Struggling to Love

[Pure in Heart]

[Pure in Heart]

631,

 

 

More post sharing

 

 

Brokenarrow,

 

I have not had a computer and so catching up on your story has really blessed me.

 

You are growing and being a man. You are learning the truth that will set you free. Pain is not to be avoided but embraced as a teaching tool...our general perceptions of struggle and trials is to avoid them at all costs...but it is precisely the struggle that that is the catalyst for change.

 

As wives we tend toward the softer side of things in dealing with our husbands. We are nurturing even to our own detriment. As you take personal esponsibility for your actions and attitudes you are releasing your wife. You are showing her that she is no longer your crutch to lean on...but you switch gears by becoming the man and stay in GIVING mode. You are her SOURCE of LIFE AND STRENGTH. This one truth is the most powerful of all marriage truths...if you can get into your spirit that everything comes from you...all blessings or cursings...all life or death...all bitter or sweet..the wide or the narrow...led by the Spirit or led by the flesh..everything in your marriage can be traced back to you as the Source or originator of her responses to you then you will be on the fast track to becoming like Christ.

 

Men need to understand that God is for them...His heart toward His sons is on the level of your potential for greatness. Men miss the God's heart because they focus on their mess ups. God's intentions in showing you where you need to mature is so you CAN become all God purposed you could be. The promise God Himself put within the day He thought of you. God has not changed His mind about you or any of these men. God created you for His pleasure..to love you and transform you.

 

What men misunderstand is that God is correcting them...or making a correction and adjustment in them. Men have taken on certain deceptions in their thinking...this leads to wrong behavior and attitudes of heart. God wants men to walk out His original WILL for them. God knows that true masculinity is a powerful force in the earth...it is the force of LIFE and STRENGTH for others. The very nature of God in GIVING is established in that man's identity. Wow. It is not being a man that is wrong it is that men walk in their role as husband and father wrongly. I can not use a broom to hit a golfball...it is not the broom that is bad it is only an improper use of it. Even the golfball can not react or properly respond to the improper equipment. In the same way a husband has taken on functions and roles in marriage that were never designed by God...they try and do marriage and relationship but are using all the wrong tools. God is only saying that He wants men to realign themselves in their proper roles. Your role as a husband is to be a giver...you give and submit to Christ by laying your life down for a bride...you give up yourself so that your bride has the right material to work with. When she RECEIVES love...this the material she is designed by God to take and multiply back to a husband. It is planting a seed of love and with time and nurture that seed of love flourishes and blossoms into a Garden of Love. There is an analogy relating to this which helps clarify that principle...when you give her food she cooks you a meal..when you give her your sperm she gives you a child..when you give her healing she returns with compassionate understanding..when you give her respect, adoration, time, affection, words of blessing and passion...she will give it right back...the wonderful truth about giving in God's Kingdom is that its return is far more than the investment you first put in. ONE SON... sown into the earth as a first fruits seed of sacrificial love has produced children of God as a harvest.

 

This very pattern in the Word of God is the same pattern from which everything flows. That patten is Initiator/Source/Giver/....Receiver/Responder/Help-meet. You are the Source of all things for tammy. From the well of your own heart springs forth every issue of life. It is the mouth or source where that river begins that matters.

There is nothing wrong with the river or the tributaries that flow from it.... it is dependent upon the Source of the river what kind of Life emanates from it which will effect the life of the whole river. It all starts...begins...or is initiated from the mouth or the beginning place. Your wife and chidlren are like that river...your children the branches or tributaries that flow off of that. If the Source is diseased in any way the whole will be affected.

 

This is the what God called from the beginning the spirtual principle or pattern of seed...time..and harvest. It is the same as the principle of sowing and reaping. When you give God the whole of something God will bless the remaing part. You must plant seeds of love...the more love and attributes of love you sow the greater the response or harvest from your wife's heart. A Christlike man is called to this highest of honors God Himself bestows...a man is most masculine...most like His God when he takes on the heart of generosity and gving. Giving of himself no matter how painful or the cost involved. The whole matter brokenarrow...hinges on the husband. God has spoken it and it cannot be reversed. Just as God will not change any of His spirtual principles. The word of God says...I am God and I change not. You can count on God's promises and provisions to be there when you live according to His principles set forth for a husband and God-honoring marriage. This is not a inconsequential matter...it is weighty and sobering in light of God's own example to you of Christ as a Husband.

