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Sounds like I'll be settling in for a lengthy helpers call this evening.

 

Funny.

 

But actually we have another helper that needs the air time more than we. She will need to take first priority.

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nemo,

 

You have received knowledge here that is clear, direct and full of wisdom.

 

I am sitting here praying for you both that the Lord will breakthrough whatever the resistance is in nemo. I feel like there is a part of his thinking that is stuck. Like a confusion that comes is in his mind where he feels a disparity between the promises that this message says it will deliver and the actual results.

 

Realizing you are still a young Christian in many respects you must remember that this is a process of sanctification. God weeds out those character issues lurking underneath the surface. It is the pressure of marriage that will push these very issues to the surface in you. On one hand, this can feel quite discouraging, as you look at how deep sin goes in you and the hold it has. On the other hand, the Lord is gracious to give you a help-meet that loves you and comes alongside you to confront you to SEE these issues and challenges you to change them.

 

If you allow your fear of being found out to stop you from being revealed then you can not change in the long run and the very issue that you hide ends up taking you down. This is actually God's deep, abiding love for you. We as human beings are becoming, and so we can miss the small sin that has the potential to grow into something larger than life. God is trying to help you avoid the pitfalls you can not see along the way.

 

It does not matter how insignificant to you the problem is, it matters how God sees it and how that issue will keep you from the greatness in you still completely untapped in you to its fullest degree. God is drawing out of you the more and more the presence and reality of Christ in you, the hope of your glory.

 

What I see from a different perspective is a spiritual problem with a root to it.

 

The Lord is not only after your behavior and the actions you do....but the HEART behind your actions, the character within that is fueling them along.

 

Yes, I get that men change from doing outward actions...yet, I am talking to a man who has been doing these very actions for a lengthy time here.

Psalm 145:17

The LORD is righteous in all His ways And kind in all His deeds.

 

God distinguishes His acts from His ways. The Lord's ACTS are His miracles, His splendor and glory revealed in the natural.

 

His ways are His heart...as described by Moses...that He IS merciful, forgiving, He deals with us in loving kindness, He is faithful to our generations. This IS WHO God IS through and through. WHO God is is why we trust Him and put our faith in Him.

 

Why a wife can trust her husband is because who he IS lines up with what he does. This is the fruit that hangs on the tree that proves the inward man of the spirit.

 

There are actions and behavior we do but what is influencing these actions? This is when a man delves deeper into those character issues that need to be changed. This is where the sword of the Spirit cuts through the attitudes and motives of the heart.

 

Mother/son issues can be very insidious. This issue has a hook in you that yanks you around even still. Your needing approval is at the center of this. Your approval comes from being Accepted in the Beloved(already).

 

The tension is that your condition has not lined up in maturity or completeness of your position. Remember that you are positionally perfected before God. However, your CONDITION in human flesh has to match this truth. God always gives us truth to stand on so we CAN change. God first shows us the mark or standard so we know what we are reaching for, what we are pressing toward. Your help-meet helps you and assists you in delineating this for you. Do not resent her for being that tool in the Lord's hand to prune you.

 

Yes, this opposition is the tension of your faith. It pushes and pulls, and it feels like pressure to you. This is the testing and trying of your faith so that it can be perfected and made complete. Faith allows us to live this life righteously.

 

You are still struggling with needing approval. This is of course rooted in AD~~as you are only loved if and when you perform perfectly. If you are a good boy, then you are accepted. This DOES build a resentment in us as children. There is a certain level of perfectionism we must reach but it is ever OUT OF OUR REACH. This frustration caused you to feel exasperated.

 

When dory points any flaw in you...you hear it as disapproval. You are filtering her words through your feelings that are not her fault. It triggers those feelings that come up in your memory and subsequently your resentment you have not dealt with keeps coming up for you.

 

But the way to healing is when she points this out by identifying it every time then you will put that ghost to rest.

 

Also, it is mother/son issues, as I am thinking perhaps your Mom demanded things from you, you felt unable to give. Obviously, then dory would remind you of the feelings you had in your growing up years.

 

But the approval of man is not the ticket and you know this. It is the fear of man and not the fear of the Lord.

 

God has the right to speak over you what HE has declared and decided because of the Cross. Speak His Word out loud. His Word will take your obedience and add HIS POWER to deliver you..transforming your brain synapses even more quickly.

