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I've just joined this forum after reading the first book, TMofHD,TWofH. I've finally got my husband reading it (very slowly I might add) but he's started non-the-less. So just thought I'd post and introduce myself and see where things go from here. I'm hoping for encouragement along the way, and to encourage others when I can. Thanks :)

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Hello Hosanna in the Highest! I love your name.

Welcome! All the way from New Zealand! Impressive! We have two or three from Australia, but I personally can't think of anyone from your country. This is great! The Word of God on Marriage is definitely getting out!

I'm so glad you found this ministry. How did you, by the way?

It would be good if you would give us a little history of your marriage, so we can get started with helping each other.

Do you have Book 2, as well?

God bless you. I look forward to hearing from you some more.

MaryJane

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Hi MaryJane,
Thanks for your warm welcome.
I found this ministry through Christianforums.com, where i've frequented since 2005, and in that forum is a sub-forum for married couples. Another lady recommended the Godsavemymarriage website, so I went on there and ordered the book straight away (big step of faith on my part as i've never ordered online before :))
My husband and I had 3 children together before we got married, due to me returning to Christ and wanting to live right. After we got married things got steadily harder and worse for us. As I became closer to God it seemed I got further away from my husband.
To cut a long story short, he has just this year been baptised and given his heart to Christ...He's now at the point where he's willing to learn new ways of relating with me because our old ways of relating have failed us and just brought pain and hurt...arguements etc...
We are still very rocky, but my latest motto is God is in control and I'm gaining strength in asking for what I need as a wife, and he's gaining momentum in giving more instead of just taking all the time.
Phew...I was hoping to keep it short, but there you go, that's the cut version anyway LOL...

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hosannainthehighest,

Again, welcome to the boards! by the way, that IS short!!! You should see some of my posts! they get a bit lengthy :lol:

You will definitely get a lot of encouragement here. IF your hubby can be persuaded, there is also a men's section, where he could get TONS of help and encouragement along the way. There are many that have come before you, and can share their experiences and wisdom.

talk to you again soon!
L

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Nice to meet you as well (so to speak).
My husband has never been the forum type, but who knows i certainly won't shut that door just yet since he's doing alot of good things i never knew i'd actually see him doing.
I'd really like to see what happens when he finishes the book as he is not even through the first chapter yet.
TTYS

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[quote]I'm gaining strength in asking for what I need as a wife, and he's gaining momentum in giving more instead of just taking all the time.[/quote] This is great! Exactly the right direction to take -- forward! :)

[quote]he's doing alot of good things i never knew i'd actually see him doing. [/quote] God's way is SO good, isn't it? :D

Keep up the good work!

Looking forward to hearing your husband's reactions to the books,
MaryJane

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[/quote] God's way is SO good, isn't it? :D

Keep up the good work!

Looking forward to hearing your husband's reactions to the books,
MaryJane[/quote]he's stopped for the time being...any good suggestions in getting him going again?

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As they say in the books, we wives are our husbands' help (like God or an army is a "help"). You are your husband's strong help by encouraging him to read these life-changing books, for now!

You could start by telling him you'd like him to finish reading, so the two of you can discuss the information, next week (or the week after).

All the best. God is for you!

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I must admit, I took a step back from the forum to digest what I am learning and see what I agree with and make it my own.
Last night I was desperate for some healing, so I logged in and read from another thread.
Hearing another woman speak my heart almost exactly (except the way we want our needs to be met being different) gave me the hope I needed to get started once again.
I wrote my husband an email expressing my heart over something he'd done that hurt me deeply. I have found that writing things down at a time like that, enables me to be clear on my need, and also gives him the opportunity to read at his pace without being overwhelmed by me.
It worked a treat, he read it and phoned me later in the day at work and we discussed it.
So now i'm learning how to apply the book, even tho he has stopped reading it for the time being.
I have SO MANY unmet needs in my marriage that I feel I could open a can of worms if I got started!! So i've decided to speak my needs, as they arise, rather than dropping my list of needs (and yes, i could probably rattle off the whole list right now).
I think i will try and post here more, to get the boost I need to keep going, since wanting my needs to be met is something i'd all but given up on and is as new to me as it is to hubby.

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Hello Hosanna,

Just getting caught up on your thread! Welcome!

Just wondering... but why is your husband taking a break from the book?

I am glad that you are finding your voice to express what you need. Because you are having to find that voice, it means to ME that your hubby needs to be sticking to reading the book :)

Looking forward to good news from you!

Warmly,

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Words by Joel and Kathy I felt would help you:

[color=red]There is a pattern that you want to follow. Someone here will copy it to you - or it will be found easily in a lot of the other topics in this section.

You start by giving him the book and waiting two weeks to see how he reacts. Hopefully during that two weeks, he reads the book, softens, we can engage with him, he will be willing to get on phone calls and come to an intensive and you begin to work together as a couple toward an outrageously happy marriage.

On the other hand, he may ignore the book, reject the book, and not be willing to engage. If this happens, you have to go the hard route which involves disappearing from his life, ignoring him, filing divorce etcetera.

