When your wife YELLS!

[Rebecca]

The Purpose of Marriage is to Conform You to the Image of Christ

 

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=7708223601

 

This is a very powerful message for men. This is for men wanting to become Christ-like.

[JoelandKathy]

Following are some quotes from a book I picked up at the library called, "Healing from Trauma: A Survivor's Guide To Understanding Your Symptoms And Reclaiming Your Life" by Jasmin Lee Cori.

 

"There are two kinds of suffering you should know about. One is the suffering caused by what happened (the loss, betrayal, injury, or whatever), which includes the suffering of living with that experience and with the symptoms that result from it." ...

 

"When we commit ourselves to healing, we open up to a different type of suffering-the pain that is part of the healing process. This is the pain that was too overwhelming to feel before. It's the pain we blocked during the traumatic events and the pain that arises as we feel the full impact of the trauma"...

 

"For me, the pain of healing was very hard to bear; it was sharper in many ways than the earlier pain, but it was finite, and it passed." ...

 

"That summer was a turning point for me. That summer I cried every day. It was part of letting up the emotional component that had been only partially present in much of my earlier recovery of memories, and the beginning of a deeper grieving of my losses. The crying itself did not resolve things for me, but it was part of what prepared me for what came later, when the opportunity presented itself to really cleanse the wounds with a qualified trauma therpaist." END QUOTES

 

 

I have only skimmed this book a bit, but just the above quotes explain so much about working through the pain we have suffered as wives. I personally am suffering in a deeper way now than I did when I was going through alot of the actual trauma I have lived through. I feel like while I was in the middle of abuse, my husbands depression, porn addiction, hospitalizations, financial distress, seperations ... I just kept going, I just kept plugging along, doing what I had to do, surviving.

 

Now that my husband is safe, I can actually grieve. I have to walk through the events again as they arise, and it is incredibly painful this time. I am not living on adrenaline, or numb (that mechanism God gifts us with during our trauma), but am feeling deeply the pain that it all caused me.

 

I hope by sharing these things with you, you can maybe get a better glimpse into what your wife may be going through. Stay the course! One of the scariest things for a wife is the fear that her husband will become comfortable again ... he will revert. Continue to PROVE to her, moment by moment, day by day, that this is not the case! We're all praying and anxiously awaiting what God will yet do.

_________________

Beauty (helpmeet to Prince in training)

- marriage being restored by applying God's principles

-students of J&K

-Jan. '08 Intensive

- happily ever after is now actually a possibility, and that's a miracle!

[His Crown]

Great sermon Rebecca...

 

Learn a little Dutch language at the same time!

 

Here is another sermon by Paul Washer on the subject of marriage. This sermon is where I took excerpts from and recently posted on other threads.

 

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=619076132

 

Quote from the sermon: (to men)

 

So the purpose of your marriage, the Soveriegn purpose of God is to

use that woman to do one thing: to conform YOU to the image of God,

that's it.

 

What a fantastic purpose!!

[Rebecca]

Hi HisCrown,

 

I thought this topic was so good that I also moved it into the section for favorite posts.

[Rebecca]

Hi HisCrown,

 

Nate and I just finished listening to the audio sermon by Paul Washer. Actually, although he does tell men to lay down their lives for their wives, we feel that he failed a bit in his message by claiming that the purpose in marriage was not for any personal happiness or fullfillment.

 

Nate and I believe that Joel and kathy have the better message that it is God's will for us to achieve an Outrageously Happy Marriage and that this is possible. The way to it is the husband dying to himself, meeting his wife's needs and in return she will want to meet his needs and desires.

 

So, for any guys listening to these sermons, just keep this in mind. Chew up the meat and spit out the bones.

[His Crown]

yes.. I had the same thoughts to that statement as I was listening..

 

I viewed that statement like this: (feel free to comment on my thoughts/views)

 

The husband is to die to himself REGARDLESS of what the results may be. He is NOT to EXPECT an OHM necessarily, but the results are likely to be an OHM if he surrenders to Christ and becomes a Godly husband.

