Jump to content
God Save My Marriage

Recommended Posts

Hey Bruce,

 

Glad to see that you "started over" with your arrogant response to June about Mindy mowing the yard. I am curious, though. Did you come to this realization on your own, or were you helped out by your wonderful help-meet?

 

It's okay, either way, but I was curious, and I think it would be good for you to speak the truth, regardless of what that truth may be.

 

I also want to say that I'm so glad that Mindy gives you the opportunity to respond on your own to difficult questions, instead of coming to your rescue. Yes, Mindy DID want to mow the yard, but she was curious as to how you would respond to the challenging question. Obviously, you flunked out the first time, but did a nice job, the 2nd time around.

 

The "Do" needs to start moving towards "BE" In other words, it is not enough to DO the work of loving your wife, you have to become this person, deep inside, and also, loving your wife also means blessing others, especially those trying to help you.

 

Keep truck'n along, Bruce! You'll get there! (That's your pat on the back for today ;) You deserve some of that, too, because you are still here, trying.... Now let's get past the "TRY" stage - TRY - Do - BE - Shout it from the Mountain tops! :D You are still stuck between the "Try" and the "Do"

 

Blessings,

Kay

Edited by Kay
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 925
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Hi

guess my wife has a right to be angry and i am sorry that i caused all this mess and now she has to be lonely and it does sadden me , but of course her much more . I will become the man she deserves. Any way it is back to work we go and find ways to bless my dear wife . What na privilage it is to serve her . She is such a Godly wife she does want to workn and do things i only wish it was easier for her and the truth be known i have been the cause of much of her health issues and am so sorry for thatalso . she could be angry about that to and rightly so. I will spend the rest of my life making up for what i have done .

Link to post
Share on other sites

so, Bruce, what are you DOing today, what did you DO yesterday that was a blessing to Mindy?

 

InHisImage Posted Yesterday, 11:26 PM

Hello Ira,

As I sat in church last night I was praying for you and I believe God quickened something to me about you so...

I think I have a word for you.

Sometimes we become so focused on our failure and intense concentration on wining our brides back we put God on the back burner without realizing it. We begin to use God as a "tool" to win back our wives. God is using the circumstances to draw us into an intimate relationship with him.

This is where we must set priorities and establish right standings with God. If we don't do this then we begin to find our selves angry with God when our prayers don't seem to be answered. God gives us what we need not necessarily what we want.

Here is what will help get your priorities right

 

Quote

Isaiah 40:31

New International Version (©1984)

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

 

 

Quote

Psalm 46:10 (New International Version)

 

10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

 

Give God his rightful place, fall before him with the attitude that he and only he is your source of being, of life. Give it all to God.

 

Here is God's example of giving

Quote

Luke 6:38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, SHALL MEN GIVE INTO YOUR BOSOM. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

 

 

You can't out give God in anything by any measure.

Edited by June & Ward
added post from another thread
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

good morning

i realize God and the blood of Christ is the only hope for winning my wife back although in doing that Christ needs to be my life. There is nothing in my flesh of value ,actually it is like a pile of rags .My very best is nothing but junk. On the call last night some profound things were that we don,t want to focus on doing good ,but blessing our wife . it made me think about sin , if we focus on our sin and concintrate on not sinning that is the very thing we will do . Instead we need to focus on Jesus .Also we need to protect our dear wife, instead i have been trying to protect myself and have been having a sense of entitlement which is not aggopa love ,maybe a self love would be more correct. I need to learn more about aggopa loving my wife. Just some thoughts ,if i don,t getb any feedback i understand that and if i do it will be appreciated.

blessings

Link to post
Share on other sites

i have very little idea what to say .We desperatly need Gods grace.It is terrible how i have treated my dear wife lately . It is just living and working from the power of the flesh . How dumb it willn never work because none of our flesh is any good at all .Anyway i commit to doing right by my wife . Lord help me .