 

Part of watching over your wife's heart will also include removing the weeds that will choke out any life in her. As much as you sow LIFE into her you also must remove those behaviors from effecting that life getting to her heart. These are in your case abusive behaviors, attitudes and words that bring death and destruction. By removing the sin/Arrested Development/mother-son issues...you get more Life to her. Strength in God's Word means to build and establish. This is esssence giving your wife a solid foundation in her heart to be able to work from to deal with her own issues. When a husband gives a wife strength this means that he makes sure he is pouring love, acceptance and not putting any demands on her to perform or die for him. She will get strength from her husband and from that place of being loved she will take your strength and grow...every spot, blemish and wrinkle will be healed.

 

For example, I am much more disorganized than my husband. I am out-going and spontaneous. Yet, I know that the flip side of my sanguine personality is a more relaxed approach to life. There are weaknesses that come with my strengths. My husband hates a messy house. He is definitely more phlegmatic and likes order. Now...he could demand that I be orderly and make my life miserable about it. He could get on my case and make remarks and hurtful jabs by reminding me of my weakness all the time. But if I started to try and die to myself and make every effort to be orderly to meet HIS needs then I am trying to gain my husband's love by what I DO. I am trying to perform to get love.....I am now put in the position of being the husband. I am trying to bring him life and making his world alright so he won't get mad at me. Here is the difference..I am doing this for him because I am AFRAID of punishment or him saying mean words to me...or his disapproval and anger over it...I am not feeling strong but beat up emotionally. I am afraid of MY HUSBAND. So I try and change and feel hurt inside. Now, all my life and strength is sapped out of me...even if I wanted to be orderly I can't because my heart is fearful and broken and distracted and wrestling with my pain instead of feeling completely loved. I have nothing but pain to draw from instead of strength and the power of love. This is not God's design. Instead my husband pours strength into me by holding his tongue and going about his business making sure he is dying and not even mentioning my weakness. He just loves me even in my weakness. I begin to see that my husband loves me without conditions or demands...I feel loved just for being me even with those very weaknesses and bemishes. He focuses on giving love not hoping that my weakness will change and make his life better. The very miraculous thing that happens is that because he spent his whole heart on loving me I want so badly to respond to this unselfish and kind love. Because I long to respond to this love...guess what...because I know order makes my husband feel loved I choose out of a RESPONSE of my heart to meet this need FOR HIM. I WANTED to NOT that I HAD to to be loved or avoid abuse. Again, I want to...it is not a fearful reaction to avoid his disapproval but a response to love. Can you see the difference? In this way, just as Ephesians 5 says, my husband's love washes me with the reality of love...because he embodied or made the Word like Rhema...alive to me..I yearn to respond to this kind of love. So men need not fear that there is no response or reward from agape loving the wife...God's purest love...she will turn her heart again when the husband lets her know without any strings attached...that she is perfectly loved...even in her own imperfections.

 

I pray this gives you more understanding of God's breathtaking design of marriage. God is so wonderful that when this is lived out rightly BOTH people get LOVED. Both know each other and love face to face...no hindrance or fears that come between them. The husband has created a safe place for love to flourish and blossom. He is filled up with self-respect and is walking in true manhood. God smiles and pours grace, favor and honor upon him. She is finally safe and secure in love and responds by giving her beloved back all the love he died to give her. She admires him for his sacrifice. She is stunned that she is valuable and cherished. Like Jesus says to us that we are HIS treasure. His Bride is filled up with all the fulness of God...she is strong and gives Christ the yes of her heart. She looks everywhere to bless her Savior's heart...she praises Him and reveres Him. In the same way this is how MARRIAGE will look like our relationship to Christ, our Bridegroom. Amazing.

 

Kimberly

[631]

You may have seen a couple positive statements on Hope's page. Yes, things have been going generally pretty well, still struggling here and there but feeling as though we were really getting closer to one another, bonding, having more fun, etc. Especially this evening we were really having a good time together.

