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Aunt Pitty has a point, Pooh. You're sitting there wanting us to pray for Tigger - why, to let you off the hook? Are you thinking that God is gonna deliver strength, wisdom, and guidance in a big brown truck? Guess what, buddy - that's why he put YOU in Tigger's life. He is not going to give Tigger what she needs in any other way, unless you are out of her life.

 

You are so much like my husband - do you really love Tigger as much as you say you do? If I dragged you into court right now and accused you of loving your wife, I don't think there would be enough evidence to convict you. Why is she still having to beg you for the basics? Why do you get on here and tell her (and all of us) how much you love her, and then she comes right behind you and says that you ignored her and didn't keep your word?

 

Stop being such a hypocrite - if you love her and want to do this, then DO it. If you don't, then at least be honest with her so she knows where she stands.

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POOH,

 

Here is something that Looney posted elsewhere. I thought it was worth the read.

firewalker wrote:

 

Attributes of a Man committed to Healing

 

A man who is sincerely pursuing healing his wife's heart will reach out in humility and get the real help he needs.

He will recognize his coninuing stuckness in the pattern of his old ways and will seek counsel to interrupt the negative thinking which produces such behavior that "trying" in the strength of his own "flesh" is likely to produce: sinful, selfish, defensive, self-pitying.

A broken man before the Lord will embrace the current state of behavior and bring it to the altar of the Lord to be burned up

A humble man does not argue, complain, resist, deflect or blame.

A humble man takes ownership of his sin and confesses it as sin, not just a little cluelessness.

A sincere man will re-double his efforts and get busy with REAL change, and confess his half-hearted efforts that kept him only moderately committed.

A passionate husband will set aside his own comfort to get this marriage, the most important calling in his life, on top of the priority list and keep it at the forefront of his mind.

A man who seeks greater Christlikeness will keep short accounts with God, and with his wife, initiating confession regularly at the prompting of the Spirit of God.

A godly, committed husband will become a greater prayer warrior and will enlist the compassionate prayer of his wife to join him in warring on his knees before the Lord and fighting against his REAL enemy: the world, his flesh and the Devil.

 

Attributes of an insincere, selfish, fleshly husband in the healing process

 

A man who is NOT sincere will be: disgruntled, self-pitying, entitled to be angry (He is, in his mind, trying), shut down further emotionally.

He will drag his feet, because afterall he doesn't believe he really is the problem.

He will run away from his wife at every opportunity both physically and emotionally.

He will isolate greater, embracing the hopelessness and identifying himself as the world most misunderstood man.

He is the ultimate V-I-C-T-I-M, and will allow this to kill any hope of real change.

He will enlist the help of others to point out to his wife how right he is about their marriage and how harsh, mean, demanding and cruel his wife is being when she wants "Christlikeness" from him.

He will pray for relief from his pain.

He will bury his head in the sand and hope this too just blows over.

He will continue doing what he always has done, not seeing that that is why he is getting what he has alway gotten in the way of results.

His mind will remain untransformed, making any of his small actions towards healing isolated events, ineffective, disconnected emotionally from his wife, and safe from real risk or discomfort on his part.

He will continue to blame his wife and God for giving him this wife.

 

_________________

Read both books and Angry Men

Watched DVD's

Intensive 2/26/09

 

Hope your drive went smoothly. Your Tigger

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Hi dear,

just dropping you a note before I go to sleep. I am aware that I have failed you in so many ways. I am sorry. I will work on what I know and use that to start the healing in you. I do desire to have an OHM with you. Thinking and Praying for you can't wait to be home with you. Love Pooh.

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Tigger wrote:

I know you are very tired tonight, this has been a long, rough day, so I will give you a pass on that lame post.

 

Tigger that is a great example of letting 2 out of 3 go in the early going and thank you so much for the laugh :rotfl: it brought out of me...

 

Proverbs 17:22a - "A cheerful heart is good medicine"

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Dear GMS,

 

Your welcome 8) I am sure glad I could make you laugh, I could sure use one about now.

 

I appreciate the words of encouragement that I did the right thing. I was afraid I was too harsh. I know yesterday was a tough day on him, a good solid 8 hours of driving. He was sent, basically, on a wild goose chase. He was gone for all that time to achieve nothing. Not his fault, it was his bosses failure to make a quicker decision that caused the problem, but that is neither here nor there.

