Bruce - Mindy's husband

[dory]

Actually it is kinda exciting to have something to shoot for here

 

This is a pity party statement laced insidiously with blame on Mindy for not giving you anything hereforto.

[Pure in Heart]

Actually it is kinda exciting to have something to shoot for here

 

 

I think he means here, pursuant to a call with Joshua and I, that he is going to work on identifying her needs and identifying her feelings behind the words she is using.

 

Just clarification.

Edited March 14, 2011 by Pure in Heart

[Bruce]

Good morning

Thanks for pointing it out . I can see how Dory could think that statement was a pity party and laced with blame so i will tponder that . If it is true i will want change and i know i am capable of it . I would like to think it was more what PFH said .Actually i did make the terrible mistake last evening of putting blame on Mindy for me not doing what i wanted to do yesterday because i was waiting on her to do something with her . Now there is something worth me pondering . The more i think about that i hate it . That is the Thing i am going to change . I am sorry Mindy for putting the blame on you for my day and how it went , i should have ask you , but took it for granted you would do something with me . Some how i have always had the idea that weekends were for pleasure and specificaly my pleasure instead of yours . I could go back to the source of that and it still would not change the way it is so i will change it.It must make you feelunimportant,unloved and unwanted. I want to change and bless you and put off the old and put on the new . I know it will not be easy ,but with Gods help i will change . There is nothing in me worth salvaging that is obvious .

[Bruce]

Hi

I think i see where Mindy is coming from beause prob half our married life it has shifted more into doing things on the weekend or at least trying to get her to do something or looking at jobs on sat . So i am sorry for that and i am sure it makes mindy feel neglected and it was about me and my needs and i failed to meet her emotional needs . Now the first 10 or 15 years i did more work around the house and kinda got things fixed up then it seems like i really slacked off . Of course i was becomking more self centered . Last night i slept very little thinking about when i said that i would do what i wanted and there was nothing she could do about it .

 

I am so sorry Mindy for saying that therev was nothing you could do about it . That made you feel so hopeless and helpless and afraid,not cherished,vulnerable,and not valued and no doubt the list could go on I just want to assurev you that it was wrong and i am going to create a safe place for you no matter what it takes . You deserve better . Thank you for helping me i know it is very hard for you .Just want to bless you and listen to your heart .

[dory]

Very nice. Stay there in that place.

[Bruce]

So help me God i really do want to

The only hope is allowing christ to live his life through me

[Bruce]

good morn

The big question on my mind today is.

how will my behavior effect mindys emotions

I pray it will stay on my mind

[dory]

how will my behavior effect mindys emotions

 

This is a good question ONLY when you are in a good place.

 

Otherwise I see you rubbing your hands together with a wily ol' smile on your face. NOT good.

 

Better thing to ask yourself, "How will my behavior bless my Lord today?" knowing that HE is watching over His beloved daughter and her emotions.

[PlansForHope]

Bruce;

 

I noticed it's been over a week since you posted here; haven't heard you speak up lately on the conference calls; what's going on here? You've posted numerous times on your thread here that you want to do 'whatever it takes' to learn how to bless and love your wife in a Christlike way; then it isn't long till you're reverting back to the 'old' Bruce....so what's causing all this flip-flopping back and forth?

I posted this on your thread a couple months ago; my advice is still the same!

I said:

 

Seems like you're sliding back into some old, childish, selfish patterns of behavior again; what happened to the Bruce who was willing to do whatever it took; for however long it takes here to simply bring blessing to your wife; simply do only the things she's asking you to do to prove that you're 100% committed to learning how to walk, talk, act as a Christlike man; every minute of every day, 7 days a week; 365 days a year: without taking time off to complain about this situation you're in; without blaming your wife for your sinful, abusive actions of the past?

Come on Bruce; everyone here in this ministry KNOWS you CAN do this; but only when you stop defending yourself; only when you put aside your pride, your selfish, little-boy feelings of entitlement; your unfair expectations of what YOU want from your wife; WHEN you want it; HOW you think things should be, etc.

Not only are you letting your wife down again by acting in this un-Christlike way; you're also not portraying a picture of how a real, Christlike man should act to your children, your family, your church community!