 

Well, that all crashed late tonight. I'm on the 90 media fast and when walking in from outside, opened the door and glanced up and saw the tv (nothing bad btw), and quickly looked away. (Hope had been watching tv while I was outside doing chores but had stepped into another room.) I had promised to tell Hope if this happened. Well, guess she saw it happen and questioned me later if I had been watching the tv. I said I was doing really good and not watching it. Then she confronted me and said she'd seen me glance up at it. So, while I wasn't "watching" it, I had glanced at it and not volunteered to tell Hope. Then when asked I snuck around the question as I wasn't actually "watching" it, just happened to see it. I was caught in a lie. I have had a hard time associating an accidental glance at the tv with "more serious" problems. The main problem is me not telling her when I already told her I would. This has happened before and she asked me about it and I told her I had glanced up at "Little House on the Prairie", but not offered it without her asking. Now, Hope has pulled away, is very hurt, and doesn't trust anything again. She feels so stupid for saying anything nice about me, as though that is what she gets for opening up a little. If I haven't come clean about glancing at the tv, what else am I hiding? What other ways does she have to word her questions? Very very valid thoughts. I have offered apologies and tried to validate her feelings. I know there needs to be consequences so I volunteered to go sleep out in the truck tonight. Unfortunately I seem to need this type of consequence to straighten me out and help keep me from doing things again. I feel like I really hate the tv, but really it isn't the tv that's the problem, it's me.

 

I am really looking for help on this. How can I help Hope know and really feel just how sorry I am? How can I heal her from this wound that is once again opened? How do I show her I really do love her after this? I am so stupid for hurting her once again, especially after she stepped out and said some nice things about me. Sometimes I feel like the devil is playing tricks on me and determined to find a way to destroy this marriage. Please help!

 

(dory fixed. thanks for posting right after wards so that i could re-paste what you wrote on her ID into the post that you sent immediately afterward and then delete the one with her ID. Without that, I could not have helped.)

[Enjoying the sunshine]

631,

 

Honesty is very very important in any relationship. And yes, the basis is, IF you can hide this little thing, what else are you hiding? You cannot expect her to trust you completely, until you become completely trustworthy.

 

As to what you can do to "fix" it -- you will have to apologize genuinely - more than once I am sure. Try coming at it from the angle of "I understand that you need me to be completely trustworthy, and everytime I am not completely upfront with you about anything. I am deeply sorry that I have hurt you again in this area." Maybe even buy her a card? Or write a letter to her explaining WHY this should be so important in your relationship. Also, telling her how you intend to deal with similar situations in the "future".

 

If you base your relationship on anything other than honesty and TRUTH, your foundation is going to be very shaky. Your dear wife will always be off balance, because there isn't any solid ground to stand on.

[dory]

631,

 

Until you show consistency on EVERYTHING and a true embrace to a LIFE CHANGE (which will take time to really cement in her mind) little molehills like this WILL seem like mountains to her. (yes, Hope, i am calling this a molehill, only because I have REAL hope that you will get to the other side)

 

RIght now as I type, Nemo has the flu (possibly Swine, we will know in 2 more hours) and is wathcing the (gasp!) TV! Actually I think he plugged in "A Night at the Museum" DVD. Up till now this would have been a big NO NO.

 

But watching him change his view of the world and his overall attention towards me, and to see this FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME, has helped me begin to "relax" my fears.

 

The good news is that even though she is freshly wounded and currently withdrawn, she is holding on for an intensive and or the days following. She is still telling you HOW SHE FEELS! Once a woman is totally shut down she won't even CARE any more. I am NOT saying that its good that she's hurt, let's not EVEN GO THERE. But when she expresses hurt that is AN OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO APPLY HEALING! It is NOT a signal to find the nearest exit door (emotionally speaking.) Some of our best LMing times come soon after hubby does his J&K part right - the L.O.V.E.! Cyclical? A little. But if you revert to selfishness right after LMing then obviously we have more work to do.

