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Here i go again . I don't know if i can bear to start over . I just had a half houirs work disappear

 

Hi Bruce,

 

Why don't you write this in a word document or somewhere else on your computer, first....... then, you just copy and paste it to the forum. This way you can't lose it, as long as you press save, throughout your writing.

 

Maybe, you can ask someone to help show you how to do this, if you don't know how.

 

Kay

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Good morn.

Hi Plansforhope . I thought no one was reading my stuff which really don't matter . This life isin't about me. Anyway you posted a whole day ago and i just now seen it . I thought i was the last post. I keep working on the relationship with my children and try to remain positive.

Thanks for reminding me again what this is all about . I needed to hear that.

I have to admit sometimes i get to wandering what this is about . I have been putting forth alot of effort for four months and i am sure i could do better some how and i do want to keep growing in the Lord. I'm just required to initiate and wheather my wife responds is between her and God ;but i do get to thinking at times that i must not be doing anything right. Then i must be absolutly sure that i take every negative thought captive and i do believei do pretty well at that with the help of the spirit. After all i have nothing to glory in of myself save Jesus Christ and him crucified. After all i can do all things only through Christ Jesus. I haven't talked to my sister in a while maybe i will try to call her today . Just don't expect me to bully my way in it won't work. Most peaple don't care how much you know untill they know how much you care at leastr that is the way it was in my life .I well remember the first time i felt like any one cared about me and that was when they were willing to take there day and spend it in prayer with me. That was just a thought i am not trying to imply that you sisters don't care because i know you do and i thank you for it.

I know it takes lots of your time . Thank you very much for caring.

Spent some time last night v isiting with a bro. from PA. who was travelling through in his truck. Had some good prayer time with him . His wife devorsed him a couple years ago and don't want reconciliation.

Not sure what i will do today for sure. May do a small job this afternoon.

Need to catch up on Bsf . So easy to get behind . Lynnae mentioned lunch.

Need to keep studying on how to become a better husband for sure.

Still so thankfull to havea wife i admire so much . I think she is about perfect. WEll maybe not quite :) Probably on a scale of 1 to 100 about 99.9 Hey i do have an awsome wife . I am thankfull she is such a good helpmeet to me. I wish Gods greatest blessings on her today and i pray she finds healing in her heart. I love that women so much and am committed to love her for life.

 

Blessings

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Bruce;

Thanks for posting here, and sharing your thoughts and feelings as well as your daily schedule!

 

Just a few things that jumped out at me when I read your post; please just take this as constructive criticism; to help you along on this journey of growth into becoming a Christ-like man!

 

You said: " I have been putting forth alot of effort for four months and i am sure i could do better some how and i do want to keep growing in the Lord. "

This is going to be a life-long process here; remember how many years you've been married; and how long you subjected Mindy to your abuse and mistreatment during those years! The damaging effects on her heart & soul; as well as the stress and pain from the physical abuse she has suffered will not go away in just a few months; it's going to take a long time for her to heal from all that pain you put into her life! So please be consistent here in listening to her heart; what she's been saying for so long is that she needs to see your willingness to put aside whatever your wants or wishes are; show that you will follow through with becoming mature in Christ; and not focus on what you want her to do for you! She's done that for all the years of your marriage (made everything she does all about pleasing Bruce, trying to keep Bruce happy, now it's her turn!) So please just keep doing the consistent, daily things that's been asked of you; which are:

1. Keep reading, working this program, keep learning how to become

Christ-like in everything you do, say, think, see, etc.

2. Take care of your daily needs yourself (meals, laundry, cleaning, etc.)

without expecting your wife or someone else to do it for you.

3. Read what your wife's heart is saying she needs from you right now,

give her time and space to heal, to rest, to recover from all those

years of pain and suffering you put her through; while she's doing that

work on your relationships with your children; family, and friends.

 

I wasn't asking you to bully your way into forcing your sister to do anything, or insist that she instantly see things your way; but maybe you could just call her now and then; and let her know you care about her and her family?

Thanks for reaching out to your friend from PA; I'm sure that he has lonely days too; maybe you could share J&K's books with him?

If you have some slow time right now with your work; maybe you could take time to just list friends and family who need prayer; and spend time praying for them? Or call someone you know who's discouraged; and encourage them; you can do this without expecting them to feel sorry for you!

Again, (think I asked this in an earlier post); how's it going with you there as far as doing daily chores? Do you do your own laundry? How's it going with learning to cook? That's one way you can work on blessing your wife, by learning how to do these things! Whenever the time comes that Mindy feels really safe again; and you guys are able to work on reconciling, that's going to be very important that you continue to bless her day in and day out; by not expecting her to just do everything for you again! You could practice blessing her in these practical ways now, so she could have things easier at home when you are living in the same house again!

