Bruce - Mindy's husband

[Bruce]

Wrote a45 min hit the wrong button all gone

 

Have to think aboutsister that sound scary coming from kay

work in laf

pray and fast today for healing in Mindys heart and a changed heart for me

read book

stanley called and wanted me to go to bible study fellowship with him tonight a national program ive heard others talk about it.

Have been thinking about going to another seminar put on by freedom hills this weekend wonder what mindy thinks?

that was the fast version of the post i lost

 

God bless

[Bruce]

Had a verraly good day at work . Alvin buck... come with brian he gets things done as you can amagine.

Going to go to BSF in a little bit.

Been in prayer and fasting for our marriage

Took a nap today . I must be getgting soft in my old age or staying up late on phone calls. I had another dream about Mindy . She was running and jumping and very happy . That made me happy because i want her to be happy .

A week or two ago i had a couple other dreams . We were in the bedroom , but it was not sexual. We were having a good time and having fun talking . The only thing i noticed was when we laid down Mindy legs were angled out to the side so they would not be to close to me . That is okay though. It just makes me sad that i caused her to have to feel like that .

I found out today where Mindy went and i am glad for her in one since and another way is that if i had not been such an abusive husband she would not need to be there and she could be injoying life instead . I am so sorry to put you through all this mess and cause all this mess Mindy . I do take full responsibility, but that makes it no less painful. I have to think of all the opportunities i had to change and would not do it or listen . Also that had to dash your hopes so many times . I am sorry.

 

Good night for now maybe later At least i can get on phone call on way home.

[Kay]

Bruce,

 

Your post above is really good. See?? I'm not so scary!

 

I'm not going to tell you, as I want you to decide for yourself.

 

Still waiting for you to think about this, and let us all know some things you can do, in regards to your sister's abusive husband.

 

pray and fast today for healing in Mindys heart and a changed heart for me

 

Okay, Bruce, here we go again. Read this to again to yourself and think about what you just said. Once again, you are thinking about yourself. What you should be fasting and praying about is that your wife gets some healing within herself, so she can feel better. Do you see the difference??

 

Think about this....... What if you found out today that Mindy decided not to stay involved in the Ministry, and she told others that she was moving on and had no intention of ever getting back with you. Of course, this would hurt you, but how would you handle this? Would you quit posting? Quit the Men's calls? Would you give up and just move on with your life as is? Would you think that you've arrived in your spiritual journey of becoming a Christlike man?

 

I want you to go read the post from Taz........ He's in the Men's section, too. He lost his wife. IN fact, she's soon to be marrying her affair partner. I know that his experience is totally different then yours, but how he is handling this is what I want you to read.

 

We are all working very hard with you, to get you to stop looking at yourself as the victim. We need you to work on yourself and just allow Mindy to rest, without putting pressure on her to notice you, or what you are doing.. When you talk like what you'd like Mindy to do for you, it puts her on a guilt trip, and this isn't fair to her, and it certainly doesn't bless her.

 

Your wife is here, Bruce, and you are very fortunate, so, let's just allow her to get the rest she needs and keep focusing on yourself.

 

Btw... She was pleased that you noticed your sister being treated poorly by her husband, so let's get back to concentrating on this. How can you help your sister? What can you say to her?? Can you teach her something, like maybe sharing with her what you have done to your wife? Perhaps, you can let her know that you are so very thankful to Mindy for leaving you, including getting the restraining order on you.

 

Bruce, your wife has given you a wonderful gift, and now you have the opportunity of sharing this with your sister, if not her husband. How about a Man to Man talk?? How about giving both of them Kathy and Joel's books.

[Bruce]

kay

 

I can see what your saying . Actually when i wrote about fasting i had the thought wheather it was really blessing her or not. I can see how it could be about me and i am sorry for writing it. It must make mindy feel like im still just a selfish person causing her to feel suffacated . I don't want her to have to feel any pressure to perform. I just want her to relax and be able to focus on herself.

I have thought that i could at least call my sister and try to build some kind of a relationship withy her. I do think i might stay there one night after the retreat and go to church with them. That is not nessecarily my dream of a good time , but after all they are family . I can understand why Mindy would not want to go there. He probably reminds her to much of me.

Need to go to work and finish another job.