 

I am glad that I hopefully did something right. I know that HD is in crisis right now, so I doubt that he will be responding to this thread and/or challenging POOH. I guess that about leave you. I hope you feel up to the challenge. Thanks for your help.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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My dear wife,

Thank you for the list of ideas. I am sorry that I did not meet your need yesterday by posting. I should have posted and let you know that my head was still fuzzy from the drive and I need time to clear my head before I could take in your suggestions. I am deeply sorry for not posting. I do rally appreciate the effort it took to provide the list of helpful ideas. Thank You. I will work to keep all of those things involved in my days. I am also deeply sorry that I have been running from you instead of towards you. I do deeply Love You. please continue to alert me when I do not meet your needs. I desire to meet all of your needs my Love. My Eternal Love your Pooh.

 

God's Mighty Soldier

Aunt Pitty

Thanks for the loving guidance and direction. I am working to change my interactions to include all of my loving wife suggestions.

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I do deeply Love You
Can't wait to hear Tigger's response to you showing her that this statement is true!

 

My Eternal Love your Pooh.
Beautiful, Pooh. A signature that would melt any woman's heart (with the correct heart behind the words :D ).
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POOH,

 

I found this and wanted to share it with you. I am not yelling at you, just hope that this will 'help' with your understanding.

 

Written on another's thread:

TO _ _ _ _: KEEP DOING THE THINGS THAT YOUR WIFE IS SHOWING/TELLING YOU THAT ARE LIFE-GIVING, LOVING & HEALING TO HER! NOT WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT, BUT LIKE YOU'VE READ & LEARNED, WHAT _ _ _ _ SAYS/EXPRESSES, IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE NEEDS FROM YOU, WHETHER YOU AGREE WITH HER OR NOT!

 

REMEMBER, YOUR WIFE HAS HER MARRIAGE MANUAL IN HER HEART & IF YOU LISTEN TO HER HEART & DO/SAY AS SHE ASKS, YOU WILL WIN HER HEART BACK & BEGIN TO HEAL 22+ YEARS OF DEEP, DEEP WOUNDS!! ONE MORE THING: NEVER, EVER FORGET:

 

YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS (NOT SOME, BUT ALL THINGS!!!!) ~ INCLUDING LAYING YOUR LIFE DOWN FOR JUNE ~ WITH CHRIST JESUS WHO GIVES YOU STRENGTH!!!

 

NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THAT & EVERY MORNING BEFORE YOUR FEET EVEN HIT THE FLOOR, YOU PRAY, MAKING THE CHOICE THAT YOUR FLESH WILL BE PUT TO DEATH TODAY, AND THE SPIRIT OF JESUS WILL LIVE IN & THROUGH YOU!!!!! Smile

 

ONE LAST THING ~ THIS IS A LIFETIME CHANGE ~ CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY!!! IF YOU TREAT HER AWESOME & LAY YOUR LIFE DOWN FOR HER, BUT THEN YO-YO BACK & FORTH, ARGUE, GET DEFENSIVE OR DEVIATE INTO ANY OF YOUR OLD, FLESHLY BEHAVIOR ~ TRUST ME ~ ANY BIT OF HOPE & TRUST THAT HAS BEEN RESTORED, WILL BE LIKE ASHES, BLOWN AWAY IN AN INSTANT!!!

 

Ok, sorry, sermon's over! Embarassed

 

Please know I am not mad at you, just feeling in a funny place. I am realizing that I am not a good communicator, but I am growing soooo much by reading other people's posts. That is all.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

 

PS: Color emphasis & Bolding added by me.

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Dear GMS,

 

Thank you for the wise counsel on the phone tonight. I appreciated the time you spent with both of us.

 

POOH,

 

In our talking you have said that you wrote me an apology letter and I acknowledge that you did send me a letter. I would like to give you a quote from that note:

In the future:

I will stop justifying my actions and acting out.

I will speak softly and with love to you.

I will listen for your heart to meet your needs.

I will honor you.

I will defend you, against anyone who attacks you.

I will cherish you.

I will work to heal you.

I will bond only with you.

I will need you.

I will trust your heart.

I give you my heart and life knowing it is in safe hands.