 

I don't think Paul W. was saying that you won't have a joyful marriage, just that 'giving yourself up' means that you shouldn't 'expect' one necessarily. An expectation is a 'condition' of your joy, and things may not work out that way... Dying to self is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

 

Consider the case of Robertson McQuilken. He left the prime of his career to take care of his wife (she fell terminally ill). I know he loved his wife dearly, but I don't know if you could say that those last years of caring for her were an OHM... But, He was "dying to himself" in his marriage to care for her... It is an amazing story.. He wrote a short but excellent book about it: A Promise Kept.

 

Short video of his statement:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6pX1phIqug

 

If the "purpose" for marriage was for us to experience heaven on earth, than certainly Robertson could have found other ways to 'care' for his wife that wouldn't have 'burdened' him so much... It was tough and tearful for him..

 

So, I guess my summary statement is: I think God's purpose for marriage is as Paul W. says: It is to conform man to the image of Christ.

It's just God's goodness that when the husband surrenders to Christ this creates the most 'fertile soil' for an OHM..

 

Maybe what Paul W. was saying is that the common culture believes the main "PURPOSE" for marriage is to fulfill our desires to "be happy" and we 'expect' this in a marriage...

 

Of course, I will admit that I am spiritually a child.. I am just now beginning to grow.. so, feel free to critique my view..

[His Crown]

[Rebecca]

Johnny Lingo's Eight-Cow Wife

by Patricia McGerr

Condensed from Woman's Day, November 1965

Reader's Digest pp. 138-141, February 1988

 

 

When I sailed to Kiniwata, an island in the Pacific, I took along a notebook. After I got back it was filled with descriptions of flora and fauna, native customs and costumes. But the only note that still interests me is the one that says: "Johnny Lingo gave eight cows to Sarita's father." And I don't need to have it in writing. I'm reminded of it every time I see a woman belittling her husband or a wife withering under her husband's scorn. I want to say to them, "You should know why Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for his wife."

 

Johnny Lingo wasn't exactly his name. But that's what Shenkin, the manager of the guest house on Kiniwata called him. Shenkin was from Chicago and had a habit of Americanizing the names of the islanders. But Johnny was mentioned by many people in many connections. If I wanted to spend a few days on the neighboring island of Nurabandi, Johnny Lingo could put me up. If I wanted to fish, he could show me where the biting was best. If it was pearls I sought, he would bring me the best buys. The people of Kiniwata all spoke highly of Johnny Lingo. Yet when they spoke they smiled, and the smiles were slightly mocking.

 

"Get Johnny Lingo to help you find what you want and let him do the bargaining," advised Shenkin. "Johnny knows how to make a deal."

 

"Johnny Lingo!" A boy seated nearby hooted the name and rocked with laughter.

 

"What goes on?" I demanded. "Everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then breaks up. Let me in on the Joke."

 

"Oh the people love to laugh," Shenkin said, shrugging. "Johnny's the brightest, the strongest young man in the islands. And for his age, the richest."

 

"But if he's all you say, what is there to laugh about?"

 

"Only one thing. Five months ago, at fall festival, Johnny came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He paid her father eight cows!"

 

I knew enough about island customs to be impressed. Two or three cows would buy a fair-to-middling wife, four of five a highly satisfactory one.

 

"Good Lord!" I said, "Eight cows! She must have beauty that takes your breath away."

 

"She's not ugly," he conceded, and smiled a little. "But the kindest could only call Sarita plain. Sam Karoo, her father, was afraid she'd be left on his hands."

 

"But then he got eight cows for her? Isn't that extraordinary?"

 

"Never been paid before."

 

"Yet you call Johnny's wife plain?"

 

"I said it would be kindness to call her plain. She was skinny. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked. She was scared of her own shadow."

 

"Well, I said, "I guess there's no accounting for love."

 

"True enough," agreed the man. "And that's why the villagers grin when they talk about Johnny. They get special satisfaction from the fact that the sharpest trader in the islands was bested by dull old Sam Karoo."

 

"But how?"

 

"No one knows and everyone wonders. All the cousins were urging Sam to ask for three cows and hold for two until he was sure Johnny'd pay only one. Then Johnny came to Sam Karoo and said 'Father of Sarita, I offer eight cows for your daughter.'"

 

"Eight cows," I murmured. "I'd like to meet this Johnny Lingo."

