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Evening, Mr 1SM...

 

I went back through your thread, and I saw this "daily" from you to your wife on 10/5:

Dear L_T,

Good evening you wonderful woman. [Wonder-Woman?]

I love you because... You are such a great educator of our children.

 

I think that this is a good characteristic to point out about your wife - it reminds me of times when your children have been mentioned in posts:

 

9/14/09 - JoelandKathy said:

...you want 1sm to make the apologies and focus on how you and the kids are doing. These are reasonable requests, obviously. Thanks for communicating to 1sm here.

 

8/21/09 - I said to you:

- be nice to her, to the kids, to the animals - talk nice, act nice, etc.

 

7/25/09 - I said to you:

How are you working at connecting with her and the kids?

 

One thing that I wanted to challenge you to is your connection with your children - I think that this is a HUGE thing for Looney, and probably all wives. I know that Eeyore wants to see me encourage the kids, speak kindly to the kids, correct them with gentleness, ask them about their day and what they did that excited them, etc. Pursue KNOWING the children, their hearts, and their dreams. I have found that this requires me to drop down my walls and truly listen to them - and that's helping me to connect with my emotions, which is helping me connect with my wife.

 

A lot of the concepts that we are both learning from J&K for enhancing our wife's life and emotional state are also concepts that we should be embracing towards our children - after all, the concepts are all about being Christlike and our children need to experience that just as much as our wives do.

 

That was followed closely by this post by faithworks on 7/25/09 where you DID connect with your youngest, and made a BIG impact:

Your w is saying good things about you in her thread! Wildflowers and cardgames with your son! YAHOOOOOOOO!!!! THAT'S THE WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I also believe that you said in your apology letter things similar to:

- Failing to spend time with you and the kids

- Yelling at you and the children

- Not having or knowing how to develop a proper relationship with your kids

- Micro-managing the kids activities

 

It is important for you to realize that it is CRUCIAL for a husband to love his children, to take for them, to be concerned about them and their futures, to be interested in them on a daily basis.

 

How many times have you reached out to your children since you left home? You are calling your wife more often, but what about the kids - have you spoken with them regularly? Do you know how their schoolwork is coming along? Are they treating their mom well? Are they working well together to make sure that everything is getting done that needs to get done?

 

If you were to reach out to your kids more, it would say to your wife that you are in this marriage for them, as well as for her. It would say to her that you are trying to rebuild the relationships with them so that things will be different when you return. It would say to her that you understand how important the kids are to her, and that they are important to you, too.

 

Your kids need you, and they need to know that you care about them, that you miss them, and that they are important to you.

 

HerDensity

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To my Dear and Precious Wife,

I Love You because... You are warm, caring and so huggable.

Thank you for taking the time to come down for a visit and share a meal together. It was nice to see you and to be able to play a game with our son. ::love

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Sister B & faithworks - Regarding PIH's post: I will be studying this post for a while. The depth of her exposition is awesome.

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HerDensity - RE: Calling and talking to the kids. I believe I have started doing a better job of that now. In the past couple of weeks when I have called home, I make a point to have a bit of conversation with whichever child answers the phone. Surprisingly, they all have actually participated in these conversations.

Here is an issue I could use advice about. When L_T and our youngest son were visiting here tonight, I really wanted to spend time talking to L_T but instead played a game with our son. Was this the correct way to handle this? I really hope I chose the right action on this.

.

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God bless ya'll.

.

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1SM:

 

You said:

Here is an issue I could use advice about. When L_T and our youngest son were visiting here tonight, I really wanted to spend time talking to L_T but instead played a game with our son. Was this the correct way to handle this? I really hope I chose the right action on this.

 

A few questions:

- How long were L_T and your son there?

- How long did the game take?

- Was it possible to talk with L_T at the same time as playing the game, or was the game (or the talk) too involved for multi-tasking?

 

HD

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1SM:

A few questions:

- How long were L_T and your son there?

- How long did the game take?

- Was it possible to talk with L_T at the same time as playing the game, or was the game (or the talk) too involved for multi-tasking?

 

HD

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They were here for a few hours. We went to see my Mom for a bit. Then we went to eat. When we got back to the house, I was packing the car while J played on the PC. Then my Sis showed up and Jess and I were playing the game. Shortly after the game L_T & J left. Talking to L_T during the game was probably not going to work. Conversation would be a bit involved and I would have needed to totally focus on that. So I guess what really matters here is how L_T felt about J and I playing 'Aggravation.'