Link to post
Share on other sites

To me it would seem proud to say i did all those things and even if i did do them i realize i have potentialto be selfish and not agopa love my wife . I have proven that . It seems like my only hope will have to be in Jesus christ and him alone . He has given me some victories which i give him the glory for . I have blessed my wife today by getting her bthe paper , making her money, getting her supper and spraying the weeds,. she is a good women and deserves someone who is not selfish . It does grieve my heart to think how much stress i must cause her .She says i don,t get it . Not sure what that means because i believe i do understand what agopa love is . Bless you

Link to post
Share on other sites
Not sure what that means because i believe i do understand what agopa love is .

 

Understanding is not the same as "doing". Understanding exisits only in your mind, and until that is converted into some one ELSE (your helpmeet) saying that you understand, then you don't get it.

 

You MUST believe that what Mindy feels and believes about you is truth. And untilyou are really ready to accept her word about you, then you are still serving her only to serve yourself.

 

You need to serve her FOR GOD which means to serve her as she needs.

Link to post
Share on other sites

good morning

now i admit that things are not going that good and it is my fault because a women is ;like a mirror that reflects how we treat her . I will try to cover some of my faults here then anyone can feed back as they see fit . My dear wife needs some rest right now and i have been to big of an stress in her life so she decided not to talk to me anymore . That is sad is it not . a wife should be able to depend on her husband for suport.

 

Josh told me to make sure that my wife new when i was gone and i agreed with that . Then when Mindy said she was not going to talk to me i decided in my mind somehow that she did not care so i would not have to tell her where i was. This should have been a time when i stayed home in case she needed anything from me . She was week and in need of care . Of course i was thinking of my feelings instead of hers which i seem to do a lot .

 

Well i desided that since she was not talkiung to m,e i would leave . That made her feel like i was deserting her which i have did so many times in the past . She felt li9ke i was running away and truth be known she could be right , but of course in my mind i justified my actions so me and a friend went to tennisee to visit some friends and help clean up a tree . That was wrong in deserting Mindy at a time of need . Actually i was self centered thinking only of my needs and wants. Some how i have got aw2ay from thinking of my wifes feelings and need to focus on it again .

 

It seems like last year i was doing better , but somehow i have gotten the mind set tnhat things will never change . I do want to be a Godley husband or at least i think i do . Then the next weekend i went to ohio and did not tell her where i went . I will communicate with my wife from now on where i am some way. That is one thing that will change because i dont go anywhere that i would be ashamed for her to know .

 

While in Ohio we had a big storm here at home so Mindy wanted to know where the gas was > I texted her back and said on the truck but then amidiately turned to my own feelings again . I said i wish you were here watching fireworks with me , i miss you . She did point out how self focused thatv was and i do appreciate it . I clearly see how wrong that was to be thinking of my own feelings but at that time i thought she needed to know i missed her. Wrong wrong wrong again . Somehow i am going to get this turned back around to wher her feelings matter and mine dont.She deserves better.

 

It seemes like i say things that i think would bless her when in reality it is aboutmy feelings. I am working on it and need some help to see this thing in the right way again.If they say i dont get it then it could be true so i do want to get it i di envite our daughter and her family over to have pizza on the deck which was all about me again and what i wanted . I am thankful they did not come because it would have hurt mindy although even that i envited them must have hurt her just as bad . It was a selfish minipulative thing to do all about me and i am going to quit doing these kind of things .Of course easier said than done

 

Thanks for listening

Edited by June & Ward
making paragraphs for readability
Link to post
Share on other sites

a man changes from the outside in -- the DOing of the actions which then BEcome part of him

 

it seems obvious that you have chosen NOT to even begin the DOing, Bruce -- and honestly, what this shows (at least to me, and probably to her, too) is that have decided it is Bruce's way or no way -- not changing - nope, not me -- Bruce will "talk" about might going to change, but nope, nada, nothing

 

Mindy NEEDED help and security from someone who actually cares enough about her to SHOW her they do -- she has been having medical troubles (much of it resulting from living in many many years of stress with you) ... and then, you just up and go and do whatever BRUCE wants to do

 

She is also probably not feeling to safe around you either - have you been showing a temper or shortness in your words with "attitude" lately? How about going to another anger-management series of classes -- why not offer to do this (and then GO TO THE classes) to be a blessing to Mindy, SHOWing her that you want to DO all you can to change??