 

I wanted fish. I wanted pearls. So the next afternoon I beached my boat at Nurabandi. And I noticed as I asked directions to Johnny's house that his name brought no sly smile to the lips of his fellow Nurabandians. And when I met the slim, serious young man, when he welcomed me with grace to his home, I was glad that from his own people he had respect unmingled with mockery. We sat in his house and talked. Then he asked "You come here from Kiniwata?"

 

"Yes."

 

"They speak of me on that island?"

 

"They say there's nothing I might want that you can't help me get."

 

He smiled gently. "My wife is from Kiniwata."

 

"Yes, I know."

 

"They speak of her."

 

"A little."

 

"What do they say."

 

"Why, just...." The question caught me off balance. "They told me you were married at festival time."

 

"Nothing more?" The curve of his eyebrows told me he knew there had to be more.

 

"They also say the marriage settlement was eight cows." I paused. "They wonder why."

 

"They ask that?" His eyes lighted with pleasure. "Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?"

 

I nodded.

 

"And in Nurabandi everyone knows it too." His chest expanded with satisfaction. "Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita."

 

So that's the answer, I thought: vanity.

 

And then I saw her. I watched her enter the room to place flowers on the table. She stood a moment to smile at the young man beside me. Then she went swiftly out again. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, the sparkle of here eyes all spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right.

 

I turned back to Johnny Lingo and found him looking at me. "You admire her?" he murmured.

 

"She...she's glorious. But she's not Sarita from Kiniwata," I said.

 

"There's only one Sarita. Perhaps she does not look the way they say she looked in Kiniwata."

 

"She doesn't. I heard she was homely. They all make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karoo."

 

"You think eight cows were too many?" A smile slid over his lips.

 

"No. But how can she be so different?"

 

"Do you ever think," he asked, "what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband has settled on the lowest price for which she can be bought? An then later, when the women talk, the boast of what their husbands paid for them. One says four cows, another maybe six. How does she feel, the woman who was sold for one or two? This could not happen to my Sarita."

 

"Then you did this just to make your wife happy?"

 

"I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes. But I wanted more than that. You say she is different. This is true. Many things can change a woman. Things happen inside, things happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks of herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands."

 

"Then you wanted--"

 

"I wanted to marry Sarita. I loved her and no other woman."

 

"But--" I was close to understanding.

 

"But," he finished softly, "I wanted an eight-cow wife."

 

Men, it's not too late to treat your wife like she is an 8 cow wife!!!

[bracemann]

Help, Help, Help, confused big time.

[Joanne]

Wow...wish my husband would buy into this. I read about the frequent illnesses, depression, joy taken out of regular activities...and that TOTALLY describes him. He is empty even though he puts on a big act and goes to the gym daily to enhance his looks. He has gone down such a bad path of affairs. It is very sad. Unfortunately it was modeled for him by his father.

 

Thanks for your insight to the writers of these posts.

[Sister B]

Finally taking the time to get around to different parts of this forum and found this ths morning . . . WOW!

 

This is IT . . . I don't think it leaves out ANYTHING! I remember once when he still lived here, at prayer time, my youngest prayed to GOD that "Daddy would stop ignoring us". I had a heck of a time holding it together . . . he was 4 or 5 then. (he's been gone 3 years) And that's how we all felt. Now of course, they think it's awesome to go to his house because they get to play all the video games they want, and watch TV and not change their clothes for 4 days which is very upsetting. THey look like homeless kids. (he cleans them up for church) They've still said that he lets them do all these things but that he never goes out to play football with them . . . doesn't reall play WITH them much.

 

And of course now my oldest has been exposed to porn there at his house (too much computer time)! Possibly he forgot to re-enable the filter device. (?)

[bracemann]

Keep up the good posting, it is all up to us bad husbands becoming good husbands.

[Celia]

dory

Site Admin

 

 

Joined: 06 Oct 2007

Posts: 1416

Location: ohio

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:49 am Post subject:

 

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WONDERFUL WONDERFUL David. THAT is REALLY GOOD NEWS! You have successfully made it "safe" for her to get some of the venom OUT of her system. And when you do this, then she will be less bitter. She is giving the bitterness that she feels, and has consumed all these years, back over to you. This is WHAT you want! This proves that you have done really good at helping her to feel safe. By taking it and owning it and apologizing for it, now you are helping her to HEAL.. THIS IS ALL SO VERY GOOD!