Maybe the Lord will send us some more jobs this week. We will soon be caught up again.

Need to go to alternatives class today. I may go to the 1:00 class.

Some night I may take Kyles out for supper.

The BSF class seemes like such an awsome thing ; but am not sure if i can drive that far every monday night. I may do it awhile, but if i was back with Mindy i would not want to. Had a good talk with Stanley. He seems like a very wise bro.

Will try to focus on Mindy needs and not my own. I hope she has a refreshinhg time . maybe she will be able to spend some good times with her lady friends.

She is special and seems like she makes friends easy because she is a friendly person . The very kind of person i would choose for a friend.

 

Good day

[Kay]

I have thought that i could at least call my sister and try to build some kind of a relationship withy her.

 

Yes, Bruce, this is a very good idea. Think about when you were both young kids. If a bully boy was to hurt her at school, say, even just push her, would you get mad?? perhaps, say something to this kid to leave your sister alone? (not sure what the age difference between you is) But, anyway, every sister needs a brother to look out for her. She is obviously a victim, like your Mindy was. Do you want that for her? Can you just turn your back on her, and stay out of their business, knowing that she is being abused?

 

She can learn from you and Mindy's story. If anything, just direct her, here, to the boards. Let her know that allowing abuse is wrong. Let her know that you are there for her, and others are too. Let her know how badly that you hurt Mindy, and that you don't want that for her! Teach her, Bruce. And, eventually, talk to her husband by sharing your journey. This is a Marriage that you can be helping. Think, would would Jesus want you to do??

 

Don't let this opportunity pass you by.

 

And, yes, work hard on allowing Mindy to rest without making her feel like she has to bless you in any way. Have you ever thanked her for "pushing" you back here, to Forum land??? Again, she has given you a gift... recognize this gift, Bruce!

 

Kay

[PlansForHope]

Bruce;

Great insights about recognizing how abusive your brother-in-law is; so sorry that your sister is going through similar stuff as what you've put Mindy through for years!

 

This may be yet another small opportunity for you to open the door to a better understanding of what true, godly, biblical marriages should be like in your church community, your extended family, & your friends! I'll be praying that God will open a door here for you to realize when the right time is to share the message of this ministry with your sister, praying also that her heart will be open and willing to hear the truth; and seek help for her marriage!

 

I agree with everything Kay has said here about you just giving Mindy time to rest and heal; please focus on dying to what your wants are; and give her this season of time without continuing to pressure her by saying what you'd like her to do for you! She is not supposed to be focusing on doing things for you right now; she's spent how many years of your marriage making everything all about you? Please, please allow her to have this time to just rest, relax, enjoy being with friends & family again without being abused; she has to have the time and space to do this if there's ever going to be a chance at reconciliation again with you!

 

You have been given a gift by her, the gift of time to work on being very consistent here in your everyday life; many men here in this ministry would love it if their wives would give them this chance! So please be very thankful for this gift of time; once again Mindy's giving you another chance at having an OHM. But it's going to take work, consistency on your part, you are going to have to prove to Mindy that you're a husband she can trust again. The last time she tried to trust you, after a separation, that trust was broken in a very short time; so prove to her this time that you aren't going to break that trust again! Just do the things she's asked of you, the things that will bless her right now! All of those things are here in your thread, when it seems like you're tempted to go back to being angry, or you want to try and control things again in her life, or feel frustrated with whatever's going on in your life that day; just go back and read all of your thread again; and get back on track retraining those negative patterns in your brain.

Good job at being consistent here with posting every day, and listening in to the phone calls!

Will continue to pray for you and your family; God bless all of you as you continue to seek God's help in becoming Christ-like in all areas of your life; as a man, a husband, a father, a brother!

[Bruce]

Kay and PFH

 

thank you for being such faithful hepers. oops i ment helpers , but come to think of it sometimes you heep it on me too.

Thank you to mindy for helping me to become more Christ-like.

Im afraid it will take a lot of work to be in BSF.

Finished up a couple jobs today.

Read some out of book.

Did bsf lesson on John 13.

Talked to Calvin awhile trying to convince him to go for winning his wife back .

He gets on phone calls sometimes. He keeps saying he don'tfeel anything for her then i have to convince him love is a choice.