 

The only way, Bruce, to fully get away from the bad behavior is to REPLACE it with goodness, gentleness, kindness, love, peace, self-control, meekness, patience (yes, that's right, the Fruit of the Spirit -- IF you are a Christian then you have access to all of these things)

 

so, WHEN are you going to CHOOSE to replace your bad behavior with good?

 

just wondering,

June of

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Bruce,

 

It is good that you are recognizing the things that you have done to hurt Mindy. It is also good that you posted about this. We all need to see more posts like this one, where you actually share the "truth" of what is really going on inside of you. Unfortunately, things won't change between you and Mindy, until you let go of your resentment and make the "choice" to win your wife's heart back, for HER, and not for yourself. To bring healing to her, for HER, and not for what you will get in return. It must be about MINDY, and not about YOU! You seem to understand this, but so far, you haven't made the choice to do this, yet. Oh, you've tried, here and there, but it always comes back to your feelings, and your entitlement.

 

The only way, Bruce, to fully get away from the bad behavior is to REPLACE it with goodness, gentleness, kindness, love, peace, self-control, meekness, patience (yes, that's right, the Fruit of the Spirit -- IF you are a Christian then you have access to all of these things)

 

I love this quote.... It would probably be good for you to memorize it.

 

Watch your thoughts, for they become words;

Watch your words, for they become actions;

Watch your actions, for they become Character;

Watch your character, for it becomes Destiny!

 

Continuing to pray for you,

Kay

Edited by Kay
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you

Idont think i have been showing anger and shortness of words lately Or resentment . I dont feel it in my heart , but but then Mindy would know . As for the anger management classes i have went off and on and there is some good in it . Even recently i have thought about it , but struggle with a couple things . First off i dont care for anger management i would ratherv have anger resolution . Big difference one way teaches you how to walk in the flesh and the other way teaches you how to walk in the spirit . You may say well you walk in the flesh anyway aand you may be right . The second thing that bothers me is all the swaring . It is tererible . not into that, Even with all thati said i still would not say i would not go some and i have off and on ,but i struggle hard with the concept of strenghthening the flesh in that whole deal Today i was thinking about Mindy feeling deserted . I have felt deserted before too, so if i can feel that way then surely i can understand how Mindy felt and really i think i understand that so i am very sorry for causing her to feel like that I need to change that way of thinking

thanks again i need to get these things right

 

I realize i may be in trouble for saying that i have felt that wayb before . I know it is not about my feelings . If i was wrong in making that point please let me know

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think that MINDY wants you to go to anger management classes consistently --- she does not feel safe with you, nor should she at this point.

 

plus, she still cannot depend on you putting her first as evidenced by your attitude and leaving town not letting her know where you were -- when SHE was in need at home ...

your resentment was revealed

 

from what I can tell in your postings (which it is really good that you are posting) is that you are more concerned about doing good for others (WOW, isn't Bruce a great guy) instead of renewing your mind by studying scripture about how to agape-love your bride and instead of DOing the actions of agape-loving == men change from the outside in -- and she is NOT seeing the change on the inside, because she has not seen much change with your actions on the outside

 

please discuss this with Joshua and Kimberly on your next consultation with Mindy

 

my strong .02

 

June of

Link to post
Share on other sites

good morning

th

thank you June for pointing out about me having resentment as being why i left when Mindy needed my help , as i think about it you may be right so i will search my heart about it .

 

If it will make my wife feel safer then i will go to the anger bmanagement classes gladly .

I was thinking on going to church to help do some work ,but i will ask mindy how she feels about it first. I guess i did not ask a question so i will.

Should a person take a class that only teaches a person how to strengthen his flesh by thinking a certain way or is that benificial ? Not totally sure what to think about it all. The word does say to strive . Thank you

Link to post
Share on other sites

Bruce,

I'm curious why do you say,

Should a person take a class that only teaches a person how to strengthen his flesh by thinking a certain way or is that benificial?