.

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1SM,

 

I guess that my initial reaction would be to say that if you wanted/needed to talk with L_T, it should have been something that you INITIATED that conversation as soon as possible once they showed up. Pull her aside, and say what you wanted to say, and then let the rest of the day develop. That way, you are waiting for the "perfect" moment, and she knows that she was your priority...

 

Does that make sense? I hope so...

 

HD

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Conversation would be a bit involved and I would have needed to totally focus on that.

 

With the dynamic of your family you are going to have to learn to have conversations while doing other things. It is not right to expect Looney to stop all and drop all to sit down so you can totally focus. You two have 6 kids do you not? and a farm and animals and a house to keep and laundry to do and Looney works. You winning her back is going to consist of YOU going where Looney is and participating in what she is doing so that you and her can converse! It is not going to consist of you waiting for Looney to come to you so you can have her full attention so you can focus.

 

So I guess what really matters here is how L_T felt about J and I playing 'Aggravation.'

 

To me this seems like a manipulative statement. You know she appreciates you spending time with your children. That is a given. You put her in a pretty awful position if she were to say that you made the wrong decision. Which is not necessarily the case in that particular hour that you played the game with J. Let's put this in the proper perspective. What really matters is how Looney felt about how you chose to spend your time with her during the five hours she was there prior to you and J playing the game. Did you make her feel as if she was the most important woman in the world during those moments? What did YOU do for Looney and how did you choose to spend your time? What did you do to initiate conversation and connection with her?

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Looney posted this on her thread (in case you have not read it)...

 

I'm tired of the excuses. Eeyore told him he needs to go overboard - he definitely did NOT do that, and although I appreciate the attempts he made, I'm tired of him turning this back around on me because "I'm always too busy." This is my life. Participate, or leave it.

 

One of the things that you REALLY need to think about is this...

 

Do you really want to be a part of the life that you and Looney have?? (Or more accurately, that Looney has??)

 

I asked her to make a list of things that are the real issues for her... the things that need to change in order for you to come back. I know for a fact that one of them is that you NEED to participate in the life that she has there... kids, dogs, animals, chores, etc. You agreed to move to that farm with her, you helped create those kids, etc. If you are having second thoughts, then say so and be done with it. But if you are not, then you had better be on your knees asking God to give you the desire to be a full-fledged country boy!! She loves her life, and you apparently want no part of it. Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it. Do it! IF you get the chance to get up there (this weekend??), I suggest that you put on a pair of overalls, or whatever you have to wear, grab a shovel, or whatever you have to grab, and put yourself to the task of DOING!! Don't look back! Prove it! This might be your only chance.

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Dear L_T, ye Woman of Free Spirit,

I Love You because... You are the only YOU. There has never been one like YOU before. There will not ever be another one like YOU. There is only one YOU and YOUR it. You are the Best, the Most, and the Greatest one that I know.

 

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Dear L_T,

I am sorry for not making you feel special.

 

I love you because... You are special. You make other people feel that they are special. You are a special gift from God.

 

HD - Yup. I was waiting for the moment and it was never gonna come. My sis was there, the phones were ringing, I was playing a game with J - all excuses - all baloney. Cover-ups for not doing what I shoulda.

 

Eeyore - Yup. I chose un-wisely.

Looney posted this... Quote: "...I'm tired of him turning this back around on me because "I'm always too busy."

What did I say that sounded like that was the way I was thinking? Or was it the lack of saying something in particular?

 

Participation in her life? It would be really great to enjoy some of that fun stuff along with the work stuff.

 

Jaya - One of L_T's points was that I interact with the kids more. So my decision to play a game with our son at that moment was ok but incorrect in that I could have also been talking to HER. Thus, the lack of connection with L_T for that time. Earlier in the day I thought there was some connecting, but again, I thought wrongly. If she didn't feel any connection then it wasn't there.

 

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God Bless all those who pass this way and thanks for your comments.

.

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HD - Yup. I was waiting for the moment and it was never gonna come. My sis was there, the phones were ringing, I was playing a game with J - all excuses - all baloney. Cover-ups for not doing what I shoulda.

 

Yes, baloney! Talking to your friend is NOT more important than talking to your wife!! You chose to not talk to her! Your message was loud and clear!

