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Thank you Kimberly

 

You put a lot of effort into this. The clarification you gave me is very helpfull . Sometimes i think i get it ; but it seems a little dim.

This process of learning to walk in the spirit is challangingwhen so much of our past teaching is how to walk in the flesh.

It is about allowing Chist to live his life in us and through us. We need to believe that we are dead to sin and alive to Chist . We are set togeather in heavenly places with Christ. Through him we can do all things. It must get from our head to our heart.

I will try to learn from what you wrote..

Heavenly father i pray that as i allow Christ to live his life in me and through me that you empower me to bring healing to Mindy's heart.

I pray that you will be very near and dear to Mindy today . Just bless her day in a special way today Lord . O that she might feel your love and joy in her heart. Help her to know that i am thinking of her today. Thank you Lord for giving me such a special wife. Some one who really blesses those she comes in contact . The love of Christ just seems to radiate out of her heart and she cheers others up . I am so blessed .

In Jesus name amen.

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I remember a couple of dreams i had last night; maybe one comes from the flesh and one from the spirit?

In one dream i was going to buy a muscle car and drive it to Cal. Now i think when i was young i had a dream to do that but was not able to. By the way my car in my dream was a 69 Camaro. Maybe that has been one of my dreams n; but what a shallow dream and it would not bring happiness.

My other dream was i was laying in bed with Mindy and she was rubbing her feet against mine . My dream was very real and i could feel that she had socks on. It was so dissipointing to wake up and find out it was not real. But i think i got a message from the Lord that Mindy was happy.

I believe some day that Mindy will be happy. That thought is making my heart cry and i have tears in my eyes. I do so much want you to be happy MINDY please tell me how i can bless you and meet your heart needs

Now if i wanted to i could go out and buy 2or 3 muscle cars and i have considered it.

That would not bring me happiness.

I think that what will make me happy is when Mindy is happy.

 

Praying for your happiness Mindy

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Bruce,

 

In one dream i was going to buy a muscle car and drive it to Cal. Now i think when i was young i had a dream to do that but was not able to. By the way my car in my dream was a 69 Camaro. Maybe that has been one of my dreams n; but what a shallow dream and it would not bring happiness.

My other dream was i was laying in bed with Mindy and she was rubbing her feet against mine .

 

I am not claiming to be a dream interpreter....but dreams do fascinate me...

 

Here are my impressions...which you already picked up on. Yes, the first dream is about your flesh..."muscle" car is walking in the flesh....and in the "strength" of your flesh.....going to calli is running away from responsibilities/freedom from what are considered "spiritual constaints" BUT you were not able to. You are not able to get away from the SPirit. You know in the dream it is wrong. This is good. Your subconscious is revealing your struggle of that war between the flesh and the Spirit but you didn't go. Having had this car when you were first married is telling you there is a pull back to a good time and place of where you started out...this is good...often God says, return to Me, return to your first love...dothe things that you did at first...when you DO those things your love and original purpose and plan of God(restoration) will pass before your eyes again.

 

In bed is connectedness..of which you want with mindy..her feet are covered because feet describe our "ways" or how we walk before the Lord....our thoughts...heart attitudes...she is still protected. You felt she was happy which could mean she is contented to be walking in protection. Rubbing feet is symbolic of warmth and tenderness..which in your dream is good..because this is being content in a non-sexual way.

 

Yes, the two opposite dreams..are the flesh/spirit.

 

Her happiness is paramount. When you love your wife ...you are loving God. That simple.

 

However, "trying" to make her happy is good but then what happens if she is not happy? Does your resolve depend on her? This is a subtle difference so stay with me...but instead if your goal is to be like Christ..then from that mind-set you continue to love her irregardless of her emotional state.

 

One, depends on her to prop you up...the other is you are relying on Christ to be a Godly man and because of that you are always reminded to love irregardless of what you get from it.

 

Can you see the difference??

 

 

Now if i wanted to i could go out and buy 2or 3 muscle cars and i have considered it.