 

My only note of caution - and its hard to say since I don't know you in the flesh - is to be careful of your body language. If you bite your tongue and she "sees" you wincing, know that your body language speaks 90% of your true message. Also be careful not to be so steeped in confidence with scripture that your are detached from her emotions. I know you want to detach from your own pain and anger and feelings of oppression and self-pity. That kind of detachment is good. You still need to connect to HER feelings and try to understand HER pain. Her venting is NOT an attack - it is FINALLY the release of her heart ! Hold it, love it, sooth it! So what I am trying to say is - I know you are trying to be strong, just be careful to be strong in the Jesus-like ways. Detach from the need to fight back, attach yourself to the need to heal her.

 

She is STARTING TO BE A HELPMEET! Its a very hard process in the beginning, but it is so very worth it!

 

Congratulations!

_________________

Dory - class of MAR07

[His Crown]

I found this quote and J & K suggested posting it on the forum:

 

From Abigal Adams around 1776.. She was the wife of John Adams, our 2nd president, and the mother of John Quincy Adams, our 6th president. Pretty amazing lady to say the least.

 

In writing to her husband, John Adams, around the time the leaders were forming our laws, she said: (of particular note to me is the bold)

 

In the new Code of Laws which I suppose it will be necessary for you to make I desire you would Remember the Ladies, and be more generous and favourable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the Husbands. Remember all Men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the Ladies we are determined to foment a Rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any Laws in which we have no voice, or Representation.

That your Sex are Naturally Tyrannical is a Truth so thoroughly established as to admit of no dispute, but such of you as wish to be happy willingly give up the harsh title of Master for the more tender and endearing one of Friend. Why, then, not put it out of the power of the vicious and the Lawless to use us with cruelty and indignity with impunity? Men of Sense in all Ages abhor those customs which treat us only as the vassals of your sex; regard us then as Beings placed by Providence under your protection, and in imitation of the Supreme Being make use of that power only for our happiness.

 

Read this part again: (paraphrase) FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT WISH TO BE HAPPY, WILLINGLY GIVE UP THE HARSH TITLE OF MASTER, FOR THE MORE TENDER AND ENDEARING TITLE OF FRIEND.

 

How good is that?????

[Marked41]

THe words of encouragement here are a blessing. I have started prayng for the strength and selflessness that I will need through this journey to help me wife heal from my inability to listen to her heart. I will continue to search this forum for the wisdom and strength I will need.

Thank-you

[Judy]

[Judy]

Here's what Joel says about Emotional Adultery:

 

Our definition of emotional adultery: Having "friends" of the opposite sex whom you carry on a relationship with in person, on the phone, via e-mail or IM or text messages - or any combination of these things. It is a relationship in which some or all of these contacts are kept private - and if your spouse knows about it, it is continued over his/her objections. The affair is also kept secret from the wife or husband of the other party to the affair. This relationship meets emotional needs of the wife - she enjoys the friendship, approval, affirmation and respect that she receives from the man that she is in an affair with.)

 

Normally, a wife who is in an affair will act one of two ways toward her husband: She will be angry and critical, constantly, or she will seem cool and collect, needing nothing from her husband. She does not "bother" him anymore about meeting her emotional needs, because she is getting them met from another man. Why? Because her toddler husband refused to meet her emotional needs for years until he finally broke her.)

 

The bottom line is that she MUST come out of the affair. That is a given.

Joel of Joel and Kathy

[Celia]

Copied from Ornate Design's Topic:

 

Wow, you've had a breakthrough with seeing rejection for what it is. I'd say rejection has caused more problems here than anything else. It is so cool that Simple is admitting he knows now that this is what it is. Rejection is that door slammed in your face with you, on the other side. it sounds like you both have been walking in the same thing.

 

I'm starting to understand things about rejection more now. It is the one area that the enemy loves to exploit more than any other. My guess is, because when he got booted out of heaven for trying to be at the same level as God himself, he and all the ones who he deceived as well in heaven, walked in rejection from that time forward. It's the weapon of choice, rejection is like the key weapon in his arsenal. So, right from when we are little, the day we're born (sometimes even before that) we're haunted by thoughts that we've been rejected, and what do we do in return, we reject others as well.

