mykidzdad Posted October 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 yeah yeah..I know... its not about us getting what we want, that is not dying to self. Dying to self is not natural Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pure in Heart Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 mkd, YES!!! Of course God wants you to be loved and heard and your needs met....HOW?? God has told you..."husbands lay down your life"..SHE responds by pouring back into you. Amazing design and it works!! It is so simple yet the fruit of God's design is unsearchable....a mystery!!! K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 YES!!! Of course God wants you to be loved and heard and your needs met....HOW?? God has told you..."husbands lay down your life"..SHE responds by pouring back into you. Amazing design and it works!! Just remember that the man has to go first. You will NOT get your needs met immediately. Remember, your wife hasn't had her needs met for how long? The account is overdrawn, and you have to make enough deposits to bring it back up to a positive balance before you can start writing checks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykidzdad Posted October 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 I drove by my old place called "self pity" today and parked in the driveway.It look familiar and comfortable. It invited me in to stay awhile. I know nothing good ever comes from that place, so I waved goodbye and said, no thanks, not today.  This is hard. Moving my family to the new house. Each box I carry can bring a reminder of the cost of my sin, like a self pity sending me a text saying "come on over" and other times each box can be seen as serving her one box at a time. Pray for me to ignore the texts from self pity and to see it as a blessing. MKD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Hope Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 MKD Truthfully I haven't gone back and read everything that you have posted about your situation, other than that you and your wife are seperated. So I might be asking questions that you have already answered before, sorry about that. 1. Do you have and have you read both J&K's books?2. What is your personal relationship with Christ like? 3. What "sins" have you committed in your marriage? Affairs? Porn? Lies? Etc?4. Have you given J&K's books to your wife? If not, why not? 5. Have you been on any of the group or men's calls?6. What about going to an intensive...it's not just for couples...7. Are you finicially supporting your wife and family right now?8. Are you attending church and worship?9. Are you tithing to your church?10. What are some things that your wife is asking of you that you haven't done?11. What are some things that your wife has asked you to do while you were together that you didn't do?12. Are you watching the DVD's that J&K have out?13. Is this your first marriage? 14. How did you meet your wife and how did you pursue her while you were dating?15. Have you set down and written your "apology" letter to your wife? IF not, do this and list about 100 things that you have done in your marriage and you want to apologize for and think about how these things have made her feel...you can post it here, before sending it so that we can help you with wording and such.. Again, I might have asked some questions that might have already been asked, but these questions are important. Blessings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalewis51 Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 each box can be seen as serving her one box at a time. That is the best way to look at it !!! We men have a hard time not allowing our own regrets, and feelings of rejection to cloud our thinking. We have been living in our old nature since birth! We have grown so accustom to it that it has become natural to us. God did not ever want us to even have a sin nature,(we all inherited from the first Adam). Jesus made it possible to have a new nature within us. When we are born again,we ARE a new creature in Christ. BUT we still have the old nature hanging around. It is not taught in churches exactly how to effectively kill the old nature. Just that we must try to live holy.  I know a lot of what is taught here is new to you. I can also see that you agree with it, or you would have left by now. (at least most of it )  Personally I think that Marriage is the best way for men to learn Christ. By taking Eph 5 : 25 - 29 as "Marching orders" from the Chief, a man will suffer the death of his sin nature, and will put on Christ. If his wife responds, he will have a blessed marriage. (In the majority of cases they will! Ken Nair had a string of over 500 in a row) In any event, the man will be able to be an effective minister, having his sin nature out of the way. Isn't that what you wanted when you first became a Christian? Our God specializes in miracles! He loves us unconditionally - all the time-, even when we disrespect Him, and reject Him. And we love Him BECAUSE He first loved us. I guess it is the way that we (the bride of Christ) were made. Hmmm maybe a parallel in there? or a clue for the clueless? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykidzdad Posted October 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Busted my tail for 2 straight days moving ..and child care while she was out of town.. I'm wore out. Didn't get a thank you, but..its all good.  going to go to the empty house and rest..  