That would not bring me happiness

 

Yes, do not even consider things like this. These things are no where near important.

 

PIH

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Iam very grouchy sometimes i type for 45 min. then it disapears.

 

Thank you for your interpritations. I have not really considered buying a car to strongly ; but i just thought only when i feel kinda down. Ido feel kinda lonely sometimes like today ; but when that happens i just thank the Lord for meeting my needs and accepting me in the beloved. Don't worry i won't buy any muscle cars and i don't want to burst your bubble but a 69 is what kind of car i had when i met Mindy . THe rest of of your interpritation was good. I liked the dream about Mindy best and it gave me a good feeling all day .

I was emailing rkessler tonight and telling how much pain i caused Mindy and i started crying . I went on to explain how i once went 30 years without crying . Can you amagine living with a man like that?

I remember when i quit crying. I was driving the 880 oliver tracter in the field . When i turned the corner the front wheels fell off. I think i felt sorry for my dad. My dad was always complaining about being poor. He was always saying he was going to be put in the poor house. I was13 or 14 years old. Here i was sobing my eyes out and along came my 2 brothers. They made fun of me for crying and i decided i would not cry any more.

Believe it or not i think my heart was soft at one time.

 

Joel and i and kay have decided that i would not eat out at resturants where waitresses serve me more than one time a week except someone takes me out . I want to protect Mindy from feeling betrayed or abused from me by talking to waitreses or using them against her in an abusing way.

Thank you for your help

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My dearest Mindy

It brings pain to my heart to think that you may be going through mental pain as well as physical. I am so sorry and realize that i am the cause of most of your pain and possibly all of it When Dorthy was talking tonight i could feel her pain which made me feel your pain because she has the same kind of husband that i have been. I promise to do every thing i can to make up for the hurt i have caused you.

Yhen i think that you may be angry at me because i did not go to the intensive when you wanted to ; but am choosing to go now when you can't . I am so sorry Mindy this must make you feel cheated and betrayed.

I am so sorry for not listening to your heart. I am so ready to listen to your heart now . I want to learn how to care about it and make you feel safe. I wish we could go to the intensive togeather. I would be willing to come home and wait till you were ready.

I was very selfish in not letting you know what i was doing . I do not want to hide anything from you ; but sometimes i get the feeling you don't care what i do and maybe you don't ; but from now on i will make an effort to let you know what is going on in my life unless you stop me.

Fri night i stayed with John Norman in Lexington at some famous tennis coaches house; Sat. i ate supper with Chuck and Sue and watched football game Alabama- Florida Sun. went to church with them..

I have not turned on a tv in 2 months nor do i intend to.

I can assure you that i have never watched a pornagrafic movie since i was about 16. I have set with my finger on the button before though. But i realize this does not make me guiltless because the bible says to look on a women to lust after her is the same as committing adaultry ;and i have done that and i have looked at r movies which can be as bad ; so i make a covenant with my eyes not to look at such things.

 

good night Mindy

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It sounds to me, Bruce, that you are still in the mode of it all being about you and your timing. You repeat over and over about how sorry you are, but there does not seem to be repentance in it.

 

Mindy, of all people, would be able to see that as an insincere apology. Wives can certainly read their husbands pretty well.

 

You wouldn't even tell her what you were doing when she asked?

 

OH MY. After reading 9 pages of this, I am wondering if you are really changing in your heart, because all of the scripture-quoting does not make you change your actions.

 

Men learn by doing -- so JUST DO IT. DO everything you know that Mindy needs you to do -- and do it NOW, not on YOUR timing. The delaying of doing good is very hurtful to the one who needs it. I know -- my husband hurt me in this way, too.... and now he is doing everything he can to do it NOW, when I ask him to do whatever it is.

 

Just picture a child sitting by your door who is limp with hunger and on their way to death... who simply needs some nourishment -- and some care. What do you do? Say, "Not now, I will get food for you when I AM ready"?? Do you call someone else to handle it?

 

Do you bring the child in and feed him and then commence telling the child for the next few hours about how good it was of you to feed him?