Now my question is... which of these do you feel you have done since you sent me the e mail in Feb of 2009?? It has been more then 6 months, but I do not feel you are achieving all of these, do you??

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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To My Dearest Tigger,

Yes My love, I see you opening and sharing. I am deeply sorry I did not have my self control today. I am also sorry things did not go as you would have liked today.

 

Thanks for the quote I need all the reminder I can Get. I love you! and desire to meet your needs. You put a smile on my face when I think of you. All My Love your Pooh.

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My Love, You are correct I have not fulfilled my duties in this arrangement. I am felling sad. I am sorry that I have not seen the light sooner. You mean the world to me. I will work to heal your heart/ I Love You Pooh.

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My Love, You are correct I have not fulfilled my duties in this arrangement. I am felling sad. I am sorry that I have not seen the light sooner. You mean the world to me. I will work to heal your heart/ I Love You Pooh.

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Pooh, you keep saying this kind of stuff, but what are you DOING to heal Tigger's heart?

 

I would love to read a post from you that says, "Tigger needed ___ and I did ___ and ___." You sound way too much like my husband - you keep telling her and us how much you love her, but you don't seem to be doing squat.

 

Tell us 3 things you have done in the past 48 hours to be a blessing to Tigger.

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My Love, You are correct I have not fulfilled my duties in this arrangement. I am felling sad. I am sorry that I have not seen the light sooner. You mean the world to me. I will work to heal your heart/ I Love You Pooh.
Tigger, apparently this blah blah blah of Pooh is working for him, with you, because ALL the posts are the same over and over again. GMS, Dory, Looney, Eeyore, me and many others keep telling him what he needs to do---and especially you, Tigger, you're kind enough to spell it out for him---yet, he does nothing, but come on here and say "I love you. I'm sorry."

 

I don't even see you trying, Pooh. You serve your flesh and desires and then publicly apologize for asking Tigger to DIE for you again. Have you no shame? We all know that you know what you're doing. It's working for you (this NOT dying) so you don't want to change it. You must be forgetting that it is the God of the Universe, who holds your life in His hands, Who is calling you to DIE for your lovely wife. Your bride.

 

You constantly demand that Tigger AGAPE love you. Your marriage is backwards. You are the man, not Tigger. Tigger is the wife, not you. Tigger is the bride, you are the groom.

 

It is almost two years, as Tigger said on the call last night, two years in October since your Intensive. No, Tigger you're not asking too much of Pooh, or expecting too much of Pooh... you're not expecting much at All and YET HE CHOOSES TO NOT EVEN GIVE YOU THE CRUMBS YOU'RE ASKING FOR :roll: :roll: :roll:.

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Dear Aunt Pitty,

 

Just to clear something up, I am sure that I somehow messed this up when I spoke---> I was really nervous. We started with the ministry in Oct. 2007, but did not go to an Intensive until Dec. of 2007.

 

When I said, just now to POOH, that you had posted a reply he responded by saying "Aunt Pitty, have 'pity' on me". He had not read your post, but that was his immediate response. I kind of laughed to myself, knowing that he would get only truth from you and... you did not disappoint me.

 

I hate the words "I'm sorry". I told him last night, I agree with SW, I do not want apologies I want you to just do this program.

 

I think he was a bit miffed that I was actually talking on the call last night. I just had a potty and correction break. POOH said he would do one thing and did something else with regard to one of our children- URGH :evil: :evil: .

 

I, of course, called him on it and he grumbled and complained. I told him he was defending and eventually he quieted down, but no appropriate response to me. He did the kiss and hug thing that he likes to do; he thinks that makes it all better. It may make it better for him, but it is not what I am needing to bring healing. I told him that he was bringing me death by hurting me, because of the child situation and I said you gave your word and you are not sticking to it; to me that is lying.

 

He was being selfish and doing only what he wanted to do, it was just plain wrong. He is posting but putting so little into it that I am hurt. He is giving me crumbs and I am starving. Why can't he love me?? This hurts so much.

 

I think maybe I should have been posting this on my thread, I don't know. I know in my head that he loves me, it just has not reached my heart so that I can feel loved and cherished. He does "things" and that is good, but I also want "HIM". He values physical touch, and thinks that makes it all better, but that is not the same for me.

