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1savedman,

 

I see that you finally changed the format of you posts and that is good but they are stilling missing the key ingrediant that your wife needs. YOU! Go read your wife's posts.She has clearly gave you a plan to heal her heart. You are losing her because you REFUSE to change for her,her way. It is really really sad to watch.

 

God Bless

David

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Getting ticked off?

 

NOT dying to self!

 

Pouting?

 

NOT dying to self!!

 

Come on man, THIS is walking it out!! Stop pouting. Stop getting angry! Stop the nonsense and GROW UP!!

 

Your wife is NOT here to MEET YOUR NEEDS!! Do you understand that??

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Wow,

 

You must be getting something out of staying behind your walls of protection. You wouldn't be so self-protecting if it didn't work for you at some very base level.

 

Walls mean you don't have to risk baring your soul. (Stay in what you know, and by all means don't Ever admit to anyone what you don't know.)

Walls mean you don't have to fall apart and become broken in spirit because of your actions(cause fear says if you go down that rabbit hole you may never come back).

Walls mean you can hide behind your "confusion" or not understanding something instead of admitting that you just really don't want to risk it all.(Because if you really spoke your truth, then people would know what your true attitudes and beliefs are and will see the real you)

 

In poker they have a saying that implies risk. The state of being All In. It implies risking it all because the outcome or pontential gain of the risk is worth everything.

 

When are you going to be all in? Are you going to "fold", and not show your cards, out of fear, and still be loser.

 

If you are going to crash and burn, go out in a blaze of glory with your full effort behind the business of life and relationships. If you fail because you are unwilling to risk it all, that is the only true failure.

 

You are choosing your life each and every minute of every day.

No victim.

You are choosing this life. How's it working for ya?

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1SM,

 

You make me want to scream. You and my husband have often been compared; even sharing the trophy for a while. It just drives me crazy because you are, in essences, saying that GOD is a failure!! GOD created you with emotions and love for your wife. GOD knew before you were born what your life would look like. Do you REALLY think He is pleased, especially when you deny Him. You deny Him every time you refuse to offer yourself to Looney. Looney just keeps giving you love, through GOD. What do you do?? It seems that you just spit GOD out and do it the "David" way and to HELL with anyone or anything else. Please pardon the language.

 

I am not against you, but you are. If you can not embrace GOD then how in the world do you think you can ever hold Looney's precious heart in your hands?? You may be able to quote, write, say scripture but if you have not LOVE you have nothing. Do you know that even the devil and all of his minions know scripture; probably far better then I. The devil knows what the Bible says, he even knows that it is true, so just writing it, saying it and quoting it is worth nothing if you are not living it!!

 

I feel like a Mommy scolding you, and I am far from the first. You want your marriage, but you want it on your terms, and Looney has survived on that for far to many years and she is done with that, so done. Honestly... give her a reason to want to stay married to you. You need to surrender to the Lord, and actually become "One Saved Man" because your life is not showing that you are now :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:

 

I am lousy at quoting scripture, especially when I am this upset, but I will try to get my final point across. In scripture it repeatedly says if you have XYZ, but have not love you are nothing. It is not nice to call you nothing, but not I but GOD's word says this. Do you want the rest of your life to live as "Nothing", to be a nothing. You are not doing anything for the Kingdom of GOD, so there is that "nothing" again. In all my illness and such, I know I am still working for the Kingdom of GOD, even in small ways. I don't have a whole lot of bounce right now, but this has certainly gotten me more fired up :evil:.

 

I am sad for my friend Looney :cry: . With my limited breathe I am "yelling" at you, to chose love, chose GOD. I pray that we will meet in heaven someday, but certainly not if you do not change the path you are choosing. You are denying GOD and working for the enemy. Praying for you David.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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The CH Spurgeon devotion for today discussed these verses.

1 John 1:6 "...Fellowship with Him."

Deuteronomy 7:22 "The Lord thy God will put out those nations before thee by little and little."

 

The essence of the first verse is that we have fellowship with Christ in His love, in His desires, in His sufferings and in His joys. By completing this fellowship, we as His bride will be sitting with Him at His throne.

I believe this to mean that I as a husband should achieve the same fellowship with my wife. My purpose to do this is so that the glory of the Lord will await us.

 

The verse from Deuteronomy speaks to me about perseverance and making progress even if it is a little bit at a time.

Spurgeon explained it this way - "We are not to expect to win victories for the Lord Jesus by a single blow. Evil principles and practices die hard. In some places it takes years of labor to drive out even one of the many vices which defile the inhabitants." He further goes on to say that God does His work by degrees so that we may learn perseverance, and increase our faith.

 

I thank God for the little successes and pray for more.

 

Spurgeon summarized... "Courage, my heart! Go on little by little, for many littles will make a great whole."

