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God Save My Marriage

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Go Nemo!!! That is one of most romantic posts I have ever seen. :wub: Being a partner, whatever that looks like, is the most romantic and sexy thing you can be. A real partner is what every wife and mother dreams of having. What a difference it makes in our oxytocin levels ... husband = partner = a relaxed, happy wife! Woo hoo!!!!

 

Let's hear how this plan goes!

Edited by Miss Jane Bennett
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does anyone else see something that I am oblivious to?

 

Remember Nemo, I love to play with you,::love especially after you love to work with me on making our world a happy and healthy place to be.

 

OK. So, number 12 would be, Play with Dory. Right? ;) ;)

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Good point. The list only fixes the good/bad cop thing. The rest of the night should go something like this

 

12) Devote my attention to my bride and whatever she wishes to do with the remainder of the evening.

13) Lock doors, turn of lights, ovens, other appliances, run dishwasher etc.

13) Pray over kids.

14) Prepare self and room for playtime/bedtime

15) BEDROOM PLAY WITH BRIDE

16) Read Dory to sleep

17) Pray over Dory, kids, ministry, friends, family and other concerns.

18) Snuggle to sleep.

 

Although the items above may sound simple, I am discovering that it is a very important part of the day. The way Dory feels at the end of the day is usually the same way the next day begins. This is significant for me as my attitude frequently changes for the better by the next morning regardless. She is not this way. If she is unsettled when she falls asleep, it is not something she can let go of just by resting. From what I've learned here, that is probably the same way with the majority of wives.

 

Paul's words in Eph 4:26 have significance for husbands. 'Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,' That anger has more far reaching consequenses (ie: damage to your wife) than us guys realize. The sleep-it-off technique may work for us but it is sowing a small seed of death to our wives.

 

I am sorry for the attitude I gave you yesterday evening my love. I see you still took some pain to sleep with you by the hurt you expressed today. Thank you for having the courage to bring it to me again today dispite my far-less-than-stellar effort to address it last night.

 

God bless you my Love.

Edited by nemo
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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks for checking in on me.

 

Yes, the family did an AWESOME job cleaning up around outside and helping me with my flower gardens.

 

Nemo and I had a little blip this morning wherein i disagreed with the sermon message and he argued with me about it. In brief, the pastor was preaching the 50/50 message and in essence telling husbands and wives that they can't offer love to their spouses with only a reciprocative love attitude. We must all love each other in a "long-suffering" way just as MOTHERS do for their children. husbands DO need to hear that message, wives DO NOT. Nemo argued with me on this point as we were walking out of this new church.

 

Funny, I woke up this morning thinking "gee, ya know I have felt really loved by this man for over a week now". That church moment resurrected my uncertainty and fears and insecurities though and I am sure that my children FEEL insecure about us when when I feel unsure of HIM!

Kids were awesome though.

 

Nemo did alot too around the house. I had a hard time appreciating it though because all day I felt as though I was walking around with a big hole in my heart.

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Hey Dory,

 

Happy Mother's Day! I'm glad to hear that your kids blessed you, today, and as for Nemo, well, hope that he made up for the hurt he caused you, earlier. Knowing Nemo, he did. I'm curious as to what he got out of that message, this morning? I can totally relate to how his agreement with any message that is not inline with what J & K teaches, would upset you. I think that once a husband quits and comes back, there will always be that fear of him quitting again.

 

I hope and pray that Nemo comes to realize that this is just one area that he cannot even attempt to argue with you, about. I am very wounded, in this way, also. If a Pastor comes even close to saying something opposite this message, I cringe inside. I totally get it.

 

Well, back to Church hunting, again. Keep trusting the Lord, as he has reasons why you keep having to go through this. Lean not on your own understanding but trust in him, and he will make straight your path. One of my very favorite verses.

 

Love you,

Kay

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It's SO tiring. Mothers have to be longsuffering toward their children AND toward their "grown" husbands? Give me a break -- literally.

 

The sermon you heard, indicated then, that mothers, who are 80% emotional, would end up with the HEAVIER EMOTIONAL LOAD.

