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want to go to hospital this morning.

 

Bruce, what is going on? Whoever is in the hosptital, please don't go anywhere near there, if Mindy is there. God hears your prayers where ever you are at!

 

Please update all of us as I am worried.

 

Kay

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hello

Got through another day here and visited the hospital a couple of times. Mindys uncle had a heart attack and dosen't seem real good for him. Please pray for him .

A couple days ago i remembered that i was setting at Miejer and i seen this lady carying a gas can and i kept thinking that she would get to her car but she just kept going clear down the road to the east by that church. Then i felt bad that i let her walk all that way. Anyway i watched to see what would happen and finally drove over ; but it would not start and i don't think it was out of gas .So we pushed the old truck over in the church parking lot and i hauled her out on 900 to her house . The inside of her truck looked like the hard life. The thing was she had some reson to be upset ;but she was happy and thankful the whole time even after walking a half mile for gas. I think the truck is still setting at the church. By the way Kay why don't you ask mindy about the time she hauled Harris home from the grocery :wink: :lol: .It turned out that Jim was going to pick up Calvin tonight and i will meet him in Anderson. So sad about David and Mary Margeret it reminded me so much of my own life. It made me very sad thinking of all the tim es i treated Mindy that way. Actually very embarressing. For me it seems like i had all of this anger , rejection ,self focus and ignored feelings inside.Then i was in this endless and

self defeating cycle of claiming to be the victim. Then i would go around the circle of being a victim to the need to be rescued to feeling hurt and offended.

Then i would go around and around when the only way out was to forgive the person that made me feel like a victim. What a miserable way to live . I never want to live like that again.

And of course even more than me i don't want mindy to ever live like that again.

 

Good night

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Standing on the promises of Christ my king through eternal ages let his praises ring

 

God is good i have another day to become more Christ like praise the Lord .

 

hope you have a good day still praying for you.

 

I will post again when possible don't know if i will have another connection before Sat. night .

 

Got to pick calvin up at 8:00 Then will be on our way.

 

Love to you all God bless

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Hi

hope you had a good day. We had some good study in manhood.

We need to fix problems gods way

The man is supposed to anitiate.

In the morning at 6:00 i have an appointment to run a mile aroud the lake with Levi bowman Abbs son which is Kendalls friend . I truly don't know if i am up to it. Much easier to run a mile on the treadmill.

 

Good night

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Good morning

another great day the Lord has made. Stayed allnight at Jimboyds . Im tellin you im used to having a clean house . I have such a good wife . staying there was about more than i can hack. Last night we watched flywheel . They thought it was good . When we got to the part about the wife laying in bed crying it just made me think how i have made my wife do that so many times. It grieved me to think how much pain that brought my wife. Even after going to bed i coulden't stop crying for all the pain i caused her. Im setting at wendys now. Today will go to Pendelton . Then take Calvin to airport.

Omne thing that really stood out at the meetings was that before i was married instead of being the leaded and protecting Mindy and being responsible as a man . I left all the responsibilitie up to her as to how far we would go sexually.

This caused her to have to begin to take the leadership role. Very passive and ungodly of me. I have ased God to forgive me for not protecting Mindy from myself .I make that commitment to protect Mindy from me.

Just now i get down on my knees before you Mindy and i ask you to please forgive me for allowing you to have to be the leader . Please forgive me for not being a man and protecting you . I want to become that man who will always protect you. I did not ever care for your heart and i want more than anything in this world to protect and care for your heart.

God bless

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hi

Had a good day. Heard the message on forgiveness . I had listened to it once so kinda new what he would say ahead of time ;but it was still good. Bruce Turner talked on Joy and peace. I told Rita he was going to make a good preacher. He did good. Thought we would get out without an invite ;but we did not.Marilyn invited us so went there for dinner. Had Thomas and Deann , Dirks , Some oylers , and couple others .

Sorry about tonight . I left pretty quick. I just won;t go anymore then you don't have to be uncomfortable.

I allready explained how i was so passive even before i was married.

A real man is one who :

Rejects passivity

Accepts responsibility

Leads couragiously

Expects the greater reward ,Gods reward

 

Now that is a challange. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you I think . It really hit me today how many years of my wifes life was lost or wasted because of me .

 

Good night

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Bruce;

I spent some time today reading through both your thread here; and also Mindy's thread. There's a huge amount of help and suggestions for you here in the many pages on your thread; please go back through them with a prayerful heart, an open heart, a willingness to read and then follow what's been said in love for you to do in your life to bring blessing to Mindy.