Sure hope Mindy is having a restful and healing time.

 

God bless

[Kay]

and, what about your sister? and brother-in-law? You seem to have a habit to ignore some of the things we say, in the hopes that we will forget about them? (speculation on my part)

 

Just figured that if we're going to spend time helping you, we, too, would like some feedback on how you have listened to us.

 

Your posts, though, in general, seem to be better. Keep moving forward!

Kay

[Bruce]

Good morning

Good speculation Kay

I did ignore it last night ;but it did not go away .

I want to try to build a better relationship with my sister. First i need to get her phone number and i don'tintend to move in like a big bully and try to till everyone how to fix there marriage when i can't fix my own.

I would have a vision of helping my brother in law, but he already don't like one of my brothers. I don't need to get on that list yet.

My studies for the day were in John having love one for another. It is easy and sad to see how i have failed in loving my closest neighber and sister. God have mercy on me. Maybe i did not love God ?

Need to do two jobs today then pray we get more.

Probably take Kyles out to supper tonight.

 

I am so thankful that mindy is willing to give me the opportunity to win her heart back . I certainly don't deserve it . Especially after the phone call last night i just realize how settleled it is in my mind. Calvin had even ask me what i would do if my wife never respond ed to me and i told him i will love my wife always no matgter what. Love is a choice and maybe i don't always feel that love ; but other times i feel that love so deeply i think my heart will break. In all my married life i have never felt that aggope love like ido now at times . Allways before i think it was a sellfish love .

 

Praise the Lord he is good all the time

[Bruce]

hi

That sounded different than i ment kay . I did ignore it last night ;but was not going to always ignore it just for then.

Had a good talk with my sister today . Tonight i am taking kyle out for supper .Sad to say mylissa which is spelled wrong is sick so only Kody gets to go along.

Got a couple jobs done today and lined up another one .

I did think about Carol a lot today . Not really looking forward to it that mmuch ;but told her i would try to stop on the way back from mens retreat.

Well i need to go pick up Kyle. I hope Mindy is being blessed by her week . I really miss her just knowing she is gone makes me a little lonley. Now that may sound like uit is about me. Anyway i hope she is not lonley and if she is i am sorry because i made it that way.

 

by Hi By hey that rymes

[Bruce]

Good morning

Hoping all is well with Mindy

Can't think of anything to exciting to say

Went to bed early which is not that early ; but then i woke up about three oclock and could not sleep. After awhile i remembered i was sopposed to say here i am Lord your servant heareth . Well that did not bring any big revalation.

The Lord does speak at night sometimes. As happens sometimes i had some strange dreams. Iwas trying to think about that and see if mindy was in there somewhere. I am sorry to say i don't think she was . Any way i am up and feel a little bit beat.

Need to go to work and do a few trees . Martin is helping today he got layed off.

Need to do my studies before i go.

Probably go to seminar tonight . Hope to have some time to do more reading and studying today and tomorrow. I want to keep growing and become a godly husband who knows how to love his wife and lay his life down for her.

 

See ya for now

[Kay]

Iwas trying to think about that and see if mindy was in there somewhere. I am sorry to say i don't think she was .

 

Maybe, this isn't such a bad thing. Maybe, in your subconsious mind, you are giving her a bit of a rest, from always following her around.

 

God works in mysterious ways! Mindy wants you to give her that space, so here was one dream, where it seems you did just that!

 

How's That for a dream interpretation??

 

Have a good day!

Kay

[Bruce]

Good morning

I was shot after meeting last night and listened to Ken on phone call awhile so i did not post. Then i heard Mindy was getting home in a couple hours and didn't figure she would get on at that time . I sure hope she made it okay.

 

Good interpratation of dream Kay . In that dream i was someones house talking to a person that was frrom some other state when my favorite 65 chevy pick up went by . Then of course i new who that guy was with the truck. Try that one. Then i remembered that i must of had another dream last night and in it mi9ndy must have got home and was telling me about the trip . Of course that supprised me ; b ut it was good.

