Bruce - Mindy's husband

[Bruce]

Changes

Went to victory today and ate dinner there.

 

Went to piano recital

 

on book and dvd

A wife when she marries her husband trust him to take care of her heart.

Idolatry can be anything

Men are the initiaters and wifes are the responders and they even said that at the seminar

[Bruce]

Read chapter 12 on respect

 

Read PS 19

 

Come to work

 

Finish work on truck

 

Go to remington and cut down tree

 

Eat with Lynnae

 

Either cut down tree or and look at Delphi job

 

Read chapter 13

 

watch part of dvd 3

 

Get on phone call

[Eeyore]

Thanks david

i needed the imput

I thought i was being consistant and trying to do things right .

I guess i wasen't I will try again.

My wife deserves the very best.

 

Bruce,

I realize that you were asked to account for your time. However, you are no longer posting anything else! I think you need to do both. Post what you are doing, what you are struggling with, what questions you have, etc.

 

On the call last night, you said that same thing, basically, "I thought I was doing the right thing, but I guess I was not." This sounds very much like a "poor me" attitude and it really needs to change. If you are told to do something, do it. Then accept correction without the "pity party".

 

I strongly believe that your ego is being fed by this "poor me" attitude, and you need to stand against it. Again, do what you are asked, accept correction, be honest and transparent. These are important steps for you in becoming Christ-like. The more you hide behind your pride, the more your flesh will reign. Time to put it to death.

[For Him For Her]

Bruce,

 

I was not admonishing you but I wanted you to do more than just what you were doing. This is a building process. If you start something new, it doesn't mean stop what you were doing. It means continue to do the old and the new thing as well. This will help aid you in getting past your passiveness.

 

I wanted to light a fire under you to get you moving. I wanted to see some passion from you. This is a process and there is only one way to speed this up and it is to attack this with passion and desire to become a better husband for God and for our wives.

 

Open up Bruce and let the world see the real Bruce that lives inside. Stop hiding him. He may not be as afraid as you think he will. Mindy wants to know THAT Bruce not the one she has been married to all these years. You can do this but it will take passion, desire, and letting go of the fear. Do this Bruce!

 

DO THIS!

 

God Bless

David

[Bruce]

Quite Honestly i do detect a little self pity in my post.

Is self pity self focus? Yes

Is self focus hidden pride ? Yes

I am sorry

I was only trying to do the right thing in my post.

Some times i go by my first instinct instead of thinking something out.

I may have been blinded.

 

Its a little startling to read a post that seems to say my wife is ready to end the marriage if i did not quit writing other things and start posting my schedule. Not having had any feed back for a long time I decided it could be serious so i was making an effort to get it right.

Obviously i do not want to loose Mindy. She is the most valuable thing to me in this life.

 

Now your saying David we need to see more of the real Bruce. Maybe David or someone else could explain that one more . Thank You

 

I got the tree gob done

Ate lunch with Lynnae

Looked at job some more

Watched some of the third dvd

Read Some in chapter 13

Get on phone call

Need to meditate on the passion thing some more

 

Thank you

[Bruce]

I noticed Mindy posted Something for me to read and that is helpful.

Thank you i appreciate that and will try to honor it.

I hope she is having a nice night.

 

Thank you again

GOD BLESS YOU

[Bruce]

Good morning

 

Been reading some in the book Chapter 13 and John 10 My sheep hear my voice.

 

Today work more on trucks.

If not to windy and cold do a job ;but may wait till tomorrow if less windy.

Read more today and finish up bid .

Go to class tonight.

Get on phone call

 

I wander what Mindy thinks of the Leadership seminar in Bearn?

If not to busy and Brian off work it could be a good oppertunity.

It says for all EARNEST men. If i am not earnest i certainly want to be.

I want to have a servant heart in leadership.

Leaders who listen and communicate.

For peaple serious about change

Serious prayer time.

I could shift around wheather to go or not to go.

Then i think of Mark. What will he think he told me to change 5 years ago.

The truth is i have no reputation to save and even if i did it was destroyed long ago.

Anyway i want to thank Mindy for considering it.

 

God bless

[Bruce]

Good evening

 

Had a good day. Got some more things finished in shop.'

Jim took me out to lunch.