 

Part of healing will come as you learn to stop the wrong thinking...in this way, you cut off the lie. Replace this by saying, WHO God says you are. When you, by actions miss it, keep immediately apologizing and dealing with the fact that the ways of your heart are still being dealt with.

 

These two things together will put to death this way you take.

 

You will end up seeking to rely on the Lord's APPROVAL through Christ Jesus who died to make you worthy. He MET ALL expectations and answered accusations by taking it upon Himself for you.

 

 

Jeremiah 17:5-10

 

Thus says the LORD, Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind And makes flesh his strength, And whose heart turns away from the LORD. "For he will be like a bush in the desert And will not see when prosperity comes, But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, A land of salt without inhabitant.

 

BUT~~~here comes HOPE

 

 

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.

 

The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it? I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds.

 

 

Kimberly

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upon listening to the conference call tonight I kept thinking, "why does he think he has the 'right' to be resentful of his bride and that he is the good guy for not telling her he is" --

a husband does not have to tell his wife he resents her, she can FEEL IT -- she is HIS MIRROR -- so, then, when she starts resenting him right back he may get miffed and wonder why, but it is because she is reflecting back to him exactly what he heaps on her

 

God does not give a husband the "right" to resent his wife just as she does not have the "right" to become bitter.... they are intricately linked:

"Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled" (Hebrews 12:14,15).

 

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you" (Ephesians 4:31,32).

 

"Who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously" (1 Peter 2:23).

 

"Then Jesus said, ’Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do’" (Luke 23:34).

 

"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14,15).

 

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ’Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ says the Lord. Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him; if he thirsts, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Rom. 12:14-21).

 

so my .02 is Nemo, you need to repent to the Lord God of heaven for resenting His precious daughter whom He sent to you to reflect back what you need so that you can grow up and mature and become a Christlike husband, a godly man. And, then, once you have the godly sorrow from realizing that you have sinned against God, THEN you can properly apologize to your beloved and lovely bride.

 

Have thoughts of resentment? insert some other thoughts, some positive words of love and actions -- when your heart is so full of goodness and deeds filled with gentleness and kindness, then there is no room for resentment and bitterness to dwell.

 

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

 

and PLEASE never forget --- it is not on the abusive husband's timetable as to how long the healing is going to take for his bride -- not even she knows it... but, if he will keep on loving her, it WILL come!

 

::love

 

Thank you for helping so many of us, even when you hit a bump, we all are learning together -- Ward and I need to be reminded of these very things.

 

Make Me An Instrument (Prayer of St. Francis)

 

blessings and prayers,

June of

Edited by June & Ward
added as song/prayer
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My beautiful Dory

 

Once again this morning I showed you how abusive I can be. In the middle of a conversation I blasted sounds of the coffee maker into the phone and so into your ear. A little thing from an outside perspective but you had specifically asked me not to run the coffee maker when we are talking several times before. I didn't care for you enough to make it a priority to remember. So once again my carelessness tears your emotions wide open.

 

I am sorry to put you in a place where you feel as if I don't give a hoot for your heart. Your anger is so understandable. I have done nothing that shows you that I am thinking of you even when we are talking. I tell you I am determined to win your heart yet I keep ignoring even the simplest things you ask me. It might feel you are talking to a wall with an angry face permanently painted on. How can you draw hope from anything I say? You have no reason to believe anything I utter. I have stolen any hope you might have for our future and yet you are expected to hang on and persevere anyway?

 

Precious woman, you do deserve an honest and thoughtful man. It is the most basic requirement of any husband. It is the most basic requirement of anyone who claims to be a follower of Jesus.

 

God bless you and use me to ease your pain. God make me the man she needs.

 

459

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so my .02 is Nemo, you need to repent to the Lord God of heaven for resenting His precious daughter whom He sent to you to reflect back what you need so that you can grow up and mature and become a Christlike husband, a godly man. And, then, once you have the godly sorrow from realizing that you have sinned against God, THEN you can properly apologize to your beloved and lovely bride.

 

Have thoughts of resentment? insert some other thoughts, some positive words of love and actions -- when your heart is so full of goodness and deeds filled with gentleness and kindness, then there is no room for resentment and bitterness to dwell.

 

Thank you June for your attention and advice. I can use all the help I can get. My way is not working.