 

She is at an elevated alert place. Call it "code RED" because she so desperately needs to see you CHANGE for REAL and for GOOD. She needs this for herself and for her family's safety from what she sees as DANGER. Porn, lust, SG are all manifestations of the enemy that she SO doens't want in your home. God's requirement of her is to protect the young souls he put into her care. To love God with all her heart means to take THAT job of protecting her young very seriously. YOUR job as dictated by God is to lay your life down FOR HER! So to love God with all your heart is to beat this thing and to prove to her that she is IT to you. Period.

 

So for her to be in "code red" right now is what she needs to be to be faithful to her Lord with all her heart, soul, and mind. Hopefully when you do your job correctly and lay your life down for her (pride too) you will help her feel like you are a team player and she will relax from CODE RED into code yellow or green. It will take time and consistency. (Have I said that yet?)

 

Hang tight, lean into God, go to an intensive, do your homework afterward faithfully! This is a "life change", not just another "Marriage program".

 

God Bless!

[631]

Hoping for Sunshine and Dory,

Thanks for the responses! I just got back in from a night in the truck, wrote her an apology email, and now preparing to go make her a nice french toast breakfast that I had promised to make her Sunday morning, but didn't do. She's still asleep at this time. Yes, I have got to get to that consistency stage, immediately, and go after that life change. I do not want to just reflect an appearance of change, but rather I want to reflect a true change. A true change from the heart and not just the head.

 

I completely understand what you two are saying. I hate that there are bumps in the road and know that I'm the only one that can smooth them over and keep them from happening in the first place. Still open to hearing from others for ways to help me improve this marriage. Even when I think things are going well, I need to be on this forum posting and checking in that I am doing all I can to heal this marriage.

[firewalker]

You have got to kill off that fearful little boy response to confrontation. When she asks you someting, you have got to send up a quick prayer to heaven and consider how to respond in truth and in love.

 

Self-protection will get you into trouble every time. Have no thought of your own safety and protection. Risk everything to keep the heart of your wife and you will regain it, every time.

 

You will never, ever be perfect...........until you die and are transformed.

 

You can, however, become as consistent as the sun rising to signal the day has begun. Even behind the clouds, we know the sun is there. Even behind the clouds of your wife's fears, she needs to know that you are there for her with your best intentions and your consistent behavior.

[Enjoying the sunshine]

631,

 

Another thought. I see in reading your wife's thread that she feels she needs to pull things out of you... sounds like you are not INITIATING enough conversations with her. Maybe if you took a few minutes everyday when you get home, and then again when you are getting ready for bed to INITIATE a conversation (initiate means YOU start the talk, not wait for her questions - but I am SURE you already know that!)..

 

Ask her how her day went, and then when she has talked about her day, give her a "synopsis" of your day. Your struggles, your joys, your fears. The more you open your heart to her and share even your innermost issues with her, the quicker she will KNOW that you are working toward true heart change. If she has to continually ask a million questions to find out what is in your heart, she is never going to fully trust you. Also, be totally willing to answer ANY question she does have (once YOU have initiated conversation), without hesitation. She will appreciate your honesty, and she will appreciate your willingness to share your heart with her. She obviously wants to know your struggles, because she is worried about what you will do with them.

 

One thing that my husband and I learned the HARD way -any thing that is kept hidden in the darkness WILL drive a wedge between you. Those same things, brought into the light to be dealt with in truth and honesty are so much easier to overcome.

[dory]

Signpost = wisdom in ^above^ post!

[631]

Looking for some more help here.

 

Today, I called Hope to tell her I was about to go into one of our labs to begin work on a project that required me to be in the presence of two other women. I wanted to reassure her that these women were not an issue for me in any way and that everything would be fine, but that she had a right to know.

 

Background:

This is a deadline project and I am very far behind. With the intensive coming up, an extended vacation after, and tech rep coverage required the remainder this week, I am in a huge time crunch to get it started. Today was the only day for me to get it rolling. As it is already, it may not get completed in time.

 

Ok, so after my part on the men's call, when I was able to talk to Hope, I had about 15 minutes to get in there before the lab manager left. I really wanted to get things started before they all left for lunch in order to get this done today. I shared names with her and descriptions and really tried to let her know things would be fine. I let her know I was a little pressed for time and I began to reflect this some in my voice as time moved on. (I have been very behind and stressed at work now for some time.) When I realized she was getting frustrated with me and my reassurance hadn't worked, I quickly jumped back into the car to talk to her more. She suggested I talk to Joel and determine how I should handle things.