 

Eeyore - Yup. I chose un-wisely.

Looney posted this... Quote: "...I'm tired of him turning this back around on me because "I'm always too busy."

What did I say that sounded like that was the way I was thinking? Or was it the lack of saying something in particular?

 

What?? What did you "say"? Nothing! Your actions are louder than your words!!

 

Participation in her life? It would be really great to enjoy some of that fun stuff along with the work stuff.

 

So DO BOTH!! But you do NEITHER!! And that is what life is all about! Sharing the work, the fun, the good, the bad, etc... Deal with it!!

 

If you want to show your wife that you WANT to go home... you have to participate with ALL OF LIFE, not just what YOU WANT! Do you think that you participate in the fun stuff with her?? NO! Do you participate in the work stuff? NO!! You can't choose one over the other. And right now you aren't choosing either, so stop criticizing good advice and just do it!!

 

Jaya - One of L_T's points was that I interact with the kids more. So my decision to play a game with our son at that moment was ok but incorrect in that I could have also been talking to HER. Thus, the lack of connection with L_T for that time. Earlier in the day I thought there was some connecting, but again, I thought wrongly. If she didn't feel any connection then it wasn't there.

 

She was there for about 6 hours. Your game did not last six hours!! Stop doing only one thing, then making excuses for not doing the rest! After the Intensive you did 20/20/20, then you started working on the boxes. Once you started working on the boxes, you stopped 20/20/20. You cannot talk to you wife and play a game? You can talk to your buddy and play a game! Get real here!

 

As I said, this weekend you will be at your home. Whether your wife is there or is not, you need to pull yourself up by your boot straps and take action! The time is running short... stop making excuses to be selfish! At this point all that matters is Looney. You know it!

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1. What fun do you initiate?

 

2. Do you realize that your wife actually ENJOYS the farm? (So, to her it is not just "work" but "fun"!)

 

3. So, are you willing to participate in the farm life WITH your wife?

 

4. Are you willing to stop waiting for the perfect moment to come along to "talk to her", "enjoy her", etc? Are you willing to enjoy life as it happens?

 

5. Are you willing to lay down your own needs to meet your wife where she is and where she needs you, and be HER husband?

 

6. If you are not willing to step up and participate, are you willing to admit it?

 

7. Are you willing to do more than one thing at a time, like most people do on a daily basis (and stop telling your wife that you can't interact with her because something else is going on)?

 

8. Are you willing to love your children and show them how to be quality, productive, joy-filled adults?

 

9. She would not be happy if you asked her to move to New York City. She admits that. And if you are not happy with the lifestyle that you have, you need to admit it. She is willing to compromise, but you chose this lifestyle with her, and she has the right to enjoy her life. Are you going to make everyone miserable (because you are just putting up with it) or are you going to get on board?

 

10. Again, I repeat... "I suggest that you put on a pair of overalls, or whatever you have to wear, grab a shovel, or whatever you have to grab, and put yourself to the task of DOING!!" Are you willing to do this?

 

And most important of all... are you willing to do all of this with a good attitude? One of REAL participation? One of enjoying working alongside your wife, and not just doing them? Are you willing to do with an emotional connection, not just as a hired hand??

 

HD took a 4-day weekend this past weekend. We worked alongside each other and chopped wood, worked on finishing the chicken coop, cleaned out the barn, etc. It was fun and warm and exhausting... and I loved every minute of it (so did he)! It is about CONNECTION. Not a list, not projects, not "doing", but connecting. And the first step is to WANT to participate with your wife in the life that you have.

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2. Do you realize that your wife actually ENJOYS the farm? (So, to her it is not just "work" but "fun"!)

 

to continue on a bit...

 

Do you realize that you can make absolutely ANY chore FUN? I have to do things I do not like so much because I know my husband likes them! Example, Sozo recently had his 30th birthday. I knew if I planned a party it would be more like the party I wanted so I asked him what he was thinking. His response? "my ideal birthday party would involve wine, a cigar, a big leather chair and Frank Sinatra playing in the background." My internal response? "I do not like wine, I choke on smoke, I do not like sitting still and I can't stand Frank Sinatra." My outward response? A birthday party at a venue that includes a big leather chair and a party planned for this friday titled "Bring a bottle of wine and a big, fat cigar!" Frank Sinatra CD's lined up and a wine tasting seminar conducted by myself (which I have had to learn how to do!!) and appropriate food to pair with the wine..... Does this seem like fun to me? not really but the fact that Sozo will think I outdid myself (he is not expecting a wine tasting seminar) gets me so excited I am ready to start planning next years party! (okay not really) You get my drift. doing something Sozo enjoys is pleasurable to me - whether it is something I enjoy or not.