If you are going to get serious about slaying this dragon called anger and resentment, it needs to be a several-pronged attack.

 

Hopefully, the anger management classes do the same thing the scriptures and GSMM say to do and that is to replace the bad behaviour with GOOD behavior. The Bibles says often, "go and do good" -- even Jesus said, "go and sin no more"

 

Are you saying that if something is spoken at anger management class that is not specifically backed up by a spoken version IN black and white from the scriptures that you are "above" doing it?

The scriptures of marriage are VERY CLEAR, and yet you have chosen not to do those yet either... and it all backs up to your resentment and anger, Bruce.... so, let's get to dealing with the root prideful problem here. Or are you always going to have an excuse?

 

Would you agree that an alcoholic is going to win against alcoholism ONLY when he/she first recognizes and admits that they are an alcoholic?

 

Would you agree that when a person becomes re-born/gets saved, that they FIRST had to realize that they are a SINNER (a dark ugly nasty sinner) and canNOT save theirself... AND they must trust in Jesus ALONE for their salvation?

If they are prideful and think, oh, I've done a few things wrong, made some mistakes, missed the mark a little in this life, after all-no one's perfect -- would you think that would be the acceptable way to come to Jesus Christ, the Lord of Lords, the Savior, Redeemer, the Alpha and Omega, the precious Lamb that was slain?

 

So, Bruce, it is time to get real here.

 

Mindy has known you all these years as an ABUSIVE man because YOU are an abusive husband.

This ministry is trying to help you SEE that this is the case and that you can CHANGE it... and in a man the change begins on the OUTSIDE in -- but, he must CHOOSE to do the changing.

 

WHEN are you going to decide to change?

To me it seems like you are still in excuse mode -- and don't want to DO the things that need to be done to change your behavior.

 

Awhile back, Mindy gave you a book to read, "Why Does He DO that" by Lundy Bancroft. Have you read it yet? It would really be helpful if you would share with Mindy and on this forum the things in that book that grabbed your attention and helped you look truthfully at yourself.

 

Now, please. do not get me wrong. It is not my hope to badger you down -- it IS my hope that you will not allow satan to keep you down... but, he will do so as long as you avoid the truth of the situation... it is almost as if he is holding you hostage. It is time to be set free, Bruce.

 

Perhaps you need to re-watch the movies, The Passion of the Christ, "Unforgivable" (John Ritter portrays Dr. Paul Hegstrom) and "Fireproof"

 

Kimberly aka Pure In Heart Posted 21 September 2010 - 08:30 AM

Quote

thankfulforgracey,

 

 

Anger is a secondary emotion. It is easier for you to get angry than to deal with the underlying issues in your heart. Anger in and of itself is not wrong, it was you DO with your anger that matters.

 

Anger not managed is when you let those underlying feelings get the best of you instead of just facing them and dealing with them before they become an outburst. Anger not properly dealt with will cause you to let it out on others and end up wounding them.

 

Generally, anger is caused from real or perceived feelings of an unmet need of your heart. It may start out as fuming inside over what you have to do, how unfair it is and that you do not want to be called upon to be stretched beyond what you believe are your capabilities. Other reasons for anger are that you may feel afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of not being up for the task, afraid of people needing you.

 

God's Word says, to not let the sun go down on your anger, because the point is to look beyond the anger to the source of the problem. It is when anger is unchecked that it gets out of control or feels like it is controlling you.

 

Most people do not like feelings of anger and so instead of dealing with the underlying insecurities, fears, pressures and hurt it is easier to just explode, be irritable, be short or stuff it.

 

Women generally stuff their anger. Men generally let theirs take full vent.

 

All of us do not like this particular emotion because we immediately think of it as the "bad" or "wrong" emotion. Yet, not facing our anger is actually the worst thing we can do. Pretending it is not there does NOT make it go away.

 

Anger can be an emotion that when harnessed can help you move forward with purpose. When a person gets angry at injustice it propels a person to do something about that very injustice. Anger can be good, it can be a warning sign that something is not being dealt with and needs attention. So, instead of working up some human strength to fight it....acknowledge it!!