And then, what do you do when you FINALLY realize that this was a child you were hired to take care of while their parents were out of town - your responsibility all along to feed and care for the child?

 

That should be a shameful thing just knowing how neglected YOU made the child.

 

This is NEVER to say that Mindy is your child -- however, she IS the child of the MOST HIGH KING, and HE put her in your care as a special gift and blessing... "he who finds a wife, finds a good thing"

 

Glad you are not watching porn,that is ONE thing you should be staying away from, but it is time to DO THINGS. so why not make those arrangements TODAY for the next marriage intensive? And in the meantime schedule yourself with one of Life Skills International or some other anger-management group since there is an RO on you (I suppose it is for goo reason?) Get your famous tennis coach and friend to help you pay for it if you don't have the $$

 

Still befuddled at men not caring about how long it takes them to Just Do It, while their beloveds are hurting so deeply.

 

June of Ward and June

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Ward and june

I appreciate your Concerns

 

You wouldent even tell her what you were doing when she ask

 

I would like some imput on that because i have no idea what you are talking about . If i missed anything that important i thank you for showing me.

 

You do have no clue wheather i have been to an marriage intensive . I could be on the way too one right now for all you know .

I might go to a anger management class every week and you have no clue .

You are right about the famous tennis coach, i should not have written that . I think may be i did that for Mindy so she would get a feel for where i was. It did not do any thing for me . That foot ball game i watched sat could be about the 5th one i ever watched and probably could say the same thing about basketball or tennis so you are right that was a very dumb thing to say. Who knows maybe i was trying to get some glory somehow

 

Thank you and God bless

please explain the top in more detail

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bruce,

 

You are making good strides. Mindy posted her heart response. Remember that man's hateful display for that is who you were. I believe you are changing. Do NOT sorry for yourself.

 

Feel the loneliness to the depths of your being so that you will feel the loneliness she felt. Feel the humiliation for this is her humiliation. Feel it absorb it into your being to become a man who is like Christ and FEELS our pains and woes. This is how SHE has felt for years and years and years. Feel the disdain and reproach...the torment of questioning yourself...the confusion and frustration of groping in darkness...feel it for this is how she felt. Feel her pain it is not your pain it is HERS. SHe has borne up under a heavy burden...bent over in agony...feel rejection and wonder if you will ever be loved again...for these are her questions never answered...feel fighting and scratching and clawing to survive just one more day...this is MINDY"S existence for years. Take your blows and beating for when you embrace their cruelty and you feel suffocated inside...losing your breath... THEN maybe will you begin to understand one moment of her life.

 

It does not matter what others say...not me...not anyone...all that matters is MINDY. Her heart is the greatest, most prized trophy.

 

The reason mindy is so wounded about the waitreses and such is because you could always manage to touch OTHERS with tenderness but only touch her with brutality.

 

Always remember this: a wife's heart KNOWS the true intent and motives of a husband's heart. How does she know? Because a woman watches and picks up every reaction, every feeling, every mood, every downfall, every thought, every kind of facial expression and body language....nothing is hidden from the eyes of her heart...nothing.

 

Trust her...believe her for God Himself as given her a glorious heart. She is your KEY to Christ-likeness. Believe her...everytime she brings ANYTHING up...she sees something you may not see. A husband can safely TRUST in her, as Proverbs 31 says....because of this very reason....she is LIkE the Holy Spirit. She is your guide and HELPER...your counselor and teacher..your coach and captain who navigates you through the waters of relationship...

 

This relationship has its purpose in the heart of God. It is ONE FLESH..and you show forth the picture of Christ and His Bride through your marriage. This is no small matter. For you can mar God's purpose if your heart is not clean before Him...when you are clean you bring glory to God when you are NOT you distort His beautiful image and likeness.

 

Repent of wanting your ego stroked. Repent of wanting other women's attention...that is SELFish for you were created for only ONE woman. You are a man. DO not believe satan's lies that you need admiration or respect from anyone else but HER. You are for her eyes and your eyes for her only...single devotion...single focus. That is how you become a man of greatness and strength. He who can have a single-eye has self-control and can take a city. He can leap over a wall and do battle.