 

Some things that concern me from your last few postings:

 

"A couple days ago i remembered that i was setting at Miejer and i seen this lady carying a gas can and i kept thinking that she would get to her car but she just kept going clear down the road to the east by that church. Then i felt bad that i let her walk all that way. Anyway i watched to see what would happen and finally drove over ; but it would not start and i don't think it was out of gas .So we pushed the old truck over in the church parking lot and i hauled her out on 900 to her house . The inside of her truck looked like the hard life. The thing was she had some reson to be upset ;but she was happy and thankful the whole time even after walking a half mile for gas. I think the truck is still setting at the church. By the way Kay why don't you ask mindy about the time she hauled Harris home from the grocery "

 

I'm not sure what you're trying to say here by posting this; is this supposed to bring blessing to Mindy's heart by hearing how you helped a woman with her truck; then wrote something to Kay about Mindy hauling someone home from the grocery?

 

And this:

 

"[b]Omne thing that really stood out at the meetings was that before i was married instead of being the leaded and protecting Mindy and being responsible as a man . I left all the responsibilitie up to her as to how far we would go sexually.

This caused her to have to begin to take the leadership role. Very passive and ungodly of me. I have ased God to forgive me for not protecting Mindy from myself .I make that commitment to protect Mindy from me. "

 

What does this mean? From what Mindy's said here on the forum for the past two years of being part of this ministry, you've been very abusive to her in many ways, including repeated physical and sexual abuse. So your comments about Mindy in this area raise some huge red flags here, is this really the truth of what's happened for most of the years of your marriage? I think I recall from her posts regarding your separation that one of the main reasons for this is your abuse toward her by forcing your way into her bedroom and insisting she meet your sexual needs, after being told again and again that this is abuse, this brings up past hurts for her, and is not in any way being a Christlike man or husband.

 

Everyone here in this ministry is only trying to help you, we're not working against you; we care about you and Mindy; and only want God's best for your marriage and family! For some reason the past few weeks the tone of your posts, your comments on the calls, your focus has returned to what you want, how you think things should be progressing, etc. I don't know what the reasons are for this change in your attitude and behavior, are you getting negative feedback from someone in your family about working with this ministry? Or is someone in your church community not supporting you following these biblical teachings of becoming a Christlike man by learning to listen to Mindys heart and be a blessing to her? As Kay and Joel both said in some of their recent posts to you, this should become a lifelong committment for you, learning to give up what your wants and wishes are everyday, and being consistent and showing Mindy that you're really sincere in this; since you've had some problems with that in the past! This is going to take more than a few months, and Mindy shouldn't be continuing to get blamed for this separation, this is ALL because of your abuse and mistreatment of her for so many years; no one should expect her to instantly heal from the trauma and pain that you've put into her heart, body, and soul; this is going to take LOTS of TIME, EFFORT, and DAILY, HOURLY, sometimes minute-by-minute committment on your part, laying your life down in all ways for her for a season of time!

And things like this have to really hurt her heart:

 

"Got through another day here and visited the hospital a couple of times.

Sorry about tonight . I left pretty quick. I just won;t go anymore then you don't have to be uncomfortable.

I allready explained how i was so passive even before i was married. "

 

Mindy has to be really hurting right now, with her uncle seriously ill in the hospital; please by very considerate of her feelings here, and somehow arrange a time to visit the hospital if you have to when you know she's not going to be there. How does thinking of her and what would bless her during this really tough time have anything to do with being passive? Again, I'm not trying to pick on you here, or condemn you; just trying to get you to see how this hurts Mindy even more, and causes mistrust in her heart to see you revert back to some old behavior patterns and attitudes from the past!

 

I'm praying for you, Bruce, that you'll really be in prayer the next week about this; and somehow back off with what your wishes, wants, and expectations of Mindy are; and get your focus back on really becoming a Christlike man in every aspect of your life; in actions, in thought, in word, in how you present your situation to others.

 

God bless your week, please keep posting here with your questions, or comments, you're doing a great job at posting your daily activities! I hope that your weekend was a blessed one, sounds like you received some encouragement from some of the men you were with! Real Christian men can be a blessing to you, as they help you walk this path to becoming a better man, father, and husband!

 

I'd encourage you to also read some of the men's threads here who are also working to win their wives hearts back, you can possibly identify with some of their struggles; and find help and encouragement from their comments!

 

Will continue to pray for you!

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Bruce;

Here's an excellent post from one of the men whose been walking this path for awhile; maybe this post that David wrote to 'Lots of work to do" will encourage you!

Here's his advice:

 

 

 

Lots of work to do,

 

There have been men here who, at the beginning of their journey, have had little contact with their wives. I always say, use this time to immerse yourself in the wealth of knowledge that you have at your finger tips.