This seems to be an ongoing pattern with you; when your wife starts feeling safe enough to open up a little more to you; and allow more contact (such as your weekend with your children; your weekend with friends, etc) then you revert back to pushing and abusing the boundaries again; this wrong attitude will only cause her to not fully trust you again; halting the progress you've made!

You have an awesome opportunity here that many men don't have; your precious and beautiful wife is still willing to keep giving you chance after chance to stay committed to 100% walking this new way of life out; you should be down on your knees every day thanking God that she's still willing to even have any kind of communication or interaction with you!

So get plugged back in here, Bruce; stop this flip-flopping back and forth; stop abusing your wife; get back on ALL the conference calls; speak up and let the moderators know you're listening in; humbly ask for help; start honestly and openly writing on the forum here again for help and suggestions on how to get unstuck in this rut you've put yourself in; and simply start making every thought, every word, every action about daily living as a Christlike man!

Praying that you'll finally make the right choice here!

 

Still hoping and praying you'll make the right choice, the godly choice here!

Hope to hear you on the next conference call, which is Saturday evening at 9pm Eastern time.

[Bruce]

Good morning

Thank you for the post. I do fail of the grace of God . I have been self focused some and made some terrible mistakes and hurt mindy again . All for which i am very very sorry. I can only make more of an effort. As far as flip flopping in my committment to mindy that committment won,t change . As long as i breathe she is the only women for me . Will i do it right,no ,but in my heart i want to do it right and i won,t quit striving for that.

Gpod bless

[J_W]

bare minimum

 

that's what you're doing, Bruce, just the barest minimum possible

 

the apology? is very surface, how can it bring healing to Mindy?

 

please click on:

http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/3518-feeling-words-to-help-validate-your-wife/

 

did you ever make your lengthy apology to your bride of all the things you have done to hurt her through the years? It does not sound to me like you have.

 

One day at a time -- but it must not be the bare minimum each day--

 

You CAN do this -- will you? that's the question

 

prayerfully,

June of

[Bruce]

Be angry and sin not,good thought , just heard that on the phone calls I do spend time on the phone , but find it hard to find a time to speak up . some times want to ,but they keep it busy with one person for an hour or more . Talking to my sister in law a little to night . Her husband my bro died 3 years ago .I told her i remembered how wayne told me several years ago how selfish i was and it made me mad at the time . Must have had pride also . Anyway what a smart bro i had . Why did i not talk to him more? Maybe he challanged me to much . Well i wish i could talk to him now .Mindy is having lots of stress and i just want to bless her and give her lots of space or whatever she needs . Earlier on i put to much expectation on her for which i am sorry, im sure that made her feel like i was insinsitive to her needs and of course disrespected and unprotected , and i don,t want to do that anymore . I must always focus on her feelings and not my own. Life goes on and thank the lord never leaves us or forsakes us . Now that is how i want to be for my wife. To meet all her needs .

God bless to all

[PlansForHope]

Bruce;

Kimberly posted this to you in October, 2009; after you'd began posting here on the forum; and her advice still holds true today.

She posted:

"Admitting you need help and see that you have room for improvement is the first step in change. It really is half the battle. The other half of the battle is staying the course...to keep running the race set before you...to not give up in learning from your God and Savior how He has purposed you to love.

 

God is over all and worthy of our worship...of our reverence and awe. Turn your eyes back to Him...this is what repentance truly means...to turn again toward God and confess you were walking in disagreement to His Word. Yes, wonder of wonders God needs your agreement with Him...God wants your permission to cut away your flesh and the abuses of it to bring life abundantly to your spirit.

 

You are not the boss of anyone...only God has earned the right and priviledge to be Sovereign and Omnipotent. You are only in charge of your own life. God is not a God who keeps people under His thumb of tyranny. He does not force our love or allegiance to Him. You can not FORCE your wife to serve you as if you are some god....you make yourself an idol and idols want worship....you have exchanged the truth for a lie. God alone is worthy of our obedience because He paid the cosliest price to PROVE love.