 

Repent of any and all fantasies, pornography no matter how samll or insignificant you may think they are. The smallest infraction robs and steals her dinity, value and worth. Do not ever, ever, minimize not ONE of your actions.

 

Remember that YOU do not know all you thought you did. You are a man starting over...you are forever wlking with a limp. You need your wife to show you the way. Do not ever rely on what you think you know. There is a prize....yes...but you have not attained. DO not be a big shot as you have in the past. Bend down with a towel around your waist and wash her feet. Be a servant of all. And then and only then will God show you His greatness. Be last not first. GO first do NOT be first.

 

It is God who searches out the mind of man....He searches the crevices and the caverns of the deep..open up wide to your God...be humiliated if you must...be humbled...hang naked upon that Cross if you must...for it is mindy and God who will HONOR you one day and you will restore your marriage.

 

Kimberly

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You mentioned tires...

 

Was there ever anytime she needed tires and you did not care...what about when she NEEDED something...did you ever psuh her aside to get what you wanted??? Did she ever beg you for anything and her cries fell on deaf ears???

 

Let's do business bruce!!

 

I believe in you and mindy...you know I do...but do not try and pull anything over on me...agreed??

 

DId you care about her safety when you drove wrecklessly...

 

Were you a big shot on the road? Pride...that is pride...you don't OWN the road...or people, or anything...got it??

 

Did you put her down in front of others?

 

Did you ever want attention from the "guys" and seem like you were all that in front of others making her look bad?

 

Did you ever cause her to LIE because she was trying to protect your position and ego and cover up your abuse??

 

How ABOUT PORN?? What is your definition in your own words of this vile sin?

 

DO you ever give your children or mindy what you think they need or what you think they need?? Have you studied other's hearts and know what makes each of them feel and know they are loved??

 

REMEMBER..."owe no man anything except a debt of love"....YOU owe your family big time and if it were not for God's mercy you would not have a chance in hell to win her back...

 

NO ENTITLEMENTS!! No one owes you. God chooses who and when gets the reward.

 

You do not have to answer these questions all at once...take your time..think and ponder.

 

PUT On A SMILE....you need some joy brother...do not act down and all morose. SMILE...it is all GOOD. O, dance and shout if you must before the Lord alone...get some life back and a spring in your step.

 

JOY is endearing to a woman's heart..it does her heart good to see you overcome your obstacles with God's joy. Happy hallelujah... ::clap

 

This is HAPPY LAnD here!! :D

Yours truly!!

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Bruce,

 

Heard you on the call, brother. Glad you spoke up and glad you had the opportunity to share a bit of your journey with Snookster and offer him the possibility of change.

 

I liked how you were able to answer all of Kay's questions, during the Snookster talk, with real clear, heartfelt thoughts. No himmin' n hawin'.

 

Thank you for keeping it real. That transparency is huge for your growth on your journey.

 

I also liked how you were able to own your attitudes when Kay pointed some things out to you earlier. That teachable spirit is so important for rebuilding trust with Mindy.

 

Safe journey.

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Dear Mindy

It is so humbling to realize that i blessed you. That is what i want to do; but i understand i have failed you in that area so much. I will change by the help of God by allowing christ to work through me . I ask the Lord every day how i can bless you.

This morning i went with John Wood..... to a ministers meeting .It was southern baptist very interesting. Hung around G F I awhile . Had some NC sermans copyed; and i can share them with you. In the afternoon I met Danny Nice...... and had a good visit. May go through Cherakee tomorrow. Wish you were along . Every where i go i think i remember when we stayed up there ina cabin ; or i remember eating with you at the apple barn; or remember when we brought the children here and rode go carts; or we drove through cades cove; i just think about you a lot and miss you.

 

I have been thinking what to do with the children at christmas. They said something about going to a christmas program on christmas eve. It sounds like a good idea . Also Kendall said something about coming out there a little . I want to bless the children ; but i want to bless you more than anything else . What do you think .