Again; please don't be discouraged with these suggestions; they're only meant to help you grow and learn here; that's the goal for every husband who comes to this forum for help! You've been doing a great job at posting here consistently, listening and speaking up on the calls, so keep it up! The results of all your hard work will bring blessings beyond what you can imagine, as you allow God to work in your life and heart each and every day!

All the helpers here give of their time because we care about families; we only want to share God's message of hope and healing for marriages!

God bless you today as you continue to walk in Him!

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Mindy says it all My precious precious Mindy . How well i remember seeing my precious Mindy the first time . So beautiful so wholesome so pure and lovely

I new she was someone i wanted for my friend. How proud i was the first time i picked her up. I remember doing so many fun things with her. Going to indiana beach ,going camping with her mom and dad, going to church with her on easter sunday, going to the dairy queen after church,goingto the mall or a movie. Whatever it was she trusted me with her heart back then. Then we got married. Slowly i started to destroy my precious wife Gods precious daughter and along with it all her dreams. I am so sorry . I set here with deep sorrow and regret tonight . It is no small thing and i am sure i can not even guess how she must feel. I am committed to make things right.

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Hi kay

 

Maybe i'm in a better position to answer your questions . It just wasen't on my heart last night.

I tried callinng my sister yesterday and she did not call back . She was working i think. I may try again today.

As far as my daily chores i have been doing them pretty much for two and ahalf years . I guess i do okay. A lot of that time i washed my clothes ; but lately our daughter does it .I think they can use the money for one thing.

As far as cooking iv'e not had a place to cook. I have baked brownies before though. I just get by. Actually i feel like i'm taking enough advantage of David the way it is . There is a microwave ; which i use; but since i now sleep in his office he kinda uses the break room for his office.Thank you for all the imput i needed to hear it. I figured that phrase would get some feed back ; but that is okay . Your words of encouragement are very helpfull.

Not totally sure what we will get done today . I want to get at least one job today and get the paint sprayer running. JUst keep trusting God to supply all our needs.

 

See ya later

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hi

Did another job today which was good . I just had to stop and thank the Lord for another job. Studied some today in John for bsf . Went to visit Grandma with

Lynnae but she was kinda out of it . We were going to sing to her ; but she would not wake up . I tried to get her to sing to some others ;but she was not interested.

Kay i wandered about something . I am really struggling with. I have heard a few little things hear and there that mindy is going to have surgary. I think i know when but not where or very little about it. I guess if Mindy don't want to share that is okay and i understand why she wouldn't want to. But it is very hard knowing my own flesh and blood is going to be hurting and maybe a little anxious and needing help . To me it is like if someone would run over my leg and brake it. Yet i had to just drag it around ;but couldn't do anything to fix the pain . Does that make any since? Any way if there is anything at all i can do to help i would be gratefull or even to find out more what is happening .

I do care about Mindy and love her . I am so sorry she has to go through this .

Actually that week i was going to a seminar ; but am thinking about canciling it just so i can be near her to show i care. I even was thinking about going to thje hospital and just setting there in my car or in the loby all day . I can't amajine having to go through something like that especially by myself . It must be really hard. What do you think Kay?

Tonight before i go to sleep i am gently going to hold Mindys hand and tell her all the things i admire about her.

She is beautiful

she has a very compassianate heart

She is very smart

she is very neat

She is a good cook

A very good mother to our children

She helps others

she is fun to visit with

There is so much more ;but i may save some for another night

 

 

Thank you

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Your absalutly right mindy i have been very guilty of stretching the truth in the past and want to become totally honest. Thank you very much for pointing that out and please forgive me I am sorryfor making you feel again like i am not honest. I am not real clear if our daughter washed in the past . I remember going to the laundramat lots of times and i know that i washed my clothes also when i lived in Laf. and like you said at home. The last few monthes our daughter has done it. It may benifit them a little ;but me more. It would probably be more honest to say one and a half years on the washing .I have took care of my self a fare amount and even at home i did sweep a fair amount . I am sure i could have done much more than i did.

 

good night

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I

have heard a few little things hear and there that mindy is going to have surgary. I think i know when but not where or very little about it. I guess if Mindy don't want to share that is okay and i understand why she wouldn't want to. But it is very hard knowing my own flesh and blood is going to be hurting and maybe a little anxious and needing help . To me it is like if someone would run over my leg and brake it. Yet i had to just drag it around ;but couldn't do anything to fix the pain . Does that make any since? Any way if there is anything at all i can do to help i would be gratefull or even to find out more what is happening .