About finished up bid . Need to get it typed up and in about thursday . Its a big job . Probably about as big as we have done.

Looked at a couple more jobs before going to my class.

By the way that cobler was very very good. Thank you.

 

At the class tonight they showed a video of a man wanting to go fishing and needed 50 dollars ;when his wife said there was only 35 dollars in the check book In a very accusing voice he said . Where did the money go? The conversation started out nice ; but got very ugly at the end. Time it got done i was half angry. When he ask what we thought that was about ? I just said all about me me me so self centered. That may not be the answer he wanted ; but i think it reminded me of myself way to much.

Especially the accusing voice... I remember lots of times saying to my dear wife

who so kindly and faithfully pays the bills and allways does a very good job at it.. I never have to worry about it ....

 

Anyway i say How much money do we have in the check book?

Then she so kindly tells me .

THen i allready have my expectation and if it don't come up to my expectation.

I say in an accusing voice , WHERE DID IT GO ,

See i act like it is my wifes fault and it isin't.

I spend my share and Mindy has always been very conservative on spending money. She is the best wife.

 

I am so sorry for ever acting like that . It is so wrong and so selfish.

Please forgive me for doing that. After tonight i can clearly see how selfish that was . She was only helping us out . It seems like that is the way i was in so many areas . always on the defensive . I want to change into a Christ -Like man and bless my wife . She has been far better to me than i ever deserved.

 

Thanks

[Bruce]

good morning

Been sytudying how we are made up of body soul and spirit.

If self is the center of our life we will have ;insecurity,inferiority,inadiquacy,guilt

[real sin or imaginary] worry, doubts, fears, which will result in frustration, hostility,depression etc. This will cause physical problems.

If we allow Christ to be the center of our life. Our soul will have.

The mind of Christ, strenghth given by Christ, all needs supplied,peace that passes understanding,fullness of joy, OUt of Christ who is our life will come

love, compassion, understanding etc. We will have health or help of our countenance. We want to make sure Christ is the center of our life and not self.

 

Need to go to work and hopefully do a couple jobs .

One at bed and breakfast and one at Dutters.

Take bid to delphi today or tomorrow.

May be go to Arlyns tonight

Read more get on phone call etc.

I can't believe these guys won't meet there wives needs yet i am no better than them .I have failed miserably and that brings me great sadness to have hurt mindy like that. Actually refusing to do what she needs or worse yet not learning what she needs from me. I want nothing more than to bring her akll the happiness she needs and deserves. I want good things for her. She has done so much for me . Way more than i deserve.

Have a good day

[Bruce]

Hi

Did 2 jobs need to finish the one in morning.

Looked at another job .Very very tight. Can't hardly justify doing it . If i was busy i would not . Anyway i guess i will.

Brian had me for dinner and lanita for supper . I feel fat. But the pie was good just not as good as your cobbler.

Thanks for type job . Very neat.

Want to get on phone call later on.

 

Bye

[Bruce]

Good morning

 

What to write Idon't know. I prayed and still don't know? I have been studying that we were forgiven for our sins once for all . But we need to agree with God about our sin , repent and go the other way.

Been reading chapter 14 about slavery . I n one area for sure i have tried to control my dear wife by getting angry in order to minipulate her . I am sorry for that. I only want her to respect me if i earn that respect and i certainly have not earned it. MIndy is such a good wife and has really been good to me more than i deserve . even still she does so many good things for me. I thank God for her.

The first thing i need to do is turn in the bid Mindy typed. I tell you when she does something it is very neet and profesional looking . It is a large bid way more than normal for me. I have lots of fears about it.

Is it to much?

Is it way to cheap?

What if i get the job do i want it and do i have time to even do it.

I guess i have to just go for it.

WE need to go back and finish gordons And go to dutters maybe . It seems a little windy ,but see if we can work anyway.

Always have a good time at arlyns Good soup i like soup just don't have it much. One of the boys was setting on my lap and later found that his diper was laying on the floor YUCK They want to take our car to kentucky I hope your okay with that . Maybe i should have asked?