 

Last night he was waiting for me to come to bed and I was reading a long post- it was Wen and Brian's introduction, boy can she communicate well!! I digress. He was waiting for me and instead of posting a decent post or be reading on the forum, on his own laptop (which was right next to the bed), he was reading a magazine. Now that sounds like I resent him reading the magazine, really I don't. I just wanted more of him then the mere, tiny bit that he wrote to me.

 

I gave him a pass the other night when he had been driving all day, I know it was a really rough day. That does not mean I feel like he could always give that little. He was all excited that he had gone to page 7. The only way he would be past page one is because of everyone else but him. I found his second post last night and asked if I should read it, before I came to bed. His reply was that it was short. I looked at him and laughed, he was like "what?". I told him that was the case, they are usually short. I guess maybe I should have said, at that point, I really need you to make them longer and put more into them. I didn't do that, so here it is.

 

POOH,

 

I need more then you are giving me. The posts are like the "B" in blanket, or as the others here say... they are mere crumbs. Please may I have something more, maybe some of you, please. Thank you!!

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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Pooh,

 

You HAVE to step up - I can see in your wife's posts lately the pain and frustration that YOU are causing in her. She DOES NOT need this - she needs YOU to step up, die to yourself, and BLESS her in WHATEVER she needs. It is NOT about you and what YOU want to do - it is about what SHE needs, at whatever moment she mentions it.

 

I have seen you stick one little toe in the water by posting more often, but your posts still lack substance - they are FLUFF. Someone must have told you at same point that women only like "fluffy" things - WRONG, women need to see PRODUCTIVITY from their man. You HAVE to make some progress here in BLESSING your wife - I hear her screaming for love, and I live across the bloody country!

 

Get off of your duff, man, and try SOMETHING to BLESS your wife. I cannot believe that you are complaining and griping about helping her when she asks for something SPECIFIC after having been involved with J&K for well over 18 months! Nuts, man - step it up already...

 

HerDensity

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Looney

 

In answer to your question:

Tell us 3 things you have done in the past 48 hours to be a blessing to Tigger.

1- Made her coffee and refilled her water glass with ice and water.

2- At her request, I drove an hour and a half each way to a yard sale because she wanted to see if we could get a trundle bed and mattress for free.

3- Also at her request, while out I also went to another store and renewed a prescription for one of our boy's.

4- When I got home I worked on the washing Machine for her because it was not working properly.

5- At her request, I went to the store at 8pm and paid a bill that was due. 6- The last two items were done in the order she wanted.

7- At her request, I stopped and picked up Chinese food.

also during the day I:

8- I asked her at least four times during the day if there was anything I could get or due for her.

9- I feed and watched the children while I was home so she could rest.

10- I read and posted on the form.

11- I listen in to the conference call when I was not tending the children.

 

All of these things I do because I Love my wife. They were things that she wanted me to do. I did them gratefully (well some with only minor hesitation)

 

well, do you consider these "things" I did for my wife, or because they also benefited me they do not count. I know that they were not things like bringer her flowers, etc. This is how she wanted these things to happen.

 

The bad part was After the long drive with three of the children in tow. Coupled with a nightmare trip to COST Co. I had a raging head ache was not in the best of moods when I got home around 4pm. This I was slow to pickup on and I started to yell at the children. Yes I could have and should have handled the children better.

 

Tigger,

 

I will work on my post. You know that this is an area that I have a hard time with. I am not good about self expression. I am not one who is gifted with being able to talk. You also know that I am not very self aware. I have not ever been one to perform a self examination. I will try to provide you more. Love Pooh

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Pooh, I'm happy to see your list and I'm glad you took the time to post it. It is nice to see a little action from you. If these things speak "I love you" to Tigger's heart, then you have done well. It is not me you need to please.

 

well, do you consider these "things" I did for my wife, or because they also benefited me they do not count.

 

Just a question here, because I can't see your expression or hear your tone of voice. You sound angry with me, as if you resent having to explain yourself. An arrogant, prideful man resists being held accountable. A humble, Christlike man is happy to have others look at what he's doing and help him grow. Which one are you?

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Tigger said:

I was really nervous. We started with the ministry in Oct. 2007, but did not go to an Intensive until Dec. of 2007.
You're quite adorable; as if that 2 months difference should be grounds for excuses for Pooh. Pooh should watch you to learn how one dies for another :wink: .