 

So I got back on the men's call, waited till all other callers had talked, and asked Joel. He mentioned several things that would help reassure her. So I called her back and she wondered if I had spoken with Joel. I told her I had and that he mentioned all these ways to help reassure her. Then I started to in a sense go through the list, in an attempt to reassure her of how I would act in these ladies presence (apologize for creating a place of distrust, note that this is a big concern, promise to treat them very business like almost to the point of being standoffish, no social conversations, and how I knew this would be very nerve racking to Hope). It came across just as it was, that I was reading from a list. She was very hurt and frustrated with me and hung up. She shared some of her thoughts with me and needless to say, my reassurance did not work.

 

I phoned her back to tell her I agreed that the way I shared with her did not come across as genuine and heart felt, but rather it sounds like like just words. That I should have done a better job. She told me she didn't want me to come home until I could really show her I loved her and be a man of more than just words, then hung up again.

 

I guess my point now is that I just am not getting this right. I am starting to get frusted because I have this huge project and deadline. I have a manager asking for updates and has been for some time. I have job that requires projects be completed and on time. Even so, I told her I would not move forward with it until she felt reassured. So it is now on hold.

 

Fortunately with my job working directly with females is very rare. But with this project there is no way around it. Please help me understand how to reassure her at this point, how to let her know that I love her dearly and want nothing more than to make her feel at ease with this project. That I am fully commited to her and that I feel terrible that I put her in this place of absolute distrust and frustration with her husband.

[firewalker]

631,

 

I know this is difficult, but I am glad you are committed to doing what it takes. I would love to talk to Hope, personally. Currently I facilitate a group that is for wives of men who have betrayed them because of their sexually compulsive behavior. She is in such a very familiar place to me. I will P.M. herwith my phone number, but I encourage you to connect with her and tell her I would love to personally support her to get over this hump befor she gets to the intensive.

 

Mostly, she needs you to totally validate her feelings. Even though she said don't come home, keep reaching out every time you have a break in the work. If she won't take your calls, send e-mail with your heartfelt apology for being distracted. She is more important than your work, but practically speaking, you can't support your wife and kids if you lose your job.

 

She is cycling in her anxiety and emotions because of the mistrust. She is not thinking logically, like men typically do, she is leading with her heart. You sowed this into her and I know you own it, but you are reaping the whirlwind by sowing into the wind.

 

Keep reassuring her and and reminding her how she is the most important thing in the world to you and you won't do anything to jeopardize her love and to set back rebuilding trust. Tell her you are trying hard to meet her emotional needs but you are also working hard to be the financial provider for her and the kids. Tell her you are committed to meeting all her needs.

[For Him For Her]

631,

 

Thanks for sharing today on the Men's call. Remember to stay plugged in here as well. The information here is ever expanding and it is always here to come back to. Keep moving. Never stop taking another new step.

 

God Bless

David

[631]

For Him For Her,

Thanks for the note and the help on the call. Yes I need to be posting and can't believe it has been about a month since I last posted. I have to make this quick as I have a meeting to run to, but since I returned from the intensive, I have taken a step backward and not forward. I have not been flirting or initiating intimacy with my wife as I was prior to or during the intensive. This is hurting my wife and I must stop acting selfishly in this way. She told me I am in a cycle of when she begins to point something out to me that I am doing wrong or not doing, my first response is defensiveness. Then I immediately validate that she's right but with more of a harsh tone. Then go after an apology. I know how this is suppose to work, and I know I can do it right. So does she. Just need to spur myself back in line and meet her needs. Any how, just a quick update of where I am at.

[631]

I want to grow and move forward in learning how to love my wife, and in actions in proving that I love her. How do I continue to grow and learn more and more everyday? How do I make sure I am not stalling or that I take a step backwards?

[firewalker]

You apparently are stalling. You are not being consistent in initiating. You are expecting that an apology for blowing it is better than initiating. Can you say p-a-s-s-i-v-e?

