He says he's willing to do what it takes...

[Guest]

If I change my name, it will be back to ugabuggy...which was my original name.

 

That is me. Ugabuggy.

 

I changed it because I didn't want Damon to be able to find me on here...this was before I got my own private string!

 

My phrase to Damon will be this: THIS IS A DEAL BREAKER!!!

 

I thought about that the other day when I was thinking about what I "could" have said to Damon. If I could do it over again, I would have said that him being in MO past Saturday was a deal breaker.

 

I have had a rough day today. Just realizing that I basically have to "start all over" with my career is a tough idea to swallow...but that in addition to having to leave my babies in someone elses care is so very difficult for me. I find staying at home with my children challenging, but there is no place I'd rather be. I am going to miss being with them so much!

 

That and my "friend" called me today and just tore into me about Damon. She told me I seemed to be in a trance when it comes to him, and that I'm just going to keep taking him back and letting him poop all over me over and over again. This is coming from a woman who is married to a pornography addict who has cheated on HER twice. Seems like we are in the same boat. But, they are doing "traditional" counseling, so she says she is SURE that he's not cheating on her. Which is likely why before I had Jacob I ran into him at the grocery store, and before he realized it was me, he was checking out my butt, and he was actually buying KY lubricant and my friend was out of town...hmmmm.

 

I just told her that I was confident in what I was doing, and that I needed friends who would support me and not criticize my decisions. She said she could not support me. I hung up on her.

 

I talked to my mom later today and for the first time she told me that she thought what I was doing was actually HARDER than getting a divorce. FINALLY some respect from someone!!!! And for that someone to be my mother means a WHOLE LOT. I thought that everyone thought I was nuts for trying to hard to salvage this marriage...so to know that she understands is just a relief.

 

So, while it's been a tough day, I see that God has thrown in little lifelines here and there.

 

I'm going to go enjoy my little babies...since if I get a job, I won't be able to as much....but hey, I'll be earning money!!!

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Kay]

I am so very proud of you, Ms. Ugabuggy!

 

Okay, running off to work!

 

Gramma Kay signing out for the day!

 

Luv ya,

[Cinderella]

If I could do it over again, I would have said that him being in MO past Saturday was a deal breaker.

Don't dismay, dear Julie because you are saying this LOUD and CLEAR to Damon by going dark .

 

She said she could not support me. I hung up on her.

Just what you need, more control freaks in your life. As the saying goes, "with friends like that....."

 

FINALLY some respect from someone!!!!

very good and God is blessing your obedience in growing up and getting out of His way so that He can deal with Damon.

 

Kay said:

Gramma Kay signing out for the day!

If you're a grandma that would make me one too and everyone knows that Cinderella NEVER gets old .

[Guest]

I was reading in Psalms today because E said something about it the other day, so I just went there.

 

I found this:

Psalm 55:20-21

My companion attacks his friends,

he violates his covenant,

His speech is smooth as butter,

yet war is in his heart;

his words are more soothing than oil,

yet they are drawn swords.

 

Sound like any men we know?

 

God promises in the next verses:

Cast your cares on the Lord

and he will sustain you;

he will never let the righteous fall.

 

But you, O God, will bring down the wicked

into the pit of corruption;

bloodthirsty and deceitful men

will not live out half their days,

But as for me, I trust in you.

 

Amen to that. I think I will write that on a card and carry it around with me.

 

It just reminds me of some of us ladies...because it's one thing to be assaulted by a stranger or someone in the community. But by your own lover? The one who you share children with? Share your life with? The one you trusted and loved?

 

I feel like I'm constantly being stabbed in the back DAILY by him by him just not surrendering to Christ and being the man that I need him to be. He doesn't even have to be cheating on me or being mean...by just not being Christlike, he's hurting me more than anything else...because that's all I need and want.

 

Oh well, one more night down almost...bedtime soon!

 

Take care,

Julie

[Cinderella]

because that's all I need and want.

that is how God designed you... to desire your husband. He wants a mommy.

 

Thank you for the Psalm

[Joanna means gift]

Hey sweetie. I have just pm'd you how to talk on the phone - this is a crucial time when you may need someone immediately.

 

Jan just posted on Tammy's thread and I thought of you and your struggle. Remember that part of the reason I am feeling less lonely is because my feelings for Peter have been dead for years. I have been looking to God for my only love for over 5 years.