Thinking about ken . No doubt he is deeply hurt and that little boy wants to be accepted. At one time in my life i was a lot like that and did not even start to change untill someone cared about my heart and tryed to understand me . Now im not making excuses ; but trying to under stand him and you probably wont agree ; but that is okay. Peaple that have wounded hearts protect thier heart by Getting angry

Not listening

Running away

Controlling the conversation talk talk talk

There is others i cant think of

That is some things i learnt

 

Anyway two of my big ones were angry and run away and maybe not listen to

May post more later and want to read in book and do my bsf program . I am a day behind already not good.

I met a guy lst night i want to get ahold of today.

A very embarressing thing happened last night although it did not bother me neer as bad as it would have used to . I was going through a food line and had a plate of chips etc . I tried to shake the guys hand behind me and knocked my own plate on the floor. It reminded me of when i was in the second grade at a birthday party and bouning on a rubber ball . Ed and my girl friend karen started calling me clumsy. That could have been the beginning of my rejected feelings . Had not thought of that in a long time. Now i know i am clumsy but it don't matter any more.

Later

[Bruce]

Hi

 

I thought of a revalation i did get yesterday.

when i left for work yesterday and got to Ockley i looked in the east and we were having the most beautiful sunrise. Now i know mindy likes sunset and what i woulden't give to watch one with her. Somedday i am going to take herr to hawaii and watch some with her. I see i got off on a bunny trail.

When i seen that sunrise so beautiful it made me think of Mindy. That made me think how beautiful she is ; but not only on the outside . Her heart is so beautiful, So clear, so shiny, so pure , so lovely, so bright and of course of good report. Anyway that sunrise made me think of her.

Then i heard Precious memories how they linger . I have so many good memories of us. As i ponder my hopes grow fonder. They sure do. In the stillness of the midnight . My thoughts on on her even in the midnight hours.

sorry if you don't like my type of songs im just an old fashined guy and i love my prescious wife more tan words can tell. I was crying when i listened to that song and i think i just might cry again.

 

Hallaluia praise the Lord

[Bruce]

Hi again

Went to a horse auction for awhile. Then i thought i ought to buy our daughter a horse. The only problem i really wish we had done something like that 10 years ago. But then if wishes were horses then beggers would ride... So if wishes come true then i would go back 30 years and start over . I realize the only way mindy and my wishes will ever come true is if the Lord restores the years the locust ate which of course he will because he promised.

Today i had some thoughts that i have not had in a long time ; but don't ever think the devil is not smart . He knows exactly when to temp us and for me it is when i am veryb lonley . I would amagine could be a little lonley sometimes to and that makes me sad because i seem to be the cause of it all.

Anyway i seen this women and she was even old probably about like me ; but i don;t think im old. Anyway i thought what if she would come over here and say . Im about off work why don't you come with me. Ill praise the lord for the next thought which i believe i am learning pretty good. I thought about what

James was saying last night that we have tolearn how to ask the Lord to bring every thought captive to the obedience of christ and when i did that the thought emediatly went away . It is amazing how sly satan is and he sneaks up on us when we least expect it. I don't want to sound proud ,but i consider that a victory and i give God the glory for that.

I sure am glad trhat you made it home safe Mindy . It is starting to snow a little bit here . I bought some things i think you will like .

 

Good by

[Bruce]

Good morning

Hope all is well.

got about 1 or 2 in snow.

Met danny that goes the prison a lot. We are having the seminar in his church..

Today we are going to talk about forgiveness if James don't get on to many bunny trails.

we talked about Rules for a dysfunctional family.

We don't feel - Keep our emotions gaurded especially anger. Only one person in family is allowed to express anger

We are always in control- We don't show weakness or ask for help

We deny whats going on- We don't believe our perceptions We lie to ourselves and others.

We don't trust

We keep the family secrets- If we told no one would believe us or so nwe think.

We are ashamed -We aare taught Jonny i am ashamed of you and shame on you etc.Thenwe become shame based.

 

Have a great day God bless

[Bruce]

Good evening

 

Been a good day . Seems like some lessons are sinking in more.

David called and they were coming up so i decided to stay and enjoy the evening with them.

tomorrow probably go over to valantine to church with man that put on seminar. Tomorrow night probably go to shanksters for church.

I sure pray that my dear wife Mindy is having a good day.

 

I am so sorry mindy that i have pressured you to perform causing you to feel

stressed, unaccepted, inadequate, worn out and overwhelmed. I know that has

hurt you so much and i wish i could change it, but i can't so i just want you take it easy and rest and relax. From now on i am going to accept you and am not going to force you. I only want to care about your heart.