You need to get on the call tonight. No excuses. I don't care if you are in a hotel room, you call from your cell phone. You need a dose of reinforcing truth to blast the lies you tell yourself right outta your head.

 

Lies like:

I don't have to initiate everyday, do I

She understands how hard this is for me

I have come so far, can't a brother catch his breath

It's God's fault really for not giving me the daily strength I need

When is it my turn to receive again, I'm tired of giving

etc,

etc.

ad nauseum

 

What? Surprised? Of course you know how damaging this inner dialogue is. Whatever you think on in your head, you end up becoming or embodying in your actions/non-actions.

 

Gird your loins, man.

Get back in the battle for your marriage.

Champion your wife.

Be the hero.

You know you can do this and she knows you can do this.

Just do it!! Swoosh!!!

[631]

I will be on the call with Hope tonight. The crazy thing here is we are sharing so much of this ministry with others right now through our church, and then I'M the one that's not cutting it! I'm helping them and explaining to them what's happening in their marriage. I honestly shouldn't need someone spurring me back into line. I am absolutely embarrassed by my lack of initiation. I am looking forward to the call. Thanks Firewalker.

[dory]

God made two men on this earth and gave each man a command to obey, and they each responded in different ways....

 

To Adam, he commanded not to eat a certain fruit. Adam's response was to disobey and then say, "I heard you so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked. GEN3:10 "Yes, but it was the woman you gave me who brought me the fruit and I ate it."

 

Note: First he blames God for bringing him the woman, THEN he blames the woman before finally admitting he ate it.

 

To Jesus he commanded separation and death to take away the sins of the world. Jesus's response was to go to the father and pray,"Father if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want YOUR will, not mine." MATT,MARK,LUKE22:42.

 

How interesting that this looks like the parable that Jesus taught about the two sons Matt 21:28

 

Husbands, which son do you wish to emulate? The passive, blame-shifting one? (adam)

Or the who, in the end is glorified by the Father? (jesus)

 

GO TO THE FATHER AND PRAY.

Read your Bibles about how much you are loved by your heavenly Father.

Die to self.

Rescue Eve.

And be glorified by God and by generations to come, and spend eternity with Him.

[firewalker]

Powerful word from the Lord, Dory.

 

Take heed, 631.

[631]

Dory,

Thanks for the response. As I read it and read it again, to let it soak in, it begins to make more and more sense. I appreciate it. I want to be like Jesus, not like Adam. I have to stop the defensiveness immediately and create a safe place for Hope.

 

Again last night, I could tell she was hurt. I asked her to tell me about what and she said she didn't feel safe telling me. So I promised to create that safe place and that I would not get defensive. So what did I do, as soon as she said something, I was defensive. It is terrible. She called me on it immediately. (Excellent helpmeet.) I can't believe how easily I can defend and not even catch myself before doing it! It is frustrating to me, but extremely hurtful to Hope. It will stop. It has to stop. I will not continue to hurt her in this selfish way. My consequence was getting kicked out of the bedroom for the night. Consequences do help things sink in for sure.

 

Lord I pray that you would change this way about me from the inside out. Change my heart to be always putting Hope's feelings first. Amen.

[Pure in Heart]

631,

 

You were talking about defending yourself. Here is a simple and perhaps silly word picture without the dreaded emotions tangled up in it so you can see how very simple this principle is.

 

Say hope says, I like chocolate ice cream...then you say, no you don't, you like vanilla...she says, stop telling me what kind of ice cream I like...you say, I'm not doing that. SHe says, yes you did, and now you are defending yourself about what my heart and mind know about what kind of ice cream I like.

 

That is exactly what you are doing to her everytime she points out that you hurt her emotionally by something you said or did. She knows her heart and mind. SHe knows what kind of "flavor" she likes. You need to just BELIEVE her. When you deny her rights to like whatever she wants or needs...you are sending her a message that her individual, unique and special heart is devalued and you rob her of the right to have dignity and choice. What flavor she likes is the very thing that makes her hope.

 

When you defend yourself you are denying her worth and value...you have defrauded her.You stole her heartfelt right. This hurts her deeply.