 

Hang in there!

Elis

[Cinderella]

Hi Julie,

 

I hope our talk this morning was somewhat healing. God wants you to lean and rest in Him. Know you are loved by many, but especially by the God of the Universe . Doesn't get much better than that!

 

Love you and praying for you. Cinderella .

[Guest]

Well, he finally called again.

 

I stayed dark.

 

He called the house, then the cell, then left a text. The text said he'd be on the call tonight if I wanted to join him.

 

The message on my cell (before the text) said "I love you, I wish I could talk to you, hope you're well."

 

Called Kay and told her, and she called Joel. The instructions were to stay dark. Which I totally agree with.

 

So, I'll be listening tonight...he's already checked in, but they are handling son worshipper first (Hi SW!).

 

I'm flustered....pretty flustered. But I guess deep down happy that he called. But just wish he would DO THIS instead of jacking me around.

 

Today was a tough, tough day for me. All I wanted to do was sleep. I was depressed. My parents had us over for dinner tonight and that was very nice. They gave me the leftovers, too...AMEN! My dad is going out of town tomorrow, so my mom will be alone this weekend. She's going to have my daughter over for a sleepover on Saturday night, which will be nice. On Sunday, I have a baby shower to go to, and my mom will be watching all of the kids for me while I do that. It will be nice to have a few hours without the kids. Maybe I'll scrounge up a few bucks to get a pedicure on the way home....

 

Thank you Cinderella and JMG for supporting me today. Joanna, I didn't get to call you today, but just knowing you were there was helpful to me. I'm keeping your number, for future reference if that's okay.

 

Love you girls, please listen to my snookster on the call and let me know what you think of what he says, IF he says anything.

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Cinderella]

Well, he finally called again.

Ya, and got on the call tonight without your prompting. Cool, huh? No one is believing he has suddenly turned his heart over to God, but it has to start somewhere Julie. Joel and Kathy and Kay were very good with him. I know you're happy that he is making the effort, at the least.

 

One question I have is that he said his business is up for sale... with whom? Where is it being advertised... he doesn't give the full story. I am not sold on this.

[Guest]

He has the business, and then he has the two properties...one is storefront on the main street that his parents own, the other is a shop that is in a rural location.

 

The business was going to be sold to a buyer, but it didn't work out. I am under the impression from the call that the sale did not work out, and he just closed the doors and left. Good. I knew God was not going to have the business sell until Damon gave up and moved down here...and put his family first.

 

God only hears prayers of repentance from a man who is not living in understanding with his wife...right?

 

So, if he just shut the doors...then the building that belongs to his parents was just given to his parents. The shop in the rural location is listed for sale.

 

The vehicles and things were probably given over to his friend who will sell them for him for a fee.

 

The house is listed for sale, and actually had a showing today. I believe that God will have that sell WHEN and only WHEN Snookster makes a REAL change and is finally putting God and me first. God won't have the house sell until then because Snookster will not use the money correctly until then.

 

This is my take on this.

 

I appreciate the help on the call tonight. Everyone did just fine. They told him to get to FL, get on the calls, get on the forums. Those are very important. VERY IMPORTANT.

 

I will wait for your instructions (helpers) as to when to go "undark" I think we are a ways away from that now.

 

He texted me after that guy interrupted us:

 

Here they are:

I don't know if you heard the call or not took me 2 hours to get a turn.

 

I love you dearly! I miss you and our beautiful children so much!

 

I'm so sorry it has taken me so long, but I got everything closed up and taken care of. I'm on my way! In Illinios now. Not sure how long I'll drive. Been real sick. Swing flu probably. Please call or answer. I'm safe.

 

I didn't call. Or text.

 

I'm DARK.

 

We'll see.

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Enjoying the sunshine]

Julie,

 

great job staying dark! I would just sit back and wait to see what he does when he gets there. I wouldn't communicate with him at all privately for quite some time. Once you see him making SOME effort that looks real, MAYBE then talk with him ON THE CALLS, in front of others so to speak. But don't do that til Joel/Kathy or the other helpers give you the go ahead. I am not as up to date with everything that has gone on, although I know the basics of it... I do know that things will go a whole lot faster, if you listen carefully to what J & K advise you to do.

