "The Master's Ranch and Christian Academy". It is Christian based, run by a former pastor from about an hour from here. The Ranch is in Missouri, which is obviously a good distance from us. We like the small setting, the one on one attention, as they live like a family and run the ranch together. They look to turn our boys into "Christlike Men", that is a direct quote from them. Sound familiar??!!

 

He will be home educated at the Ranch, with a curriculum we approve of; also Christian Based. The attend Church twice a week and have daily one hour Bible study. They work together as a family, with the staff being ALL for reunification and the support of the authority of the GOD given rights of the Parents. They only work with boys, so there is no girl issues. They take boys from 12 to 17, and the max that they have is 26.

 

We actually have another family we know who has a child there presently; very similar situation to what our family has been facing. This other young man had gone further down a path of destruction, then our son; even by his parents own assessment- not saying something that they would not agree with me. With this program, they work on a Buddy system, so that those who have moved forward help those just coming into the program. They also have a color coded shirt system, based on the privileges that you have. Every one starts out wearing Orange, as you earn trust you can move forward.

 

I know this is more then what you probably wanted to hear, but I guess I needed to unload and here/on you is where it happened. This is a terribly hard place to be and the choices here are less then what any parent would want. Ideally I would love for him to just "change", but honestly... how can I expect a 14 year old special needs child(functioning more like a much younger child- emotionally) be able to make changes when I can not expect my 45 year old husband to be able to do this

 

He(POOH)keeps thinking that Owl should just somehow be able to turn this around. Funny though he (POOH) thinks that he should be given an ABC/123 way to do this "marriage" ministry, but somehow.. out of the blue our child should just be able to PFA- plucked from air. How can a man's mind think that way?? He does not have to move but minimally for the last 3 years, but our child should just be able to turn a switch and be all better. ::xx

 

Maybe POOH needs to see the hypocrites of his thinking. Our child has no tools and has a not so stellar role model; not to mention being a drug and alcohol baby who lived on the streets or locked in closets for the first year of his life, and being abused in his first foster home. UGH!!

 

I think I had better can this or my anger may just fry the computer screen. As you can see, we have been facing alot with just this one child, not to mention multiple other fires. Please pray for this situation, as well would you keep my right- good eye in prayer, as I am having blurry vision in it now, and I am scarred. Thanks for your keeping in touch.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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Hi all,

 

Tigger, I think I understand what was the meaning in the post you quoted. I will try to get some time later and go read the whole post. Thanks! We will have to get your new computer up soon. I LOVE You!!!

 

As for OWL, We are experiencing a attitude of victim that entitles him to be aggressive when he is asked to do something or corrected in a way that he dose not want or like. He has grown greatly this last year. He is the same size and weight as me. This presents a problem as he dose not have a sense of his size and strength, even when he is not aggressive. When he is hipped on adrenaline he losses all control and rationality. We are considering send him to a Christian institute that could help him. We have been unable to reach him yet. The place is a small place that would be able to coach and minister to him. As Tigger said they live as a family, home school and run a ranch in Missouri.

 

I do not expect him to be able to flip a switch and be different. I also understand that I am not home with him all day and do not have to put up with him. I also know that he responds to males better. I would love to be home all day to be with my family. I just have not been able to find a way to do that. My wife dose a great job at home and I do appreciate what she dose. I wish I could just be there to help. I am willing to send him I just fight when and feeling like a failure. We are currently trying a new program to change troubled children but we have just started it and we know have to make the decision to send him by the 5th of November. They would like to have him by that date. If we push it back there might not be a place for him. It is hard to make these decisions. I know that my beautiful wife is also struggling daily with this.

 

I am asking for prayer that we would have clarity, wisdom, and God's guidance.

 

This is not the only change we are facing. The foster children have been returned and they are a hand full. This also adds to the stress in the house daily. It is hard to rearrange the day to be able to get all of the things done that need to be and have full control of the little ones. We now have to decide if it is God will that we add these children to our permanent family. Life has been very busy. I am sorry dear that we have been stuck on the warming element. I will work on turning up the heat. I Love You!!!! we are also dealing with Tigger's health and road to recovery both physically and emotionally (by my actions to love her). The physical side includes more test and procedures along with other eye issues. This requires extensive travel that Tigger is not up to doing. I am willing to take time of from work but that also stress her. Where am I to go and what am I to do????????? I want to support her but feel that what ever I do will leave her short. Well I need to get some work done. talk to you all later.

 

Hope every one is having a great day and that God blesses you all.