 

Hey Bruce,

 

It's great that you care about Mindy, but I have to be honest with you, here. She doesn't want you to come anywhere near the hospital. As hard as this may seem to you to not be able to help her, it is much harder for her to have to worry about what you are going to do. She is still in a season of needing her space away right now - surgery or not! She has many other people in her family who will be there for her, Bruce, so you can rest assured that she is not alone.

 

I think the best thing that you can do for Mindy right now, Bruce, is to stay consistent in keeping your focus on becoming a Christlike man apart from your wife. What you need to realize is that the changes that you are making should and need to be for GOD, and not only for Mindy. God MUST come first....... I feel that in many ways you are putting Mindy before God, and that can't be. He needs your attention right now, and that is where your focus needs to be.

 

Remember the post about doing this even if Mindy doesn't ever want you back?? It must be a life long commitment for you.

 

So, where to go from here? Just keep praying for her, Bruce. Ask God to stay near her and help her to stay strong. Check on her, through your kids or her parents. It's fine to make sure she's okay, but again, Mindy needs to do this without your help. Thinking of you near her, brings on many triggers of past hurts and that is the last thing she needs right now. Trust me on that one....... Satan loves to hurt people with the past, and unfortunately, you remind her of the past.

 

keep giving her the space she needs to get her healing from God. When you are ready, God will let Mindy know.

 

She wants you to know that it's okay if you keep your plans that you had.

 

Keep moving forward, Bruce, and again, I say to you.... keep your focus on GOD!! He loves you so very much!

 

Kay

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Thanks Kay

 

APpreciate the input. I thought i might work on the merry go round today but it is to cold. Then Martin did not get me the one part i needed yet.

Probably i will go back to Johns tonight and i am not sure what to do the rest of the weekend. I may go to dunkard breathren again tomorrow.

 

 

 

Adios

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Praise the Lord

He is so good and faithful even when we don't deserve it. But then we know there is nothing we can do to deserve it. That is the kind of love i want to have for Mindy and i will or sometimes even think i do. Who of us can earn love it has to be freely given . I just think on this valentines day what Mindy has to go through because of me . She deserves a better day than she will have . I am the cause of all this mess . I take full responsibilitie for getting us here and i take responsibilitie to do what i can to change things. I praise the Lord for the past and trust him for the future.

Had a big crowd at Johns last night. Thanks for the encouragment through Jodi. Today i am going to victory . It seems a little painful ;but i will go anyway. I hope and pray you have a blessed time on this valantines day . I do care about your heart.

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What can i say

I am so terribly sorry that mindy had to be lonely today. I don't want her to be lonely.I would do anything to help that girl to not be lonely. She is my best friend and i want good things for her.I am so sorry she feels abandoned no doubt causing her to feel forsaken, alone, secluded, cut off and deserted. From now on i intend to make sure you know i will keep you and that you belong and feel connected and that their is no way i will ever leave you.

Your daughter is just like you when she gets to serving a meal and taking care of peaples needs. I want to be with you tonight so you won't feel abandoned

so i am just going to hold your hand here tonight before you go to sleep and tell you that i admire you especially what a godly virtuous women you are . I care about you and could never ask for a better women . Thank God for you .

Good night

 

Today just went to church and hung out some

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hello

New day new opportunities.

today want to tryb to do a job in the woods. Sure hope we don't get stuck . it could turn an unprofitable job into a nightmare.

tonight is my bsf class and kinda looking forward to it.

I was thinking about going on to ohio and looking for some jobs al so i want to look a lot this week. Brian will be gone. Maybe i need to apply some of what i have been reading on how to influance peaple.

I hope my dear wife has a good day today . It must be hard thinking about next week. I hope her parents are back and are able to help her.

 

God bless

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Bruce;

Kay gave you some great advice on Saturday; which you've kinda ignored from the tone and words of your last few posts. You have 23 pages here on your thread, giving you many words of help and encouragement to help you focus on what your goal should be right now; which is to be a Christlike man in all your words, thoughts, actions, etc.

 

For some reason you seem to be focusing on this time of separation from Mindy as a punishment; instead of a gift. God has given you this gift of time to grow and mature into becoming a real man of God, instead of staying stuck in your arrested toddler state; yet you act like it's a time of punishment because Mindy was strong enough in her faith to file for the RO; to protect herself, give herself time to heal from the years of abuse you put her through; while giving you this gift of time to grow up; accept the help that so many people are offering you; this is a huge blessing from God that she's even willing to give you another chance!