 

If Looney enjoys working on the farm then go work with her! Rake the leaves and toss her in the pile or toss the pile on her! Play bum tag (swat - your it!). If you two are outside give her THAT look that says you love the rosy cheeks and you will warm her up later! I'll be honest, I do not know what you have to do to run a farm other than sheer sheep and milk cows! You can be innovative and turn ANYTHING into an enjoyable time. You just have to be willing to step outside that little tiny box.

 

Maybe you need to think of Looney as the woman you want to marry rather than the woman you are married to. You pursued her once so we know you can do it! If money is an issue (which I think i remember it is) you can use your airmiles to book a hotel room for a night. We are doing this right now as things are difficult for us too at the moment but we need a night away! I've used airmiles to buy theatre movie tickets, two cameras (the first one was stolen), family passes to amusement parks, the zoo, etc. I plan mini vacations that cost us nothing simply by using points. If you don't have any points for anything then switch your credit card to a point earning one and sign up for an air miles card and find out where the bonus airmiles are!

 

Anyways, I think this is enough for now. You really need to step outside of your own box, 1SM and step into Looney's. You need to pursue her as if you never married her yet desire to. Look for those 'secret' moments that get away in a SECOND if you do not grab them when they come yet when caught say much more than 10,000 words ever can. It is about THAT look. Go find it and give it to Looney. She has been waiting for a long time. Don't make her wait any longer.

 

We all know you CAN do this. Do you know that you can do this?

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ism,

 

Post sharing :D :D :D

 

 

Brokenarrow,

 

I have not had a computer and so catching up on your story has really blessed me.

 

You are growing and being a man. You are learning the truth that will set you free. Pain is not to be avoided but embraced as a teaching tool...our general perceptions of struggle and trials is to avoid them at all costs...but it is precisely the struggle that that is the catalyst for change.

 

As wives we tend toward the softer side of things in dealing with our husbands. We are nurturing even to our own detriment. As you take personal esponsibility for your actions and attitudes you are releasing your wife. You are showing her that she is no longer your crutch to lean on...but you switch gears by becoming the man and stay in GIVING mode. You are her SOURCE of LIFE AND STRENGTH. This one truth is the most powerful of all marriage truths...if you can get into your spirit that everything comes from you...all blessings or cursings...all life or death...all bitter or sweet..the wide or the narrow...led by the Spirit or led by the flesh..everything in your marriage can be traced back to you as the Source or originator of her responses to you then you will be on the fast track to becoming like Christ.

 

Men need to understand that God is for them...His heart toward His sons is on the level of your potential for greatness. Men miss the God's heart because they focus on their mess ups. God's intentions in showing you where you need to mature is so you CAN become all God purposed you could be. The promise God Himself put within the day He thought of you. God has not changed His mind about you or any of these men. God created you for His pleasure..to love you and transform you.

 

What men misunderstand is that God is correcting them...or making a correction and adjustment in them. Men have taken on certain deceptions in their thinking...this leads to wrong behavior and attitudes of heart. God wants men to walk out His original WILL for them. God knows that true masculinity is a powerful force in the earth...it is the force of LIFE and STRENGTH for others. The very nature of God in GIVING is established in that man's identity. Wow. It is not being a man that is wrong it is that men walk in their role as husband and father wrongly. I can not use a broom to hit a golfball...it is not the broom that is bad it is only an improper use of it. Even the golfball can not react or properly respond to the improper equipment. In the same way a husband has taken on functions and roles in marriage that were never designed by God...they try and do marriage and relationship but are using all the wrong tools. God is only saying that He wants men to realign themselves in their proper roles. Your role as a husband is to be a giver...you give and submit to Christ by laying your life down for a bride...you give up yourself so that your bride has the right material to work with. When she RECEIVES love...this the material she is designed by God to take and multiply back to a husband. It is planting a seed of love and with time and nurture that seed of love flourishes and blossoms into a Garden of Love. There is an analogy relating to this which helps clarify that principle...when you give her food she cooks you a meal..when you give her your sperm she gives you a child..when you give her healing she returns with compassionate understanding..when you give her respect, adoration, time, affection, words of blessing and passion...she will give it right back...the wonderful truth about giving in God's Kingdom is that its return is far more than the investment you first put in. ONE SON... sown into the earth as a first fruits seed of sacrificial love has produced children of God as a harvest.