 

Hope yall have a good day

[Bruce]

hi

Wow getting tired tonight . This thing of staying on phone calls till 12:00 or 1:00 catches up afterwhile.Was talking to Calvin and Stanley awhile. Stanley seems to have lots of wisdom. He said i finally got cleared to go in pendalton prison ,but sounds like they are on lock down at the present. Setting here listening to Joel talk . Its hard to do two things at once.Trying to learn something . Sounds like the mask comes off at home . From now on i want to be on my best behavior at home . After all my wife is more important to me than anyone else. I realize that was not always the case and i am very sorry because of it. I used to treat others better . I am sorry how i made Mindy feel.

Probably Insignificant, left out , lonely, mistreated, invalidated, not cared for , not valued, unwanted, unloved. I am so sorry for all that pain to Mindy . It had to be devastating to her. I will change because i would never let Mindy go through all of that again.

 

It was kinda cold this morning but afternoon we finished gordons and got stuck.

Finished claytons and did a couple gobs for Dana.

 

Read some out of livin it and lovin it Chapter 15.

Listening to phone calls .

Don,t know for sure what to do this weekend .

Could go to supper sat. night at Pattys or Talberts .

Dennis has another job to look at in Dayton again .

 

Thanks for everything

[Bruce]

Good morning

 

My phone woke me up about 6:00. who would be calling me . ive been trying to get more sleep . Ol well. It was David he wanted to take me to breakfast so we did that.

Todayn i need to do some more tree jobs .

Dutters if we can.

Maybe tight wad farmer guy . I aught to tell him to forget it ; but i won't.

Want to watch some more on DVD and read more in book The man of her dreams the women of his.

 

That ken on the phone last night wasn't to hard to figure out because i have been there.

He is very angry and bitter against his wife . He has not forgiven her for at least two things she has done and most likly many more . When we are a bitter person we become bitter against others also.The only way out of bitterness is to choose to fogive those who have hurt us or that we amagine have hurt us. He said he was not angry at his wife ; but when she got on the phone he was . It reminds me of the lady yesterday . She was angry long before she seen me ; but i happened to be the person that got in the way so the anger she already had in her heart came out at me on the job. That is where the verse that says a soft answer turns away wrath . Sometimes peaple just need to know that we care about there heart. Thjat statement probably brings pain to Mindys heart because i have failed to meet her need by caring about her heart. That makes me very sad and remorsefull that i have done that . I intend to change and care about her heart from now on.

Anyway where was i ? ol yow.

I remem ber one time when i was so angry at Mindy That she called the neighber Brother to come down . I was so out of control that i left the propertywhen he got there . How childish is that? I am so sorry for all the times i got angry. It had to be frighting to her causing her to feel trapped,threatened,sqashed and alarmed

Its easy to see why kens wifev did not want to be around him . IM not sure i would

 

Praise the Lord for a wounderfull victorious day.wE CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH cHRIST Guess that was an accident ; but a good trhing to hilight

[Kay]

Hey, Bruce,

 

IF Mindy was to go somewhere, how would we know that you wouldn't go into the house?? Mindy wouldn't feel safe with you in the home with you gone, for obvious reasons. So, I'm trying to think about what you can do, in order to assure her, that you would be faithful instead of breaking her trust.

 

Any ideas?

 

Kay

[Bruce]

Kay

 

How is this for assurance . I have not been in the house yet and have had literaly 100s of opertunitys . She was gone for a week once already. About the best i can do is assure her that i want to bless her and i won't go in if she happens to be gone . I promise to honor her in that wish and mindy you know i don't promise things lightly although i did break my promise come to think of it when i promised to love and cherish you for life. Although i broke it once i will do everything i can to see it don't happen again. Now if by some small chance my beautiful wife is going to be gone for a week and she could find it in her heart to share it with her husband where she is going he would really be blessed. Now if she chooses not to

I will pray for her and keep my promise to love her anyway and i really do want really good things to happen in her life and heart.

She is still doing so much more for me than i ever deserve. She is a very good women.

 

Today we did two jobs so it was a fair day. some days i get so frustrated with my help and yet no one tries harder. We did 5 trees basically the same. We took 2 bucket trucks and everything was equal I trimmed 3 trees while he trimmed 1 . Sometimes its hard to figure out. Anyway i need to be thankful that he is always very dependable. I need to praise him more for that. I wasen't sure why i was sayingf all that , but the wayb it ended up i admonished my own self. I don't know what to do the rest of night . Of course i could watch more Dvd and learn how to be a better husband and i do want that very much.