MKD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalewis51 Posted October 25, 2009 Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Mkd, It sounds like you had some interaction with your wife, but you only posted what you did, and what you wanted to hear but didn't. It is good that you are serving your family by working hard. You feel that you should be receiving accolades from your wife for helping her. Right now she isn't able to respond that way. It would be nice if she could, but she can't. You always should try to keep in mind that her spirit is hurt, and that you, as her husband, are able to minister to her as her "head". Joel has expounded on the scriptures about headship, so I won't go there. When Christ laid His life down, the church was non existent. His disciples abandoned Him, and even denied knowing Him. THAT was the condition of His bride when He submitted to the Father, and gave himself up! He really was innocent- He didn't treat them wrong first. That is your example of AGAPE love that you are commanded to demonstrate toward your wife. It doesn't matter how she treats you, or what she does, you must AGAPE love her always. Remember we wern't asked to agape our wives, we were commanded. Your looking for a thank you is wanting reassurance. It is a selfish desire coming from your old nature. You have a new nature and are able to walk in it! Right now picking up your cross daily is unbelievably painful for you, but the promise of reward is great.  It would be helpful if you posted more of the interactions you have with your wife. Did you allow your hurt, and feelings, to cloud your responses? Did you get angry inside and defend yourself? Did you make any comments about how "wrong" all this is? Did you respond as Christ would have? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykidzdad Posted October 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 I don't have internet at home, so don't get a whole lot of time to type. She got home around 10pm and I had to leave for work around 11ishI just showed her what I did and moved stuff around for her. Any time she said, "you forgot to bring....." I just responded, "Ok, I will make sure to bring that tomorrow" I tried to keep it as positive as possible.  Well..gotta go put the last bed together. MKD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykidzdad Posted October 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 1. Do you have and have you read both J&K's books? no..and no.. 2. What is your personal relationship with Christ like? Christ is my savior, and my only hope. 3. What "sins" have you committed in your marriage? Affairs? Porn? Lies? Etc? internet affairs for years, then actual physical encounters, then lying to cover them. 4. Have you given J&K's books to your wife? If not, why not? No.. she was offended that I was even on the site saying that seeking reconciliation is disrespecting her desire for a divorce. So I am not going to ask her to read anything. 5. Have you been on any of the group or men's calls? no, having 2 house payments right now, my wife would say it was a foolish waste of money 6. What about going to an intensive...it's not just for couples... see #4 & 57. Are you finicially supporting your wife and family right now? Yes. I am their only source of income. 8. Are you attending church and worship? I was until August when my schedule changed and our church doesn't have a Sunday night service.9. Are you tithing to your church? we are giving 10% of our income to ministries and missionaries, but not all to our church 10. What are some things that your wife is asking of you that you haven't done? nothing, she isn't seeking anything from me towards reconciliation. 11. What are some things that your wife has asked you to do while you were together that you didn't do? I guess remain faithful would be a no brainer.   12. Are you watching the DVD's that J&K have out? no 13. Is this your first marriage? yes. 21 years 14. How did you meet your wife and how did you pursue her while you were dating? met at a bar seeing a band we both liked. I thought she was a friend of my brothers so I just went up and started talking to her. Called a lot, being silly and funny. Did romantic things. Which I did throughout the marriage. Women always said they wished their husbands were as romantic as me. (little did they know the trade off) 15. Have you set down and written your "apology" letter to your wife?  not yet..been way busy with the move, but have about 20 things written down in a notebook, so I will have a good start once I sit down to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridget Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 MKD, I still think you MUST get the books, and honestly, I feel compelled to tell you that you can read them when you're staying in the apartment and accidentally leave one of them there. As far as money. The books are inexpensive. You need to order them. Can you walk someone's dog, wash someone's car, or go without eating out at work or buying latte's or something? Seriously, only a few fast food trips and you've got money for the books. They will be well worth it, in my opinion. I saw some humility in some of your answers of the previous post. Keep that humility and try to focus on Jesus and your worth compared to him (really, compared to him, we're all pretty icky, huh?). Keep that teachable heart and mind. Hopefully it is reflecting to your wife. If it is truly your heart that is changing, and not an act, her defenses will start to come down. Wives have the uncanny ability of knowing when it is an act, though. Take Care,Bridget Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Helloooo......... You have been on the forum since September 11 and you still have not ordered and read the books? This is a "free" forum... but we expect some level of sincerity from those who post here to get help. You have 10 or 11 full pages of comments, suggestions and the like... but you have not read the books? Have you read the "For Men" section at the regular website? Helpers, until MKD reads the books, there is going to be eternal wheel spinning going on here.  