 

You have been in this ministry long enough to know God has told you to lay down your life for your wife. Your refusal is not your wife's fault. God will hold you accountable to be a man of your word by being a man of action.

Your words are nothing and will come to nothing...God's WORD however is life to you and when you put a demand on YOURSELF to live that out THEN you will see changes. Your only obedience as a husband is to allow Christ to increase so that Bruce and his wants will decrease. You must let Mindy off the hook for everything...you must set her free...she is NOT called to die for you...YOU are called to die for her. In God's mind you are held responsible for the condition of your marriage. You answer to God for her heart. No where in God's Word does it tell your wife to be in subjection to you...to live under your despotism. God does make people free and then put them back under the yoke of slavery again. She is not your slave...she is your equal...a co-heir with Christ...she deserves to be cherished and adored...even as her own Christ treasures her and is smitten by her.

 

I pray you will humble yourself under God's mighty hand so that He can lift you up. If your pride continues to take front and center...God will resist you.

If after having the truth given to you...you still refuse to shake off your errouneous "doctrines"...what sacrifice is there left for you? Only the Cross of Christ is the level playing field. It is at the Cross where all truth is proven whether it be from God. That Word of truth has been spoken already....For God so loved the world He gave...LOVE is the final authority on all matters of faith and theology. All the prophets and the Law are summed up in LOVE.

 

How do you then love? God clearly commands the husband what this looks like...it is to die to yourself...to seek not one thing for yourself...but only to live and make-up to your wife for the rest of her life the ways you have robbed and plundered her. If this is your attitude and you take God's charge Bruce...there may yet be hope.

 

 

Be sober-minded and vigilant in this endeavor,

 

Kimberly"

 

So when are you REALLY going to do this, with your WHOLE heart, mind, and soul? When are you going to finally give up all your pride, your wants, wishes, feelings; expectations, etc.; and just focus on loving and blessing your precious wife every minute, every hour of every day; for as long as it takes? For awhile you were doing so well at learning how to become the Christlike husband God meant you to be for Mindy, and both of you were making steps forward here in this reconciliation process; but obviously something happened to derail or sidetrack you from moving forward in this journey toward an OHM! Maybe you should sit down and slowly read through your entire thread here; search your heart, ask God to help you see what's causing you to flounder around in confusion here; then come back to the help this ministry offers you with 100% commitment to doing whatever it takes, for however long it takes, to heal your wife's heart from all the hurt, pain, & disappointment you've caused her during the years of your marriage! Everyone here is freely giving of their time here on the forum; and on the conference calls to help both of you in this reconciliation process; we love you guys; and care about your marriage! Don't let the enemy keep sneaking in and halting the progress you've made; God wants your marriage to be a godly one, where you are living as a Christlike husband every day; and your wife is able to finally be the godly helpmeet to you that you need!

Hope to hear you speak up again on the calls soon for help; let the moderators know you're listening in; come back to the forum with an humble, teachable heart; one that sincerely wants to learn how to walk this path toward Christlikeness every minute, every hour, of every day; 24/7.....being fully and 100% committed to doing this!

[Bruce]

Good morning

That was a good post and i will read through it again . Kinda a busy weekend for us here . We are hosting an exchanged life conference with Dr Solomon from Grace Fellowship International. Hopefully i can get the message more fully in my heart. We are crucified with Christ , we need to exchange our life for his life . There is nothing that death won,t cure so we need to be dead . We need to quit trying to live a holy life and allow Christ to manifest his life through us. Im sure i have a lot to learn yet.

God bless you

[J_W]

INSTEAD of this type of post, could you please tell us what you did to PLEASE YOUR WIFE today?

 

thanks

June of

[PlansForHope]

Bruce;

Where are you??? June has asked you several times in your thread to post WHAT you are doing to bless your wife; so what have you been doing? I haven't heard you speak up for help on the calls for awhile, did you quit listening? We know that you've been struggling and floundering around here for awhile, why don't you want to take the time to do whatever you need to to get back on track here? Don't you REALLY want to be reconciled with your wife? If you honestly want this, then you need to just make the decision to do WHATEVER it takes here, to get 100% back on track again; and stop hurting and wounding your precious wife over and over!