Pooh

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Tigger:

 

Thanks for taking time to update us. You are always on my mind. I am praying for Owl and your decision. I trust your judgement. You and Pooh have checked this out and feel like it is a good thing. As a parent, that is a tough decision.

 

Pooh said:

As for OWL, We are experiencing a attitude of victim that entitles him to be aggressive when he is asked to do something or corrected in a way that he dose not want or like. He has grown greatly this last year. He is the same size and weight as me. This presents a problem as he dose not have a sense of his size and strength, even when he is not aggressive. When he is hipped on adrenaline he losses all control and rationality. We are considering send him to a Christian institute that could help him. We have been unable to reach him yet. The place is a small place that would be able to coach and minister to him. As Tigger said they live as a family, home school and run a ranch in Missouri.

 

Tigger you said:

Our child has no tools and has a not so stellar role model; not to mention being a drug and alcohol baby who lived on the streets or locked in closets for the first year of his life, and being abused in his first foster home. UGH!!

This breaks my heart for Owl. That first year of life is so important. However, he is 14 now and he is only doing himself more harm with his attitude and behaviors.

 

I looked up “The Master's Ranch and Christian Academy” on the internet. They have swimming which I know Owl loves and horses. :eyes: Cool. And they teach responsibility and earning privileges. I think that is great. I admire you for making this decision. I think this will be good for Owl. He has had plenty of chances to turn around and he has chosen not to. I like the colored shirts to signify the level of privileges.

 

One of our employees who has been with us for 19 years got involved in drugs a few years ago. We tried to talk to him and offer help and consequences but his path of self-destruction was more than we could help with. He eventually got “caught” by the system and went into an in-house treatment center where he had to earn privileges. He responded amazingly to the structure and he worked himself up to their highest level. ::clap He was in treatment for 1 year, the last 6 months they let him out to come to and from work. He takes the bus and rides his bike to work every day. He is totally dependable now and has been clean for a year. We had given up all hope for him and thought he was going to simply die young. He is by far our best employee and is like a part of our family.

 

How long will Owl be there? Will he be able to come home for things like Christmas? I pray that God will give you strength and wisdom as you face the final days of decision.

 

Pooh, what’s happening with you and Tigger? Have you been listening to the calls? Ken of Ken and Diane has a pink hat he has to wear when he messes up. Don’t make Tigger get out the bear and blanket. The best thing you can do right now for all your little ones is to bless Tigger’s heart!

 

Thanks for the post Pooh! I hope your kids will get to see you and Tigger make a team decision about Owl and come together as a united front of courage and compassion. That will be the best send off Owl could have to see you both have a firm conviction this is the best thing for him.

 

Praying that God holds your hearts in his hands and Pooh will be the source of life,, source of strength for you Tigger.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi C2,

 

She has been a little under the weather. Life has also been hectic. They had the final court date for the foster children yesterday. The parents have sign their rights off and now the boys will be up for adoption. That fit Tigger hard. We still feel that it was not the best thing for the children. As for owl we have decided to wait until after the holidays with the family. He has been on and off in his performance. The one thing that has constantly happened is anytime we might start to re-think our decision he has a REALLY REALLY BAD DAY. Someone is trying to ensure that we do not change our mind. Please pray that we have discernment as to if it is GOD or the devil. Another thing that is affecting her is the doctors lack of aggression on dealing with the lime. She feels like she wants to step up the process and the doctor is dragging her feet. Life just seems to be swamping us at times. I am trying to be all that I should but all to often fall short. I am trying to grab my boot straps and put my Pollyanna on and be her source of life. I do need to be better at this. Thanks for all of the prayer and checking in on us.

 

Pooh.

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Life SUCKS!!

 

I am so miserable it is bad and I ask for your grace in letting me vent the first sentence. I walk around in a state of constant pain and fogginess. I am hurting for the children in our home, for the child we feel needs help that we can't give him and today I found out he has lost his spot to go to the Ranch and get the help we feel he needs; we waited and they filled his spot. I feel like I have just been crushed. I guess I am not hopeless, but after the day here with Owl this was like a tsunami of a blow. I can't feel either of my hands right now and typing is extremely difficult, so this is brief, something I am not usually. Thank you for the prayer MaryJane and thank you for keeping a check on us C2.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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Pooh;

You REALLY need to step up to the plate here; before you lose your wife, and your child! Your wife and family need you to be extremely proactive here in loving them, blessing them, caring for them every minute of every hour of EVERY DAY!!! Not just come here and post a few comments now and then; you need to start really utilizing ALL the tools available here for you to learn how to live as a Christlike man, so you can bring blessings and hope to your wife and children instead of this constant stress and turmoil!