 

Say, I am angry. I am in fear. I feel resentment. I feel frustrated. This reminds me of my own Dad, today. I hate feeling like a failure,Lord. OR WHATEVER it is. Just say, Aright,.....so. So they are just feelings.

 

Talk to the Lord about them. Go to him. I am angry because Gracey is on me again and I feel resentful that she is so needy.

 

Lord, I give my resentment to you and ask that you pour love into me to give to my wife.

 

Or, it could be...Lord, I am feeling afraid. There are so many bills and so little time ina day to do all I need to do. I give my doubts and fears to you. AGAIN, ACKNOWLEDGE THEM DO NOT FIGHT THEM. Cast your cares and fears, needs, anger or whatever upon the Lord, because HE CARES for YOU, and ALL that is happening in your world.

 

 

Lord, I feel unloved and rejected. It does not seem to matter what I do to love gracey. It feels nothing is enough. I do not have it today even though I want to love her. I feel insecure and unable to love. I never learned how to love and was never loved myself. I feel angry about that. I feel really angry that _______hurt me over and over again. I give these feelings of being less than to you and cast it on you. Fill me, my HEAD, My SOURCE of LIFE and STRENGTH so I can FILL HER with LIFE AND STRENGTH and with concern for her rejection and the ways I put fear in her that made her question my love for her.

 

SEE the difference. Do not fight dying to self....love and the dying takes care of itself. Turn your focus onto the Lord, give Him the feelings, let them go into His hands, and then turn away from self-feelings and turn toward your wife. Often if a man would give his own wife what he is needing himself and does it sacrificially; instead of wanting that very need met, he would end up getting that need met after all.

 

So, in the context of marriage let's see what you are truly angry about?

 

Ask yourself probing questions.....what fear or unmet need do I think is effecting me? Why I am frustrated? What pain or hurt am I feeling and is it real or perceived? Do I feel threatened inside? Am I feeling angry at myself for feeling I am falling short in any way? Am I angry because life is putting pressure on me and I do not know what to do?

 

When we uncover the source of the anger then we can deal with it head on. This is what God meant when he said, BE angry but do not SIN. Look at the anger so it does not have the chance to control you or you use the anger to control others to get what you think you want and need.

 

Having needs is not wrong. Having frustrations or disappointments is not wrong. Having feelings of rejection and insecurity are not wrong it is finding the truth or the answer to those very feelings.

 

Most people do not want to take the time to sort through those feelings and so resort or default to anger because it is easier to take it out on someone else than stop themselves and look at the problem or situation realistically. Realistically because most often certain of our fears or our needs going unmet are unfounded. Unfounded because there is an answer to bringing their feelings back in check. Really there is.

 

For men in particular who deal with anger this happens to be their learned response to feelings of something from their AD or wounds from the past. It can also be a taught response or learned from their parents who also dealt with life from anger rather than healthy coping mechanisms. Now that we KNOW the reason or the why behind it those wounds for the man essentially lose their grip. The mystery is taken out of it and there attentions can now be put on others. Those things have been revealed. It is not your fault hurt came to you but those very wounds do not have to control your present or your future anymore.

 

In marriage, often men feel resentment for having to lay aside their needs for a season of time. They do not want to feel their wives are demanding something of them. Their anger is rooted in resentment. They resent (in their perception) of being told what to do. The truth here is that these frustrations and resentments are not coming from a good place in them. Notably, the flesh man feels out of control and so to get back in control they use anger as a weapon instead of using that anger to tackle their flesh man rearing its ugly head.

 

Anger is good when it is a "holy" anger. When it is aimed in the right direction for righteous purposes.

 

I personally believe that most anger is rooted in FEAR. Because there is no fruit of the spirit of self-control on the inside, stability or any sense of real security on the inside, the "angry" person has to control others around them through anger and threats of anger to feel that their control is intact. This is simply an unhealthy way of bringing the inward heart of a man to a place of being and believing his security, love and acceptance is in Christ.