 

Looney said:

I'm happy to see your list and I'm glad you took the time to post it. It is nice to see a little action from you. If these things speak "I love you" to Tigger's heart, then you have done well. It is not me you need to please.
Agreed. Ask Tigger.

 

Since you asked if it counted because these things benefitted you, that is a big step in growing into manhood. You're at least admitting to recognizing your need to enlarge your 'blessing pool' to Tigger.

 

As for your conference call last night. I am going to remind you of a small part of it. This stuck out to me:

Pooh said: "I failed you my dear. I'm very sorry." HerDensity then told you that you have a "yes dear" attitude and Tigger is in the background saying, "Amen." HD told you that you do not have a Christ-like attitude. (that should floor any man to shame) YOU agreed! Then HD said to you, "but?". Tigger chimed in, "I hear the BUT too." You said, "I don't have a but."
and so the call went :roll: .

 

Today is a holiday. Tomorrow I'd like to hear Tigger say she FELT your I LOVE YOU.

 

Oh, and great job for getting on the call last night :D .

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Looney,

 

I am saddened by POOH's post. As I was reading it all I was feeling the defensiveness just waft through the computer. I hurt. I know him, so I can say that you were accurate.

 

I started to read your post, already feeling hurt, and I thought that you had not picked up on his tone of voice. I thought "Oh great, no one will understand why this was hurtful and not healing", but even you, a relative stranger, could sense his attitude. This statement was like water to my parched soul: You sound angry with me, as if you resent having to explain yourself.

 

What you went on to say was spot on, I am sorry to say. POOH I am sorry that this is coming across as a put down, I know words of affirmation is more your love language. Please know that you have also asked to be told every time something comes up and any time I am hurt. Well this felt angry to me. Please make sure that you answer Looney's question: An arrogant, prideful man resists being held accountable. A humble, Christlike man is happy to have others look at what he's doing and help him grow. Which one are you?

 

 

Aunt Pitty,

 

As always, thank you for posting here. Your wisdom is always sooooo helpful!!

 

He did not ask me if these "things" were a healing balm or-

Interruption

POOH came and insisted on talking even though I said I was not ready. He did not say this, but I felt that he wanted me to talk so I would not post about all this, so he would not look bad. I could be totally wrong, but that is what it "FELT" like, to me.

 

It ended up being a really bad conversation. He is going to go to the store and have some alone time, so that maybe he can come back with the 'right' attitude to talk. He was very defensive. He feels that I totally missed what he was meaning to say in his post and that he is not allowed to 'explain'.

 

I guess that I have always let him 'explain' in the past. Now... I am wanting him to understand me, my feelings, and my hurt. He does not like this. I realize that this is a major paradigm shift, but we live in a changing world, not one of stagnation. He says he wants to grow and not hurt me, so now I need to see the words be followed by the actions: Rubber meets the Road.

 

There is more I would like to post, but I am so upset that I don't think it would be good to go on, at this point. There is also a yelling match going on that I need to stop. I love being a parent. Unfortunately I am having to parent the parent who is in the midst of the yelling match.:evil: :evil:

 

The children have learned by example about yelling from POOH, now... I have more yellers. :evil: :evil: Even when he is staying calm, they are now yelling. Unlearning behavior is going to be hard. Keep us in prayer.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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He is going to go to the store and have some alone time, so that maybe he can come back with the 'right' attitude to talk.
OMGosh! Is this a joke? Did he sleep through the call last night? He needs to hear it played back.

 

"Pooh, Pooh, Pooh." Ahhh, you like the sound of that don't you?

 

I, I, I.

Wah, wah, wah.

I cannot do this.

I need 'alone' time.

 

Come on Pooh. Aren't you tired of fighting for your rights, yet? You really do need to go back to another Intensive--- would that be enough "alone" time to get the "right" attitude? Tigger, you need to send him back to Joel and Kathy.

 

:cry: (those are Tigger's tears)

 

:cry: (those are Christ's tears)

 

So, is it fair to say that I won't be hearing Tigger cry "uncle" today? The day isn't over, Pooh!

 

Okay, you know what, Pooh? I need to go to the store to get myself a new "tude" to read your upcoming "fluffy" post 8) .

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