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POOH,

 

Just found this and this really felt "right".

 

Listen and feel her emotions. Die to your emotions and live in His strength. When you can listen to how she is feeling about what is happening, not only will your apologies become real and validating, but you'll get to a place where you won't need to apologize because you're meeting her emotional needs.

 

I need you to know the hurt I am feeling. Thank you!!

 

Tigger

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POOH,

 

It is going on 5 in the morning on Sunday. I am up because of so much pain, every kind you can imagine. While I was up I was getting caught up with some of my forum friends and I read the following. You always have been asking for an A,B,C way of doing things, well this is kind of a 1,2,3 version. It is long, but please take the time to read this. Possibly print it out and take it with you, re-read it many many times. I hope this helps, because I am dying here!!

 

How did I connect to my B's pain (B is his now ex-wife), that was the original question wasn't it(From another wife).

 

I wish it were a simple answer, but I think it happened in three phases and this is the abridged version.

 

The first was I made a commitment to honor and obey God and figure out what I was doing wrong. As most guys will say, they want the marriage, they want to love their wives. I certainly love B, I never questioned that. But for reasons, I did not understand, I was not loving her the way God commanded me to love her. I was completely clueless as to what I was doing wrong. But Jesus tells us pretty clearly, Seek and you will find. For everyone who asks, receives. God is so good. All I had to do was ask. And He answered. He answered by bringing me to this ministry. He introduced me Joel, David, Josh, Kimberly, Dory, Kay and such a plethora of helpers that were willing to share His knowledge. He answered by letting me understand His Word. He answered by sharing knowledge from books and resources that without His divine guidance I would never have thought of ever reading. I spend huge amounts of time reading now. Reading The Truth, the books that tell of a woman's heart and I spend huge amounts of time exploring the depths of a relationship. What does it truly mean to lay my life down for my bride as Christ did for the Church. As I had the huge thirst for knowledge it became apparent to me that these mentors can speak His Truth, but to obey God, I had to learn to listen. That was God's command to me; listen.

 

The second phase was most likely the most difficult for any man. I had to be introspective and dig into my own heart. I had to discern what was it, that if I so loved B, kept from from expressing that love. Sadly, that was not a pleasant experience, but yet, once I climbed from that pit. it was truly exhilarating. What I find with most guys, including myself, we operate out of a place of fear. I hear it from every man on the mens call. I can relate to each and every one of them, because for most of my life, I was the same guy. You know the saying we hear in the ministry "where the rubber meets the road", well for me, it came when I realized that I was so totally in a place of self centeredness. I believe there is a difference in self centered and selfishness. Self centered, to me means that we may have good intentions, but are so consumed with our own fears, hurts and pains, we become stifled in our ability to move towards God's enlightenment. Selfishness I believe is a tool of Satan where the core is based in malice. When I speak to a guy that is frustrated with his own behaviors, I believe he is self centered. The end result to our wives is the same however, our actions are destructive and rob them of their souls. At some point, I had to make a very conscious decision. I refused to continue to be a man acting out of fear. This was not pleasant. Many times I would find myself behaving in a certain manor and triggers would flash in my mind and I had to act contrary to that old familiar character that was so inbred into my character. I did not like it, I was resistant, yet is this not what God is commanding me to do. What shall feed my spirit, acting in Faith or staying trapped in the mythical fantasy's Satan had been dangling in front of me for years. When I assessed the current situation, Satan had not been serving me well. I consciously can think for 45 years, in my soul there has been unrest. Like many, I had used every avenue Satan had permitted to mask the pain and this led to phase three...

 

The realization that God did really Love me. Yes, one tiny spec of cell matter in this vast universe, and yet God knew me. He knew my heart, he knew my soul. He knew of my pain, He knew of my torment. Yes, God LOVED ME!!!. I can remember the moment that epiphany came to me. That Christ died for me. Not the guy next store. Not someone in some desolate situation I could not relate too. Yes, He died for them also, but He also died for me. I think this was a weird concept for me to grasp. I always thought life was reasonable for me. Sure, it wasn't what I thought it was going to turn out to be, but so many people have it so much worse. Christ died for them, my life wasn't all that bad. But what I missed in all of that, was that I without God's Love inside me, was just a shell of a man. And so it was with this great revelation that I began to understand God truly cared about me. And this thought triggered so much in my heart. How could I show love to my blessed B, if I could not fathom love myself.

 

How could I understand B and become the man God has called me to be without His Love inside of me. How could I understand the pain she has suffered at my hands, until I understood that because He sent His precious Son to die for me and for her, and for my children, He had given me all the tools to Love, as Christ Loved. Christ understood the pain of all He encountered because of Love. A Love I can only hope to encompass one day in my heart. And so Desert Rose, that has become the quest of my life. To Love. To Love B the way Christ loves her. To Love my children as Christ loves them, to Love all I may encounter in the same way Christ could love.