 

 

Rejection...Rejected people tend to reject others, and so the cycle goes. And they have an expectation of rejection from others as well. So it is like, Simple's mother rejects him. Simple longs for acceptance from a woman, marries Ornate, but then lives out of his woundedness from his mother, and ends up rejecting Ornate. Ornate is hurt by his rejection, and because of her woundedness, Simple feels that he is being rejected by Ornate, which just reinforces all the pain of his own childhood, that he is "worthy of rejection". While he's walking in that, he's bound. And when he is bound, you are bound as well. Rejected people put up walls to protect themselves from more hurt, and they can't give or receive love because of their wall.

 

You know, I have tried at times to really be loving and accepting and warm to my mother. She has an instant reaction when I am like this. She shoves a wall in my face. "Don't go there". Why does she do that? She has been so deeply hurt in the past. At some time, she trusted someone, and they got in close to her, and kicked her hard. So, her instinct is to put up a wall as soon as someone tries to get in close again. Because if there is a wall there, she can stay in control. She doesn't have to risk getting hurt, trusting, only to get kicked again. The trouble with her wall is that it hurts me deeply. What do I feel like doing when I've been particularly inviting, vulnerable or whatever with her only to be stonewalled, criticized, or otherwise rejected? I just want to run and hide and cry. I want to reject her back. To lock her out of my life and just throw away the key. I end up not feeling like I can love her....it is not worth the pain. So she just gets a stony response from me, furthering her belief that she is only worth being rejected. So, do I keep on risking it, loving her anyway, pouring myself out, or do I just walk away, to preserve myself? And let there be a wall between us? I can't make her take down that wall, I have learned that. But I CAN choose to freely love her. In Christ.

 

So, I'm dealing with this issue here too. Last night, my husband, kept on rubbing my shoulders and back, and being super nice to me. Inside, I had a recoil reaction. Like, I wanted to move away. This morning I told him this, that I feel like I am recoiling because it is my version of a wall popping up. It is, my heart doesn't want to believe that he is being nice to me, because I don't want to be disappointed if he stops and feeds me neglect again. So, I'm rejecting him, by pulling away ever so slightly, not nestling in. Because IF I TAKE DOWN THE WALL and accept his love, IT MEANS I ALSO OPEN THE DOOR TO MORE PAIN potentially, and I don't want to do that. So this morning I told him, I am taking down the wall, even if it means more pain. PHEW....that was huge.

 

The thing is, I can't feel his love while I have the wall up, just like my mother can't feel love with her walls up. I'm just going to keep walking in rejection, believing I am unlovable. The wall has to come down, and then I can start to feel love, even if the person loving me is not totally healed or together.....who of us is? But I know that my husband's love brings me joy and peace and comfort and healing, and taking down the wall is necessary in ME before I can grow more too. So, somewhere down the track, he'll goof up some more, I'll get hurt and the pattern will probably be repeated.....Ho-hum, life!

 

Simple's major wounding is the rejection and sense of inferiority he felt from his mother and ex. He has to stop projecting images of those women on to you.

 

Your major wounding is "born to serve" like stamped onto your forehead....like a curse. A servant doesn't receive gifts, a servant just gives. You're tired of always giving Ornate. You need to receive. Simple is scared to give, because what he "gave" once upon a time wasn't acceptable, it was laughed at and rejected. So he's been caught in the double bind "She needs me to give to her, she needs it desperately. But I need to stay safe, if I give, it won't be enough, so I can't give. If I give and it isn't enough, I am going to self-destruct". That is where he needs to die. That is his dying to self, right there, isn't it? Christ gave up his life, even though he was despised and rejected. He gave, even though he was rejected. He risked it. Simple needs to give, like Christ gave.

[For Him For Her]

Ran across this today:

 

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, "Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."

The Lord led the holy man to two doors.

 

He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.

 

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.

 

The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

 

The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

 

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand."

 

It is simple," said the Lord. "It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves."

 

God Bless

David

[bracemann]

miss you

[JoelandKathy]

Hi His Crown,

 

The first article here is GREAT. I hope many more people see it.

 

The second article is OK -when applied to a man who has lost his wife's heart and is working to win her heart back.

 

Marriage though, is indeed God's BEST PLAN for us to find happiness and joy in life.