 

Since he feels out of control and uses his anger unwisely then he has assuredly set himself up for a downward spiral inside. He then feels ashamed and guilty for unleashing his anger. Does not know how to get back to a good place and is now dealing with the fall-out from hurting those around him....a wife and children.

 

Instead of immediately dealing with the anger and fall-out he then resorts to PRIDE to cover his tracks and not be confronted and ends up feeling more stuck, drowning in feelings of hopelessness and back to SELF-focus.

 

This could all be abated if he takes a moment and simply asks himself...What am I so angry about? Where is it coming from? Remember...it is only the secondary emotion. It is like the sign that points to the real issue going on inside.

 

Instead of dealing with the fear or despair, hopelessness and pain inwardly and knowing how to express those properly, to acknowledge those feelings and really look at why the person is angry, it is easier to

to bypass common sense and let it rip. Pray what I wrote above. This IS the answer.

 

Doing the opposite of what you are feeling not only releases you from the wrong control a wife and children get loved!!!!

 

Now, what can you do? Here again, is God's beautiful and perfect plan for a husband to get back on track and get healed from the wrong face of anger ruining his relationships and ultimately himself.

 

That being, the recognition that the anger is there but not wasting and effort and putting now of time and draining positive, proactive energy it will rob from him because of SHAME.

 

God has given the man the answer. When he believes his help-meet and she is pointing out his anger he can trust that she is seeing him rightly in those moments of interaction. Even if you say, Sweetheart, you are right but I am having a hard time telling where this is coming from....ask your HELP to HELP you discover the underlying issue. She most likely will tell you, that it is coming from a place of resisting your call husband to put aside feelings (that have no power over you)of trying to get your need met improperly, resenting her for trying to help you and actually pin point for you what is going on.

 

For example: It could be she knows when he has a bad day at work and is frustrated that you will see your family, say as the enemy, the villain who is constantly needing or asking something of you and you do not like it.

 

The way out of anger or any emotion for that matter is to turn your attention back to your wife. When you meet her need of say, feeling scared or angry at you for wounding her, or feeling you are are not meeting her need, of being dealt with tenderly or in a cherishing way then the very power of your feelings inside are disarmed. You can not think about loving her and following through on that and think about self at the same time. Good feelings from her will come as she responds to your care for her. Your feelings in this way have just taken a back seat and you find out that you like being that man instead of the one who started off approaching her to get your need met or whatever fears you had previously stopped in their tracks.

 

When she says, You are acting controlling or angry, then ask her what she needs right then and there to stop the anger from going any further. Love her and any of your feelings will subside. Some men actually at this juncture give more power and fuel to their anger or feelings. They begin to defend their reasons for being angry, they give excuses or justify their right to feel mad, or they they will not admit their wrong for fear of being uncovered and exposed in their sin.

 

BUT, this is exactly WHY God wants her to point it out and not let you get away with it because it is NOT GOOD for YOU either. You end feeling bad about yourself and take away the blessings of being IN relationship in a blessed way. So, simply trust her heart toward you. She is not trying to condemn you, she is trying to HELP you become a good man that can look in the mirror, smile and say, I feel good, Lord, I feel like a loving person, and God smile back!!!

 

You KNOW the principles. Yes, they seem and appear simple but they work. God has not complicated this for us because HE IS FOR US. HE IS FOR OUR SUCCESS. He is for your marriage and relationships to be good and happy and full of joy instead of fear and insecurity, anger and angst, from shame and feeling awful about yourself.

 

If you let your feelings and needs get the best of you come back around and own it. L.O.V.E.R. again. It is better to own our failings than to live with regret. She will be loved and you a GOOD MAN for it.

 

Kimberly

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The topic can be found here:

http://joelandkathy....dpost__p__94715

 

 

and in closing, TimothyPaul wrote this to another husband:

Posted 11 June 2011 - 09:51 AM

Timothy Paul

 

Ok Scooter - I am going to share an experience I don't share very often, but this is the truth of something that happened to me personally in March 2010.