 

Your servant Bruce

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Guess i missed a couple post

Thank you firewalker and pure in heart

I do sometimes get self focused; but thank God his spirit seems to convict me.

I have always been a little tight on tires . I think we have like 60 tires and i am good at buying used ones. Come to think of it i can remember a time when Mindy may have complained about tires on the van sliding easy. I am sure at the time that i minimized it and did not get the tires as soon as i should have. It was a good question. I am sure That Mindy felt like she was not heard . I regret that i did not listen to her heart and o how i wish i would have. I don't doubt that she felt very rejected or maybe like i was so selfish and did not care about me . That must have brought you a lot of pain . Please forgive me for that Mindy.

I had pride alright. I think i may have covered that before. I think the way i drove was one of my idles. It was my addenity. WHATan addinity . I want to be a addentifyed with Christ . I am sure more than once Mindy told me to slow down and i would not listen to her heart. I am so sad that i hurt her so many times in so many ways. I wan't to learn how to validate her.

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I replied to your posts:

 

 

"Yhen i think that you may be angry at me because i did not go to the intensive when you wanted to ; but am choosing to go now when you can't . I am so sorry Mindy this must make you feel cheated and betrayed.

I am so sorry for not listening to your heart. I am so ready to listen to your heart now . I want to learn how to care about it and make you feel safe. I wish we could go to the intensive togeather. I would be willing to come home and wait till you were ready.

I was very selfish in not letting you know what i was doing."

 

and to the earlier ones about you having an RO against you -- this is obviously due to anger issues

 

 

 

June of Ward & June

so happy that Ward FINALLY is just "DO"ing it (whatever IT I need) because he loves me! Please do the IT for Mindy, no matter what it is.

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Pure in Heart

Looking over some of your questions. They will make me think.

Remember when a councler told me i need to start thinking so i guess it is a good thing. Started out the day out driving through the smokies . I felt very free with out any bondage . I stopped in the mountains got out of truck and shouted Praise The Lord . Later in the day I was talking toJoel and he got on me pretty good about why i left home so early. that i should be home Reading or even working on the house . And i should not be visiting friends . { That sure brought me down off of my high ;but i realize it was good for me to see things from a different perspective and to be knocked off my high . I need all the help i can get] I really appreciate that Joel cares enough about us men to challange us. I know that Mindys love language is acts of service and i think she would be blessed if i worked around the house . As i was gassing the truck up the other day i looked at the house and i thought . THere is still a few leaves that could be raked ' need to get a new roof on house, and of course there is that flower bed you always wanted redone . Mindy there is nothing i would rather do than help you with these things. I would also be happy to wash the house and windows .You are a very good women Mindy and i want to bless you any way i can .I also realize i don't do every thing right. Please feel free to help me change when it feels right to you. I need your help. You are absalutly THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS i only pray that someday i can be the man of yours.

 

Now back to some questions . i didn't know i was going to write all of that.

Was i a big shot on the road?

I may have appeared like that . But i think it was more about thinking i had more to do or was in more of a hurry than others. Somehow i wanted to be known as a faster worker than others . That was me ol brucy gets things things done . By the way i don't like it when peaple call me brucy although its not near as big a deal any more . I think that stems from peaple calling me names when i was young . I did not even like to call other peaple nick names ; But i do have to admit i have become very fond of the name Mindy.

It just really hit me tonight with what you said aabout the waitresses PIH .

How i could be so freindly to not just waitreses ; but any one i met in town either man or women I would always have a hi and a smile for peaple i meet which is not a bad thing in it self. But then i can not quite amagine how that made Mindy feel when i would go home and holler at her or aurgue with her and treat her so terrible . I can begin to see what you are talking about. I just have to think back to times when someone i thought was my friend or at least some one i wanted to be my friend betrayed me and it happened many times. Then i think of Mindy this man that professed to love her; who said he would love her for life betrayed her. The very person she wanted to love her and did not . What betrayel she must have had heart wrenching pain. It makes me cry to think of it. Think how she must have hurt. Iam sorry Mindy please forgive me if you can and if you can not i understand. I just want to make up for the pain in any way i can.