 

Father God, thank you for the precious gift of life, for my salvation purchased by your son Jesus, and for my bride and your beautiful priceless daughter. Father forgive me for treating her so carelessly. Forgive me for blaming her for my lying, for expecting instant recovery for my sins against her, and diminishing her spirit by not trusting her heart. I have sinned against you too father not just for deception but for abusing your daughter.

 

Father I want to be the man you created me to be. Lead me on the path of integrity and give me the will to resist all the temptations in life that draw me into myself and away from my bride. Give me the will to lead a life that has no need of anything that does not bless my bride and you. And train me to be the simple spirit who treasures only the gifts you bring: my Dory, my children, and fellowship with you and your children.

 

You are my Lord and Savior and it is in your name, Jesus, I pray.

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Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.

 

The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it? I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds.

 

Thank you Kimberly for the time and the care you have for both Dory and myself.

 

I will admit that some of your post was above my head. But all of what I could grasp was inspiring. The closing above is a very good scripture for me to repeat out loud, as you recommend.

 

I hadn't realized that my fear of rejection because of imperfection was rooted in mother son issues. Thank you for that insight but how do I use that knowledge to address my insecurity?

 

God bless.

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YOU MUST GIVE HER A SAFE PLACE TO TALK!!

 

A basic and straighforward thing that I have not done, and a good place to start again.

 

Thank you Kay, Thanks to C2, Mrs. Clean, and Duhman for your thoughts as well.

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Thank you Nemo and others. Right now I think I am too distracted by our (forum) family tragedy to really think or respond very clearly here. Please know that I am not brushing off anyone here, nor taking anything lightly. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart - especially you Nemo. I can most quickly start over and try again when you are in a humble and teachable place.

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Love one another.

 

During this time of loss, I pray nemo you would go first in this love. Draw from Christ, the God who IS love.

 

Embrace every part of your life together with this beautiful and amazing woman. The wonderful and warm moments and those that are painful. We can not escape either one.

 

Her brokenness and the cry of her heart is a thing of beauty to evoke you to rise up in strength and be to her Christ, who is love. Your glory is loving outside your own selfish walls. To dare to love even when you feel you do not the possess the understanding to do so, or have what you think. God already knows you do have it within you by His Spirit OR He would not have given you the honor.

 

It does not matter if you know why or understand it all. Understanding comes when you listen and trust God, that His words to husbands are wise, and have purpose in them. He does not ask you husband to know in your thoughts the reasons why He counsels you in this way. Just love Jesus enough to care for as best you can the one He loves. It really does not take that much to show dory that you care about heart. I pray you do this out of faith in Christ and see also His compassion come to you in the acting upon His truth.

 

I love you both so much.

 

Kimberly

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Dory, you are a precious woman. I am lifting you up to God right now. I hope Nemo is bringing comfort to you during this time of huge loss. It seems almost bizarre to me. Surreal somehow. God is up to something good, but it does not feel good. Our friends will need huge doses of supernatural grace. God does promise that. May He supply it in abundance and do a mighty work. (And may He also do a mighty work in Nemo and bring you two out of this stuck place for good.)

 

Wish I could give you a hug. You are loved.

Edited by Miss Jane Bennett
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Hey guys - just popping in from the neighboring county to encourage Nemo...

 

We walk some of the same roads, my friend, on this path to making our marriage what it SHOULD be - the map is in our wife's heart, and we need to pursue finding all of the intricate details of that map. As our understanding of our wife increases, so does the clarity of the map - however, when we hold resentment for our wife and her role in our marriage (reflecting the image of Christ to us men), it's like dumping an entire bottle of ink on the map! I have struggled in the same way on several occasions, and I have expressed myself to Eeyore in much the same way you did to Dory - it's immature and abusive, and we both need to work on putting our wife's first AT ALL TIMES, especially when we are sharing sensitive details.

 

Psycho-Babble Nonsense Time:

I believe that when we, as men, feel vulnerable, we also feel "confused" (for lack of a better term), and we try to create space or distance so that we can try to recreate our feeling of safety and comfort, and get our wits about ourselves again. The problem is that our wife IS OUR SAFE PLACE, and that we are pushing away the very person that God gives us to 1)discover that we NEED vulnerability to GROW, 2)learn to express our vulnerability in a mature manner, and 3)draw CLOSER to our one-flesh helpmeet in our vulnerability. Through this, we will GROW stronger and more adept at expressing our weaknesses, which will ultimately lead to us being stronger, more Christlike men, and also lead to a MUCH stronger marriage relationship.