 

Good night till later on

[PlansForHope]

Bruce;

Noticed your response to Kay's question.

You said:

 

"Now if by some small chance my beautiful wife is going to be gone for a week and she could find it in her heart to share it with her husband where she is going he would really be blessed."

 

Mindy posted:

"My daughter told me that Bruce knows where I am going. I am confused. If my daughter is mistaken, fine - if Bruce is playing games it needs to stop. I will be gone for a week and it is important to me that Bruce continues to do all of the right things while I am gone."

 

So which is it here? Did you already know that Mindy was going to be gone? And why is it Mindy's responsibility to be blessing you right now? I think that in the past your actions of controlling what Mindy did, where she went, who she spoke to were very hurtful and abusive to her, I hope that your post here doesn't reflect that sense of entitlement and control you've felt so often in the past.

 

You've posted often that you want to be a man who is learning to treat his wife without abuse, please be careful to not get back into these old patterns of behavior again! Mindy is doing what she needs to do for herself to heal from all those years of mistreatment from you, you need to keep focusing on moving forward and maturing into a godly man, who wants all his actions and attitudes to reflect Christ; and bless her by giving her this time to rest, heal, and recover!

 

Good job at posting your daily activities here; and being consistent with watching the dvd's; listening in to the calls, reading and studying the books and the Bible!

Will continue to pray for you; keep being consistent!

[Bruce]

Good morn

Such a good reminder that it is not mindys responsibility to bless me i am sorry i said that . It should not even enter my mind and as far as where you are going i should never expect you to share that . Please forgive me and i won't do it again. I am sorry i made you feel like i was playing games. I am sure in the past i have played games and that is not my intent. PA is a big place . I would guess it to be 2 ior 300 miles square. I still have no idea where you are going and that is okay . I will think of you in that state and pray for you continually that you are safe and blessed while you are there I love my wife and want to care about her heart.

Today i want to look at some jobs.

I want to read some now .

I can not decide still wheather to go to pattys or johns . I will try to let you know.

God bless you all for caring

[Kay]

PA is a big place . I would guess it to be 2 ior 300 miles square.

 

I still have no idea where you are going and that is okay

 

Bruce, it is obvious that you KNEW where your wife was going by your own admission.

 

So, what we are needing here, and what your wife is needing here is for you to be accountable for you misleading everyone that you didn't know where your wife was going.

 

You DID and you KNOW you DID, and I'm sure you KNOW exactly WHY your wife is going where she is going, but you still come here and say things like this....

 

I am sorry i made you feel like i was playing games

 

I would guess it to be 2 ior 300 miles square.

This is still you trying to prove to us that you DIDN'T know, and that is "twisting" things around to you being right and us/Mindy being wrong! NOT COOL, BRUCE!

 

Bruce, you WERE playing games... games like trying to mislead us that you had no idea that she was even going anywhere, and you were trying to get Mindy to admit what you already knew, just so YOU could feel blessed!

 

If that isn't self-focussed, I don't know what is... You need to apologize like a Man and stop beating around the bush, and trying to downplay it.

 

It's okay to make mistakes, but it's not okay to try to twist things around to making you feel innocent.

 

So, when you are ready to apologize correctly, and admit that you DID know your wife was going to PA before you wrote the post following mine, we can perhaps, get off your back, here.

 

Growing is admitting when you are wrong!!!

 

and, just for everyone's benefit, Mindy has gone to this same place before.. I believe that Bruce knew from his daughters exactly where she was going and why....... he needs to be accountable for this.

 

All Mindy wanted was to know that you woudn't go in the house when she was gone.. Your response to that was pretty good, so I'll give you that. I pray that you keep your word on this. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here, that you will keep the trust on this one.

 

Kay

[Bruce]

kay

 

You can give me all the crap you want to and that is okay because i have nothing to prove . My daughter told me she did not know where mindy was going other than Pa she said you probably know where she is going and i said i did not. Obviously i could take a guess; but for me to know i have not been told . Like i said i don't need to know and quite frankly i don't even wan't to know . You can believe what you believe and i will believe what i believe and we can just have peace about it . Thank you.