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Dear Mindy

 

I thank you for that vote of confidence. That sharing of your heart did me so much good . That gave me so much hope and encouragement.

That was like a gallon of water in the desert. May be that is why i got up singing praises to the Lord today . I am so determined to do whatever i can to blessyou. You are so special to me.

 

I hope you have a good night

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Dear Mindy

I made it to Florida. I sure miss you i wish you were here. Even if i did not talk yo you it would be so good to see you . You truly are the women of my dreams in every way and to top it off so beautiful. When i drove up to the motel all i could think about was when you were here with me and i felt so lonely . I am sorry you have to be lonely. I went up to the room. I got on my knees and cryed my heart out to the Lord and he heard my cry . That made me cry. May be for my lonelyness maybe for yours. I pray through all of this i can learn to take my troubles to God instead of others . Then i opened the word to Ps ; 6 . He will save us for his mercys sake . He sent Jesus to heal the broken hearted And he helped me today. I am so sorry Mindy that i am coming back to Florida because if i would have listened to your heart earlier you would be happy now . I take all the blame for your lonelyness. I am committed to do whatever i can to make you happy . I can start to see how going to Tenn. may have been the wrong choice . If it would help our marriage i would gladly agree not to fellowship with others but spend my time studying to show my self approved unto God . I do want to bless you Mindy.

I went over to the plantation and to a walk in the woods . Remember going there i thought that was fun.

Monday i need to stop in Ohio and look at a job with Dennis . Hopfully he will have a couple for us.

 

I know it is just words to you but i do love you

Bruce

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Pure In Heart

back to some questions . Maybe like in school i always answer the easy ones first.

What i porn . When i said i have not watched porn i would mean x rated movies . When i say i am not guiltless i'm refering to lust . I could look at a fully clothed women and if i lust after her it is just as big of sin as looking at a naked women and lusting after her although i guess we should not clasify sin as big or little . Sin is sin .In Gods eyes all sin is just as wrong as any other. All sin may not have the same consiquince. The bible says to worry not at all so i guess the makes worry a sin . Just an example.

 

Did i ever put her down in front of others? wow these are the hard ones. .

I don't think i just get in front of guys and say in a joking way my wife is like this or that ha ha ha typ of deal ; but as i search my heart i probably have said things that i thought was just sharing my heart and i could have been deceived when in reality i was trying to make myself look better than her. Ouch i didn't know where this was going but i will pray about it today and ask the Lord to reveal the truth to me . Please pray for me.

thank you

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To my dearest Mindy

So much to learn here and so much more i want to learn. I am so thankfull to be here. It just seems like the message is coming more alive and my heart getting more settled in the truth of it . I don't want to leave the same as when i came.

I just wan't to appolagize for actually causing this whole thing . If i had been the man i professed to be you would not have to be setting at home by yourself now. I know this whole thing has brought you much excrutiating pain and heartache. I know you have taken a lot of flack from this. I take full responsibility . It is totally my fault and i am sorry . I commit to do everything i can to make up for all the wrongs i have caused you . I just want you to relax if you can.

Bruce

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bruce,

 

Joshua and I are praying for you that you will be so overtaken by His Spirit that you will never, ever be the same.

 

Mindy's heart and her heart alone is what matters here and so we have to be very careful not to encourage you too much...only because a man's heart is full of pride...deceitful and wicked above all things...who can know it?? But mindy knows your heart...and I will wait and guage my faith in you based on her response.

 

Our encouragement to you is to keep going...for in DUE SEASON...you will reap your harvest if you do not give up. His promises are YES and AMEN. ALL of His promises are true and sure.

 

We pray that God will change you, mold you and make you into a great man of God. A MAN FIRST who knows and LIVES LOVE.

 

He is the Potter and You are the clay. He is making you in the those places where deep calls to deep in you as His waves crash over you....but do NOT forget...His waves toward you are also His mercies and love. The more love you receive from Him the more you WILL love.