 

At least, that's how I see it.

 

We are co-journeyers here - if you need encouragement, someone to pray with, someone to sit down and talk with, call me. I have used you for that before, and I owe you several favors - Eeyore and I have gained a lot of insight, encouragement, and strength from all that the two of you offer so selflessly to all of us in this ministry!

 

HerDensity

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Thanks HD. I wasn't understanding the psychobabble part until took a step back and re-defined the term 'vulnerability'. Websters defines vulnerability as 'capable of being wounded'. As I understand it, in an emotional or spiritual sense it means acknowledging that we must share our needs even when we face the threat of those needs not being met as we desire them to be met.

 

If I share a need and it is met... ahh, security. Mmmm, yummy. No better taste in the world. But no growth, and that's fine. Not every experience in life needs to be a growing experience.

 

But when I share a 'need' only to be denied, or told that it is not a need but rather a want, or even that the need would hurt another, then I am threatened. What do you mean I can't have this thing? I'll be unhappy if I can't! Sure enough, that 'need' may go unfilled. That is scary because I'm convinced it is a crucial need. But if it really is just a want then I grow leaner for the lack and more durable because I'm carrying less umm.... spiritual fat (satisfaction in worldly stuff). And that is growth. It's not fun. In fact it's hard work. But I am healthier for it in my spirit.

 

Dory is the one who can tell me the difference. Thank you God her eyes that help me see through my self-deception. Thank you for the additional help from my friends here in the United Couples of Marriadigmia.

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Dory is the one who can tell me the difference.

 

True. But only WHEN you decide to listen to what I say. And then believe in it enough to act accordingly. More later.

 

Thanks HD and everyone else. I very much appreciate the time and the energy the time that you pour into us.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi all!

 

I came here to post an exchange between us today only to reread and thus rediscover some absolute pearls recently written:

 

For starters, thank you Choosing Life for taking the time to sow some love here (3-3-11). So long as he comes to a humble place before I exit, I'll still summon up the energy to dance. Who knows though, when the last song has played.... Whether in our hearts or in our physical bodies. It becomes agony to the person who waits too long. But I do believe (as God's word promises us) that God can restore ANY situation where there is complete surrender to Him. God Bless you.

 

Thank you Kay for this: "The next time you feel like "talking" when you are in that resentful place, make the choice to not talk, and hand her over a airplane ticket to Chicago, and I'll love on her!" CHA-CHING. That sounds like fun! If only I could stop worrying about how Nemo is doing with the kids.....

 

Thank you Mrs Clean for this: "I meant "senior" because I'm a baby on the path to this OHM...but, I can say, I'm having a happy week. I hate the cycles though. At least we lady helpers seem to be rotating when our marriages are having those challenging cycles!" I still believe you are just cycling as you two sort out what needs to go and what needs to stay in order to HELP him stay in the right place. Bad friends/relatives need to go and you both need to trust your instincts on this if your path to OHM is to be. Granted, this will be a really MEMORABLE cycle.

 

Also, "Give her what she needs. SECURITY. LOVE. HONESTY. FISH FOOD." AMEN!

 

Thank you C2 for this: "The only thing I would change there is the word “trying”. Maybe say, I will not stop until I HAVE smothered resentment and overcome selfish desires in favor of honesty. That one word change sounds more sincere and confident, like I WILL DO THIS!" as this has become a staple of my newer "lexicon" (thank you Joshua) to correct him every time he uses the word "try" when it comes to behavior modifications. BTW, Nemo, are you wearing your rubber band?