 

You are doing so much better than I did early on!! I am so proud of you. Keep going.

 

L

[Cinderella]

I didn't call. Or text.

 

I'm DARK.

 

We'll see.

You're doing a great job, Julie!!!

[Cinderella]

I do know that things will go a whole lot faster, if you listen carefully to what J & K advise you to do.

[Guest]

Consider me listening.

 

It's funny...I was thinking this morning that when I delivered my ultimatum to Snookster, his response to me was "grow up."

 

That is precisely what I've been doing these last few days...but I don't think he's going to like the result.

 

Growing up on my part means learning to take a stand and not "wimp out" when challenged by him.

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Guest]

Alright helpers,

so at what point do I speak to him.

 

He's ringing the phone off the hook this morning. No messages, though.

 

I feel rude, and desperate to answer and just tell him to keep driving and give me some time.

 

But of course, I know that's the baby Julie crying to put her diapers back on so she doesn't have to poo in the potty with the big girls...

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Teafriend]

Julie,

 

I am proud of you for staying dark! I understand how hard it is...every hour is a victory until Snookster really "gets it". I am praying that your strength and resolve to wait is renewed daily! You have amazing friends here who are there for you to lean on.. do it!

 

I am glad Snookster is on his way to Fla...but his little comment about probably having the swine flu is a little babyish ( to me that is..).

When I read the posts to Snooky on HIS thread I wanted to stand up and cheer... all those ""stand up and be a man""" posts were fabulous!!

 

Perhaps going there and printing those posts off and reading them will help you remember what you are waiting for

 

I'll be thinking/praying for you today!

 

Keep standing strong!!

[Guest]

He's ringing my phone off of the hook this morning.

 

Since I didn't answer, he's mad. He didn't leave any messages when he called. But he sent me this text:

 

Guess I'm not your hero, huh? Want me to turn around and leave you alone?

 

That one was hard to NOT respond to...but I know that was the intent.

 

I guess I WANTED him to chase me, but this is going to be hard.

 

Big girl pants are on...with duct tape.

 

Julie

[Enjoying the sunshine]

Big girl pants are on...with duct tape.

 

great job, Julie!!

 

Put more duct tape if you need to He is going to show his butt for awhile..and it probably won't be nice... think of your littlest one when he gets mad... that's about what it should look like

 

will check on you again later.. you are doing great!

 

L

[Kay]

Julie,

 

Besides Duck tape and btw.... let's just put on extra layers, okay?

 

Go to GOD, every single time that phone rings. Satan is going to try to play with your head.

 

Snookster KNOWS how to get to you - his Manipulation of "maybe, I should just turn around and leave you alone" is HIS way of desperately trying to get you to pick up the phone. TURN the ringer off, hon. Pack your stuff up and go hang out with your parents for the weekend. Your mom is having a sleep over. Why not ask if you and the boys can join them. Seriously, you should NOT be home this weekend, at all.

 

SNOOK has to sweat it out, here. He has to call Joel in a desperate state. He has to WORRY. Right now, he still feels he's got the control over you, that you're just playing games with him.

 

Again, you CAN do this. We are all proud of you. Big girl panties are pulled up high!

 

Btw.... you did GREAT on the call.

 

Luv ya, gf. (running to work - I'm late)

Kay

[Guest]

Yowch....

 

I didn't realize this was going to be so hard, knowing that he's in the same town as me now...and still not talking.

 

I realized that I have a hurricane shutter for the front door (it is a glass window)...so I guess I'll find that this evening and put it up so that Snookster can't see in the front door.

 

That will work for the time being.

 

Called the guard at the gate and made sure that he knew not to let anyone in to my mom's or my house without ID...because I thought Damon might say he's my brother and get in that way or something.

 

Went to the eye doctor...my eye is on the mend, but still needs different drops for irritation or something. Go figure. I guess it was pretty bad.

 

I call it the $500 dollar eye infection. And I'm still not done yet!

 

God is good though. I love him. My mom brought me exactly $500 dollars in cash the other day.

 

Daniel (the little baby) has a stye or something in his eye, and both boys have snotty noses, so the issue of where to go to church is tabled for this week. I'm sure that Snookster will be there in his handsome suit looking for me!

 

I wish I was there...I love him in a suit.