 

I believe in the great God who is IN YOU. I believe He is willing in you to DO His good pleasure. For Loving His daughter IS His good pleasure. Always keep this thought before you and you will FORGET YOURSELF.

 

Press on bruce...pressing in to God....press against everything that presses against you. Oh, take nothing from your enemy...for he has seen his final days in your life and marriage. LOVE has conquered his schemes and snares. LOVE and Christ-likeness has put him on display as nothing....for Christ triumphed in the CROSS over him long ago. Give him a black eye!! SaY, to this mountain, this hindrance, this obstacle...MOVE out of your way...for it only takes a grain of mustard seed size faith to demolish unbelief. Let the REDEEMED of the LORD....say so...say and say and say...do not just ASK bruce...but say also...say who God is in your marriage and life. DO not be quiet day or night, night and day. This is WAR!!

 

Ask J&K to pray with you for His infilling....overflowing, rivers of water bubbling up in you....trust me, you will KNOW you are not the same...there will be power...dunamis power you have never known.

 

Believing for you and mindy always,

 

Kimberly

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I still can not amagine all the pain Mindy has to go through because of me . It about breaks my heart . If it breaks my heart it must be terrible for her . To think i caused all this and she has to suffer because of my sin . It disn't fair to her . I will mnake her happy or die trying she deserves to be happy . If i was 100 percent committed before i'm 200 percent committed now . This conferance has really affirmed my heart . My main goal in this life is to make Mindy happy.

I desperatly need Mindy to show me the way . She is such an awsome women . She is te only one for me .

My eyes are being opened to the fact that I sometimes tried to get my ego stroked by other women and i didn't even know how to love my own wife . How sad and selfish that was .

I am so sorryMindy for making you feel so devalued and abused . I am willing to spend the rest of my life making up to you and yet i know that wont come close to paying for the pain i caused

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The Lord keeps clearly showing things about my self that is not pretty. It all comes down to one thimg . Life has been all about me. So much selfishness . Some how with the help of God that will change .

Things are going to be about my other half . How could i treat my own body so terrible?? I just set here crying and thinking HOWdid it happen ? the very thought of hurting my own flesh and blood that way is astounding . I am going to work on being totally honest with Mindy .I've heard it called your better half . Mindy is a veryvery good and Godly saint. I woulden't blame her if she never talked to me again.

Got to get out of here at noon and hed home . Need to be in Cincinati in morning to see Dennis about a job. If i get to Powell Tenn. in time i may go here Phil jones tonight or go to church with Danny . Just have to see what time it is.

Have a good day Mindy

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Bruce,

 

moved your post...

 

mindy,

 

I don't feel like writing but maybe i need to . I did look again at the heading...Living moment by moment... and i have to think how much pain that represents to her heart. How she can hardly make it from day to day. I am so sorry how much distress that must bring to you.I want you to know mindy that i will do whatever it takes to win your heart. You are worth the wait to me . there is no one else for me. You deffinatly the women of my dreams and i won't be going any where. I am in this for the long haul.

All the ways i have hurt you just boggles my mind some times and i try to amagine how that makes you feel but i am sure it don't come close.

I was just thinking how i have used money and gifts against you for evil.

I just think of all the times i have hurt you ao much then later went and bought you flowers totry to make up. How rotten and lousy could that be . It had to make you feel terrible/ I can't amagine how that would feel. Probablyangry and resentfull. Although i know you have a good heart ; but i have tried to destoy it. I am so sorry . I promise to do what ever i can do to make you happy no matter how long it takes because you deserve it.

_________________

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Thanks for moving post p i h

Got to bed late 2:00 . Woke up at 6:30 that gives me a terrible feeling inside like i missed half the day i woulden't want any one to know i got up that late. don't tell any one.

 

Good morn Mindy

Need to get moving . I need to meet Dennis at Portmouth around 10:00 .

Not sure what time i get home I might decide to listen to phone call on the way.

I love you Mindy

Bruce

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