.

Goodnight folks.

.

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1lostman,

 

I have only one question. It is a simple yes or no question. I want you to be completely honest. I want you to think real hard. Your family's life depends on the answer.No more games, No more BS, No more hiding behind your hoover key board,and no more hiding from yourself because it is time to answer THE question.

 

 

Do you love your wife the way SHE wants to be loved?

 

 

 

God Bless

David

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Are you not listening?? Are you not reading??

 

Stop quoting Scripture and L-I-S-T-E-N!!!!!!!

 

This is NOT a Bible lesson. You are stuck on this intellectual stuff. Get over it already!!

 

LOVE your wife or LOSE you wife!! It is that simple.

 

Firewalker put it SO perfectly! Read her post AGAIN (and again and again).

 

Tigger challenged you SO perfectly! Read her post AGAIN...

 

Noone wants to read your "quote of the day" posts anymore!! You have been told that!

 

Your time is running short. And our heart breaks for your wife. She is empty and your leaving her that way. You should be ashamed of yourself!! (And I DON'T believe in saying that to people, but you have crossed the line here!!)

 

If you don't want to love your wife, be man enough to just tell her and let her go. Stop playing games. Stop hiding. Stop Stop having temper tantrums. Stop acting like a 2-year old when you don't get your way. Stop hiding behind your anger. Stop defending!!!

 

Again, how many times can you be told THE SAME STUFF?? Ugh!! :roll:

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I thank God for the little successes and pray for more.

 

Really? Have you had some lately? I must have missed them.

 

I am at the point of wanting to burn every devotional, every bible, and every scrap of your notes. Then maybe you will stop hiding behind them and learn how to feel something.

 

Oh, who the heck am I kidding? You will simply find another place to hide.

 

I give up. You seem determined to become a miserable, lonely old man. I am done trying to stop you, but you can do it by yourself.

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1SM - while it's apparent that these things you are posting are of some value to YOU, they are of NO VALUE TO YOUR WIFE! You are taking something that she has BEGGED you to do (post daily) and you are ABUSIN her with IT!

 

Stop it, and stop it now. Become the Man that she needs - or, let her know that you are DONE and desire YOUR ways and not GOD's ways. She does NOT deserve to be treated this way - KNOCK IT OFF.

 

Your wife went to a FUNERAL for a friend's DAUGHTER - what an opportunity to speak blessing into her, to be the Man that she is CRAVING for you to be. How did you handle that? What did you do to reach out to her and let her know that you CARED for her? Anything at all?

 

Or, did you just pretend that everything was "normal"?

 

I am so saddened by this situation.

 

HerDensity

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1sm,

 

I and others have poured out their hearts here. Pleading with you to throw everything you think you know out the window and begin again. That is just how it is. I am being completely serious.

 

Go back and scratch everything you think you know about God and go back to your first love...return and go back to the Cross and start over. You will not be the first or last human being to have to start over again.

 

If you truly want God to receive you again...then return to God on God's terms. There is no simpler way to put it. Your relationsip with God will take off and skyrocket when you DECIDE in your heart to put away your devotionals, your sermons, your studies and ONLY...ONLY...ONLY...LOVE your wife.

 

That ONE thing is to be right now your ONLY FOCUS. God will teach you more about Himslef than you ever dreamed when you LOVE YOUR WIFE. Give no other thought or action into anything except Looney. You eat, sleep, breath, speak everything about her and her ALONE.

I dare you...see what happens.

 

My husband changed more in one year than 28 years of being a Christian or at least claiming to be one. You are not losing to love your wife...you are actually PROVING that you are a Christian. SO you either are saved or not? Which is it?

 

Crazy? Unbiblical?...let me remind that all the prophets and law are hinged on LOVE. The only way God knows you love HIM is when you love your WIFE. When you LOVE the person standing right in front of...then tell God you LOVE Him...until then you are deceived.

 

You can not say or claim to love God b/c of the way you treat Looney. Even your faith to move toward putting this ministry into PRACTICE works by love. "Faith worketh by love." When you LOVE Looney the WAY SHE needs to be LOVED then and ONLY then do you LOVE God. What is that LOVE???...Husbands, lay down your life for your wife and love her. Period.

 

Your relationship to God is proven when you take a leap of ACTION not a leap of thought.

 

PIH

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I feel like 1SM, does not accurately describe you,

SO... Noah, Jack, No longer Man who does not post,

David,

 

PIH wrote:

I and others have poured out their hearts here. Pleading with you to throw everything you think you know out the window and begin again. That is just how it is. I am being completely serious.

She is being very kind to you. I feel more like YELLING at you. I do not live close to you, which is a good thing!! I am also not well right now, for your sake, also a good thing. My brain may be a bit scrambled right now, because of my medical issues, but I believe I have a better head on my shoulders then you do.