 

I was trying so hard to desperately do everything I thought would win B's heart back. Cleaning the garage, (its horrible), fixing up the house, working to salvage my business, and the list went on and on. Well one weekend in March I was trying to do everything and no matter what I did, it just went wrong. I kept at it determined to overcome, but no matter what I did something would go wrong. Friday was a disaster, Saturday was a disaster, Sunday everything just started to fall apart. Little by little everything starting crumbling down around me.

 

I started to break, I could not cope with the frustration, the disappointment. First the tears started, then the shakes, then my muscles started tightening and before I knew it I was on the ground, curled in a ball. I starting screaming at the top of my lungs..."God, I can't do this. I just can't freaking do this anymore. I quit! I just quit! I'm done." Not a pretty site.

 

And while I was there on the ground writhing in my self pity. I heard a voice. It was not a loud voice, it was a whisper. But it was a voice. It wasn't in my head. It was a voice spoken with a gentleness that I can not explain. There was such Love and at the same time such strength. "I know you can't do this Tim, but I can."

 

There I was. Totally devastated, in complete agony. And God loved me so much, He came and spoke to me. I know many would say because of my state I was experiencing a psychotic breakdown. But Scooter, I knew better. It was real.

 

It was at that moment, I surrendered myself to God. Even though I had already been saved, my "maleness" kept me from surrending my life to God. But He knew that to totally get this it required complete surrender. And that was something I just kept resisting. Because I thought I could do this out of my own strength. I was so very wrong.

 

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (Phillipians 4:13)

 

Scooter - this passage has brought me to new levels which I could have never imagined before. Please don't try to do this out of your own strength. You will fail. God does not want you to go this alone. Simply put, God is God. Through His strength so are so much more powerful then you can ever imagine. As He knows every hair on your head, He knows how to help you and where you need help. Let Him do it with you. He knows your weaknesses as well as your strength. He has prepared you for this battle. This is a battle for your soul against Satan. You are to Glorify Him and protect His church. HIs church starts in your home. His church starts with DR.

 

I don't want to see you have to go through what I did. If anybody had witnessed my experience I would be typing this from a very pretty padded room. Through His blessings, it was just me, Satan and Him. And He won. He will help you win to.

 

Just let Him...

 

TimothyPaul

 

be encouraged, be honest and BEcome a Christlike husband, a Christian man,

June of

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks June

I guess my last post did not go through so i will try again . I must have forgot to send it . I think you have said a lot of good things . Partly in asking that question was to get some feed back ehich i thank yuou for. There are new behavior to learn and there is a balance in allowing Christ to be our life and doing certain things under his power I really do think there is a big victory in believing that we need to be dead so that Christ can do his living through us . It is very obvious that i have not conqored that by a long shot . I don,t know if all that even makes any since. So i do not have it all figured out and realize ther is not one good thing in me .

I can see where i have been a little resentful at times and my dear wife helped me to see that which i appreciate .The anger thing i am still thinking on, But if mindy says i am angry i will have to believe it. I agree that i have been an abusive man and believe it or not i have told lots of peaple that Mindy and i talked about the anger clas s and agreed it could be good to go some so i will do that , I had been considering it lately and thought i would go last week then got home late . Then i get to thinking should i or not so any way that is setteled .

As far as the book i have read it a couple times and new that it applied to me a very good book . I shall commence to make some effort to read it again.

Thanks again

Link to post
Share on other sites

Bruce,

 

You just need to surrender to our Lord, surrender to your wife's heart and believe that no one here wants to hurt or abuse you.

 

Jesus wants the abundant life for you and he will provide it through the (christian brothers and sisters) people he choose for you to be humble and present with.

 

In order for YOU to be more gentle, to go with the flow, instead of wanting things your way, instead of pushing the envelope (called "your agenda") to the edge of Mindy limits, you need to just give in to her needs and wants KNOWING and BELIEVING that not a single one of them will bring you harm, but rather will bring you life.

 

She is an awesome lady who only wants what is best for her family.

 

When will you surrender to that truth?

 

The Lord gave Her to You to CARE FOR so that you could learn relationship just as he gave Eve to Adam.