 

Thank you to Kimberly: " I feel like there is a part of his thinking that is stuck. Like a confusion that comes is in his mind where he feels a disparity between the promises that this message says it will deliver and the actual results. Realizing you are still a young Christian in many respects you must remember that this is a process of sanctification. God weeds out those character issues lurking underneath the surface. It is the pressure of marriage that will push these very issues to the surface in you. On one hand, this can feel quite discouraging, as you look at how deep sin goes in you and the hold it has. On the other hand, the Lord is gracious to give you a help-meet that loves you and comes alongside you to confront you to SEE these issues and challenges you to change them." Indeed Nemo IS loved by the Almighty. Perhaps he only feels loved by me if I "approve". Yes that is not the love of a helpmeet; that is more along the lines of the love of a mother. The love of a helpmeet is in reflecting his love back to him. So if he feels unloved by me, chances are, I am feeling unloved by him. I haven't LEFT him yet, despite all the beastly stuff that I get to see up close and personal. And I fear the beastly stuff in a way that a mother never would fear of her own son. So, I am a more vulnerable presense in his life than a mother would be. He needs to recognize this and acknowledge this difference between us. He needs to understand that I am still here trying to respond positively, trying to restore love, despite all that I have seen and know and have been hurt by. The Lord has given me the strength to stand up to him when he does wrong and to love on him when he does right by me. THAT action by me (given by His strength) is the essence that the Lord almighty loves him and blesses him. So too, I know that the Lord loves ME when he gives Nemo the strength to do this right. (and even if Nemo did not choose to use that strength, I know the Lord loves me because He would take care of me.)

 

Kim your posts are always worth printing so that we can go over them and bring them back down to Nemo's head level.

 

Thank you June for this: "God does not give a husband the "right" to resent his wife just as she does not have the "right" to become bitter.... they are intricately linked:" AMEN! So men, please consider that if she seems to be "growing bitter", you might want to double check your "resentment" cache and "empty" that into your "trash" bin.

 

And further, June explains HOW to do just that: "Nemo, you need to repent to the Lord God of heaven for resenting His precious daughter whom He sent to you to reflect back what you need so that you can grow up and mature and become a Christlike husband, a godly man. And, then, once you have the godly sorrow from realizing that you have sinned against God, THEN you can properly apologize to your beloved and lovely bride." Amen

 

Nemo writes: " It might feel you are talking to a wall with an angry face permanently painted on. How can you draw hope from anything I say? You have no reason to believe anything I utter. I have stolen any hope you might have for our future and yet you are expected to hang on and persevere anyway?" So true. Hope is not present when talking to an angry faced wall. And when our reality is not yet quite OHM, hope is really all that we have to hang onto. So men, please don't extinguish her hope by holding onto your old ways - in the early parts of this journey, hope is ALL she has to hold onto!

HD writes: "however, when we hold resentment for our wife and her role in our marriage (reflecting the image of Christ to us men), it's like dumping an entire bottle of ink on the map!". I would add ... and it extinguishes the flame of light by which you are reading the map!

Also "I believe that when we, as men, feel vulnerable, we also feel "confused" (for lack of a better term), and we try to create space or distance so that we can try to recreate our feeling of safety and comfort, and get our wits about ourselves again. Right you are! And to add to it, what you just described is a classic mother son issue: creating space so to figure out how to be approved of, rather than to just jump in HER SPACE to love on her and to be of HELP. Boy its a darn good thing that women don't have mother-daughter issues when they must care for their babies. Their babies would die if every time the baby complained, she took time to "distance herself to recreate safety" in order to be able to attend to that baby's "expressed needs" Phewee! our wife is the vulnerable one who needs you to RUN to her when something is amiss, she does NOT need you to resent her nor sit back until you feel its "safe" to "go in there". I don't know if it helps to say this, but I am gonna say it anyway ... "men, Git in there and change her (proverbial) "poopey diaper" BEFORE she grows a (proverbial) rash that will keep her irritated for days!" :rotfl: If you fed her crap, then she needs to get the crap out! Help bring her to a happy place.

 

Nemo writes: As I understand it, in an emotional or spiritual sense it means acknowledging that we must share our needs even when we face the threat of those needs not being met as we desire them to be met.... But when I share a 'need' only to be denied, or told that it is not a need but rather a want, or even that the need would hurt another, then I am threatened. What do you mean I can't have this thing? I'll be unhappy if I can't! Sure enough, that 'need' may go unfilled. That is scary because I'm convinced it is a crucial need. But if it really is just a want then I grow leaner for the lack and more durable because I'm carrying less umm.... spiritual fat (satisfaction in worldly stuff). And that is growth.... it's hard work. But I am healthier for it in my spirit. Dory is the one who can tell me the difference.