 

I know you are not dumb, you are not retarded {no offense to those who are, through no choice of their own, mentally challenged}, you are not even in the "slow" category. You are plain and simple, resistant!! You do not want to be obedient to GOD. In the BIBLE, it says if you can not love the neighbor who is before you and you can see, then how can you say you love me whom you can not see. Very lose paraphrase; however... it gets the point across doesn't it!! Looney is standing before you, you are not loving her, so do NOT tell us that you love GOD.

 

You need to love your wife, not protect and guard yourself!! You are a grown man, get over yourself and get on with living in the grown up world. I realize that with a disability that it can affect you; remember I have lost my sight in one eye and I have been disabled for 14+ years, not able to work. I know it is not the same amount of time as you, but I know from where you are coming. You have way too much isolated yourself and now you can not even relate to the real world. Come out of your shell.

 

I do not know if you even have any time left with Looney, but for yourself and your children become the man you know you should be; if you don't know it on your own, then you are being told right here and now... you are not acting like a grown, mature man. Grow up and become part of the living world and be a man, not a hermit.

 

Urrrrr I am upset with you!! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: Don't you want your family?? If you don't then man up and say that!! HD, Eeyore, and I believe others have told you this already. I am backing what they have said. Make your choice this day whom you will serve. Will you serve yourself or the most mighty GOD on high??

 

Praying for you.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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David,

 

Do you remember these??

So the top things I need from 1SM are:

 

1. Tell me he loves me and needs me in every conversation, and not just as I'm hanging up, like it's an afterthought.

 

2. Post every day, and actually respond to the people who post to him. Ask questions, let people know what he's thinking, and stop giving everyone the impression that they're talking to a brick wall.

 

3. Initiate contact with one or two other men who can help him through this (initiate means not waiting until THEY call HIM).

 

Maybe if he could do those things, he might make a little progress.

Seems pretty clear and really rather simple. Give of yourself, don't live in fear of life and your wife.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU, it is about YOUR WIFE =--- and ALL of the hurts you have caused her.

 

Perhaps a story will get this across:

A trainer was given the task/honor of getting the King's prize show horse ready for the special competition. He had pursued this honor and was so pleased to be allowed to do this for the King. Over the course of time, this trainer decided what types of food to place in the stall -- food that the trainer enjoyed, eventually only rotten food because the horse would not eat. At first he would use gentle encouragement in the daily trainings, but it became more coarse, with hateful words, sometimes days without words at all and often with a hit or a kick to this show horse's abdomen, backbone, head and legs, all the while complaining and whining that the King's prize horse was just not up to par.

The beautiful stable where the horse was groomed ended up with disgusting straw because the trainer did not feel that the horse was doing its part.

The day of the special competition came and this trainer became irate that the once most impressive show horse could barely walk, much less show off its former elegant trot and amazing beauty. The mane was now mangled because the trainer only combed her out when HE wanted to; and the shine of her eyes dulled over. Only the King could see that this was his Prize show horse.

 

What should the trainer have done with such an opportunity? What should the King do? Does the trainer ever deserve a second chance?

 

You sir, are the trainer --- and I dare say that this story represents how you have mistreated and repeatedly abused your wife (symbolically, that is), and the King is the Lord God who is the one who has purchased your wife by the shedding of His Son's precious blood.

Yes, he paid for your sin debt as well, and perhaps will give the second chance for He is the God of Beginning Again --- however, YOU MUST NEVER AGAIN think of YOURSELF -- you must die to thoughts of how you feel (except between you and God).... it is ALL ABOUT YOUR WIFE --- all about bringing her the healing she deserves.

 

And this comes with true and sincere apologies for specific hurts you have caused and the plan on how to NEVER ever do them again as well as staying on the road to care for her, listen to her, go above and beyond what SHE wants, and to let the world know that YOU are the jerk, that you have never deserved her, and that you are praying for mercy as you WALK THE WALK and just "Do" what you KNOW to "DO."

 

QUIT hurting her. It's gone on way too long!

 

May the Lord bless your wife abundantly with goodness.

June of Ward & June

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To all those who have been trying to help,

 

I do believe that we have a DOA victim. He is dead, that is why we are not hearing from him. We are all putting this great effort in here and he is not even posting. What is up with that?? He is a goner. Shall we all mourn?? YUP... for our beautiful Looney_Tunes!!

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

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Amen, Tigger!!

 

If 1SM wants us to know what he is doing, he can tell us. His silence says more than any of our words, unfortunately.