 

I think in God's Divine plan, He knew that if I could learn to listen, learn to move outside my own fear, and learn to Love, I could understand not only the pain I have caused B, but my children and those I have failed throughout my life. Most likely, I will never fathom the depths of pain I caused to the Blessings God has given me. I will always work on trying to heal the pain. God's grace will grant me that favour, because I ask Him to. God's grace will heal B's heart because He is God and Loves her because she is His precious daughter. He will continue to work me every day and challenge me to grow and become the man He has called me to be.

 

The red highlights were added by me. Hope this is of some help. It was written by TimothyPaul, he is in the same section as you are, so should you have any questions you may find him here.

 

Tigger

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POOH,

 

Please go back to the last post on the previous page and ANSWER David's question. He has walked this out, even though his wife is gone. Your wife is here, do you even care??

 

Tigger :( They don't seem to have a crying icon, so these will have to do :-( at least for now!! :sad:

 

OH BOY I found one that is suppose to look like crying :cry: , isn't that sad that I worked so hard to find a crying icon. That should tell you something. Well maybe not you, it is not enough of a ton of bricks. They do NOT have a brick icon or I would print you a page of them. Well the computer would not let me, but I would try. I will try to head back to bed now, it is 5 a.m. just in time to do some medicine. Your very sad wife.

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Tigger, good question:

 

POOH,

 

Please go back to the last post on the previous page and ANSWER David's question. He has walked this out, even though his wife is gone. Your wife is here, do you even care??

 

Tigger, tears are dropping on my computer for you. :( :( :( :(

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  • 1 month later...

POOH,

 

Pooh:

 

Tigger wrote this a while back. It deserves repeating.

 

"Just found this and this really felt "right".

 

 

Quote

 

Listen and feel her emotions. Die to your emotions and live in His strength. When you can listen to how she is feeling about what is happening, not only will your apologies become real and validating, but you'll get to a place where you won't need to apologize because you're meeting her emotional needs.

I need you to know the hurt I am feeling. Thank you!!

 

Tigger"

 

How did you bless your family over Christmas? DW stressed me out so I sent him a post from Blessing Her. This is what blessing her said:

 

I hope you had a great Christmas and a Happy New Year coming soon. For me this was the best Christmas ever. It was great to be home and actually enjoy LRG and the boys. In the past I would run around the house like a chicken with my head cut off trying to make everything perfect and in the process stress everyone out of their shoes and stress myself to the point of misery. I can't even remember much about past Christmas's because of my self absorbed idea of forcing the events down everyone's throat and it had to be on time. Control freak you think? I had to fight urges to take control again this time but I did not. It was hard and I was not perfect but it was all worth the effort. I could tell that LRG and the boys were not stressed and all had a great Xmas.

 

I emailed the quote above to DW and this is how he responded:

You're right I did stress you out on Christmas Eve. I tried to force my agenda and my time schedule creating a very stressful environment for you. I am very sorry for putting you through that horrible pressure while at the same time you were trying to make it enjoyable for all. You have every right to be hurt and upset yet again by my attempt to selfishly control our day together. I will not let this happen again, and I will bring healing to you in this area that I have failed miserably at in the past.

Love, DW

 

These are examples of both of these guys working this Pooh. You have messed up lately Pooh but you can start to make it right. Your wife needs you. She can not be a husband to herself.

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pooh, on 13 April 2010 - 11:42 AM, said:

 

All of you guy's would step up to defend your wife from an attacker. You would bend over backwards to put food on your table. You would go to heroic efforts to save them from a fire or other hazzards. You now need to step up and do this with the love you show your wife. Stop being passive in the love you show your wife. She deserves better and God commands you to agape love her. You can not let this be a passive action. You have to purpose to love your wife. You will be a better man and have a happier marriage and life. By not agape loving your wife God say that he will hinder your prayers. So stop being passive and step up to meet your wife's needs. God bless you. Seek God and be fulfilled.

 

Pooh

 

(Taken from Dory in Famous Posts by Pooh)

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I love my wife dearly. She is truly a gift from GOD. She is a blessing beyond gold or diamonds.

 

 

I do not know where to go from here. We try to read the books nightly. But when I work four tens, drive a hour and half each way, and we have 5 children. Theres is not much time or energy left after the children are feed cleaned up and put to bed. Then with the wife under going cancer treatment there is just that much more stress on everyone.

 

 

I am trying to die to my self but do have problems at times. I mostly lose it with the children when the are just messing around and not getting there chores done. The I get frustrated and start to escalate and yell. This is the biggest problem that I am hearing from my wife's heart. I do not think I can hear her heart well. But I am trying.

 

 

I did not know how to start so Joel said to get on and say how wonderful my wife is. So here is my first attempt. I am not good at expressing my self or self awareness. So here is another step in submitting to my wife. I do love her and cherish her.

 

HOW ARE YOU ACTIVELY LOVING HER????????? making your daughter have to be the primary care-giver to the younger siblings and to get your wife, her mommy, to the toilet? really?

 

Tigger NEEDS YOU and where in the world ARE YOU, Pooh? WHERE?

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  • 7 months later...

Pooh, I know you have been busy but would you do me a favor and let me know how Tigger is? Tell her I've been praying for her and worrying about her. I would like to know how she's doing. Please let us know Pooh. I feel sure she is unable to or she would.

 

C2

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