I'm so sorry that you procrastinated about sending your son to the Ranch for the help he so desperately needs; but PLEASE keep trying to get him some help; before it's too late!

Then do WHATEVER you have to to bring healing to your wife; she is DYING here right before your eyes! (Both emotionally and physically!) There's a huge amount of help and support here for both of you to stop this merry-go-round of turmoil...pain...stress....problems...more turmoil...more pain....more stress!

So I'm begging you to turn around and start really practicing what you've been saying you'll do for a couple years; make your actions match up with your words EVERYDAY!!!

Sorry if this sounds harsh or unkind; but I know what it feels like to be very ill; and not have my husbands support! You have such an opportunity here to start bringing blessing and life and healing back into your family; PLEASE reach out here for help; let the helpers and phone moderators come alongside you and get you moving forward again! It's really all up to you; I'm praying that you'll make the right decision here and start following God's plan for your life and marriage!

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pooh,

 

I am going over your thread here and my whole being feels like my very breath is being sucked out of me. I can not believe you are STILL not man enough to DO this for your beautiful bride.

 

You heard me...NOT MAN ENOUGH. Yes, pooh it takes a real man with some guts to walk out Christianity. HOW? by walking out MARRIAGE. There is your simple SOLUTION. Right in front of you this whole time.

 

All I see is a wife who is starving to death emotionally and children begging for crumbs from you. That you are not broken over the condition of your wife and children causes me to deeply question your steel and commitment to Christ. Say all the pretty words you want to but LOVE looks and acts like something pooh and you are not the one who gets to say what that is.

 

GOD DEFINED LOVE FOR YOU. Husband, Lay down your life and GIVE it up for your wife. Period.

 

It is mind-boggling how little she is asking you for and you refuse. You think you only refuse her and your children a cup of a water? You are refusing Jesus Christ every time you withhold anything from your wife and children God put in your care. Love means to meet her NEEDS. How much more uncomplicated and simple could God be?

 

And your son, OWL....take a good look, pooh because that, IS God looking at YOU, looking at him.

 

OWL IS YOU in living color. Children are responders too. He is responding to how you treat Tigger and him. They are heart broken and righteously angry over your carelessness with their hearts.

 

Your deliberate choice to hold back yourself means you are a TAKER.

 

You are commanded by God to be a GIVER or initiate life....your ENTIRE life, including your feelings to them.

 

Even children (YES, he is still a child) KNOW when something is wrong and they get angry because they feel POWERLESS to change anything. It just is absolutely appalling and my heart breaks for her.

You actually have the audacity to say this child acts like a victim?? HE IS A VICTIM!!! OF YOU!!!

 

They are all victims of your absence of LOVE in that home for Tigger or them. He does not have a way, a voice or understanding to articulate the deep sense of injustice and REJECTION. Think about that!! Think about the sheer desperation and the cries of his heart that fall on your DEAF EARS. Why doesn't this cause you to tremble? Where is your fear of God? You need to pray the dread of the Almighty falls on you.

 

You are WAY PAST excuses pooh...they do not hold water or hold up anymore to anyone, including God's standard of holiness and obedience.

 

For children, the way you treat Tigger is their only picture of what LOVE what looks like. God help YOU, pooh.

 

And you stand back and talk about that child as if he should know better. It is sheer hypocrisy, legalism, Pharisaic to the max. ...why should he? He learned from the best. That is waht young people call being a POSER, a fake, a fraud!! You call yourself a husband??

 

The anger inside him is the anger YOU pit there. That boy's only hope is that, YOU REPENT!!

 

Well, I am angry FOR this child. I WILL SPEAK FOR HIM IF YOU WILL NOT. What you are doing to your family is WRONG. Enough pooh. Grow up and be a man.

 

I have lived this very thing with our own sons. Joshua did the same thing. And he had to make restitution to his sons. The only thing you can do at this point is LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY. Yes, radical love. You heard me...no conditions!!

 

How? Start by LOVING YOUR WIFE from this point on.

 

pooh, no man in your position for this long is not hiding something. I am praying you are revealed FULLY.

 

Men who continue to abuse their wife the way you do by making her beg and plead with you over and over again is proving that there is something in your life more important than her to you.

 

Answer pooh or ANSWER GOD!!

 

Righteously angry,

 

Kimberly

Edited by Pure in Heart
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