 

Big sigh.

 

I find the whole thing VERY hard to explain.

 

I'm sorry that blip showed up on the screen of your life today, Dory.

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Yep, I’ve had that same kind of “discussion” with DW after a sermon. Alarming! That message is so prevalent and invasive buying into it even a little bit is scary!

 

Glad you had a nice Mother's Day in other ways!

 

C2

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Thanks all!

 

I told my kids that they did NOT need to go buy me something, I am just doing my job.

 

If they really wanted to do something, just please help me a little outside in the garden. "Show me" that I did a good job in raising them! :D

 

They did. ::clap

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, its been awhile since I've posted here and this land needs a little good news.

 

My fear is that once I post the good news to you, its seems to disappear from OUR world! grrr.....

 

OH well, enemy BE GONE! You will NOT steal my joy ANYMORE!

 

Nemo has been very connected and very focused as of late. When I am the slightest bit sad, he picks up on it and then picks ME up. ::clap Just his noticing usually picks me up.

 

Needless to say, the bedroom could use fire-extinguisher as well. . ;) and . . . as a result of his devoted and loving attention.

 

He truly is BECOMING a great husband. It is good to KNOW to the depths of my being, that I am loved very much. (of course by God, but also by you!)

 

Thank you Nemo.

 

Love you too.

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Praise the Lord for the wonderful work He is doing in Nemo!! This makes my heart sing. Thank you for being brave enough to report it, Dory! Yes, enemy, be gone! God, please put a hedge about this dear couple and protect them from the firey darts. Thank you, Nemo, for being an example and a mentor for all these struggling husbands. But mostly, thank you for being a loving husband to our wonderful friend. Keep pouring it on!!!

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Praise the Lord for the wonderful work He is doing in Nemo!! This makes my heart sing. Thank you for being brave enough to report it, Dory! Yes, enemy, be gone! God, please put a hedge about this dear couple and protect them from the firey darts. Thank you, Nemo, for being an example and a mentor for all these struggling husbands. But mostly, thank you for being a loving husband to our wonderful friend. Keep pouring it on!!!

I agree with Miss Jane!

 

:D :D :D :D :D

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It has been good for me too. Not in the way I used to require. In old times, I wasn't happy unless I could have some 'playtime' at regular intervals. Rather it has been good in a more spiritual way.

 

Its the difference between eating an apple vs. eating a candybar. The candybar is sweet and creamy and can occasionally give you an energy boost when you need one. But you always want more. And having more is unhealty, at the very least and certainly not good for your waistline or your teeth. That's 'playtime' in a nutshell. The apple is sweet and juicy too, even if not as sweet as the candybar. But it's benefits are not just for the tongue. Your whole body gets nutrition from it and you know it even as you eat it. And that makes it as satisfying as the candybar. You get peace of mind with your fulfillment rather than guilt.

 

Typically, it is a matter of time though before the candybar calls. This time the candybar masqueraded as a pillow. I had been working hard all Sunday (So had Dory) and was looking forward to an early bedtime. But bedtime found Dory on Facebook witnessing to a fallen-away catholic that she had graduated high school with. She felt called but I resented the delay and blamed it on 'facebook addiction'. There's a little more to it but again, that's the gist of it.

 

Smooth move, Exlax. (aka, Nemo)

 

So her fear of the relational crash after a word or two of praise for me is well founded. But she lets me know how I blew it and prepares to start again. Awesome! She is amazing. And I have another opportunity to bless her with the love, patience, and devotion that God has blessed me with.

 

Thank you Father for my lovely Bride.

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Just wanted to share a revelation I got from your prayer after we spoke on the call tonight.

 

You talked about memorial day and the freedom and blessings we have because of the men and women who gave their life for their country. Husbands who are laying down their lives are just like those soldiers. When they lay down their life for their family, It brings freedom, prosperity, health, etc. God is able to pour out his blessings because the man has laid aside his flesh and is an empty vessel to be poured into and used of God.

 

Thanks for the inspiration, glad you and Dory enjoyed your day.