 

You learn by listening to her heart and seeking to heal it.

 

Not by pushing the envelope to find the edge of her tolerance.

 

That is absolutely maddening and you are fooling no one here, least of all, her.

 

Perhaps you are burdened with so much guilt of your past and you are so aware of what a sinful man is capable of thinking and feeling that you can't possibly wrap your brain around the notion that no one here wants to HURT you. Are you afraid to trust this process? Ar eyou afraid to "let go" of what YOU think and feel? In order to self-protect? Because you feel so guilty?

 

Just a thought . . .

 

True or false, it doesn't really matter unless saying it helps you to STOP that kind of wrong thinking by coming out of denial.

 

Whatever the case, Bruce the key is to trust your wife. Trust in the Lord. Even if she does something wrong, trust that the Lord WILL convict her in due time and give her the grace to LEAD you to your OHM.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think the point is this

Bruce

 

It seems like you want her to make you feel good, which is like a little boy wanting his mom to make everything OK

 

It needs to be you caring for her whether you are feeling good or not, then once it becomes second nature, she will be so happy you will get the sunshine from her joy

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have certainly had a big problem most ofr my life with wanting Mindy to make me feel good . thank you for pointing out that it could still be a problem . I don,t want it to be and will consider that it might still be . Thank you veryb much . I want mindy to feel cared for It for sure is my tendancy . After being gone today of course i hoped to see her . I did see her on the deck and text her if it was okay to come up . She said yes i could . I have to admit it was a little dissipointing to go up ,but she was no longer there . SO you see i have those tendencies yet i felt like in my mind i delt with it in a good way and it was okay after that . Now i can praise God that we have victory Through Christ jesus

Thanks again for making me think about this

Link to post
Share on other sites

thanks

I am going to be gentle with Mindy and trust her that she can help me . Not sure that i have guilt. And at times i do overlook how wrong i have been .

If you don't feel guilt then perhaps you are still in denial. Not that I wish for you to be steeped in guilt nor overwhelmed with shame or anything like that.

 

But it behooves all of us to be REAL with the far-reaching ripple effect of our sinful past so that we become humble enough to convey remorseful attonement and convincing 180 degree change to those whom we love and have deeply hurt.

 

When you minimize or overlook your wrongs against her, how can she come to believe that you believe that you need to change? And until SHE knows in the depth of her being that you truly believe the need for change, she won't feel at ease in your company.

 

Her "knowing" will take true commitment on your part and a consistent show of that commitment for some time to come.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have certainly had a big problem most ofr my life with wanting Mindy to make me feel good . thank you for pointing out that it could still be a problem . I don,t want it to be and will consider that it might still be . Thank you veryb much . I want mindy to feel cared for It for sure is my tendancy . After being gone today of course i hoped to see her . I did see her on the deck and text her if it was okay to come up . She said yes i could . I have to admit it was a little dissipointing to go up ,but she was no longer there . SO you see i have those tendencies yet i felt like in my mind i delt with it in a good way and it was okay after that . Now i can praise God that we have victory Through Christ jesus

Thanks again for making me think about this

 

it also seems to me that you have a big struggle with RESENTMENT and male-privilege -- and that feeds right in to YOU wanting HER to make YOU feel good.... and since that really is not how it is supposed to go, then you act out or neglect her.

 

am wondering when we are going to see the humility -- when you are going to DECIDE to cherish your bride

 

I realize that you've been married a long time -- a long, miserable agonizing time (for Mindy, that's for sure) but it is still up to YOU, Bruce, to turn this around.

 

these are things you should have learned long ago, and much of it has been available to you to "get" for a few years now --

Deuteronomy 24: 5When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.

 

NASB

5 “When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken.

 

HCSB

5 "When a man takes a bride, he must not go out with the army or be liable for any duty. He is free [to stay] at home for one year, so that he can bring joy to the wife he has married.

 

YOU now have access to DO this, Bruce. Bring her joy and happiness and cheer!

 

First, you have GOT to repent! your resentment has flared its ugly head

so, get humble and teachable

 

prayerfully,

June of

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...