 

Dory: "But only WHEN you decide to listen to what I say. And then believe in it enough to act accordingly." It is so helpful to me to keep referring to the mother-child analogy. A child does not stop a mother from pursuing what she thinks she needs until the child senses pain or until some other consequences makes it obvious, i.e. the child develops bronchitis from Mom's chain smoking habit. So too, a wife doesn't have any aim to make her mate miserable. If anything the young or arrested wife tends to turn and look the other way as a peacekeeping measure. She WANTS him to be happy so that he will pursue her and love on her! It isn't until she's far too hurt and finds a ministry (or some other support) that finally validates all the pain that she buried over the years, only to discover that the intuitive negative feelings that she had on various topics were "spot on" with regards to harming their one-flesh relationship. Now she must learn to trust her feelings and share her feelings and insist that he will believe her and listen. Not an easy task for a woman who will just about give anything to get him to love her. This is where she must draw upon the love of the Lord to insist, and share and be confident that His love is enough to carry her in the event that hubby doesn't believe her and he, consequently, bails. A child can't do this, for he/she depends on Mom too much to rock the boat like that; God will need to step in and deliver the consequences to mom to release the child from her pursuit of any unGodly/earthly wants. Viva la difference between and child and a woman. By insisting and sharing and being confident in the Lord's care of her, this is where the wife grows from being a child into a woman. This is where she puts away childish things by trusting her instinct, her feelings, and knowing that which is Godly and not giving into the pressure of being loved or not to insist on that which truly blesses their one-flesh.

 

Keep praying Nemo. The Lord is our ticket to freedom from marriage misery and to happiness in each other.

 

Thankyou all for every prayer on our behalf. God is good!

 

---------------------------------------- Now.... back to this morning's exchange.... ----------------------------------------------------------------------

E-mail from a former gaming buddy of his... sent this morning... after I ran into him at a local gas station while picking up some milk for the kid's breakfast...

 

 

Hi Nemo!!

 

Haven’t heard from you in a while and thought I’d say HI!! I ran into your wife at the Circle K. I stop there every morning on my way to work. How are things at the palace in V C?

 

Tell everyone I know there I said HI. Any news?

 

D

Nemo wrote back ...

 

 

Thanks for the contact, D. Yeah, Dory told me she met you at the Circle K. It is great working here but the drive is a minor bummer. Less time at home. All things considered, God is good and life is blessed. Dory is more lovely than when we married. (Child#1) is about to graduate and go to college, (Child#2) is smart as a whip and growing into a young man, (child#3) started at CVCA last fall (7th grade) and is becoming quite the little athlete. (Child#4) is still all about planes and about to cross-over to boy scouts.

 

How about you and your family?

 

BTW, Gaming Buddy #3 said he was trying to get in touch to give you Warhammer Quest.

 

Nemo

 

I wrote ..

 

 

 

I very much appreciate the blind copy. Thank you

 

As I was reading this, I could feel those stupid stress-mones creeping into my system.

 

It is something I wish I could change. Oh well. Shoulda coulda woulda.

 

Nemo wrote back ...

 

I'll take care of it. I'm gonna make sure those stupid stress-mones become extinct in you. YOU are my best friend (as well as my lover, soul-mate, confidant, and help-meet) and there are none above you. 459 my sweet Prize.

 

THat was really nice and made me cry happy tears. My dream has always been to be nothing less than EXACTLY THAT to him. His actions and words are slowly but surely helping me to believe him on that score. He is slowly but surely turning my hope into a reality.

 

THank you Nemo.

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My dream has always been to be nothing less than EXACTLY THAT to him. His actions and words are slowly but surely helping me to believe him on that score. He is slowly but surely turning my hope into a reality.

 

Scratch that.

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come on, NEMO, NOW what did you do??

 

I guess a person must decide whether to live their life, based on the truth that is recorded in the bible, or live on this earth where they make up their own rules as they go along..

 

The bible clearly states to live with your wife in an understandable way. To Lay down your life for her and love her as Christ Loved the Church.

 

Are you doing this? Are you being obedient to God? Feed her life and she will live. Feed her death and she will die.

 

Question for you.............. What is more important to you?? Your feelings of being right and your voice being heard, at the expense of a sad and hurt bride??? Or, applying biblical truth and having a wife who is happy, healthy, and whole?

 

Is your life better when your bride is sad and hurting? Or, is your life better when she is happy because of the love you are pouring into her?

 

All questions to ask yourself........ And the most important question of all............... What does your heavenly father want from you??