 

This very pattern in the Word of God is the same pattern from which everything flows. That patten is Initiator/Source/Giver/....Receiver/Responder/Help-meet. You are the Source of all things for tammy. From the well of your own heart springs forth every issue of life. It is the mouth or source where that river begins that matters.

There is nothing wrong with the river or the tributaries that flow from it.... it is dependent upon the Source of the river what kind of Life emanates from it which will effect the life of the whole river. It all starts...begins...or is initiated from the mouth or the beginning place. Your wife and chidlren are like that river...your children the branches or tributaries that flow off of that. If the Source is diseased in any way the whole will be affected.

 

This is the what God called from the beginning the spirtual principle or pattern of seed...time..and harvest. It is the same as the principle of sowing and reaping. When you give God the whole of something God will bless the remaing part. You must plant seeds of love...the more love and attributes of love you sow the greater the response or harvest from your wife's heart. A Christlike man is called to this highest of honors God Himself bestows...a man is most masculine...most like His God when he takes on the heart of generosity and gving. Giving of himself no matter how painful or the cost involved. The whole matter brokenarrow...hinges on the husband. God has spoken it and it cannot be reversed. Just as God will not change any of His spirtual principles. The word of God says...I am God and I change not. You can count on God's promises and provisions to be there when you live according to His principles set forth for a husband and God-honoring marriage. This is not a inconsequential matter...it is weighty and sobering in light of God's own example to you of Christ as a Husband.

 

Part of watching over your wife's heart will also include removing the weeds that will choke out any life in her. As much as you sow LIFE into her you also must remove those behaviors from effecting that life getting to her heart. These are in your case abusive behaviors, attitudes and words that bring death and destruction. By removing the sin/Arrested Development/mother-son issues...you get more Life to her. Strength in God's Word means to build and establish. This is esssence giving your wife a solid foundation in her heart to be able to work from to deal with her own issues. When a husband gives a wife strength this means that he makes sure he is pouring love, acceptance and not putting any demands on her to perform or die for him. She will get strength from her husband and from that place of being loved she will take your strength and grow...every spot, blemish and wrinkle will be healed.

 

For example, I am much more disorganized than my husband. I am out-going and spontaneous. Yet, I know that the flip side of my sanguine personality is a more relaxed approach to life. There are weaknesses that come with my strengths. My husband hates a messy house. He is definitely more phlegmatic and likes order. Now...he could demand that I be orderly and make my life miserable about it. He could get on my case and make remarks and hurtful jabs by reminding me of my weakness all the time. But if I started to try and die to myself and make every effort to be orderly to meet HIS needs then I am trying to gain my husband's love by what I DO. I am trying to perform to get love.....I am now put in the position of being the husband. I am trying to bring him life and making his world alright so he won't get mad at me. Here is the difference..I am doing this for him because I am AFRAID of punishment or him saying mean words to me...or his disapproval and anger over it...I am not feeling strong but beat up emotionally. I am afraid of MY HUSBAND. So I try and change and feel hurt inside. Now, all my life and strength is sapped out of me...even if I wanted to be orderly I can't because my heart is fearful and broken and distracted and wrestling with my pain instead of feeling completely loved. I have nothing but pain to draw from instead of strength and the power of love. This is not God's design. Instead my husband pours strength into me by holding his tongue and going about his business making sure he is dying and not even mentioning my weakness. He just loves me even in my weakness. I begin to see that my husband loves me without conditions or demands...I feel loved just for being me even with those very weaknesses and bemishes. He focuses on giving love not hoping that my weakness will change and make his life better. The very miraculous thing that happens is that because he spent his whole heart on loving me I want so badly to respond to this unselfish and kind love. Because I long to respond to this love...guess what...because I know order makes my husband feel loved I choose out of a RESPONSE of my heart to meet this need FOR HIM. I WANTED to NOT that I HAD to to be loved or avoid abuse. Again, I want to...it is not a fearful reaction to avoid his disapproval but a response to love. Can you see the difference? In this way, just as Ephesians 5 says, my husband's love washes me with the reality of love...because he embodied or made the Word like Rhema...alive to me..I yearn to respond to this kind of love. So men need not fear that there is no response or reward from agape loving the wife...God's purest love...she will turn her heart again when the husband lets her know without any strings attached...that she is perfectly loved...even in her own imperfections.