 

Then defending yourself is adding insult to injury. She is thinking...I am not crazy, I know what flavor ice cream I like and he is trying to talk me out of it. Then you defend yourself and deny you even said it.

 

It is MORE than defending yourself. It is the whole emotional pain behind it that is the core issue. It is not really about ice cream it is that you tell her she has no mind, she is stupid, she doesn't know what she is talking about...this over many years causes her to feel rejected to her very core being. SHe questions herself. She questions your love for her.

 

This "feeling" like a failure is actually the flip side of the very same coin of pride. When you cry failure in essence you again are protecting yourself from having to take responsibility. If you can incite some pity from hope then you do not have to accept you are again in the wrong. It is the same exact thing you do with defending. You defend so YOU will not have to own your wrong. You do not like to be corrected. This is pride.

 

You are determining your worth and value by leaving no room for sin or failure. Yet, this has the opposite effect on you. You are so busy protecting your ego that you have to ignore her. In your mind you have "feel" right to BE right. God's Word does not say that you have to "feel" right to BE right before Him. You are already righteous and from this place of being made rihteous before God you know it is not SELF-righteousness that protects you. YOU as a person ARE right. God loves YOU. God says because I made you righteous, Christ's righteousness that indwells you is the very reason you want to DO right. Human beings would choose sin everytime if it were not for God's righteousness. So ask God to help you rely on His righteousness then your fleshly man will have no defense at all...because SELF can never be right no matter how hard it tries. When you are free from SELF-righteousness or being SELF-right you are free indeed.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Kimberly

Kimberly

 

Kimberly

[631]

Thank you Kimberly,

I appreciate your post. It really helps me understand better exactly how it makes her feel when I defend. I have always struggled with just that, truly understanding how my actions make her feel or have made her feel. I will keep the flavor of ice cream anology in the back of my mind at all times.

 

631

[Looney_Tunes]

This popped into my head while you two were on the call last night, but Steve and Melissa were on a roll and I didn't want to interrupt.

 

Satan is in full attack mode to destroy your marriage. You and Hope are hunkered down behind a wall, fighting him together. You have the gun, and you're shooting. Your shots are going wild because you can't see where you're firing. Only Hope can see. She's behind you saying, "Left! Left!" but instead of listening to her, you're saying, "No! I'm sure I'm in the right spot!" and you're missing by a mile. Meanwhile, Satan's got pretty good aim, and you're taking hits.

 

If you would just acknowledge the fact that Hope can see and allow her to correct your aim, you'd be dead on. If you continue to shut her down, she's going to quit telling you where to shoot.

[Pure in Heart]

631,

 

Looney wrote:

 

Satan is in full attack mode to destroy your marriage. You and Hope are hunkered down behind a wall, fighting him together. You have the gun, and you're shooting. Your shots are going wild because you can't see where you're firing. Only Hope can see. She's behind you saying, "Left! Left!" but instead of listening to her, you're saying, "No! I'm sure I'm in the right spot!" and you're missing by a mile. Meanwhile, Satan's got pretty good aim, and you're taking hits.

 

If you would just acknowledge the fact that Hope can see and allow her to correct your aim, you'd be dead on. If you continue to shut her down, she's going to quit telling you where to shoot.

 

 

WOW...that my brother is called the Word of Wisdom.....the Holy Spirit is speaking to you.

[631]

Looney,

That's a great word, I agree with you Pure in Heart! What a way to picture things! Thank you for bringing that to us. I will let Hope direct my aim in order to take Satan out of the picture and out of our marriage. I know he wants to take us out very badly, because we are on the offense and spreading this ministry to others in order to save their marriages too. He is NOT happy about the successes that this ministry is bringing about and is going to go after those, such as Hope and me, that are the "culprits" in a sense. Thanks again Looney!

[631]

Looney,

That's a great word, I agree with you Pure in Heart! What a way to picture things! Thank you for bringing that to us. I will let Hope direct my aim in order to take Satan out of the picture and out of our marriage. I know he wants to take us out very badly, because we are on the offense and spreading this ministry to others in order to save their marriages too. He is NOT happy about the successes that this ministry is bringing about and is going to go after those, such as Hope and me, that are the "culprits" in a sense. Thanks again Looney!