 

Please stop focusing on what you want; what you're missing; what you want Mindy to do for you; read the things here on your thread that she's asked you repeatedly to do right now; and just do them without the complaining, whining, self-pity, posting over and over what you want!

 

Read the other men's threads that are also working toward winning their wives hearts back; help encourage them to work on becoming Christlike men also! You were doing well there for awhile, just get your focus back on what your goal should be; and give Mindy the time and space she's asked for, just work on being consistent every day in doing what she's said would bless her right now!

 

I don't know if you're getting negative feedback from friends, family, or church friends; but I really hope that if this is happening; you can find the strength and courage to stand up for the truth here; and tell them very firmly that this time of separation isn't Mindy's fault, you are the one who's caused this by your abusive and unkind actions for many years.

 

I'm praying that you'll find the strength you need in Christ to get up and start walking forward again, instead of going back to walking this path of selfishness, self-pity, and the arrested mindset of a toddler!

 

Like Kay said, God must come first in your life; keep your focus on Him!

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Good morning

Thank you plans for hope . If you could actually point out my wrong statements then that would be helpful. I don't want self pity and even pouint that out to others. I realized i had missed an importantv statement about becoming Christ like . Joel says every thought should be about our wife .Then someone else says it should be about God .Of course that does sound more right. A little more feed back on the subject would be helpful. I have been thinking a lot about it and what it all means. I will be just asking God about it today.

Need to look for work again today ;but with snow no one wants to think about it.

Good day

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Bruce, is to stay consistent in keeping your focus on becoming a Christlike man apart from your wife. What you need to realize is that the changes that you are making should and need to be for GOD, and not only for Mindy. God MUST come first....... I feel that in many ways you are putting Mindy before God, and that can't be. He needs your attention right now, and that is where your focus needs to be.

 

It is two fold for every man, regardless of who the man is. A man is to keep his wife and the Lord in the forefront of his mind at all times.

 

The point that Kay is making is that she wants you to make this a lifelong change for God... and not just to get Mindy back but I am not really changed.

 

The last time that you were out of the home for 18 months, it was just a couple months after coming back home that you started to abuse her that quickly again.

 

That was a year and a half with no contact and your change was not real. Your wife is very concerned that your current change would end up the same way.

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Hi Bruce-

 

Remember when David, you, and I spoke a month or two ago on the men's call about consistency and how important it was?

 

What you are hearing now is a continuation of that same point. Continue to work on being so consistent and predictable that Mindy knows what you are going to do before you do it. Be precise. Remember, men change from the outside in, so doing the right actions is a good thing, but it is your core that needs to change. Consider this the GOD of Peace sanctifying you wholly, spirit, soul (your mind, will and emotions), and body (1 Thessalonians 5:23). Just as the LORD is the same yesterday, today, and forever, you need to be consistent, Bruce.

 

Review in 1 Kings chapters 6 - 8 when Solomon built the temple (weird bible study for a marriage ministry, huh?) - look at how exact everything was - the measurements, the materials, the furnishings, everything. Everything had a specific purpose, a specific place. No deviation from the specifications set forth were acceptable. A half inch off - tear the wall down and rebuild it. Everything was very consistent. There was an expectation to be met. There are times and places in our lives that require exacting purpose and order.

 

The end result of order is glory, and when the glory comes, it will never be perceived as sacrifice.

 

With Christ, you can do this. There's a lot of us pulling for you.

 

And the GOD of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast 1 Peter 5:10

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without the complaining, whining, self-pity

 

Bruce, today, I was only going to listen in on the call, but after hearing how your words came out, I couldn't help but speak into the call. I strongly advise you to write this date on the calendar, and then when you can, go back and listen to yourself. You seriously sounded like a wounded child complaining about the big bad helpers who make no sense. You are so lucky that your wife didn't hear you..... Perhaps, you don't hear yourself, but I will say that as soon as I piped in on the call, your attitude totally straightened up, and played the teachable guy who wants to get this.....

 

This is what we mean by consistency. Your voice says so much, and it makes me wonder if that is how you talk to others in the community, your children, etc.....

 

Mindy will KNOW when you are ready, and right now, your not there, but..... don't get discouraged, just pick yourself back up again, and move forward, and take Joel's advice, don't just brush through what we say on these boards.. Take your time and let it sink in. Your Marriage is at stake, here.

 

Kay

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Its me again Lord what do you want from your servant this morning?