 

The second article above is a variation on the "marriage is not meant to make you happy, it is meant to make you holy" idea.

 

We laugh at this.

 

Yes, I grew up and became Christlike, children and the rest of the world and I still strive to do so - however, marriage is God's best plan for us to truly be happy on planet earth!

 

If a man has a truly resistant wife who never opens her heart and never pours out love in response to his changes - causing them to never get into that place of "Outrageously Happy" - then yes, his aim is to let the resistance cause him to become Christlike.

 

However, that is not the goal of "The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" Our aim is to get couples over into OUTRAGEOUSLY HAPPY - where men and women are EACH extremely happy; living in the peace and joy that God designed us to have in marriage; where both of them are completely fulfilled and full of joy over the wonderful, giving and receiving relationship that they enjoy!

[Celia]

ToddlerNoMore

Believing God for Miracles in Marriages

 

 

Joined: 24 Feb 2009

Posts: 8

Location: Oklahoma

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:16 pm Post subject: Allies

 

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After God kind of settled the issue with me about what it meant that she was the "weaker vessel," - that he weakness was for ME and it was like the conscious weakness that allowed Christ to endure the cross... I decided, if I was to have ANY hope of getting out of the change J&K were exhorting me to...it would have to be in the whole "helpmeet," thing!

 

I had always thought that "help meet," was a horrible translation of the Hebrew words in Gen. 2:18. I agreed with Joel that "help MATE," was even WORSE! The first is from the Elizabethan English of the 1600's. The second was an odd attempt at updating the term in the late 1700's. Both are tremendously inadequate for the complex Hebrew term.

 

Surely somewhere in here there was some RELIEF for a husband!??! : )

 

The Hebrew term is (as closely as you can spell it in English) "ozr k'neg'du." Joel was right...the root of those terms is "ezer," the Hebrew term for "help or helper," and "neged," an odd Hebrew word meaning everything from, "mirror image," and "in front of," or "before," to "against!"

 

I thought I'd come to a pretty good revelation when I realized that a mirror image is an EXACT reproduction...but different in every possible way!! A mirror image is TOTALLY OPPOSITE...but it appears to be exactly like the original.

 

Well, THAT would explain why I couldn't get along with her...she DUPED ME!! She LOOKED like my exact need...but was actually DIFFERENT in every single possible way. OK...it seemed comforting...but was it what the term really meant? No... I had to be honest and admit...it wasn't about ME. It had to be something about Adam...it had to be something deeper that caused him to awaken and proclaim, "THIS, NOW is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!" What was it....

 

"Ezer," in one form or another, appears in the Old Testament over 80 times. The form found in Gen. 2:18 appears only about 20 times and is best pronounced, "aw-zar." It is a MASCULINE noun...interesting since it's in reference to this feminine partner God has just created! It's used like this...

 

"I look to the mountains, from where will my HELPER come? My HELPER is the Lord!" Ps. 121:1,2.

 

"When the chariot commanders saw Jehoshaphat, they thought, 'This is the king of Israel.' So they turned to attack him, but Jehoshaphat cried out, and the Lord HELPED him. God drew them away from him..." 2 Chron. 18:31

 

In 1 Sam. 7, the Israelites face the Philistines who are going to wipe them out, but God intervenes with terrible thunder and the Philistines are wiped out...Samuel names that place "Eben-EZER," meaning, "On this day, God was our ally."

 

ALLY! There it was...the word I'd been looking for that BEST fit what an "ezer," was...AN ALLY IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH SITUATION!!! The masculine person of the noun serves to give it STRENGTH. The word is most commonly used to refer to the HELP that comes from GOD! This is no wimpy little dish-washer! This is not quietly-suffering laundry maid...this is a strong ALLY!

 

So what about this word..."k'neg'du?" A form of the root "neg'd," it means ALL kinds of things! What would it mean in reference to an ALLY?

 

Joel said it meant, "before, or in front of." He said my wife was to always be at the fore-front of my mind. Well, that was certainly true and useful. But it was bugging me...it had to mean even more.

 

The life-or-death ally...in front of me...absolutely corresponding to me...my mirror image in so many ways.