 

This is not a "Get my wife back in 20 steps or less" program. This is a life long adaptation of becoming a Christ-like man which holds the power of reaching our broken wives hearts. There is no magic phrase and their is no magic potion but their is magic in following our commanded calling of Agape loving our wives.

 

This is your goal when your wife will not communicate with you. You read and you learn and you implement what is taught here. When you do and you will get a chance to communicate with your wife, you want her to hear and feel a man that she doesn't recognize. A man that is so intriguing that she will have to be curious. I have seen it happen many times.

 

You have to be willing to give up everything that is in you that is not Christ-like. You have to be willing to walk the hill to your cross. You have to be willing to sacrifice your (carnal) life so that you may give BACK the life you stole from your wife and our God. This will not be easy but I have witnessed many miracles here and you too came become one.

 

Put on a new pair of walking shoes. Tie them up tight and start marching on. Keep our Lord God in your sight and do not let any one discourage you. There are many many steps for you to take but there is one key that has saved me. I only have to take one step now. Each time you take one step, it is one step closer to becoming the man God has called you to be!

 

God Bless

David

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kay

When you said don't go near the hospital I thought you ment if Mindy was in the hospital. Of course knowing she was about to go anyway that was what came to my mind. I had already explained that it was her Uncle in the hospital and i thought in my mind that that was explanation enough for you to see that Mindy was not in the hospital . If i took it different than what you ment then i am sorry . Ithink i might have missunderstood what you were saying . In which case i don't feel like i dissoebeyed you. Anotherwards i thought if mindy is in the hospital ..don't visit her. So i don't have any guilt about visiting her uncle.

You can be assured of one thing though . If i found out my wife was in the hospital dying i would visit her. Like i said i have already decided not to visit any more and also if he dies i will stay away. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. Now i remember you telling someone about you and your husband being one flesh which of course would make his uncles being 100 percent your uncle and the same way around.

 

thanks

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Back again

Maybe i don't get it.

I had choices . I could have let that lady suffer and who knows what maybe call a wrecker although she looked very poor and i know that i know in my heart i am pure before God and maybe my wife don't . I very nearly drove off and let that lady set ; but i woukld hope someone would help my wife. If that was wrong i would like to know. Now i very nearly decided not to tell my wife about that , but i want to be honest with my wife. I can see that maybe next time i should just leave.

As for that sexual part before marriage i was trying to say that it was abusive of me to force her to do things she did not want to do before we were married. I was not protecting her. Maybe i should not have brought it up.

Im sorry about bringing that thing up about harris.

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I don,t get the thing aboutposting my wishes wants and expectations of Mindy .

I can see where things sometimes don't come out like i mean

One example may be ...Of course even morei don't want want mindy to live like that . Which could mean i don't want her to do what i did or that she did act like me ..What i ment was i don't want her to have to live with someone who acts like that I don't know if that is what your refering to or other things.

Please help me understand clearly

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Bruce,

 

I'm taking a break from helping you for now. I will watch and read your thread, and when I see you start taking your focus OFF of yourself, I will come back.

 

You can defend yourself all you want, but bottom line is this.........With the present attitude that you have, you can bet that your wife will be staying far away from you!

 

Will continue to pray,

Kay

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Kay

 

I appriciate all your help and i love you for it.

You don't ever have to help me again and that is okay with me..

My love or acceptance of you is not contengant on your performance.

I choose to put my trust in God.

I know That i am accepted in him and there is nothing i can do that will cause him to love me any less or any more. That does not mean i won't make mistakes. I make lots of them. But i can know that his love is not based on my performance. I used to think it was. I can know that he will bring things into my life that will help me to see the truth and you are one of those things. I praise him for that. Because of the fathers love for me i am willing to let you go.

My God is showing me some awsome things and it brings great peace in my heart.

Thanks again for all your help

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Hi David

I am happy to explain that. I am just sorry if it was taken the wrong way.

I really do appreciate Kays help and would be glad for it at any time ;but i can let it go and i don;t have to have her help to find my acceptance. I spent much of my life trying to find my acceptance from other peaple. I can trust the Lord that he will accept me and love me. I can choose to walk away from him ;but he will never walk away from me. How much i may feel his love could depend on me : but i believe his promise that he will never leave me or forsake me. I really am sorry if that offended Kay . I had no alterior motive.

 

Left Bearn this morning . That seemed to be what the Lord was directing me to do.

Today i went to my nonviolent alternatives class

Went to Lisiacks a couple times .

went to town with Kyles tonight. That Cody is heavy and starting to get more fun. He is learning how to grab everything and also throw it.

Need to read and get on the phone call.