 

Early to bed early to rise seems true these days. Ive got use to going to bed late and when i go early i wake up early. Or maybe the Lord did have something for me.

The healthy, wealthy and wise part could be in the spiritial realm instead of the physical.

We had some good feedback on the post and want to thank all of you for that.

One thing i found is where i thanked my wife for her encouragement from jodi .

I am sorry i should not expect any encouragement from my wife ;but only look for ways to bless her. I do want above all else to become more Christ Like and i thank the Lord that he has given me this opportunity; but not only the oportunity; but some extra time also. Ido want to totally get this thing and am willing to do whatever it takes. Just thinkink there in Heb. 13:8 that Jesus is the same yesterday today and forever and also that in Titus 1:2 that says he can not Lie. He will do what he says . That is the consistancy and the Christ likeness that we need, So i will keep pressing on toward that mark . Thanks again for all the help and concerne . To God be the glory amen.

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Good morning

Thank you Kay. Again you are so helpful and i did appreciate you imput on the phone call . It really helped answer my questions . I do want to be teachable and even though you thought i sounded like a wounded child which if you say i did i can trust your judgment and grow from that so thanks again. I did want to have more understanding of what was going on and i believe i gained that.

I do want to take your advice and see if i can figure out how to listen to the call and no i refuse to get discouraged. All this does is make me more determined to keep moveing forward . Mindy deserves so much better than she has had and so help me God she will have better i am confident of that very thing.

I am going to go and climb a tree to see how bad it is.

Go and look at a barn roof .

Go to phone co.

Study BSF

Read in joels book and listen more to dvd.

Calvin wants me to pick him up at airport thur. night to go to retreat with me slight challanging .

Probably still go to wrens or if not then pendleton on the way back whichever works out with flight. Thur. night i want to go to mens bible study at pyrmont.

then to INdy. and not sure from there. Don't know wheather to stay in Ohio or come back here. I guess he could stay at Kathys come to Think of it or maybe even get arlyn to pick him up . Now that is a good idea.

Guess i better press on for the day.

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Good evening

I was going back reading Kays post on saturday. I think i am not supposed to bring up anymore hurts that i have caused to mindy , but only let God bring them to her . I am sorry i did not catch that earlier . I do want to give her what she needs. I certainly don,t want to have any influance on hurting Mindy..

Iv'e done enough of that.I intend to keep my plans and yes pray much for her healing. I am thankful she has such good and caring parents to help her.

I have been listening todvd about ruined dreams.

Reading the man of her dreams chapter 20.learning more about arrested development.

Listening to the phone call and was reminded that yes all of this is 110 percent my fault.

Had lunch with darrell today . It was a good meeting had not spoken to him in 2 or 3 months.

Good night

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Hello

Just doing some reading in John 14 a good chapter . It is Neet how the Holy Spirit will teach us and bring all things to our remembrance if we choose to receive it.

Still need to study some in bsf .

want to go to hospital this morning.

Still need to get Calvin tonight. Looks like might have to give up my plans for going to Wrens and do it another time. This whole thing could be good for me to help me give up my own desires. Probably just end up going to pendleton sunday and he wants to see Jim . I think they went to school togeather in Cal. and then when they moved to Kan. Jims moved into their house.

Keep having dreams which are good dreams i believe about my wife. We have lots of happiness in these dreams and i even learn what some of her dreams are which have not changed just been sqashed.

Maybe i should not even share this kind of stuff because i don't want to bring more pain? What do you think?

 

God bless your day

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Hey Bruce;

Good observation from your Bible studies about how the Holy Spirit brings things to our minds when we need it! Consistently studying God's Word will be a blessing to you as you walk forward on this path to becoming a Christlike man!

 

Sounds like you have a busy day, that's good that you're reaching out and helping your friend this weekend! That will be an encouragement to him I'm sure, so nice of you to be willing to change your plans and do what he would like to do! (Good practice also for learning how to bless Mindy!)

 

You said you were going to the hospital this morning, is Mindy ok? I know that she's supposed to have surgery sometime soon, but thought that she requested you just go ahead with your previous plans? Maybe I misunderstood this.

 

Thanks for sharing your dreams and the happiness you felt, that should be a great motivation to keep being consistent here each and every day, as you hope for a better marriage someday! It's really up to you, seems like, as to how much progress is being made in you becoming Christlike in all aspects of your life; and how Mindy's heart is healed from all the pain and abuse of the past!

 

God bless you as you keep looking to Him for help each and every day, keep reading and following through with the advice J & K and the helpers have given you; just take forward steps here; and ask questions when there's something you don't understand!

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