 

There it was...God created my wife, precisely to be the perfect life-and-death ally for me because she had ALL THE STUFF I DIDN"T HAVE! The mirror-image idea means...corresponding....where one is weak - the other is strong. Where one lacks resources - the other HAS them. Where one doesn't know the language - the other does. Where one has the strength - the other has the ability to focus it for maximum impact. Where one has the weapons - the other has the communication devices needed to coordinate the attack.

 

She was the LIFE-AND-DEATH ALLY who had ALL THE STUFF I didn't have in order to face the imposing and deadly enemy I had to face! (Which was NOT HER, by the way) She WAS what I was NOT. She HAD what I did NOT. She KNEW what I didn't know. God had crafted her to be the perfect STRONG ally for me.

 

Oh, the whole term is masculine by the way... but then, Joel kept trying to tell me that we were supposed to be "one flesh," and that "Male and female He created HIM." It all fit perfectly.

 

Once again. I was wrong. It was even WORSE than I thought. She was not just supposed to be in the forefront of mind, but God had designed her to be such a MIGHTY ALLY, that she even had the stuff to fight IN FRONT of me against the enemy.

 

That meant I had to have HER back. : ( I hadn't been very good at standing behind her without stabbing her IN the back.

 

She's more spiritually sensitive than I am. She perceives the enemy more quickly than I do. She sees his deceptions and lies sooner than I do. She stands...in front of me...

 

And with this ally, I can't be beaten. Again, I was wrong. But it's getting easier to admit and recognize and correct!!

 

My ally may only be about 5'4"...but I wouldn't recommend getting in her way now!

[JoelandKathy]

[For Him For Her]

Something I came across today that can help all of us men.

 

Proverbs Day 152 (KJV):

 

Proverbs 17:22(KJV): "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones."

 

Proverbs 17:22(Amp): "A happy heart is a good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries the bones."

 

Thoughts for the Day

 

This verse in Proverbs reveals to us that our attitude will affect the physical state of our body. If a person maintains a joyful spirit, it is like taking a dose of medicine that brings healing to the body. Being happy and having a positive outlook actually may help people with heart disease avoid heart attacks and other health problems, according to a recent Washington University study. Physicians have also discovered that a hearty laugh causes a small, but fleeting decrease in blood pressure. Some doctors are even recommending that patients with depression and other serious illnesses add laughter to their list of medicines. They tell their patients to get a funny movie and watch it, as laughter releases endorphins in the brain. Endorphins have a pain-relieving and soothing effect to the body. Scientists are just confirming what the Bible had already recorded as a truth about healing.

 

People who are negative and pessimistic succumb to sickness much more readily than those who have a positive attitude. As Christians, we are also given another ingredient in our medicine cabinet --- that is the ingredient of faith. When we believe the Lord for healing and stand in faith, the Lord will bring the answer to our prayers. On the other hand, if we allow the devil to break our spirit down, he not only will rob us our faith, but a broken spirit will dry up the bones. Our bones contain bone marrow which is vital for a healthy body. The red marrow of the bones consists largely of blood cells in all stages of development. These are produced and released into the bloodstream every second. The red blood corpuscles contain the iron compound (hemoglobin) that gives us strength and energy; while the white blood cells (leukocytes) protect the body against infection; and the blood platelets are essential for blood clot formation when needed. If we succumb to the devil's lies and he robs us of our joy it will cause the drying of our bones. This, then, would affect all areas of our body.

 

We need to understand first that man is a spirit, with a soul, that lives in a body. The physical body is only the house or temple that holds the real man, which is the spirit man. The Greek word for spirit is pneuma or "breath.'' The spirit man is unseen with the natural eye, but is the hidden or inward man. This is the part of man that is referred to in Scripture as the heart of man. It is the sphere of divine influence. "But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price'' (I Peter 3:4). The spirit man, being the real man, will live eternally. He possesses a soul and a body, but in essence the spirit will rule over the other two.

 

Jesus came as the Great Physician to minister wholeness to His people. "When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance'' (Mark 2:17).