 

Thanks David

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Bruce,

 

The appropriate response to Kay would have been,

Kay, I'm sorry for hurting you and frustrating you. I will keep working to win my wife's heart, while still understanding that I have a restraining order against me and that I need to give her the space she needs to regain my trust. I have NOT been doing that. Instead I have done ******** (whatever it is that you've done, because you know and I know that there is something that has upset Miss Kay). I am so sorry that I have done this. I have completely destroyed any trust that I have gained with my wife, and I have completely taken away any peace that she has managed to gain in the past several weeks.

 

So...Bruce. Start by confessing your hidden issue here. What is going on? Is it ONLY the hospital issue? My gut is telling me that this is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

Take Care,

Julie

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Thank you goingsolo

I think you are helpful and i appreciate it.I have been asking the Lord to reveal whats going on and this is part of it. You are right i need to learn to just appologize.

 

Kay i am sorry for hurting you and frustrating you. I will definatly keep working to win my wifes heart back whilestill understanding that i have a restraining order against me and that i need to give her space in order to regain my trust.

I have not been doing that and i am sorry i have mady Mindy feel like i have been putting my wishes ,wants and expectations on her. I don't want to make Mindy feel like that . I have to admit and not to make an excuse ;but i am having a hard time understanding exactly what is going on. I am sorry Kay for going to the hospital and won't anymore. I think one of my problems is that i sometimes just skim the post. I have been praying for understanding and can start to get a glimpse of a bad attitude and also a prideful attitude. One reason i left the mens meetings was of course because i felt like i should , but sometimes i think when i go to to many meetings like that i could start thinking i have it all figured out and become prideful.Even though the Lord was laying it on my heart how much he loves me ,i was wrong Kay to use that against you so please forgive me for that. I am sorry i have taken away the peace and trust that my wife has started to gain. I am sorry for trying to defend myself , that was wrong . Still praying for more revalation because i do want to be a safe place for my wife.

I am sorry also that i have not learnt yet how to make myself of no reputation and just appologize. I am determined to learn that.

 

I truly thank you all for your help

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Kay, I'm sorry for hurting you and frustrating you.

 

I want to make something very clear here. Bruce, you did not hurt me. Not even close! Frustrate me?? YES. And, the only reason that I am frustrated is because YOUR beautiful wife is hurting! She is beginning to lose hope that you will ever turn around. She is starting to accept that her life may be like this forever. She is grieving her Marriage to you. And, because SHE is hurting, I am hurting, because I care about her and she is my friend!

 

Your attitude this past month STINKS! You self-defend, you cry woe is me to people around you, and you talk like you're this self-righteous person. Yes, God loves you, and YES, God will never forsake you or leave you, but God also watches everything you do, just like we do! He cries when your wife cries, too... I'm so tired of your posts being about YOU! Get over yourself, already!

 

Yes, you DO skim posts, and YES, that IS your problem.... but, for you to make all those round about excuses about the hospital situation is bogus, and you know it! Let's be honest, here, Bruce, you were HOPING to get a glimpse of your wife.

 

NOBODY told you NOT to go to the hospital to visit your "100 % percent FLESH" :roll: uncle.......... you were told to NOT go near the hospital IF there was a chance that your wife would be there! THAT is common SENSE - you find out when your wife is going to be there so you don't walk in on her. Did you care if you might walk in on her??? NO! IN fact, even AFTER you saw her, you STILL made the choice to STAY and VISIT, not caring IF she was there or NOT! THAT IS SELFISH and THAT is NOT Trying to win your wife's heart back.

 

Also, why don't you tell everyone here about the Snowman incident?? Why is THAT being kept in the darkness?? Why you be honest with everyone and admit that you are sending messages to your wife that I am watching you, and don't forget it!! Oh, my mistake?? Not a Snow Man, a 'SNOW BRUCE Man" staring in at your wife while she does the dishes??

 

Wow, what a Man you are, Bruce!!! Am I frustrated?? YES!!!! You are hurting my friend, over and over and over again, and I'm not going to waste my time helping someone who doesn't WANT the help!

 

Don't use this Ministry to try to get your wife back, use us to grow into a Man of GOD, regardless of whether you win her back or not! Do it for GOD!

 

btw... I never said I'm "giving up on you" I said, "I'm TAKING A BREAK!" so, I can put my time and love into your wife!!

 

Blessings,

Kay

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Kay

Thank you that is clear you are right i am seeing where i have been prideful and self focused and self righteous. Thank you for pointing that out to me.

I am sorry for hurting my wife in so many ways.

I am sorry for defending myself .

I am sorry for ging to the hospital knowing i could see my wife .I was wrong for not checking first.

I am sorry about making a snowman it was very selfish of me.

I am sorry for crying woe to others.

I am going to redouble my efforts to do none of these things.

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