She's given you chance after chance here; if she didn't want this marriage, why would she keep trying to work on this marriage with you? You have such a wonderful chance here that many men in this ministry don't have, your wife is willing to communicate with you, she's interacting with you more (when you're being a Christlike man); you need to just push past whatever is causing this bump in your path, and start really living, thinking, acting like a Christlike husband should! We all KNOW you can do this; you were doing so well in the Fall of last year; then something kinda derailed you; or halted the progress you'd been making. You really need to be 100% honest with yourself, search your heart here, and see what caused this to happen! Go to God, talk to Him; pray that whatever is hidden in your life will be revealed; then confess it to Him; ask forgiveness; then start moving forward again!

Hope to hear you speak up and ask for help soon on one of the calls; also would love to see an honest, heartfelt post from you here again!

[Bruce]

What have i done to bless my wife ?

good question . I got her some chips ,mow the yard ,keep gas in the van part of the time ,get chocalate i know she likes it.Some times i mess up though. Today i ask what i could do to help . In my mind i thought carry food in and she said wash the food off the deck . I said let the cats eat it . that was dumb .Any way i did wash it then . Im sure she did not find it humerous . I am sorry for saying that even because it made her feel like i was controling instead of blessing her and i do want to bless her

[PlansForHope]

Bruce;

Thanks for your honest post; so glad that you took time to answer June's questions! You did kinda make a mistake here by assuming what would bring blessing to Mindy's heart; instead of just doing what she'd asked you to do; glad that you recovered a bit and went ahead and washed off the deck for her!

This is really not a hard thing to do here; to love and bless your wife: just ask her what she'd like for you to do, then do ONLY that! (without assuming YOU know what will bring a blessing, or deciding on your own what she needs you to do!) This is what's gotten you into trouble in the past, when you try to control her, or force your feelings, thoughts, wants, or wishes onto her! Remember, you guys didn't get to this place in your marriage overnight, and it's NOT going to be healed or reconciled quickly, it takes lots of time, patience, and caring, Christlike behavior from you over and over and over again! It's a journey, not a short walk; so just keep putting one foot forward here at a time, keep doing only loving, caring, unselfish actions that will bring blessing and healing to her heart; keep moving forward here every day!

At the end of your life, you want to be able to stand before God and say that you took the best care of His precious daughter (your wife); you want to be able to tell God that you treated her with only unselfish, Christlike love the rest of your married life!

So keep plugged in here; listen in to as many calls as possible for encouragement; keep posting and reading here!

God give you both a blessed week, as you work toward an OHM!

[Bruce]

hi

I do still fall into trhe control mode sometimes which is not good and i don,t want to be that way . it seems like it kinda sneaks in the back door and you donot even realize what your doing . them old flesh patterns are hard to change ,but i am determined to become a safe place for Mindy . she deserves better .

i also need to learn to respect her boundaries a little better than i do . I ngot the news paper for mindy and left her be to give her more space and i did get a pot of hanging flowers for the porch . Thank the Lord for a good helpmeet.

[Bruce]

good morn.

I don,t know what to say except search me o God and know my heart try me and know my thoughts and see iof there be any wicked way inn me and deliver me . and he will if we ask . I don,t think i arrived yet by a long shot . Still need to work on not wanting my own way . And of course blessing my wife . She did need me to make a call and get some things in town so i will work on those .

God bless

[J_W]

ForHimForHer posted to another husband --- it is perfect for YOU, too!

 

 

Posted Today, 12:52 PM

Get off your horse named Pity and stand up and freaking do it! My goodness. This is so simple. Do SOMETHING! Why is it so hard to do SOMETHING?

 

 

I get so angry at all the men here who whine and cry like a baby while I am watching their wives give them chance after chance after chance. How many chances is the magic number for ya'll. Is it 20,30,100,or 1000? This is NOT rocket science. If you love your wife, DO THE RIGHT THING!

 

Every single man who comes here knows the difference between right and wrong. We may have made stupid choices but we were given brains or we would be dead. COME ON! Stop being selfish! Stop being idiots! Stop hurting people you claim to love! Listen to God! Listen to your WIVES! Listen to your Children! Listen to those who came before you! LISTEN! Open your hearts! Open your minds! Open your soul!