 

Good night

[Kay]

From now on i am going to accept you and am not going to force you. I only want to care about your heart.

 

Okay, Bruce, good choice. We're going to hold you to that! Okay??

 

Keep learning and growing into the Man that God has called you to be!

 

Kay

[Bruce]

evenin

Thanks for reading kay

I thought i would not get on . actually i had given up. Then i just put in Bruce instead of bruce deaton.I guess i could not come up with the right password.

Went to a neet little church this morning. Kinda a new church . Serman on laying up treasures in heaven and not on earth. Kinda where your value system is and of course we should value our wife more than anything else on earth.

There was lots of young couples there and i told them they need to listen to the serman and take it to heart because they did not want to be setting back there like i was by myself when they were my age . Maybe that was a little self focused ; but i did tell them not to feel sorry for me and i just wanted to stress how important that serman was.

This may be a gross analogy ;but this morning i got out of bed and ran on the treadmill for a mile. I did get up a pretty good sweat and since i did not put on any deoderant i started to stink That is not as bad as spilling my plate.

Anyway i got to thinking that if i had put on deoderant i would have covered up the smell and stink. Sometimes me mask over our heart like that and don't want anyone or even God to know what we are hiding in our heart. Of course we mask it over with anger or denial or something to keep it from coming out.

Then i got to wondering if i have anything hidden in my heart. I want a clean heart. So i said Jesus can you show me what is in my heart and i don't want to tell you the answer i got . I think these concepts really do work. Do i really have to tell you what my answer was? Pride, ouch that hurt . So i said Jesus what is my pride and i don't want to tell that either. Anyway what come to my mind was that sometimes i think i am better than others . Wow the only thing i could think is sometimes i go to these seminars and get all this knowlege and get to thinking i really got it togeather and relly i know i don't .I have nothing to glory in save Jesus and with out applying this stuff it is usless anyway. I was sharing that with someone else and they said after these seminars it seemes like they get in a big argument with there wife . Maybe satan works overtime after things like that.

 

I was thinking about mindy and how i have dominated and controlled her so much. I am so sorry that i have dominated and controlled you so causing you to feel bossed, hammered on and defeated. I want you to feel listened to and promoted and i am not going to pound on you anymore. I want to care about your heart.

 

Good night

[Bruce]

Good morning

Had to catch up on my bsf studies . It is challanging because if you don't do it every day you get behind. I don't hardly feel right now like going tonight because of the drive ;but that will change after adays work. We have some more work on the last job which is a pretty good one . Then i don,t know.

It sounds like snow maybe we will get some work out of that . Thank the Lord he supplies all our needs.

Last night stopped at Dale and vivians in the afternoon. Martin and Carolyn was there then went to Simians for church they are still in haiti. Aron and Melonys Girl kept looking at me then she wanted me to hold her after church. That was nice. David talked about forgiveness. It went along with what i heard sat. Kirby was supposed to be there ;but they got to much snow in ohio.

 

I did think that i could have better said inchurch yesterday that i hope all them young husbands took the message to heart so that they would not put there wives through every thing i did so that she did not have to be at church by herself today. That would have been a better way to get them the same message. I pray the Lord keeps on teaching me.

 

Hope yall have a great day in the Lord

[Bruce]

hi

 

We finished that job . Got one more call so i will look at a couple more jobs.

Sounds like we will get some snow . Maybe we can find some snow removal.

after while i will go to my class. I don't think it will snow before midnight or so .

In morning i will have to clean out drive.

If i get some time i will read and get on the phone call on the way home.

 

Hey have a blessed day

[Bruce]

I'm back hi

Could not seem to get on this morning It was adding an update. It was supposedly still adding the update so i deleted it. Don't understand these things sometimes.

We are cleaning off snow at the apartment and will probably go back and do more tomorrow. At 1:00 i was going to go to my class ; but they canseled it for the day. Wow i stopped and tried to take a nap then brian called and woke me up. Said he is done for today. .

Dropped something off for Melissa . She had company and Cody must have been sleeping.