 

Physical sickness causes us not to be able to worship God as we would like to do. Soulish sickness (of the mind, the emotions and the will) also affects our worship and love for the Lord, and many times it produces depression. Spiritual sickness (broken fellowship with God) causes the soul to be without joy and peace. We are a triune being designed to function as a unit. The way God designed man to operate at his fullest is to have the regenerated spirit in control of the soul (mind, emotions and will), with the body in subjection to them both. If this order is violated, man invariably functions abnormally and beneath his God-given potential. To realign our nature, we must begin with the spirit or the heart of man. This must first be in order before the rest of a man's life can be complete. The first step is to be "born again'' by receiving the Spirit of Life. Then we must ask for heart cleansing. This must continue until truly we can say that we love the Lord with all of our heart, and there is not one thing we would desire above Him. This is the first and great commandment, that we love the Lord with all our heart, soul and mind. "Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment'' (Matthew 22:36-38). The Lord knew that sin is in the heart of man, and until it is cleansed, man will continue to fail God.

 

When Jesus shed His blood on the cross for our salvation from sin, He also bore the stripes on His body for our healing from sickness. Jesus was beaten by Roman lashes that literally tore pieces of flesh from His back. They were the stripes by which Isaiah and Peter say we were healed. "Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed'' (1 Peter 2:24). We can't serve the Lord the way He wants us to if we are sick in our bodies. He wants us whole: spirit, soul, and body. One path to this wholeness is to keep a joyful or merry heart, for truly it is like a good dose of medicine that brings healing.

[dory]

Good morning, I don't know what has happen here, Tammy has completely shut me down, and I am searching for why, my own insecurities are creeping in. I try to remain strong but she has not been like this at all throughout our entire separation, she is being mean in her tone of voice to me, she is being stern, she's being controlling of our son, she is being kinda hateful.

 

You said once that in the 4-6 month mark that a woman may find a man who comforts her hurting heart, or a man might think he's done enough and think it's time to move on. Joel I know I haven't done enough, and I know my wife to be as good a christian woman as I would ever find, but do you think she may have found that comforter in another, which gives her the peace she needs now and then I become a bothersome person and she acts like she is? What is happening here, I have felt the hot and cold from her before, this is not it compared to that anyway, this appears to be something else.

 

Jimmy

 

HI Jimmy,

 

She is fine. After being cold, she was on the call, and considering a weekend with you. This is all part of your maturing process. Immaturity reacts to the negative or positive from his wife. "She is in a good mood, I am in a good mood. She is negative, I am sad, depressed, and ready to give up."

 

This is where you grow in maturity. It is good for you when she is cold/warm.

 

When you are initiating positive actions of love, and staying in a confident faith, regardless of how Tammy is acting toward you, then you are maturing into Christlikeness. Faith is the substance of things hoped for AND the EVIDENCE of things not seen.

 

When you are positive, initiating positive actions and words of love and comfort, regardless of her "mood", then you are acting as if you are a loving and mature husband. This is how faith works in your circumstance. The evidence that you are going to be restored is your confident faith, regardless of her mood.

 

Your GOOD days are when she is expressing her hurt and being cold. When YOU stay positive and initiate positive actions of love, in the face of that, and you do not tell her that she should not be treating you badly, then you are bringing healing to her. (she is cold toward you, or acts badly because of how badly you hurt her in the past. She has the RIGHT to express her feelings. She does not need to put on a fake face and grin and bear her pain in order to enable her immature husband to "feel good" about himself. When a wife does this, she is enabling her "toddler" husband to stay a toddler.

 

So, when she vents, it is GOOD for you! That is your GOOD day!

 

When she is warm and coming toward you, that is great, and you enjoy it, but no progress is made in HER healing. Her warmness is a RESULT of the healing you brought to her the last time that you were positively proactive in the face of her venting at you. The warmness is a chance for you both to relax and enjoy a small taste of the future "fruit" of your labors of becoming Christlike.

 

However, her next time of healing comes when she is making YOU feel miserable, and you are not "reacting" miserably, but you are being positively pro-active toward her.

 

When she is totally healed, the days of misery will be gone. We live there. Life is always a joy in our marriage. We don't "work" at it anymore. It is easy. However, you are loonnngggg from that point. Our job is to help you to keep growing so that you become like Christ. When you are like Christ, you will be amazed at how quickly she is healed.

 

You are operating in faith, when you are calm, confident in your restoration, and living positively toward your wife, as if you are "already there." Faith is the evidence of things not seen. It is the "substance" of things hoped for.

 

Blessings,

 

Joel and Kathy.