 

I have spent the last 41 months busting my hump to learn every single thing that I can to become Christlike so that it will give me one chance. Let me say that again, ONE CHANCE! That is all it will take because I LOVE my Beautiful and family enough to CHANGE! I have endured more than most people could in a lifetime but it didn't defeat me. Why? Because I chose not to let it. Why is that so freaking hard to understand?

 

I am sure that I will get in trouble for this post and it is not directed at just you Rocky but all the men who WON'T do what it takes to heal your wives broken hearts. I hope every man who comes here reads this. STOP telling us what you are going to do and start showing us! Words mean nothing until the doing is in place.

 

I am a man and it drives me BANANAS to watch this over and over and over. I can only imagine what this looks like to a hurting wife. This will NEVER stop until YOU make it stop, period,the end. If another man was treating your daughter the way ya'll are treating your wives, how would you react to that man? Would you tell your daughter it is ok for someone to treat her that way? Think about this! Your wife is SOMEONE'S daughter.

 

So get up off your whiny hineys and start being a MAN!

 

God Bless

David

[PlansForHope]

Bruce,

Along with the post that June posted (which David had posted here in your thread back in 2009); here is another excellent post that Kimberly had also written to you in 2009; maybe it will help jog your memory as to the real reasons why God asks husbands to learn how to become Christlike in everything they do; and why it's so important to daily, consistently lay down your life for your wife; in order to bring healing and blessing to her heart!

Here's Kimberly's post:

 

 

"Post sharing...this ought to keep you busy!!! I am not known for being of few words...but perhaps this post may be of help to you. At least you are getting an answer!!!

 

 

There are two fronts of this battle you are waging...the first part is coming to terms with how you have hurt your wife. You talk about guilt and shame. These are not necessarily ungodly emotions. Shame and guilt are beneficial in alarming us we are crossing the line of God's moral and spiritual laws. You know God's plumb line is always measured by "love God and love one another."

 

It is Godly sorrow that leads you to true repentance. Shame in the Word of God has to do with dishonoring God. It is not something we "feel" because of ourselves.... it is the fall-out from our own actions/moral failure/wrong moral character. When you devalue other people or have disdain for God's ways it is an indication when you feel guilt or shame that your conscience is not yet seared as with a hot iron. Our conscience can be made dull when we practice sin and give no thought for how it effects God and others(wife).

 

2 Corinthians7:10

 

For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.

 

That conscience God gave you shows you the difference between right and wrong. When we miss God's mark(sin) and we have guilt over wrong doing it is a good thing. Once repented of God is faithful to forgive you and cleanse you from unrighteousness.

 

Shame and guilt NOT according to the word of God would be to NOT repent (regret) and be forgiven.

 

God's conviction leads somewhere and produces something. God is a God of results. There is a difference between who you are and what you do. When we continue in sin you stop yourself from coming to a full knowledge of God..we are living according to our carnal man and not walking as a perfect, holy or "mature" man.

 

The second front of this battle is understanding what it means to be a Christ-like man and husband. When we are in ignorance we tend to repeat or practice familiar ways of relating and acting out. When you understand God's Word you then are presented with a choice to obey that Word.

 

Most men do not want nor did they get married with the idea that they would abuse their wife. I believe your true desire was to have a God-honoring marriage when you first began. As most of us here started you are in ignorance of God's word on marriage.

 

Though Ephesians 5 has been right there in black and white the whole time most men have missed and not applied its truth to our lives. Husband's do not know HOW to love their wives. Often, husbands who come to this forum are met with a shaking them out of their ignorance. It is usual for human beings to stay in their comfort zone. We become familiar with it and would rather stay where we are than move into unfamiliar territory. Pain is a tool in God's hand to give impetus to change. Not all pain is bad. Our souls are afflicted because of bad choices. When God pulls those covers it is more often than not humbling.

 

For whatever reasons when confronted most husbands come face to face with fears..fears of being exposed... fears of facing the true condition of their hearts or fears of inadequacy are very powerful forces that come against a husband. Most men's first line of protection is to become defensive and (though they know underneath they certainly are guilty of hurting their wives)...they are unsure of HOW to make right the wrong done.