Been reading in The man of her dreams some off and on today . I do want to become the man of Mindys dreams. I was reading how she is supposed to keep me accountable and i am thankful she is doing that because i have not treated her the way i committed to on our wedding day. Far from it and i intend to do everything i can to make it right. I know she treated me way better than i deserve for many years.

I was thinking how i was so self-focused for so many years.

I am sorry i was so self-focused causing you to feel left out, not valued , unwanted and rejected . Please forgive me from now on i want to make you feel included , valued, like i want to be with you and i will accept you just the way you are.

I need to get back and clean the drive and get time later to watch some of Joels dvds and get on the phone call.

 

 

 

By till later

[Bruce]

good morning

Here i go again . I don't know if i can bear to start over . I just had a half houirs work disappear ;yet for my beautiful wife Mindy i would be willing to do a lot.

Need to clean out drive again and probably go back to laf. and work on apt. again.

Work on brakes if we get time .

May go to Arlyns tonight.

Went to Kyles last night. She is a good cook ; but not as good as Mindy.

I remember going to Mindys before we were married and she would cook the meals. They were good and i was so proud of her and i still am. Even back then she could do whatever she set her mind to. I remember after we were married and had company . Uncle Jims were there for one person . Maybe i remember that because he liked to talk which is good because i didn't. We had probably red hot applesause which i love and my favorite bunt cake. Maybe corn and not sure what else. I was so proud of my wife that day . she could do better than my own mom and i am sorry i did not tell her how proud i was of her way more often.

Studying whoever desires to be great must be a servant andwe are to love our own wives as our own bodies.I will go to great lengths to protect and care for Mindy.

I want to create aplace where she feels full and overflowing with love and acceptance and at peace and cared about. Some place she can get exited about and find rest for her soul.

 

Gotta go

[PlansForHope]

Bruce;

Good job on continuing to post your daily routine here; as you walk this path to becoming a more Christ-like man! I'm just wondering how things are going with your conversations with your sister and brother-in-law? Hope and pray that some of the seeds you've sown by sharing the truth about godly marriages has started to sprout; and you'll have more opportunities to share information about this ministry with your sister.

You've mentioned going to either friends or family for meals in the last few posts; that's a blessing that they're sharing and interacting with you in that way! How's the relationships between you and your children now? Are they supporting Mindy; and encouraging you in your efforts to become a mature man, godly husband and father? I hope and pray that you're able to share how important it is to not blame Mindy for this time of separation; they need to fully support you in what you're trying to do here; (which is to bless Mindy by giving her time and space to heal; take care of your daily needs, work, read, study and mature in the Word; listen in to the calls, watch the dvd's; post your questions and comments here, etc.) This will be such a blessing to not only you but your family as well; to show by example what God's plan is for a healthy, happy family!

You've done a good job at posting every day here, and I know that Mindy appreciates your consistency in this! I know for many men it's hard for them in the beginning to do all these daily chores for themselves; they're so used to expecting and demanding that their wives do everything for them just like their mother did when they were young! I hope that the daily chores are becoming easier for you; and more routine; (ex: cooking, laundry, cleaning up, shopping). I'm glad that you're going to your abuse class and a Bible study, that's also showing Mindy that you're really serious about this, that you really want to do whatever it takes to bless her, and heal her heart!

I'll continue to pray for you, that God will bless you with strength to walk this path diligently and consistently every day, even when things might seem a little discouraging! Just keep your focus on God; and what His Word and will is for your life; do the things that Mindy has asked to bless her; and keep moving forward!

God bless your week!

[Bruce]

Hi

Standing on the promises of christ my king through eternal ages let his praises ring. I don't know where that came from ; but just as i started typing there it was so i put it down . Let us focus on Christ and praise his name. There is nothing that 5 minutes with Christ can't change. Do you believe it? I do.

We called to the apt. and she said come on down so that was good . Thank you mindy for reminding me that we need to thank God for all that we have and are and trust him to supply all our needs . You are truly a very special blessing to me for being a great helpmeet. Im not asking you to bless me i just recognize that you do. Thank you God for sending me Mindy.

Brian will be gone in morning.

Tonight Marvin Garbe.... wants to meet me. He is trucking down from Chicago.

I will try to read some more later and get on phone call. I want to create a very happy safe place for my beautiful wife.

 

Till later