We pray that he will accept the easy route. [/color]

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I absolutely do not feel that I want to disappear out of his life over him not reading the book.
I have made a similar suggestion when he's gone back on making changes due to our counselling sessions.
He DOES NOT like being told what to do, and is having a hard time keeping up with the book when he is already making changes because of other areas in our life.

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i dont know what to say to get him to continue to read the book, he reads a few pages and then stops again till i've said something, I know that he is doing the changes he needs to where necessary, but as soon as he forgets or gets hurt he goes off the idea till he feels better. as i type this, i fully understand that he's put me aside while he deals with himself, and i know that he will come back to me in a short while, i suppose that i can see that it's just prolonging the inevitable, blah...my minds in a muddle, i need to go talk to him.....
he's just been to see a probation officer for an event that occured a couple of months back,...when he gets reminded of the past like that he withdraws from me for a time...that's basically what's happening right now as i sit here writing...he's outside doing the yard and im in here pouring my heart out to a computer!

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Hosanna,

I am not a helper...

but I think I am safe is saying that as long as your hubby is making progress, there is no need to do anything drastic!

He is being like most husbands when they are learning to deal with new things... and sometimes they have to be gently prodded towards growing... just like the two year olds :-)

I have this cute, cute picture of my sweetie when he was six. He is standing with about 30 bandaids all over himself, and the MOST defiant look on his face... while holding a very vicious looking Gar(the ugliest fish I have ever seen!) that he had caught.
It is THIS face that I see when my husband is squirming his way out of some predicament :lol: This thought helps me remember that he is growing out of his arrested-ness...( sometimes really slow!)

You just keep pouring your heart out to us here... and we will keep sending YOU cyber ((hugs))) :)

Warmly,

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Teafriend...thankyou!!
i'm not afraid of being drastic, and believe me, I am when i need to be, thanks for meeting me where i'm at.
I do understand and agree with the need to take a stand at times, and i did confront him about his anger towards me because he had to face probation (blames me thinks i dont care what hes going thru etc), and i explained to him that he let me and the kids down when he did what he did to get into trouble, and now he's letting me down again by blaming me for the outcome of his actions...he threatened to storm off and leave, so i said go, take your stuff and dont return.....he's still here, he knows i mean what i say and that im not taking the responsibility for him anymore, i guess i'll just wait this one out till he approaches me and talk about things then...

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[quote]I do understand and agree with the need to take a stand at times, and i did confront him about his anger towards me because he had to face probation (blames me thinks i dont care what hes going thru etc), and i explained to him that he let me and the kids down when he did what he did to get into trouble, and now he's letting me down again by blaming me for the outcome of his actions...he threatened to storm off and leave, so i said go, take your stuff and dont return.....he's still here, he knows i mean what i say and that im not taking the responsibility for him anymore, i guess i'll just wait this one out till he approaches me and talk about things then...[/quote]

You did really well, here! I commend you. I suggest that while you're waiting for him to approach you to talk about things, don't "coddle" him. Pretend he's had to "sit in a corner", like the emotional child he is.

Actually, while he's "not talking", you could tell him one more thing: "Read another chapter! Maybe it'll help!"

May you continue to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.

MaryJane

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i definitely dont coddle..lol..i've learned that long ago, gets me nowhere, in the meantime i've written how i feel, since he will likely come back to me feeling all good and happy, while ive had to stand by and wait for this time to come.
so i've taken to writing things down, it eliminates misunderstanding and also allows him the opportunity to see how his actions can affect me as his wife
i did think about bringing up the book again when we resume talking, because he did promise to read it if i did something for him, which i did my part and now he's reneging on his promise to me. (it was nothing rude lol...just helped him get something that he wanted).

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[quote]so i've taken to writing things down, it eliminates misunderstanding and also allows him the opportunity to see how his actions can affect me as his wife
i did think about bringing up the book again when we resume talking, because he did promise to read it[/quote]

This is good! He can't come back all nice and happy without apologizing for hurting you.

And, he needs "help" from you to keep his book-reading promise, right?

Good for you!

MaryJane

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[quote name="MaryJane]
This is good! He can't come back all nice and happy without apologizing for hurting you.

MaryJane[/quote]and that is exactly what happened (again), so I gave him my written thoughts because he takes those far more seriously than speaking! and he acted angry at me!! by ignoring me...huh...so where's the nice hug now? LOL...but at least we know where we stand, and when he comes back to hug me next time, it's with the understanding of where I am at, so the hug will mean far more to both of us. isnt marriage fun!!

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it's been two days since i brought something to my husbands attention, and he hasnt talked to me in that whole time, i've been going about my life regardless, but a part of me feels so angry...he doesnt even think to apologise or talk to me or anything, it's pretty ridiculous, and he thinks this is love??
i guess you can tell i'm starting to get a little fed up with the situation now.
however this is nothing new!! his 'silent treatment' is a very common occurence when he feels too ashamed to approach me...

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I think you'll have to interrupt his pity party with an announcement: I'm angry! You're hurting me! Sit down and read those books!

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