 

When men are confronted with their abusive natures they are generally quick to become angry or justify their abuse by blaming the wife. They defend their sinful behavior instead of being humble before God and contrite. Instead of admitting what they have done they defend their ungodly actions rather than be told their are wrong. That is pride. No one likes to be told they are wrong or have sinned. We all tend to think more highly of ourselves than we ought. We put so many unimportant things up in God's face and think God is pleased. We define and determine our own measuring lines of what constitutes our own worth and value. Ironically, if a man were truly to define their value by God's Word and believed it thus living it out, they would naturally see others from a healthy viewpoint.

 

God has not given a husband a million things to try and figure out in learning to love his wife. God is not like that. God deals with human kind in choices. That is the core of our free-will. You can make choices to obey God or make choices to live in selfishness. God's word says, life or death, yes or no, blessing or cursing, the wide or the narrow, love or selfishness. Really God's principles are a breath of fresh air. God wants your freedom more than you do. God wants you to walk in His truth more than you want it. God wants to restore your marriage more than you even realize you want it.

 

Most men have to return again to their first love. Your relationship with Jesus has gone off the rails. Perhaps you never intended for that to happen...but denying that to yourself and others...is only harming you. Somewhere in your life you walked away from Jesus and truly being thirsty and hungry for Him fell by the wayside. Perhaps His life was choked out by the cares of this world. Perhaps you sought an easy "Christianity" and not a sincere love for Jesus. Perhaps you expected your wife to fix things for you instead of allowing Christ to be your sufficiency. However your journey came about that led you away from Him....it is never too late to come back to the Cross and begin again. What a merciful God you serve. God's arms are always open to you to return to Him. In His great love He has come to rescue you from yourself and your ways of doing things that have failed. He is a merciful God. He disciplines(teaches) those He so loves.

 

God has always honored men of humility and broken and contrite hearts. Men who live on short accounts with the Lord. A man of repentance and confession of wrong. How does a man walk in humility? He is a man who surrounds himself with wise counsel..asking others for their input and being teachable. A man of understanding and wisdom gains right knowledge and applies that to his life. It really is that simple. When he misses it or makes a mistake then that man allows someone to correct or adjust him without resentments or becoming proud. Only God is right(righteous)...only God is perfectly Holy. These men and women here are only advising you and wanting you to open your heart to truth because they have walked where you are...Every person here including J&K were at once...stuck. They have learned the way of obeying God's truth about marriage and want to help you and save you from the mistakes they made too. No one is lording it over anyone here. This truth is not J&K's truth or mine... it is Scriptural truth from God's Word.

 

You have hidden yourself away in pain and fear and have been paralyzed from being the man called you to be. Your focus has for so long been yourself that you missed the very life God longed to give you. I like to say...you "become what you behold." If self is on the throne then selfish is what you as a person will become. The more you gaze inwardly and fix your attention on your sin or previous pain in your life then that is where your heart will be and your focus. For a fire to go out you mus starve it by taking away the oxygen. To starve selfishness you must look away from yourself. How in marriage did God say for you to do this? How do you starve yourself and gain Christ? Your focus changes to feeding your wife. This is what it means to "lay down your life for your wife." Your focus becomes only her. There is much to discover about your Bride that you have missed because you were only looking at your own need.

 

 

God called men to be givers. When a man's focus is "other" centered that man is the most masculine he can ever hope to become. A man is called by God to give first. It is that simple. Jesus went to the Cross first. He first loved you. He is the first born among many brethren. He is the First and the Last. The beginning and the end. Men are called to be like Christ. There are unsearchable treasures in God's Word of what that looks like...most of which you are probably familiar with already you may never have made the connection that this is who you are as a husband just as Christ is the Bridegroom.

 

 

As God is Christ's source, so are you the source for your wife. The source comes from the head...not head as in "over" but head as a supplier of life and strength. Even Jesus said...I can do nothing on my own except the Father is my main supplier or source of His Spirit. Jesus walked as a real man in a fleshy body who depended upon the Father and the anointing of the Holy Spirit to accomplish His purpose for coming to save mankind. In other words, God will enable you to be a Christ-like husband.