 

God bless,

Cmarie

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Amen!

 

And let us not forget the Wives and Mothers who are also asked to give much for the sake of others in letting these men go and in praying for them and missing their loving arms every night they are in harm's way somewhere far far away.. Their BIG hearts are at the core of this sacrifice as well.

 

Thank you Cmarie!

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Cmarie . . . I've been strongly feeling/using that analogy as well. God needs his soldiers to MARCH into battle . . . it's sad to know they don't even realize the real battle has been WON!

 

Bless you Dory and all!

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  • 2 weeks later...

It has been good for me too. Not in the way I used to require. In old times, I wasn't happy unless I could have some 'playtime' at regular intervals. Rather it has been good in a more spiritual way.

 

Its the difference between eating an apple vs. eating a candybar. The candybar is sweet and creamy and can occasionally give you an energy boost when you need one. But you always want more. And having more is unhealty, at the very least and certainly not good for your waistline or your teeth. That's 'playtime' in a nutshell. The apple is sweet and juicy too, even if not as sweet as the candybar. But it's benefits are not just for the tongue. Your whole body gets nutrition from it and you know it even as you eat it. And that makes it as satisfying as the candybar. You get peace of mind with your fulfillment rather than guilt.

 

Typically, it is a matter of time though before the candybar calls. This time the candybar masqueraded as a pillow. I had been working hard all Sunday (So had Dory) and was looking forward to an early bedtime. But bedtime found Dory on Facebook witnessing to a fallen-away catholic that she had graduated high school with. She felt called but I resented the delay and blamed it on 'facebook addiction'. There's a little more to it but again, that's the gist of it.

 

Smooth move, Exlax. (aka, Nemo)

 

So her fear of the relational crash after a word or two of praise for me is well founded. But she lets me know how I blew it and prepares to start again. Awesome! She is amazing. And I have another opportunity to bless her with the love, patience, and devotion that God has blessed me with.

 

Thank you Father for my lovely Bride.

Still waiting . . .

 

Then I see this come into my INBOX written by Gary Smalley . . .

Keeping Alive Romance and Security...

 

When you speak of a man's personal power, you immediately think of words reflecting character like warmth, sensitivity, dependability, determination, genuine compassion, and caring.

Its very frustrating. He "tries", yes, but underneath all that trying is still impatience, resentment, resistance. After all this time, time that I usually have responded warmly to his "good faced efforts", I am getting tired of "efforts" that lack the above . . . warmth, sensitivity, dependability, determination, genuine compassion, and caring.

 

I DO love this man, but I am TIRED of "mud pies" filled with resentment and self-pity.

 

Sometimes I AM blessed with the man that Gary Smalley describes above as my husband, but those times are too far and too few in-between. Nemo knows when those times are because it is during those times that our bedroom life is great. So I dont' WANT to HEAR how I don't respond properly and am just too dang needy or "camped out" in my woundedness.

 

I need a MAN!

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Nemo, this is your time to draw near, to “incline your ear”. Psalms 116. Queen Ester praised Solomon AFTER he had listened to all her heart.

 

Dory needs closure. Whatever the issue is, she still needs you to be her emotional strength. She is not abusing you when she comes to you for strength. If she were the mom coming to you for emotional strength it would be abuse. If you are thinking thoughts like, why won’t she let this drop, her emotions are over the top, etc. this is your issue.

 

Being around your mom may confuse your brain and bring these issues back up on a level you’re not even aware of. :blink: Dory is instinctively the protector of the relationship and she needs you to work through this with her until she gets closure.

 

You end up abusing your wife when you’re protecting yourself. She moves toward you. You move away.

 

Dory needs you to be warm, and compassionate, and dependable. When you are not doing those things she needs you to do you create a distance and then you create the Jekyll and Hyde effect. Sounds to me like this is what she's describing.

 

Sometimes I AM blessed with the man that Gary Smalley describes above as my husband, but those times are too far and too few in-between.

 

Are you aware you need your wife? Without Dory this issue would get buried and seeds of destruction would be planted.

 

This is your chance to be the man.

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