 

Sorry, Dory, friend, that you are hurting again!

(hugs) Call Me,

Kay

Edited by Kay
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come on, NEMO, NOW what did you do??

 

I guess a person must decide whether to live their life, based on the truth that is recorded in the bible, or live on this earth where they make up their own rules as they go along..

 

The bible clearly states to live with your wife in an understandable way. To Lay down your life for her and love her as Christ Loved the Church.

 

Are you doing this? Are you being obedient to God? Feed her life and she will live. Feed her death and she will die.

 

Question for you.............. What is more important to you?? Your feelings of being right and your voice being heard, at the expense of a sad and hurt bride??? Or, applying biblical truth and having a wife who is happy, healthy, and whole?

 

Is your life better when your bride is sad and hurting? Or, is your life better when she is happy because of the love you are pouring into her?

 

All questions to ask yourself........ And the most important question of all............... What does your heavenly father want from you??

 

Sorry, Dory, friend, that you are hurting again!

(hugs) Call Me,

Kay

 

What did I do? Nov told me 'no Gamecube with the kids tonight' while she is away. I went home from work and told the kids 'Mom says no Gamecube'. Nov came home and son2 said 'Dad said you said "No Gamecube"'. Nov is hurt because I made her out to be the bad guy and myself the good dad.

 

Am I laying down my life? Yes and I made a mistake. We are and should always show the kids we are of one mind. No good dad, bad mom.

Am I being obedient to God? Yes, as best I know how as laid out by this ministry and my wifes heart.

What is more important? Applying biblical principles and having a wife who is happy, healthy, and whole

Life is better when I am pouring life into her.

What does my heavenly father want from me? Utter and willful submission to his will and to treat his daughter like she is his daughter. And when I screw up, to stay the course and keep praying and trying.

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Then WHY is she still hurting so bad? Why does she continue to feel that she is constantly being thrown under the bus by you? Why is she so heartsick? IF you are as sincere in laying down your life for her, as you sound in your response, than why isn't she responding warmly to you? Do you, personally, believe that SHE is wrong because YOU are "trying"?

 

Isn't it true that Dory is the responder? Don't you think that IF you WERE pouring love into her, even after your mistakes, she would take a deep breathe and give you grace? Do you think she is incapable? Do you believe that SHE is wrong and not giving you the grace that you deserve?

 

For some reason, her anger is out of control and her sadness is deep. All of this because of just one simple "Mistake"? I am finding that very hard to believe.

 

Praying for you both,

Kay

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Nemo, somewhere inside your wife is an itch you're not scratching. That's why all of these "little mistakes" seem so huge to her. You've come a long way, but there's . . . something.

 

Find out what it is, and then take care of it.

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What did I do? Nov told me 'no Gamecube with the kids tonight' while she is away. I went home from work and told the kids 'Mom says no Gamecube'. Nov came home and son2 said 'Dad said you said "No Gamecube"'. Nov is hurt because I made her out to be the bad guy and myself the good dad.

 

Am I laying down my life? Yes and I made a mistake. We are and should always show the kids we are of one mind. No good dad, bad mom.

Am I being obedient to God? Yes, as best I know how as laid out by this ministry and my wifes heart.

What is more important? Applying biblical principles and having a wife who is happy, healthy, and whole

Life is better when I am pouring life into her.

What does my heavenly father want from me? Utter and willful submission to his will and to treat his daughter like she is his daughter. And when I screw up, to stay the course and keep praying and trying.

 

What did you do? you DID make her out to be the bad guy...

 

appropriate way to handle it that would have protected your bride:

 

"Tonight there is no game cube, your mom and I agree on that. Instead, let's do ________ to have fun OR Instead, let's do ____________ to bless your mom. She sure is wonderful!"

 

 

building oxytocin -- agape-loving her, putting her first, cherishing her, PROTECTING HER, leading your children in disciplining (the way that she approves)

 

so, do the LOVER apology for her .... and fess up to the kids -- let them know you blew it and that it was a MUTUAL DECISION to have no game cube

 

 

Thanks for being transparent - we truly appreciate it

 

blessings,

June of

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Thanks for being transparent

 

Hmmmmm Sure that is the ONLY reason why your bride is so upset? Just that one mistake?? Really?? Minimizing the full truth is not exactly being completely transparent.

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