 

SO...this is also HOW you are a husband. Your wife, like the Bride of Christ, is the receptacle or receiver of the life of God. This is just how God designed it. A wife receives love that brings her strength and life inside. Your love sustains her and meets her deep need to be loved and cherished. We know what love is...because God has defined it for you. Your love toward your wife is patient and kind...good and true...you believe in her...hope with her...endure with her..(1 Corinthians 13). A wife is most womanly, when she is the responder. When she takes what her husband gives her and from that gives to her husband and those around her...she gives back or responds in like kind back to her husband. In marriage this is just as it is for us as children of God...it is giving and receiving...God pours His life into us and we give Him back praise, reverence and our whole heart as a living sacrifice.

 

Because we are fallen human beings...your love seeks to be more and more like Christ's everyday of your life. You go to Christ to receive from Him the strength and life to give away to your wife. Your obedience may fall short many times in the process of growing up into all things that are of God. It is not that you will never make mistakes. We know Jesus never did....but because you are a man with feet of clay you stay in the attitude of needing God to give you grace to accomplish this and grace and mercy when you miss it. God will always be there for you as you seek to be made mature and set-apart.

 

The part of this design men miss is that it works both ways. Men have been that SOURCE of her pain and wounding by their anger, disregard, withholding love, pride, shutting her out, manipulating her, threatening her by coercion, force, deliberate neglect, keeping her off balance by ignoring her voice, threats of abandonment, separation and divorce, heaping responsibilities on her that should have been shared, blaming her for your bad mood, lack of character, reactions to her, your children and others. Putting others above her and before her, not defending her honor in front of family or the Church, cruel attacks, name calling, physical intimidation, yelling....you get the point. Since she is the responder/receiver..this is what you have fed her for her to live off of. This is all you have given her to respond to. That is why a wife mirrors her husband. If she is crying, angry depressed, physically ill, weak, confused, closing her heart down, trying to get away from you, not having sex, turning to anyone who will give her an ounce of attention or affection, throwing herself into other things, afraid of you....and the rest... it is her natural response mechanism God Himself put in her heart to give you a living word picture of how you abused her.

 

Compare who she was when you married her in the beginning...to the emotional condition she is in now....YOU did that.

 

This can all be changed and healed when you husband...take your place as a Christ-like husband and undo this wrong by loving her rightly.

 

This is God's perfect, breathtaking plan of marriage. A husband loves(bridegroom) his wife(bride) and all is complete in their life. Both are loved. Both end up getting their need met.

 

Like anything in our life as God's child...we must accept His truth and walk in it to experience the blessedness of honoring and obeying the ONE who loves us. God is generous in that He will give you more than you could dream possible.

 

Kimberly "

[Bruce]

thank you

[J_W]

hi

I do still fall into trhe control mode sometimes which is not good and i don,t want to be that way . it seems like it kinda sneaks in the back door and you donot even realize what your doing . them old flesh patterns are hard to change ,but i am determined to become a safe place for Mindy . she deserves better .

i also need to learn to respect her boundaries a little better than i do . I ngot the news paper for mindy and left her be to give her more space and i did get a pot of hanging flowers for the porch . Thank the Lord for a good helpmeet.

 

 

so WHAT are you DOing to change?

[Bruce]

Well that was pidly even my wife laughed and said i could surely do better than that and i said i did not know what to say so i will say more. Your right it did keep me busy for a while reading it .i have hurt my dear wife many times .I think like we heard in church today we get so we think we are entitled to something . It couyld be even feeling like we are entitled to get angry for what someone did to us.our mind gets decieved and we allow more grace for our own wrongs than we would someone elses . On the way to church tonight some girls in front of me ran a stop sign that really it was not dangerous ,but i thought how could anyone run a stop sign . That is so wrong i would never allow that in my own life . Then i had another thought . sometimes i speed and of course justify it because i am in a hurry ,yet it is just as wrong as running a stop sign. I see myself to have done the same thing in my marriage . Well i still have much to learn and need to focus on my dear wife and not myself. God bless