If acting like i did not know she was going to Pa was wrong then i am sorry ;but to me that was the same as not knowing. I don't think i had some warped idea of trying to be cool or twist things or get blessed by it . I have been thinking how wrong i was about trying to get her to bless me. With all charity even though i do want to be teachable i think you were wrong about some things.

 

For my wifes benifit i am going to pattys tonight for supper with the family and brad and sara.

Tomorrow i will go to dunkard breathren church

Still praying my lovely wife has a safe trip. I want what is best for her.

 

God bless you kay

[PlansForHope]

Bruce:

You still sound very defensive in your last two posts; no one is trying to give you any crap here! Kay is right, you've admitted that you already knew Mindy was going to be gone. You've stated that you want to bless Mindy, and learn how to become a Christ-like man; one of the great things about this ministry is the support and encouragement from the helpers to point out something that possibly is a blind spot for you; and help you grow into maturing and admitting when you slip up; and start to slide back into those old toddler-like, controlling, abusive behaviors. When Mindy sees this kind of behavior again from you (twisting truth and facts to make you appear innocent; portraying yourself as a victim, wanting her to bless you instead of blessing her; etc.) that opens up old wounds and hurts from your past mistreatment of her!

Please pray this weekend for a teachable spirit again; so you can continue to move forward in becoming a Christ-like man,one who is learning to be consistent in everything you do and say, that's not only a blessing to Mindy, but a blessing to you as well!

Praying that you'll earnestly seek God's help with this today; and apologize to Mindy (and Kay as well); for twisting and manipulating the truth so you were portrayed yet again as an innocent victim! This may seem like just a small thing to you, but to a wife it's a huge re-opening of old wounds; we want to help you keep moving forward here in healing those wounds & hurts you've brought to Mindy; so she can trust you again!

Keep focusing on the goal Bruce; to become a Christ-like man, who is consistent in every aspect of your life; learning as you mature and grow how to become a Christ-like husband!

[Kay]

When Mindy sees this kind of behavior again from you

 

(twisting truth and facts to make you appear innocent; portraying yourself as a victim, wanting her to bless you instead of blessing her; etc.) that opens up old wounds and hurts from your past mistreatment of her!

 

This about says it all, Bruce! Be as angry as you want, but know that this is not going to bring you any closer to being with the one who you claim you want to be with.

 

Aint hurting me, any....... although, apologies to me for your angry abusive tone, will most likely bless your wife.

 

Hope you take some time to pray about this one!

Kay

[Bruce]

Kay and PFH

I need to post this and although i appreciate your feed back this is what the Lord already laid on my heart at 6:00 last night. Was i angry ? A little bit; but not a lot . I do appologize and i am sorry . It was wrong because a christian should not try to defend himself or his reputation and i probably was not looking at things totally clear. I am sorry to Mindy also because she has reason from past experience to not trust me .

Anyway on the way back to johns i was thinking about what Wayne L told me at lunch. Pete G told him once that he got accused at church for doing something he did not do and he just simply said i am sorry . After th Lord was reminding me of that i thought of something David says JUst ask God what he thinks. How come we forget that so easy . So i said Jesus was i wrong and i got a yes . I said Jesus were they wrong and instantly got a no. Then i ask a few more questions and got the same answer. Now i can say , i just dreamed that all up or that was from the Lord. I chose to believe it was from the Lord.

I will say i am sorry and admit i was wrong.Others can see us better than ourselves lots of times and i could have had things twisted in my mind . It has happened lots of times before. Mindy i am sorry for making you feel like i was playing games . I can see why you feel like that and so i will take the blame . I have hurt you so much in the past and though i never want to again it frightens me to think that i might again and already have . Please forgive me .

I am praying and trusting you will have a safe and prosperous week . I will assume and visualise that you are with Sam . I know you like him . If that is true i will pray you will be blessed and if not i pray you will be blessed anyway.

Sometimes i think of Mindy and it brings tears to my eyes to think of all the pain i have put her through and other times it brings a smile just to think of what an awsome women she is.

We had a good time at Johns . Went out and walked with him for miles and run. THey are getting ready to go down the Grand canyon . I would like to go along . I feel like now that i could without running out of steam . A year ago i did not. It would really be fun to do with my favorite Girl . Maybe next year we can . We could go work for Gregs in arizona then do the Grand Canyon . Anyway anything i did with that women would be fun and a dream come true .