 

I got a letter from my attorney. She asked the clerk of courts for a default judgement this week. If they grant it, they will just mail it to her and we are done, I guess. Wow. It's wierd to know that I could be divorced in a week or two.

 

Ouch.

 

Oh well...I know this is what I have to do.

 

Thanks to you all for helping me learn to grow up.

 

Take Care,

Julie

[firewalker]

Tough thing, this growing up business. You gotta let his texts and his calling just tell you that he is persistent. The text tells you he is manipulative.

When he gets no response from you and he can consistently still send a Godly affirmation of love and commitment, then you will know that Damon is beginning to become age-appropriate and not behave like a little boy. Right now, he can wear a $6,000 Armani suit and it still doesn't make him a man. He will be just like little Daniel with a pretend man-suit, lookin' grown up, but pretending to be a big boy. He needs to wear the big boy pants and stop pooping in his pants just to make you notice him and come to his help.

 

Stay committed to maturity and call the ladies on your accountability circle to get reinforced when you feel weak.

 

Don't want to be rude? Pleeeease. You know better than that.

 

Letting the divorce proceed is your important boundary that demonstrates to Damon that you are changing, growing a backbone, and standing up for what you know is a Godly relationship and not settling for less than Damon's best effort, not his half-hearted, inconsistent, manipulative baby boy stuff.

 

Keep it up. You are detoxing still from the addiction to the madness of the old relationship. That's not necessarily love, it can be compulsion instead. Alway check your own heart throughout the day and keep giving it back over to God for safekeeping. You can trust Him. He is your Rock and your Salvation and your Strong Tower. Let Him be that safe place for you all the day long.

 

Hope you have fun and respite at your baby shower event. What a good mama you have to love on your kids like she does. What a blessing from God. I hope you can remind her again of how much you love her and are grateful for her love and care for you and your little family.

[Guest]

Well,

 

Snookster showed up this afternoon at a few minutes before 5 PM. He had the guard gate call me even though he wasn't on the list. I had to turn him away.

 

Luckily, Kay had called me several minutes earlier and we happened to be on the phone together. Thank you God for that provision. What a wise God he is!!!

 

Snookster left a long message. I listened to it with Kay on the phone. She said it wasn't necessarily abusive...she said he just sounds tired and confused. The message was basically, "what are you doing, Julie? You wanted me to move to FL and now I'm here and you won't take my calls or let me in? I brought you a present! What do you want me to do? I can't sit here at the guard gate for 6 weeks and wait for you to make up your mind! What do you want me to do?"

 

That was about it.

 

I called my mom and asked her to come stay with me this evening and keep me company in case he comes around again later.

 

I think he needs some rest. He's been driving for something like 24 hours.

 

Hopefully he'll get some rest and maybe hit the library tomorrow and get onto the boards.

 

I remain obedient to God here...by the skin of my teeth and only through His strength...so just let me know what you want me to do next. I will stay dark until you all tell me to "un" dark.

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Jaya]

geez! I feel like I am on the edge of my seat at the most suspenseful movie I have ever been to! Julie, I am praying for you and proud of you for sticking to your guns through all of this.... also grabbing the popcorn!

 

(we need a popcorn emoticon...... )

[Kay]

Julie,

 

After speaking with Julie, she claims that she really needs this divorce to happen, so Snook can propose to her, without the dsyfunction, and they can remarry as a happy couple. She really NEEDS him to pursue her as a gf and not a wife. (He was abusive before the Marriage)

 

She will be getting sole custody of the boys, too, which is SO essential, in case Snook decides to "quit" again. He can end up using these boys to get to Julie, and we can't have that..................

 

so, with Joel & Kathy's approval, let the divorce happen. And, let Damon get on the Men's Calls, Forum, calls, and really work hard to win back her heart.

 

Agreed?

 

Kay

[Enjoying the sunshine]

Sounds like a great plan.. Will cause both to grow up and mature in more ways than we can count...

 

Julie, I just have to say again how proud I am of you. I wish I had been so strong early on. I stayed in my situation for almost ten years before getting strong enough to DO something about it for real.

 

I am so happy for you. I can't wait to see you all on the other side

 

Guard your heart. Stay in the word. HE will make you strong, and like you said, he will provide what you need, right when you need it.

 

you are doing great.

 

L