 

I pray this gives you more understanding of God's breathtaking design of marriage. God is so wonderful that when this is lived out rightly BOTH people get LOVED. Both know each other and love face to face...no hindrance or fears that come between them. The husband has created a safe place for love to flourish and blossom. He is filled up with self-respect and is walking in true manhood. God smiles and pours grace, favor and honor upon him. She is finally safe and secure in love and responds by giving her beloved back all the love he died to give her. She admires him for his sacrifice. She is stunned that she is valuable and cherished. Like Jesus says to us that we are HIS treasure. His Bride is filled up with all the fulness of God...she is strong and gives Christ the yes of her heart. She looks everywhere to bless her Savior's heart...she praises Him and reveres Him. In the same way this is how MARRIAGE will look like our relationship to Christ, our Bridegroom. Amazing.

 

Kimberly

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1SM:

 

You said:

HD - Yup. I was waiting for the moment and it was never gonna come. My sis was there, the phones were ringing, I was playing a game with J - all excuses - all baloney. Cover-ups for not doing what I shoulda.

 

You have to MAKE the moment instead of waiting for it to happen. That's INITIATING, and that's how a husband is supposed to act when he LOVES his wife and wants to SHOW her.

 

You HAVE to stop the excuses, not just to Looney and to us, but to YOURSELF. You are at the point where you HAVE TO SHOW ACTION, no matter what.

 

Life has distractions, and YOU have to change to be able to deal with them in a Christlike way. If you truly WANT to bless and show love and life to your wife, you have to be able to deal with distractions. That's the life that YOU chose with Looney - it isn't something new. In or out - that's the question...

 

HerDensity

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1SM-

 

Here is part of a post by another wife about the changes in her husband. Just wanted to pass it along...

 

This is a very attractive man, one who loves his kids! One who isn't annoyed by their very voices. Let me tell you!
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Dear 1sm,

 

With love and respect....and truth, you said:

 

To my Dear Wife,

I Love You because... You have a great measure of GRACE and UNDERSTANDING.

 

With love and respect....and especially truth right now, I say:

 

Translation: I will love you if you graciously allow me to continue to be exactly the way I have always been.

 

I do not have to repeat here all the ways that you have refused to meet your wife's pretty reasonable needs to date....therefore, you do NOT want to appeal for her grace right now.

 

Your statement is in the same vein as your use of the word "try," which, as cited earlier on your string, is a cleverly subtle manipulation technique, utilized in the quest to be able to remain exactly the same.

 

Looney can not continue with same. She needs you to change. You need you to change. God needs you to change.

 

God will help you....but you have to do some really hard, uncomfortable work.

 

You can transform when you really want to. Do you want to be healed, 1sm?

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1sm,

 

Alrighty....so you are writing loving phrases to your wife...so what are you doing besides this? How are your daily phone calls going? What are doing behind the scenes?

 

What are some of your questions and struggles? We need some more transparency going on here. You must have frustrations...questions about any of your wife's responses or her on-going disappointments...

 

We can not help you if you are not asking for adjustments in your actions or to guage where you are in this process without sharing Looney's responses or concerns. Are you picking up on any of those? Has she voiced anything to you at all? Is she happy? Doubtful? Are you convincing her of your unending love and devotion??

 

We need you to let us know where you are at? What are your thoughts? Any resentments?

 

Help us............ to help you....

Help us..us to help you....

Help us, to help you...courtesy of Jerry McGuire!!

 

Helpers are on stand-by!!

 

Kimberly

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Good Evening to my Dear, Sweet and Precious L_T.

I Love You because...

You are so desirable and a delight to behold. Your personality makes everyone feel welcome.

.

 

Hi folks,

Here is a question I have regarding boundaries.

Was it proper for me to ask my wife if there are any limits or boundaries that I should be observing?

Her response of, "just don't touch me when I am sleeping" would seem to allow a broad range of permissible physical contact.

Am I reading too much into that?

.

Peace and Blessings

.

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