I can empathize with you not being able to join the men's calls for $100 per month.. but not ordering two books?  I don't think that it is too much to ask for us to ask you to order the books before you get any more direct input from the helpers here. We are good; our helpers are good.. but the GOLD... the anointing... is most resident in the books. Without them under your belt, there is not much helping you. We have a rule of thumb that we have stayed pretty faithful to through the years.. we don't counsel someone until they have read the books.. or are at least in the process.  Please order the books and start reading them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaya Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 MKD said earlier in a post that detailed his plans to buy the books  I will not offer any instruction on anybody else's posts until I further educate myself on the books, which i will order next week when we are living in separate houses for awhile. She got mad about the website, don't want to push it with the books being delivered while she is here. I believe you are living in separate houses now, yes? If so, Have you ordered the books yet? If not, then please let us know when you have. They will speed your progress up SO much. You do NOT want to do this the long way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykidzdad Posted October 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2009 alright alright..just ordered first book... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Thank you! Â The books will save words/energy spent that we could put to better use for your questions after you are done reading I am breathing a collective sigh of relief for all the helpers. Â btw, MKD, book 2 is really good too, in fact, better! Â God Bless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykidzdad Posted November 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2009 Im not dead...just busy remodeling wife's new house, getting other house ready for resale, and avoiding the internet since I dont have it at the old place.  I have been trying to do all I can to bless her by working on what she wants me to work on at the new place, cooking, cleaning..etc..  well..back to work  B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykidzdad Posted November 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2009 oh..and slowly reading the book... on chapter 4 or something like that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridget Posted November 12, 2009 Report Share Posted November 12, 2009 MKD, Good job. Bless that wife of yours in any way she expresses a need. Keep going in the book.  It would be helpful if and when you get time to post here, to post any questions or interesting things you learned from the book. That way, if your wife ever does come around, and she comes here, she will be able to read your progress and see how you came to it. Plus, we can all read your questions and comments and help you along with any misunderstandings. Take Care,Bridget Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykidzdad Posted November 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2009 Nothing personal Joel, but you were a real jerk back then... Â just sayin.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abigail Posted November 12, 2009 Report Share Posted November 12, 2009 Yes he was. He is the first to admit it....and he does so over and over again, even though he is not the same person anymore....to help other men change just like he did.  When the husband changes first, then the wife changes in response. Very simple, and very difficult for an ingrained man to do. Difficult (anything worth anything is always difficult)....but totally possible.  Joel did change. These teachings work. God's ways always work. Glad you're reading. Love and truth, peace and forgiveness,Abigail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted November 12, 2009 Report Share Posted November 12, 2009 Im not dead...Well, good in the physical sense, bad in the spiritual sense. Our aim is to help you die, "to yourselfish wants" that is.oh..and slowly reading the book... on chapter 4 or something like that read faster, die to self faster (at least I feel legit in spending time here and posting to you now that you are reading)Yes he was. He is the first to admit it....and he does so over and over again, even though he is not the same person anymore....to help other men change just like he did. When the husband changes first, then the wife changes in response. Very simple, and very difficult for an ingrained man to do. Difficult (anything worth anything is always difficult)....but totally possible. Joel did change. These teachings work. God's ways always work. Glad you're reading. Remember, if this were easy, then ALL men would enjoy Outrageously Happy Marriages. Keep reading .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted December 6, 2009 Report Share Posted December 6, 2009 So how did you do finishing the books? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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