Why don;t you share some dreams with me? you have some i have just destoyed most of them and i am so sorry for that. I know she had some to go to Alaska and Hawai . Of course who would want to take a dream vacation with a jerk like me . I can never blame her for changing her mind ; but who knows maybe it is time for us to revive a few dreams and then again it may not be.

Think i will go to church then i am not sure . Just see how it goes from there

 

Love and blessings to all No hard feelings

[PlansForHope]

Bruce:

Thanks for the apology, that will help heal some of the hurt and pain you caused Mindy by slipping back into your old patterns of control and abuse toward her. That's good that you took time to pray, then listened for God's answer. Remember, this season of time right now is to become a Christ-like man; and God will use different things in your life to bring you to a mature place; (ex: this forum; the phone calls; godly friends; sermons you hear; etc.). It's going to take time, you didn't get to the place you're at right now overnight; and it takes time, effort, & work to change those learned behaviors that have hurt and wounded your wife in so many ways; keep being consistent here with what you've been doing; listen to what J&K and the helpers are saying; the Bible says that "in the multitude of counselors there is safety".(Prov 11:14) All the helpers here care about you and Mindy; we only want you to have the marriage that God intended for you when you got married! So just keep moving forward here in living your everyday life in such a way that it will show Mindy you're really sincere in wanting to become a Christ-like man; a man who is mature in his faith and actions ALL the time; a man who can receive advice and correction without getting angry; this is what will bless Mindy's heart right now! She is needing this time and season in her life to focus on just resting, healing her mind and body from all those years of stress, turmoil, and abuse that you put her through; it's going to take time for her to recover. And everytime you hurt her or reopen old wounds by abusing her again, or giving her reasons to not trust you; that pushes her backwards in her healing even further. Your job right now is to just get back on the path you were on a few posts ago; do what Joel advised you to do at the Intensive; focus on work; reading & watching the dvd's; read and post on the forum; listen in to the calls; that's what's going to bless Mindy right now. Give her time and space to just rest now; please stop trying to find out and control where she's going, what she's doing, just focus on being consistent with your daily life activities.

That's good that you have some hopes and dreams for the future; maybe someday those dreams will become reality. Mindy also had many hopes and dreams for your marriage; (like many other wives here); but she's had to put those dreams aside; so she could just get through one more painful and hurtful day. The blessing of all this to both of you is that God can and will restore the years that the locust has eaten; I'm praying that you'll really and earnestly continue to seek God's help in this season of your life; so that someday those hopes and dreams that both of you had will come true! That would be such an awesome testimony to not only your family; but your church community as well! So keep on moving forward, Bruce; just pick yourself up here and continue walking toward's becoming that mature, Christ-like man you know God wants you to be; keep blessing Mindy by dying to what your wants are; and give her this time and space to heal and recover!

Have a great weekend; God bless you and give you strength and courage to stand up for the truth; keep walking forward here!

[Bruce]

Hello again

 

Went to church this morn . Looked like an awful lot of folks there from NC. then Wrens showed up then kunkles showed up and i really wondered what was going on. Ashleys boy friend was getting baptised. I ended up riding with wren and my sister over to the baptising. Im telling you my eyes really got opened to how abusive he is to my sister. The sad thing is it made me think of myself. Everything she said which sounds intelligent to me . He treats her like a dumb kid for even thinking such dumb things . Then when we get out of the car he is 50 feet ahead and says come on were not going to get a seat . I want6ed to clobber the guy . I would like to clobber myself also for ever treating Mindy like that. They were having church, baptising ,potluck, at 3:00 a group of peaple were going to talk that landed in Haiti one hour before the earth quake. At 5:30 pizza then at 7:00 Talk on revalation .Big day , but did not stay for all of that

 

Im sorry again for getting defensive . What happened to the verse of making myself of no reputation? Guess i blew that one

 

God bless

[Kay]

Im telling you my eyes really got opened to how abusive he is to my sister.

 

Bruce, you have a real opportunity here to bless your sister. What do you think you could do to help her?? Think, Bruce!

 

I'm not going to tell you, as I want you to decide for yourself.

 

Btw.... apology accepted!

 

Kay