 

My heart is broken. I can only imagine what his beautiful wife is feeling. But most of all, I feel very sorry for you, 1SM. You are giving up on a wonderful thing that you have, because you are not brave enough to take a chance and focus on someone besides yourself.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Well your thread just about slipped onto page 2. Nice job. :? I'm resurrecting it because there is one more thing I want you to read, and God knows you'll never find this unless I lead you to it by the nose.

 

Pooh,

 

Most people who "think" they can not tap into that part of themselves are usually protecting themselves from something. Normal healthy people do not have this issue. I was sexually molested for years as a teen. I learn to shut down emotions in order to not to have to deal with the pain living inside. By doing this, I shut off ALL emotions and access to those places.

 

What were the results? I had multiple affairs with multiple women during my first marriage. It wasn't until I opened that part of me back up and dealt with all the stored up feelings that I was able to conquer my sexual addiction to women. It also stopped the cold calculated thoughts and actions which went along with the rest of my behavior.

 

I never cheated on my Beautiful but there still were places that were shut off. It was those places left shut which caused my marriage to her to fail. I didn't have a clue I was even a bad husband but women don"t divorce good husbands and here I sit typing to you ALONE in my house. You have an incredibly courageous wife, living and breathing and wanting, living in your home. I envy you but at the same time I feel very sad for you. You have it all in the palm of your hand and you are going to let it all go away because" I don't know how to tap into that part of me".

 

Guess what? There are many people who get paid money to help people just like you. Most insurances cover these kind of issues. I am sure if you truly wanted to know how; you would contact one of these people and ask them for help because your marriage is on the line and you do NOT want to lose your wife. Sitting on your duff doing nothing and hoping God will bring you all the answer is only going to get you one thing. It's going to leave you divorced and ALL alone. Trade ya any day!

 

God Bless

David

 

I'm not expecting this to make one bit of difference, but I figured what the heck, might as well throw it out there. I honestly don't have a clue why I'm even bothering.

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It is just after Christmas 2009. This, most probably, is the last Christmas that I will remember as being there with my family. Not because of some incurable medical condition. Not because of some military deployment or obscure job transfer. Not because of some criminal act or even my own physical demise. Oh, no! None of these things are as painful as the true reason that I must leave my family. For you see, dear reader, that I am a bad husband. I have given my wife no other choice but to send me away. It is really all my fault. I can blame no one else for the failure of my marriage. I have caused so much pain, so much mental distress, so much abuse towards my wife that she has nothing left for me. I alone, have driven my wife well beyond the point that she would have any good feelings for me. I alone, am responsible for taking my wife's hopes, dreams and desires and utterly crushing them into the ground. Reader, take heed from this. You do not want to be where I am. You do not want to be like me.

 

Let me attempt to illustrate one of the many symptoms of this situation.

There once was a time when my wife could highly regard my knowledge and technical abilities. She knew for certain that if an item had an electrical plug, I could fix it. She knew that in a pinch I could "McGuyver" something to make it work. That confidence that she had in me is gone. Poof! Vanished! I have managed to shred every bit of it. She no longer has any reason to trust or consider anything that I say. I have ruined her. Please understand that she responds this way solely because of my past bad actions and attitudes. I have single-handedly destroyed all the value my wife once saw in me.

 

Listen up, reader! I do not write this to elicit your pity! I write this to you as a warning, as a caution, that you might learn from it. That you might avoid the mistakes that I have made. It really does not take that much imagination to see that the resulting lifestyle is not a pretty sight. You might try to imagine for a moment the most desperate of conditions and consider what the stark realities are for a man out alone. Alone as in lonely. Poor as in very little money. Living in a day to day survival mode and being unsure of what tomorrow holds. This small glimpse does not even begin to describe the desolate life that a bad husband will live.

 

You do not have to end up this way. You can decide the direction your life and your marriage goes. If you have understanding and knowledge - apply it! If your wife grants you the chance to change - take it! Wisely use the opportunities you are given.

 

Do not be like me.

.

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There once was a time when my wife could highly regard my knowledge and technical abilities. She knew for certain that if an item had an electrical plug, I could fix it. She knew that in a pinch I could "McGuyver" something to make it work. That confidence that she had in me is gone. Poof! Vanished! I have managed to shred every bit of it.
But HOW did you shred every bit of your wife's confidence in you? I need to know.

 

Don't you love her enough to undo whatever it is you did? Don't you want to un-break her heart?

 

You're just going to allow this disintegration to happen?

 

I don't understand.

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I'll give you back some of your own (true) advice:

 

You do not have to end up this way. You can decide the direction your life and your marriage goes. If you have understanding and knowledge - apply it! If your wife grants you the chance to change - take it! Wisely use the opportunities you are given.

 

You have everything through this ministry to "not end up this way". The only thing you have to provide is the "do it". It's your choice. If you really think it is going to be so bad to end up alone, why not make a different choice- for the choice is yours. Damsel

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